Love and Other Wicked Games (A Wicked Game Novel) (23 page)

She tried to set it all from her mind. She held the seam in place with her left hand, running the needle through the fabric with her right. Her hand shook as she stitched and her finger nearly brushed across his skin. He leaned his head over to look at her progress, his lips gliding right past her ear. Her legs shook. She ached and burned. But she couldn’t touch him and he could not touch her. No matter how desperately they needed to.

This was precisely his intent, she realized. She wanted to curse him and praise him in the same breath. But oh God. It was becoming too much. If she couldn’t touch him then she wanted to go hide under a rock, or at least on the other side of the room.

She sped up the movements of her trembling fingers; finishing the seam, tying the thread, and breaking off the excess. She nearly jumped backwards, away from him, as far as she could get in one step. But the distance only made everything inside her sting more.

“Alright. That’s—that’s it. I’ve finished—”

“Have you, then?” Cal gave her another one of those smirks she didn’t quite understand.

“Yes—yes I’ve—you’re fit for the dowager’s presence…” Ellie turned and fanned herself, only to find Amelia giving her a rather accusing look. “Is it hot in here? I’m really warm…”

“No. It’s not. What’s the matter with you, Ellie?” The edge in Amelia’s voice became sharper. She put her hand up to Ellie’s forehead. “God, you’re all cold and sweaty…”

“Actually, I’d have to agree. It is rather warm in here.” Cal added as he leaned down to pick up his jacket and vest off the floor. “Not looking forward to putting these back on…”

Amelia glared at Cal. “No, it’s not hot in here. What’s wrong with you two?”

“As much as I’d love to stay and discuss the many sides of that topic, I’m afraid I must take my leave. Miss,” he tipped his head to Amelia. And then to Ellie, “Miss, I thank you for your skillful work and look forward to meeting again.”

He turned and walked towards the door. Ellie felt a mix of sadness and relief.

Amelia, whose face was still drawn tight, leaned into Ellie and said, “God, you couldn’t let me flirt with that one? You already have your mystery man and now this one too? I mean what would he say about this anyway, your Cal?”

“Hmm?” From across the room Cal turned back to look at them.

Oh Lord. He’d heard his name. Now Ellie really wanted to hide under a rock.

Amelia’s eyes opened wide as saucers as she looked between Cal and Ellie and then back to Cal, pointing her finger. “
You!
”

“Me?” Cal asked innocently, pointing to his chest.

“
It’s you!
” Amelia threw her hands up to her mouth and turned to Ellie. “Oh. My. God.
Ellie!
”

Cal took the opportunity to pucker his lips into a kiss. Ellie’s heart pounded.
Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, bloody hell.
What would she do now? What would
they
do?

He smiled slyly and ducked out of the room. At the last instant Ellie thought she saw an expression of concern tic on his face but everything was happening so fast she couldn’t be sure. And it wasn’t important right now anyway.

“
I knew it!
I said he was a prince! I did!”

“I told you, he’s
not
a prince.” Ellie picked up a stray piece of fabric, busying her hands with folding and unfolding it. He wasn’t a prince. She was still certain of that much at least, even if she wasn’t certain of anything else.

“No? Then what is he? A baron? An earl? A duke? A duke. He’s a duke, isn’t he? If he’s not a prince he must be a duke for the dowager to find him acceptable…”

“I—I don’t…” Ellie shook her head and put her hand to her neck, kneading at the tight muscles. “I don’t know…”

“
How don’t you know?
”

“I never asked.” That was only partially a lie. While she had inquired into who he was, she had never asked him if he held a title. It hadn’t even crossed her mind until today. She hadn’t allowed those thoughts. But now, she couldn’t allow herself
not
to think about them…

“So, what you’re saying is… there’s still a chance he could be a prince…” Amelia jumped up and down. “
Just wait
until I tell Mandy!”

Ellie cradled her head in her hands. That rock was looking better by the second.

***

Much to everyone’s extreme displeasure, the dowager insisted that they stay the entirety of the party, just in case she might need them.

