Love & Hate (Book Two: Love) (12 page)

I hear my phone ding in my room. I had just texted Millie telling her I wasn’t meeting her, so she was probably wanting to know why.

I’m coming over.

Definitely not Millie, nope it was Captain Douche Bag himself. The hell I was going to let him come over.

Eat shit.

Hopefully that will make him think twice about coming over here.

We need to talk.

Like Hell we do!

Aren’t you busy screwing your girlfriend?

Take that you asshat!

I told you I don’t have a girlfriend. Open your front door.

Oh hell no!

NO. GO AWAY!

I know he is on the porch because I can hear him knocking. I try to ignore it. My phone dings.

Please Paige, I need to see you.

I think about opening the door for a half a second and then remember seeing him tangled in the bed with Laney. I know he won’t stop though, not unless I tell him the truth.

This needs to stop Cutter. I don’t want to see you, not ever again. It hurts too much. Please just stop pretending you care about me and let me move on.

The knocking stops and I hear him step off the porch. When a safe amount of time passes I peek out the front window and confirm that he is indeed gone. I don’t know why but at that moment I feel a profound sense of loss, like there was finality to our conversation.

I don’t cry when I snuggle up in my bed in the dark. I think I am all cried out over Cutter Daniels. He has gotten the majority of my tears in the last two years and now my body refuses to spill one more tear over him. I am glad for that, I am sick of crying and refuse to do it anymore.
It’s time to toughen up girl and get the hell over him.

CHAPTER 12

It’s been over two weeks since I walked in on Cutter and Laney. I understand that I don’t really have a right to judge him, since I am kind of seeing Holden, but I still hate him for acting like he gives a damn about me when he clearly doesn’t. Ever since that night I have been in a horrible mood, even Millie doesn’t try to calm me down anymore. I think she has accepted this new angry Paige. I have even stopped listening to the heartbreakingly passionate lyrics of Adele; she has now been replaced them with the angry ramblings of Godsmack and Artic Monkeys. I get that I need to snap out of it and forget I ever had feelings for Cutter but it is just so hard, and to make matters worse it is now homecoming week on campus. While everyone around me is giddy and excited for the biggest event of the semester, I am dreading every minute of it. Mainly because my sorority has been paired with Cutter’s frat, and in a double turn of craptackular luck, my house has also been paired with Holden’s house. Of all the fraternities on campus my sorority has to be paired with the only two in which I have dated guys from.
Could this possibly get any worse?

“
Okay ladies the chapter meeting is over, but be sure to check the schedule in the foyer to see what times you have been assigned to watch the homecoming fire at Chi Sigma Rho.” I try to make sense of what our sorority president is saying but I have no idea what she is referring to.

“
What is she talking about Mills?” I ask Mills as we stand to leave the chapter room.

“
Chi Sigma Rho always has a bonfire for the entire homecoming week burning in their front yard and people are assigned times to sit there and watch it. Since we are paired with them this year we will have to help watch the fire.”

“
Uh… like how many hours am I going to have to sit there and watch this random bonfire?”

“
I don’t know probably a few times. It’s really fun though. Last year I went and sat with Tanner on his night watch and we had a blast.”

“
Can I request not to be paired with a certain individual?” I ask pointedly.

“
Look Paige, there are what like sixty to seventy dudes in the frat, the possibility you get paired with him are low.”

“
Yes but you forget I have like the worst luck ever.” I give Mills my signature quizzical eyebrow raise and she just shrugs her shoulders before she turns to head off towards study tables in the kitchen.

I figure there is no time like the present to see exactly how bad my luck really is. I head over to go read the dreaded list in the foyer. There are several girls congregating around it, so I wait my turn. When I finally make my way to the front I see my name is written down for this evening, but thankfully I am paired with Tanner and Millie. I’m guessing Tanner being social chair had something to do with that. I am also scheduled for Wednesday morning with a couple of guys that I have met once or twice in passing. Then I come to Friday night at midnight and my heart drops down into my stomach. My name is written down right next to Cutters and the absolute cherry on top of this shit sundae, Holden’s name is also written down.
Well, this should be the most awkward four hours of my life!

“
Come on Paige we are going to be late for our fire watch.” Millie yells down the hall at me.

“
I’m coming I just have to grab my sweatshirt.” I had run back to my room to grab a second sweatshirt because it has turned cold at night.

Our shift is supposed to start in ten minutes outside of the frat. I can smell the bonfire as we get closer to Greek row and it makes my nerves go into overdrive. The thought that I will be sitting outside of a house that my now mortal enemy occupies is too much. I would much rather turn in the other direction and run all the way home but I try to remind myself that chances are I won’t ever see him, but deep down I know better.

