Love and Other Wicked Games (A Wicked Game Novel) (20 page)

She bit her lip and looked down at her fingers as she twisted them to and fro. “Can I make a confession?”

He nodded.

“I’ve been taking responsibility for every ridiculous errand that Lady Rivenhall has us running for that party of hers just because I thought I might run into you.”

“And why would you think that?” Cal asked curiously.

“Because of your money. I thought maybe you lived in an area like this, or that maybe those people you know do.”

“There are plenty of well off areas in the city. What made you think I’d be in this one?”

“Oh.” Her cheeks flared up with crimson. “I have another confession.”

“What?”

“I followed you.”

“
What?
”

“That day I saw you outside of the shop. I ran downstairs and I chased after you and called your name, but when you didn’t stop…” She shrugged her shoulders. “I followed you.”

A pit formed in the center of his stomach. He felt violently ill. “And?”

“Well, it turns out that like everything else in Amelia’s books, following people isn’t as easy as it—”

“What?” he laughed.

“One of our seamstresses, Amelia, loves to read and she’s always telling these crazy stories about how the world works in books and she was telling me about this mystery novel where—” Ellie shook her head and pinched at her furrowed brow. “Oh that doesn’t matter—The point is that I tried to follow you but only made it as far as this block before I became so nervous you would see me and find me silly that I ended up losing you!”

“So… you decided to follow me again?”

“Well, no. Not exactly. It was because of Lady Rivenhall. She lives very near here and today she had an ever-so-urgent matter involving her dress—remember I told you she’s having a party and we’re making the dress but she doesn’t really like to take advice so it’s not turning out very—” Ellie shivered. “Well, that horrid dress and vile woman don’t matter. The point is I volunteered to come all the way out here, alone, and meet with
her
in the hopes I would run into
you
and finally figure out why you’ve been ignoring me!”

“I wasn’t really—” But he couldn’t even finish that lie.

“You know it wasn’t really fair of you to do that. If you were going to be that busy, you should have let me know instead of just…” Ellie waved her hand and crossed her arms. “Instead of just… disappearing…”

“Ellie… I’m—I’m sorry. I am. And I’m sorry that I hurt you.” The words were catching up inside of him. She was hurting—
he’d hurt her
—and it killed him. “But I want you to know that it wasn’t your fault. You didn’t do anything wrong. This is all my—”

“Oh. No. It’s not that at all. I know I didn’t do anything wrong. It’s just that…” She sighed deeply.

“It’s just that… what?”

“It’s just that I’ve never felt so…” She clenched her fists in front of her chest. “Alive and in-control and confident…
and strong.
In my whole life, I’ve never felt as strong as I did talking with those people. Knowing that I was doing something good for the world. That I even had that ability. It was an amazing discovery to make about myself…” She sighed again. “But one day wasn’t enough time to figure out how to find that place inside of myself on my own, or to figure out how to stay there. So when you disappeared I was back to where I started. No purpose, no strength… And I thought—I thought I might never be able to find that strength again. I was never able to before.”

“And here I thought it was all about me…” Cal teased to hide just how incredibly moved he was. He hoped to feel that way about himself someday… He hoped that was even possible.

“Oh, stop it. You know that—” She cleared her throat, and after a brief but telling glance they both quickly diverted their eyes. “Regardless of all that, I do thank you for your apology because what you did
was
unfair. And it
did
hurt, quite a bit.” She shook her head sheepishly now. “Oh my. You must find me rather alarming. What with following you and telling you all my feelings and asking so many questions and just assuming you even wanted to continue including me in this when I’m not—when we’re not—when we haven’t even—”

Cal couldn’t hold back a grin and a small laugh. The look in her eyes was enough to make him forget every reason he’d avoided her in the first place and every reason he hadn’t immediately talked to her again three days ago when he decided he could no longer avoid her. “No. I find it all incredibly charming, actually.”
Just like every other damn thing that you do.
“Like I’ve said before, I don’t understand that fascination with vapid women. They’re so—so—”

“Vapid?” She pressed her lips together tightly to hide the fact that she was laughing at her own silly joke.

His hand twitched towards her again. This time each finger danced at his side.

