Love & Hate (Book Two: Love) (11 page)

“
Paige!” Cutter says as he jumps up from where he is sitting and rushes to my side.
Seriously, could I embarrass myself some more in front of my ex?

“
I’m fine, I’m fine. This happens sometimes. I loose feeling, it’s not a big deal.” I say trying to use the wall to brace myself so I can stand up.

“
Here, let me.” He says and scoops me up into his arms. He walks me back to my room and to the bed. He folds back the comforter and tucks me neatly into the covers.

“
Thanks.” I say sheepishly.
Can you die of embarrassment?

“
You need your rest Paige.” He walks over to the side of the room and shuts off the lights. The only light on now is the small bedside lamp on my nightstand.

“
I am pretty tired. I did do a lot of dancing.”

“
Yes you did darling.”

I sit straight up in my bed looking at him wide eyed. “It was you, wasn’t it?”

“
What are you talking about?” He blinks a few times in confusion.

“
Tonight in the cage. You were the guy dancing with me, weren’t you?”

“
I have no idea what you’re talking about.” He says as he sits down in the high-back antique chair next to my bed.

“
Aren’t you leaving?” I didn’t mean for that to come out so blunt but it shocked me when he sat down. Plus he is pissing me off not admitting it was him dancing with me.

“
No. I’m staying until Millie gets home. You shouldn’t be alone right now Paige.” He states quietly.

“
What if I don’t want you to stay?” I know I’m poking the bear but I can’t stop, I need to understand this new concern he has for me.

“
Too bad.” He says to me and tips his head back resting it on the back of the chair. He is clearly accepting my challenge.

“
I don’t get you.”

“
That makes two of us.” He says in return.

“
No seriously, I don’t get why you are here at all. I don’t get why you care what happens to me. I know you hate me.”

He lets out a deep sigh from the corner. “You don’t know anything. You think you do, but you don’t.” He says quietly but sternly.
Oh, really?

“
I know you lied to me. I know you used me. I know you left me when I was fighting for my life. I know that!”
Shit, that wasn’t supposed to come out.

“
Paige…” He stands up and closes the distance between us. He picks up my hand that is lying at my side and grasps it in his. “Look there is things we need to talk about, okay? Things you need to know, but not now. Not when you’re drunk. This isn’t the right time.”
When is the right time? It’s only been almost two years you asshat!

“
Whatever.” I am acting like a total bitch but who cares he deserves it and so much more.

“
I know you’re angry at me and you have every right to be, but I want to make this right. I need to make this right.” I don’t look at him and just stare at the wall. “Paige…will you look at me?”

I refuse because I know the minute I do I will cry or scream or both so I just keep staring at the wall. I should have known that Cutter wouldn’t accept this and he doesn’t. He lightly cradles my cheek with the palm of his hand forcing me to look at him. He is so close to me now. I feel that familiar heat cover my body that only he can cause. I know he is going to kiss me and I know it will be earth shattering but that’s what scares me to my core.

“
Please don’t.” I say in hushed tone. He looks down at me, eyes roaming my face looking past my words and into my soul for the confirmation he desires. I know he will find it if he continues to look and I know I will give into him unless I say something.

“
Please Cutter, I can’t survive you twice.”

It feels like my words are just a whisper but I know he hears them because I watch the pain dart across his eyes. He lets go of my cheek and steps back. He sits down in the chair and puts his feet up on the matching ottoman.

“
Sleep darling, all that cage dancing has surely worn you out.”

My eyes snap open and I look at him only to be met with that steely cool gaze.
So it was him that I was dancing with tonight.

CHAPTER 11

“
Good Paige! Keep it up. Two more laps then you can be done for the day.” Holden shouts at me from across the large pool. I have been swimming for about two months now and I can tell I am getting stronger by the day.

I finish my remaining laps and then head to the showers. Holden told me he couldn’t help me in the gym today because he had to help a football player with a knee injury, so I decided to just do my swim and head home. When I finish I check my phone and see I have a missed call from Tanner. I’m guessing he needs notes for philosophy because he wasn’t in class today. I quickly get dressed and call him back as I head to my car.

“
Hey what’s up?” I say as Tanner answers the phone.

“
Hey Lil, what are you doing?

“
Just got done with swimming and now I’m headed home to study.” I tell him.

“
How is Holden?” He asks in such a big brother tone it’s ridiculous.

“
Fine. Did you just call to harass me about Holden?”

“
No I actually called because I need a favor.” He says.

“
Okay…”

“
So it is date dash for my frat tomorrow night and I’m going to need a date. I was thinking you would like to accompany me.”

Date dash was something all the sororities and fraternities did on campus. The social chair of the house would announce it that day and you would have to run out and find someone to go with you. Since Tanner is the social chair of his house he knows when it will happen, so obviously he is taking full advantage of that fact.

“
Don’t you have a bevy of babes to choose from?” I ask him quizzically.

“
Well yes, but I’m going to have to be in charge of everything so I won’t be the most fun date.”