Mandy, the one who was normally the voice of level-headed reason, had been worn to her wit’s end by the dowager and found a quiet corner to unceremoniously doze in. Meanwhile, Ellie and Amelia spied on the party from an upstairs balcony that overlooked the ball room.

Ellie leaned on a shadowed section of the railing hoping to catch a glimpse of Cal in the crowd. She had managed to keep Amelia from spilling everything to Mandy, at least for now. She had not, however, managed to prevent her from asking questions.

“What’s he like?

“What do you mean?” Ellie deflected.

“I mean—” Amelia cleared her throat. “What’s he…
like?
”

Ellie shot her a cold glare. “I am
not
answering that.”

“Then…” Amelia gasped. “Then you do—then you
have
—”

Now Ellie tilted her head and narrowed her eyes. She didn’t care what Amelia thought but she wasn’t about to discuss the situation with her. Amelia sighed and leaned over, resting her elbows on the railing.

“Alright then.
But who is he?
That’s the real question. That’s what I want to know…”

“I wish I could tell you…”

“How don’t you know? I mean you must know
something.
”

“I don’t know anything. Really, Amelia. Truly. I don’t.”

“You’ve learned his name, right? His real proper name. Because you only knew the one the last time I asked and that just doesn’t seem right.”

“Nope.”

Amelia shook her head rapidly from side to side. “No. I don’t believe you. Not at all. I mean, how is that even possible?”

“Why is it so hard to believe that I’m just as confused about all this as you are?”

“Because, I mean, the way you two were looking at each other. I thought—I just thought the room might catch on fire.” Amelia stood back up and gestured her hands for emphasis. “That’s what it was you know. Why it was hot. It was you two. It was just this crazy, fiery… something. And how can you feel that way about a man whose name you don’t even know?”

A small hmm sound escaped from Ellie’s throat. Amelia had hit the mark. “Because it’s about something more import than titles or money or names. It’s about everything else that makes a person who they are…”

“But how—”

Ellie shook her head. She’d already said more than she planned. “That’s the only way I can explain it. If you’re able to figure it out then you can let me know. Until then, I’m going outside for some air.”

“Can I come?”

“No.”

“Are you meeting him?”

“No!”

A pause. “Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

“Because that’s how it always happens in the books, you know. In secret meetings… outside… in the garden.”

“Amelia, if I ever become a heroine in a romance novel, you’ll be the first to know.”

Another pause. “Promise?”

“Yes. Of course… but you must promise me something too.”

“What?”

“That you won’t go snooping around trying to figure out more about him. Because it wouldn’t just be me you’d be causing trouble for. It’s much more—”

“Alright. Alright then…” Amelia crossed her arms. “I promise. You can go.”

“Thank you. Just come and find me if the dowager needs anything.”

Amelia winked. “I’ll wake Mandy first.”

Ellie smiled with a half roll of her eyes and hurried off.

There was a small terrace overlooking the garden near the upstairs women’s dressing room and Ellie made her way straight for it. It was so far removed from the party and the people that she was fairly certain it would be unoccupied at this time of night. It seemed unlikely that even couples looking to have a tryst would be so bold as to go upstairs together especially since the only way to reach this terrace was a main staircase off the dance floor. They would most likely sneak off to a shadowed alcove or the easily accessible large backyard garden in some manner strikingly similar to one of Amelia’s books. The vision of having such a tryst with Cal flashed through her mind and made her flush. Perhaps in another lifetime. In one where her father had kept his title and she attended parties like this as guest and not a seamstress.

Ehh
, she thought. As nice as that idea sounded, and as confusing as things were between them now, she honestly preferred reality to the way things might have been. In that life, right now, she might have been kissing Cal in a garden but
she
wouldn’t have been
her
. She wouldn’t have been the person he seemed to care for so much and without that, she doubted that they would have ever been anything more to each other than random kissing partners.

Indeed, she knew it. Because out of every confusing thing that was happening within them and between them, there was one thing that she knew for certain. It worked because he was Cal and she was Ellie. This Ellie. No other combination would ever have produced such a reaction.

