Love & Hate (Book Two: Love) (14 page)

“
Since we were kids.” He replies.

“
I see.” Holden says back. I am not totally sure but I think some sort of silent line in the sand is being drawn.

“
What about you guys? How did you meet?” Cutter asks pointedly.
Okay, what the freaking heck is happening here?

“
Millie introduced us at the beginning of school.” I pipe up at an attempt to cut off this bizarre line of questioning.

Thankfully, a silence settles between us and I think I have steered the conversation away from the awkwardness.

“
So that’s it? No story? Just we met because Millie introduced us?” Cutter glares at me. He knows what he is doing, I can see that now. He is purposely looking for a fight, but I refuse to give him one. I will just ignore him.

“
Well actually, Paige is being modest. We met through Millie but we became close when we started swimming together to rehab Paige’s back. You know about her accident I assume?”
Oh hell, I feel a full on pissing contest coming on.

“
Yes, I know about her accident.”

I know Cutter is getting close to losing it. The mere fact that Holden has mentioned my accident is too much.

“
Well Paige was convinced that her back couldn’t get any better but I somehow managed to get her to trust me enough to try swimming therapy with me. The first day she came to the pool I could tell it was hard for her but she was so determined, she pushed through all the pain. She blew my mind; I had never met anyone as determined as she was. So I decided that day I needed to get to know her better, and we have been ever since.” Holden looks down at me adoringly and I flash him a quick smile. “Plus seeing her in that black bikini made her hard to resist.”
Oh shit, no he did not just say that!

I can feel Cutter seething from across the bonfire. Holden seems totally unaware, either that or he is goading him. It’s a complete toss up at this point but one thing is for sure, I am dead meat!

CHAPTER 14

“
I uh… I need to use the restroom.” I stand up and dart away from the awkwardness by the bonfire not looking back. Those two may kill each other by the time I return but I had to get out of there. I also really did need to use the bathroom, I had drank a lot at the bar and had yet to break the seal.

I make my way down the hallway of the frat toward the bathroom, it is dark inside and I can hear a few people rustling around but for the most part it is empty. I’m guessing most of the guys are either at the bar or at the huge homecoming mixer. I reach the guest bathroom and to my dismay it is in use. I can hear someone inside with the facet on so I lean against the opposite wall to wait.

It doesn’t take long and the door opens and I come face to face with Laney Davis.

“
Oh hey Paige.” Laney says in a sickly sweet voice.

“
Hey.”

“
What are you doing here?”
Blunt much?

“
I’m on fire watch.” I don’t know why I even told her this much, I should have just said it was none of her business and shoved past her into the bathroom.

“
Oh that’s right your sorority is paired with Chi Sigma Rho.”

“
Yup, well if you’ll excuse me I need to use the restroom.”
AKA move out of the damn way.

Laney steps aside and starts toward the staircase right next to the bathroom.
Where the heck is she going? Is she looking for Cutter?

“
Umm… if you are looking for Cutter he is outside by the bonfire.”
What are you doing? Why would you tell her any of that?

“
Oh I know. I’m just going to wait for him in his bed.” She sneers and disappears up the stairs.
What?!?!

I quickly shuffle myself into the tiny bathroom. The second I am inside I let out the breath I have been holding in during that entire exchange with Laney. I don’t know why I let her unnerve me so much, she just gets under my skin. As I stand there having a mini meltdown trying to get my emotions under control I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and what I see shocks me. I look exhausted, I am pale and weak looking. I don’t recognize the person staring back at me. Then the realization settles in that I have allowed myself to get here. I have worked so hard to overcome so many obstacles but every time I am faced with Cutter Daniels I come out defeated inside and out. That had to end now.

I quickly use the restroom and head back out to the fire. I wasn’t sure what I was going to do or say now but Laney had lit a fire inside of me and it was full on raging now.

“
What I’m saying is stay away from her. If you claim you want her to be happy then step aside and let her be. From what I hear you have done a real number on her, Bro.”
Shit I know that is Holden’s voice.

I was just headed back to the fire when I heard Cutter and Holden arguing so I paused in the shadows to listen to their heated exchange. Cutter has now stalked forward invading Holden’s personal space as he sits still relaxed on the couch.

“
She may not be mine anymore and she will probably never be mine again, but at least I will be comforted by the fact that every time you kiss her, every time you touch her, and every time you fuck her she will be thinking of me, always of me. I have marked her as mine, do you understand
Bro
?”
Oh hell no he did not just say that!