“
Gotcha. Okay, yeah that sounds like fun.”

“
Great I’ll drop your shirt off at your house tomorrow morning.”
Oh hell, one more themed shirt to add to my growing collection! Seriously this is getting ridiculous.

Tanner came over to my house and walked with me the couple of blocks down to the frat. I told him he didn’t have to but he insisted. We were now in the basement of the house enjoying the delicious spode his fraternity brothers made. I was having a lot of fun drinking and dancing with Tanner and his friends. I had come to know a lot of the guys in the house my first semester at school hanging out with Cutter and they all surprisingly remembered me.

Thankfully I have not run into Cutter this evening. Tanner reassured me that if I did see him that he would stay away from me. I appreciated that Tanner looks out for me just like he is my actual big brother. I know he has his own thoughts about me and Cutter. I can tell because when I vented to him recently he looked as if he wanted to say something the entire time but never did.

“
You want to dance with us Paige?” Tanner asked me.

“
Sure.” I tell him as he grabs my hand and drags me into the crowd of people dancing.

I am having a blast. We dance to song after song. I even get in on a little line dancing action. I know I’m taxing my leg and it’s super-hot in the basement so I decide a break is in order.

“
Tanner, I need to go check my phone. I’m supposed to meet Millie later at the bar.”

“
Okay, you know where my room is right?” Tanner says as he hands me a key chain, holding out his room key. He had let me stash my purse in his room before the dance started. Since Tanner was an older member of the house he had a private room with just one other roommate so I knew it would be safe in there.

“
Yup, I’ll be right back.” I told him and make my way up to the third story of the frat.

There are a few people milling around at the end of the hall but for the most part it is pretty deserted upstairs. I find Tanner’s room and put the key into the lock. I feel the lock snap back as I turn the key and push the door open.

“
Hey, what the fuck man?”

The voice startles me and my eyes dart across the room to find a guy and a very topless girl tangled in a bunk bed. It takes a minute for my brain to catch up with my eyes but when they do, my breathe is sucked out of me. It’s Cutter and Laney Davis.

“
Paige?” Cutter says staring back at me wide eyed.

I fumble for the door behind me trying to will my feet to move as quickly as possible. I feel like someone is crushing my chest, it physically hurts so badly. I know he was screwing her. He had her skirt pulled up around her waist and she was on his lap. He was naked from what I could tell.

I find my barring’s finally spinning around and fly down the stairs. I should probably go tell Tanner that I’m leaving but I don’t. I just find the front door and make my exit. I can’t be in that house another second.

I make it back to my house and that’s when I realize I left my damn purse in that room. I don’t have my house keys or my phone.
Shit, I am royally screwed!

I go around the house to check the slider. I’m fairly confident I left it open like usual but of course I have shit for luck. It’s locked. I guess I could go over to the bar and see if I can find Millie, but trudging through a bar full of drunken people seems like way to much work right now. I decided instead to go sit on the front porch and wait it out.

As I sit in my favorite porch chair I keep replaying what I saw in that room. I know that Cutter is no longer mine but it still hurt to see him with Laney. The way he held onto her reminded me of all the intimate moments that had happened between us. He made it seem so easy to be with another person, like I was just replaceable. I couldn’t do that. I may make out with Holden but I certainly haven’t slept with him. I did enjoy my time with Holden but I’m slowly realizing I compare him to Cutter, which isn’t fair.
Will I ever truly move on or will I just be forced to watch as he moves on without me?

“
Paige?” I snap out of my thoughts and look up to find Tanner coming up the sidewalk with my purse in his hand.

“
Hey.” I say sheepishly.

“
You okay, kid?” He asks as he takes a seat in the chair next to mine.

“
Yeah, I’m sorry I ran out on you. I just couldn’t be there any longer.” I don’t know if Tanner knows what happened but I don’t really feel like going over it again.

“
I know. He told me what happened.” Tanner says in a somber tone.

“
Oh” is all I can muster up in response.

“
For what it’s worth he feels horrible. He even tried to come over here and bring you your purse himself.”

“
Ha!” I scoff. “Was that after he thoroughly fucked Laney Davis?” I know I am being bitter but it is a valid question.

“
Look Paige, I know I have no right to defend him but the guy cares about you. He was so upset he punched a hole in our wall and now he is getting piss ass drunk to try to forget what happened tonight.”
Seriously, you are going to defend him right now? Who are you?

“
You know what Tanner? You are right. You have absolutely no right to defend him. Cutter Daniels is a piece of shit. He doesn’t give two shits about me and I see that clearly now.” I stand up pushing past him on the porch and grab my purse out of his hand. “Thanks for bringing my purse to me.” Tanner watches silently as I enter my house and close the door on him, leaving him stunned outside.

I take off my makeup and get ready for bed in a fit of rage. I’m seething. I can’t believe the nerve of Tanner. He was actually trying to make me feel bad for Cutter. Why would I feel bad for him? That is ridiculous. Too bad Cutter didn’t actually bring my purse to me, because I would have given him a piece of my mind.