She threw open the doors to the terrace and the night air rushed around her. She inhaled deeply and quietly closed the doors as she looked around. Just as she had expected: she was completely alone. Her shoulders relaxed and a bit of tension seeped out as she walked to the railing and leaned her elbows on it. She was grateful to be out of that place and that room, looking down on everyone, searching for Cal and wondering. Hoping. Wishing.

But for what? To what end?

She didn’t even know his full name. Still. Yet she knew now more than ever that she couldn’t be without him, and she didn’t want to be. More importantly he seemed to feel the same way. She rested her head in one hand and sighed, toying with the petals of a bright yellow flower that had fallen onto the wide stone railing.

He love me. He loves me not. He loves me. He loves me not. He loves me
—

The sound of the door opening and closing startled her. She turned her head over her shoulder, eyes searching in the dark but she wasn’t quick enough. Someone placed one hand on either side of her on the ledge, trapping her between the rail and his body.

“You didn’t think I was going to let you get away without saying a proper ‘hello’ did you?”

Cal.
“I was hoping not.”

“Oh?” He pressed the front of his body onto her, flat against her back. She felt the bulge of his muscles move against her in sweet satisfaction. He leaned his head on her left shoulder and drew his nose around in a circle, breathing in deeply of her. Then he used the soft brush of his lips on the fabric of her dress to trace the line of her shoulder, all the way up to the crook of her neck. He exhaled and planted his mouth softly onto the skin there. Her skin tingled and she leaned her head into his from one side and lifted her shoulder up from the other, cradling him.

“How did you know I was here?”

“A little bird.”

“
Amelia.
”

“I went looking for you and she was more than happy to tell me where you had gone.”

“I bet she was.” The last thing Ellie wanted to think about right now was Amelia but she promised herself to give the girl more credit next time. “So, you’ve found me. Now what?”

“I told you. I wanted to say hello.”

“But you said it’s never just ‘hello’ with us.”

“It’s not. Which is why I couldn’t say it earlier.” He nipped his teeth at her earlobe.

“Then what is it?” she asked once more.

“This.” His hands firmly grasped her shoulders and he turned her around to face him. He touched his forehead against hers and looked into her eyes.

“And what is… this?”

His thumb stroked her hairline. “Hello.”

“Hello,” she breathed out.

And then he did it again. He kissed her. Oh God, he kissed her.

But she pushed away, frightened.

“Cal—we can’t. Not right here. We—”

“I don’t care.”

“But—I—but someone might—”

“I’ve been thinking about this for days, kissing you. How right it felt… but also how wrong it was…”

“Wrong?”

“Because I shouldn’t have done it, either time. I don’t—I’m not—you deserve—I’m not telling you—” he tightened his jaw and twisted his fingers in her hair, tipping her head back. “All I wanted to do was stop thinking about it and I thought maybe, if I could do that then I could figure this all out and make it right. But nothing worked. Nothing I did would erase any of this from my head. Not even staying away. And then when I saw you the other day, and then now in there, so unexpected… I just knew. I knew that I couldn’t be away from you again whatever it took, even though I have no bloody idea what that might take yet. I mean, I thought I knew but now I’m not sure… because the things I thought I knew,” he shook his head, “turns out I don’t. And that’s because of you. You’re changing around my whole perception of the world. God, maybe even of myself. You’re changing it all for the better. So, maybe there is no right and no wrong. I don’t know anymore. What I do know is that I can’t stay away any longer. And I had to see you. I had to—”

“But Cal, we might be seen—”

“I said I don’t bloody care.”

His arms encircled her, wrapping her in a tight lock. He leaned into her, pressing her back against the railing behind her, and he brought his lips down to meet hers. They joined softly with hers to begin with, delicately pleasing and still against her closed mouth as if he wanted to remember this moment and wanted her to remember it as well. But that softness soon passed and he moved against her greedily, enticing her mouth to open for him. His tongue jutted inside, tasting and skipping over hers, with a perplexing and pleasurable dexterity. His taste was sweet and sultry as honey and her nose filled once more with the scent of spices.