“Cal?” a male voice called from behind him, breaking their momentary silence.

Ellie gave Cal a strange look and he realized that he must have gone suddenly pale.

“Who’s that?” she asked.

Cal gritted his teeth. Crap. Hell.
Bloody Hell.
He’d completely forgotten about Uncle George. “My uncle…”

“Is everything alright?” Ellie gave him a concerned look then stood on her tip toes in order to place the back of her hand against his forehead. “Heavens, you’re all clammy again. Like what happened that morning we spent in the inn…” She paused and tilted her head. “What is it? I know there are things you have yet to tell me, many things, but why do I always get the feeling that there’s something very important that you’re leaving out? Something important that you want to tell me but that you don’t want to tell me at the same time…”

Cal pulled at the collar of his crisp white shirt, which he realized in another panic, completed an outfit of the most fashionable clothes Ellie had ever seen him wear. “I—I—It’s just that—”

“Cal, come on!” his uncle called again. “I want to get this done with.”

Cal looked over his shoulder at his uncle approaching him from the distance. This was it. He was going to be exposed right here on this street and there wasn’t going to be a damn thing he could do about it.

He looked back to Ellie in a complete loss. He couldn’t form even a single word. She looked over his shoulder now to where Uncle George was and her eyes widened in a clear state of shock and disgust.

“That’s the Duke of McAlister’s residence, isn’t it?”

Cal hadn’t been expecting that. “How—how do you know that?”

“Who doesn’t know? Everyone around here knows where that bastard lives.” She covered her mouth. “Excuse me… but it’s true.”

Cal winced. “My Uncle wants to meet with Lord McAlister,” he said quickly. “To talk about the mills and the shareholders…”

“So, that’s why you didn’t want to tell me who you knew. I assumed something of the sort but—”

“Cal,” his Uncle called again, a bit more forcefully, most likely fed up with the wait to raid Cal’s liquor cabinet. “What do I have to do to get your attention? Use that name you hate so much? Mc—”

“Alright! Coming, Uncle!” Dear Lord. That was close. Cal felt his stomach jump up into his chest. He saw his uncle nod and head back towards the residence, pacified for a moment. Cal wiped the pool of sweat from his forehead. “I have to go Ellie before my uncle breaks down the door and raids the liquor cabinet…”

She gave him a funny look.

“My uncle, he’s a bit of a—umm—” Cal made a drinking motion with his hand. “So, he’s a bit anxious to get inside.”

“Ah.” She paused. “Will he be alright?”

“Who? Lord McAlister?”

“No. Your Uncle.”

“I don’t know honestly.” Cal sighed, putting his hands on his hips and mumbling, “He’s had a bit of a rough go for, ohhhh the past… most of his life I’d say…”

“Well, I suppose at least he’s setting it aside to help you. That’s a good thing.”

“Losing your family isn’t the sort of thing you set aside. It’s the sort of thing that makes you drink in the first place and makes you turn a blind eye to doing what’s right… especially when it’s doing right that got you in trouble in the first place…”

“Oh. That’s terrible. What happened to him? What was he trying to do?” She paused again in thought.

Shit.
He saw her mind trying to process what he’d just said and he knew at once that he’d made a terrible mistake.

“Wait… So, he’s not helping you? Then why does he want to talk to—”

“I really must go,” he interjected, looking behind him towards his uncle who was now preparing to kick the door of the residence. Cal pointed his thumb. “I wasn’t joking when I said my uncle will force his way inside and head straight for the liquor cabinet.”

Ellie looked behind Cal and he could tell from the expression on her face that she saw the scene his uncle was about to cause. “Oh. I see… Well, you best go then because I don’t think Lord McAlister will like that…”

“No. I don’t think he will.” Cal furrowed his brow.

Another pause. “Will I see you again? Soon?” she clarified.

“Yes,” he answered as he tipped his head and then turned to walk away. “But I really must go now.”

“Cal?” she called to him softly.

“Yes?” He looked over his shoulder.

“I believe in you. If there’s anyone who can talk some sense into Lord McAlister and make him do the right thing, it’s you. Because no matter what it is you’re hiding from me, you can’t hide who you are. And you’re a good, strong man at heart. Don’t you forget that!” She smiled and said again, “I believe in you.”