Holden stands up immediately puffing his chest up.
Shit!

I jump out from behind the shadows and push my way in between the two meat heads about to come to blows.

“
Cutter back off. You have said enough!” I yell in his face pushing on his chest.

“
He started this shit!” He yells back at me glaring around me at Holden who is still standing his ground.

“
Yeah I’m sure.”

“
You don’t believe me?”

“
Weird. No I don’t believe you.” I snarl back at him.

“
Well you should.” His eyes are daring me to defy him.
Yeah fucking right!

“
This coming from the guy that swears he doesn’t have a girlfriend yet I just passed her in the hallway on her way to warm your fucking bed!”

Cutter was all ready for his comeback but the minute I mentioned Laney he stops and backs away from me and Holden. I think for a half a second I see regret there but my anger won’t let me care about that now.

“
Well you better not keep her waiting Cutter.” I say in a fake sweet tone.

Cutter looks at me and then at Holden who is still standing behind me now holding onto my arm as if to restrain me. Did he think I was going to take a swing at Cutter myself?

My eyes bore holes into Cutters. I have not lost eye contact with him this entire time. I’m daring him to be the first to break the connection. He does finally break the connection when he closes his eyes for the briefest of moments before turning and stalking his way into the house slamming the door behind him.

I turn to Holden and tell him I am ready to go home. I could give a shit less that I have another hour on fire watch. I would gladly take any punishment coming my way because it had to be easier than the one I was currently enduring.

“
All I am saying is that I would appreciate you not saying things like that to him. He can’t control himself when it comes to me.” I say to Holden. He has walked me home and we are now standing on my front porch. I have my arms crossed clearly indicating my distain for what transpired earlier.

“
Why do you care so much?”
Oh excuse me!

“
What exactly are you asking me Holden?” I say pointedly.

He lets out a deep breath and pushes his hands deep in the pockets of his jeans. I can tell whatever he is going to say is something I am not prepared to fully answer and he knows it.

“
Look Paige, I like you a lot but I think it is obvious there is something still between you and him. I can see the way you look at him and the way he looks at you. There is unfinished business there and well….three is a crowd.”
He is bowing out because he thinks I still am in love with Cutter?

“
Holden I’m… it doesn’t work with him and I. We have tried. There is nothing left but hate and anger.” I say in exasperation.

“
That may be the case, but you need to work through that first before you can truly move on.”
That’s easier said than done buddy.

I don’t know what to say to this. I’m plainly getting broken up with here and it sucks. I really like Holden. He has all the qualities I would want in a boyfriend, but he is right. I am not over Cutter Daniels and I might never be. Cutter may have ruined me for all other guys.

I look down at the ground not wanting to look Holden in the eye because I know I have hurt him. “I’m sorry Holden. I wish things were different. I didn’t mean to hurt you; things are just so messed up now. I understand if you don’t want to see me for a while.”
Just don’t cry, at least wait until you get inside the damn house.

“
Paige I still want to be your friend. I just don’t think we should date right now.”

He gives me a half smile which helps calm my nerves a bit.

“
I can live with that.” I say returning his half smile.

Holden turns to step off the porch but before he does he stops. “Just know that I’ll be waiting Paige, the minute your heart is available, I’ll be waiting.”
Oh man, why did he have to go say something so ridiculously sweet right now? Why can’t I just be in love with Holden and forget I ever met Cutter Freaking Daniels?

The weeks that past after the blow out at the bonfire seemed to drag on. I returned to my irritable and moody state that I had been in. I rarely went to any social events unless Millie threw an absolute bitch fit and made me go. Thankfully though I have not run into Cutter since that horrible night, but that hasn’t stopped my brain from replaying it every time I lay down in my bed to sleep. Lately I have been dreaming of Cutter more now than ever. Sometimes in my dreams we have conversations about the night of the bonfire. In my dream I always ask him why he said to Holden he had marked me and what that even meant, but each time he would just smile and tell me to think about it. But I had thought about it and I still couldn’t reconcile why he acted as if he cared about me so much but then was messing around with Laney. The cold hard truth that I was learning to accept was that Cutter Daniels didn’t want me and he certainly didn’t want anyone else to have me either. I was a prize to him, something he had once conquered and now he has moved on to other challenges, namely Laney Bitchface Davis. Well that was fine. I was moving on too and it was going to be far away from Cutter and his false sincerity.
He may have marked me but I refuse to let him scar me. I will get through this, even if I have to do it on sheer anger and hatred alone.