Mills and I approach the giant bonfire and we see the guys have put several couches and chairs on the front lawn surrounding the fire. They have even laid blankets out, obviously for the girls on duty. Tanner is sitting in a huge beat up reclining chair talking to several guys on a couch. I feel a little better seeing his smiling face.

“
There’s my fellow ladies of the night watch.” Tanner stands to great us both in a humongous hug.

Millie and I say our hellos to the rest of the guys and pick out our seats on a ratty loveseat next to Tanner’s chair.

We talk and laugh with all the guys for a long time as we watch the bonfire. Occasionally we have to add more wood to keep it going. It is late now almost midnight. Our shift will be over soon and I’m relieved I haven’t had to see Cutter. I have been avoiding going inside to use the restroom this whole time in fear I would run into him. It’s now late enough that I think he will be asleep or at least in his room for the night.

“
Hey guys I have to run in and use the restroom, I’ll be right back.”

Mills and Tanner just nod at me as they continue their easy banter back and forth. I really wish those two would have worked out; they are kind of perfect for each other.

I find my way through the dark halls of the frat to the first floor guest restroom. Word to the wise when hanging out in a fraternity, always use the guest bathroom, it is probably the only one that has ever been cleaned.

I finish using the restroom and open the door and my breath catches the second my eyes lock with his. He is leaned against the opposite wall with his ankles crossed; clearly he was waiting on me. He must have just come from being in bed because he is dressed only in boxers and a t-shirt.

“
Hello Paige.” He says in a dark tone.
Oh shit.

“
What do you want Cutter?”

“
I want to talk to you. Do you have a minute?”

“
No actually I don’t.” I say defiantly and begin to strut past him.

Cutter snatches my wrist as soon as I am close enough.

“
We need to talk.” He is pissed.

“
Actually no we don’t.” I try to fling his hand off my wrist by shaking my arm but this just makes him grasp it tighter.

“
Yes we do.”
Alright that’s it, I have had enough. This shit ends now!

“
Ummm are you fucktarded or something? We have nothing to talk about. You are a liar. You said you didn’t have a girlfriend and then I walked in on you screwing her. I don’t know why I am surprised, it’s not like it was the first time you have lied to me. So no, I don’t think we need to chat.”

Cutter yanks on my hand hard so I’m forced closer to him.

“
I did not lie to you. I don’t have a girlfriend and I was not screwing her!” He growls increasing his hold on me. I can feel his fingers leaving marks in my skin and I begin to panic slightly.

“
Cutter stop, you’re…you’re hurting me.” I’m surprised at my own voice; you could plainly hear the distress.

He instantly drops my hand and backs away from me. I grab my wrist protectively trying to get the blood to flow again through it. I’m too shocked at what has transpired to even move. He looks at me for a half a second like he wants to say something and then just turns and leaves. It takes me a few minutes to get my baring’s again. When I finally calm down I return to the bonfire outside.

“
You ready to go P?” Mills glances at me as I close the front door behind me.

“
Yeah, I’m ready.” I know I could tell Mills and Tanner what happened in the house but I think better of it. I just want to forget about it.

We say our goodbyes to Tanner and start our short walk home.

“
You okay?” Mills watches me from the corner of her eye.

“
Fine, just tired is all.” I lie.

“
Yeah I have a feeling this week is going to be exhausting.”

“
Totally.”

This week
is
going to be exhausting. I have no idea how I’m going to face Friday night. I know I can’t handle another encounter like I had tonight. At least I have a few days before I have to deal with that reality.

My alarm blares next to my bed. It is five in the freaking morning. I thought homecoming week is supposed to be all fun and games. This is like cruel and unusual punishment if you ask me. I climb out of bed and throw on my fleece yoga pants and a warm sweatshirt. I top my amazingly hot outfit off with my favorite John Deere baseball hat. There was no point in showering; I was just going to get all stinky from the bonfire so I pulled on the warmest clothes I have for my two hour shift over at the frat. The good news is I have been paired with a couple of guys I don’t really know so I can probably just sleep on one of the couches outside. As I leave the house I snag a soft blanket from the living room to take with me.

Greek row is absolutely dead. There is no one on the streets as I make the short walk to Chi Sigma Rho. I’m glad. I don’t want to run into anyone I know, I just want to get these two hours over and come back home to sleep some more before my first class.

I turn the corner to head into the front lawn of the frat and I see a guy huddled up in the reclining chair Tanner had sat in the other day.

I approach the fire and the guy in the chair stirs a bit. I quietly wrap myself in my blanket and settle in the couch closest to me. I’m thankful my partner is asleep and I don’t have to make small talk with him. I snuggle down into my couch and shut my eyes.