He nodded and turned away again, but this time with a bit of a smile. He
was
hiding who he was, but maybe she was not the only one he was hiding from. Maybe he was also hiding from himself and she was able to see something that he could not.

The thought gave him hope.
She
gave him hope. And for the first time in a long time he felt that the impossible might be possible, and perhaps he was good enough for her after all.

Lady Rivenhall’s annual party to celebrate her greatness had come together without a hitch. At least as far as the standard party planning was concerned. Her dress on the other hand, was an entirely separate matter with which she had no qualms making her dissatisfaction abundantly clear. As such, at seven forty-five in the evening, at precisely the moment that Amelia, Mandy, Ellie, and her mother sat down to a late dinner, a frantic messenger arrived at the door, pounding loudly.

The instructions (for they could not have been said to be suggestions of any sort) had been, as expected, incredibly precise. Adjustments and alterations were required immediately and were under no circumstances trivial enough to require only one seamstress. “And dress nicely,” the note had continued, “as my party guests and I will have to look at you.”

In the end it had been decided that all four women would bring the required materials to the dowager’s residence where an assessment of the circumstances would take place. After which, if all was as trivial as they assumed it to be, then Amelia, Mandy, and Ellie would stay to attend to the dowager’s disproportionate demands. Ellie’s mother would return to the shop to greet her husband who was arriving home after tending to business out of town.

Mandy rolled her eyes and puffed out her chest in defense of her work, while Amelia stomped her foot, causing Ellie an intense moment of thought for Cal. The thoughts now swimming through her mind made her desire to stay home, in her room, even more powerful. But that didn’t make any difference at this moment. Ellie wasn’t prepared to admit to the others, especially not her mother, what she’d been up to with Cal—and even if she had been, she would have needed to understand the situation herself. Which was not the case at this point.

Besides which, an explanation of their relationship, whatever that may be, wouldn’t have been enough to explain her desire for solitude. And since Ellie certainly wasn’t going to admit to anyone the intense fire burning inside of her belly (and other, more sensitive places) she resigned herself to an evening of both internal and external annoyance.

At least she’d finally been able to talk to him again after that little disappearing act of his that had hurt and confused her so greatly. It felt wonderful to know that those feelings were still there between them, stronger than ever no less, but she had been left with more questions than answers. And she wanted answers sooner or later.

“I sure wish I had a man of my own,” Amelia mused dreamily to Ellie and Mandy as the three women were quickly ushered to a private upstairs dressing room, while Ellie’s mother addressed the dowager’s predicament directly.

As usual, Mandy had a vocal objection to Amelia’s flights of fancy. “You most certainly do not.”

“And why is that?” Amelia asked, her eyes now glazed over as she craned her neck out of the dressing room to look down the hall where several men were coming and going. “Look how polished and strapping they are. Oh my. Nothing like a well-dressed man to get your insides all—”

“Amelia!” Mandy snapped in a low but forceful whisper. “We have been brought here to take care of the dowager, not gawk at her guests. Now get your head back in here before someone sees you!”

“And so what if someone sees me?” Her light eyes opened wider with a bright twinkle. “Maybe I want them to see me. Maybe I’ll catch the eye of a well-to-do man and he’ll make me—”

“He’ll make you nothing respectable. Now get back in here.” Mandy turned her gaze to the bag of sewing supplies she was unpacking, mumbling at each item she pulled out. “Why do I even try? I don’t know why I even try…”

“Because you care.” Ellie laughed under her breath as she patted Mandy’s hand and watched her continue to take out her frustration on the bag of supplies.

“Why wouldn’t I want a man of my own?” Amelia asked again finally pulling herself away from the door and joining Mandy and Ellie as they unpacked. “You haven’t answered that.”

Mandy looked down and crossed her arms, taking one deep breath. “Because you’re young and you still have so much to learn about life and love that can’t be learned once you’re married and must give so much of yourself to others… Your husband, his family, your family, your children… It spreads a woman thin, and if she starts out too thin to begin with, then she breaks. I cracked and I broke more times than I care to admit, and each time I put myself back together it was harder to make all of the pieces fit…”