Losing Faith (17 page)

Cullen had known all along he would eventually leave Abel. Leave Southport. That was inevitable. Either to move farther south or to head back up north in the spring. He had to. His shop and what little life he had was in P-town. But what he hadn’t considered was Abel leaving him. That stung for some stupid reason. But why? He’d known Abel for less than a week. Had Abel so quickly become some sort of lifeline for him? If not, then why would it matter who left whom? Cullen had sensed the moment he’d met Abel that the man had needed him. Needed a friend. That’s why he’d stopped. But could he actually need Abel just as much?

“And then there’s the job situation.” The sound of Abel’s voice brought him back to the conversation. “The church and being a pastor is the only thing I know.”

“Just because you leave your current church, doesn’t mean you can’t minister. You can join another denomination,” Cullen said. “One that’s more open and accepting.”

“Like the Episcopal Church?”

“Sure! Why not? But if you don’t want to minister, you can always teach. Abel, you’re an educated man. You can do anything you want. It just depends on your calling.” Cullen turned to Abel and resisted the urge to take his hand. “Look! Instead of thinking about this as an ending, try to think about it as a beginning.”

Cullen experienced a flash of déjà vu ministering to Abel this way. The surprising thing was it didn’t feel as foreign as he thought it would. In fact, it felt almost natural. Almost normal.

“Where will you go?” he heard himself ask as if on autopilot.

Abel squinted against the afternoon sun and gazed out over the water. “Good question.”

Abel can join you on
T-Time
!
Cullen heard the words in his head, but he wasn’t about to acknowledge them.
Where did that come from?

Instead he asked, “Is there someplace you’ve always wanted to visit or live?”

“Hadn’t thought much about it. I’ve always been in the South. It’s where I feel the most comfortable.”

Cullen inwardly flinched. Again for some odd reason, Abel’s words pricked him somewhere deep down. Did he want Abel to say New England? That was silly. Why would he? Pushing the thought aside, Cullen asked, “What about Atlanta, Miami, or even Charleston? They have big gay communities in all three of those cities. And then there’s the West Coast. Or New England.”

Abel seemed to be pondering his response. “I have no idea. But I’ll definitely have to give that some serious thought. What’s New England like?”

“Beautiful in the summer and extremely cold in the winter. It has a quintessential small-town feel. Every place except Boston. That feels as big as Atlanta or Miami, but the Cape and the Islands are very cool.”

Abel nodded. “Sounds nice.”

He was quiet for a long while, and Cullen was starting to get concerned.

“Enough!” Abel said at last, getting to his feet. “It’s a beautiful day, and I don’t want to waste it talking about my screwed up life.”

Cullen stood. “Okay. What would you like to do?”

Abel didn’t hesitate. In fact, Cullen would bet his life Abel already knew where he was headed with this conversation. “I followed your exercise regimen. How about you follow mine?”

“The gym?”

“If you think you can keep up, old man.”

Cullen saw the playfulness in Abel’s green eyes, and it warmed him. It was good to see him being so lighthearted and fun, especially knowing the life decisions he would be making very soon. “Who are you calling an old man?” Cullen asked. “Bring it on.”

Abel punched Cullen in the upper arm and took off running. “Last one to my house buys lunch.” He looked back over his shoulder and smiled.

“Oh, no you don’t.” Cullen took off after him.

Cullen was sleek. He had a runner’s body and passed Abel almost halfway there. Abel was fast, but he was built like Popeye, massive upper body and arms that made him almost sluggish. Abel was built for strength, and Cullen was built for speed.

Leaning on the fence, his arms folded over his chest and feet crossed at the ankles, Cullen held up a finger when Abel finally got there. “I think we’re going to the Frying Pan for lunch.”

“Fine,” Abel said, bent over, hands resting on his knees. “My car keys are inside. Man, you’re lightning fast.”

Cullen followed Abel through the gate and playfully jabbed his fingers in Abel’s sides as they walked up the steps. “And calling me an old man just made me drive harder. So thanks for the motivation.” Cullen started laughing when Abel squirmed and started hopping around like a jester.

“Stop it. I’m ticklish,” Abel whined. “My keys are in the pocket of your sweats in my bedroom. You wanna see upstairs?”

“Sure.” Cullen climbed the stairs behind Abel and started jabbing his fingers in Abel’s back and tickling his waist. Abel began to squeal and dance his way up the stairs, which just urged Cullen on more. When they reached the top of the stairs, Abel ran toward his bedroom, but Cullen was right on his heels.

He tackled Abel in the doorway, pushing him into the room, and they both ended up in the middle of Abel’s king-size bed with Abel on his back and Cullen straddling him. Cullen began to tickle Abel’s muscular body enthusiastically, and Abel started pleading and begging him to stop, laughing hysterically.

In one quick move that surprised the heck out of Cullen, Abel sat up, stole a quick kiss, and pushed Cullen to his side, the force sending Cullen’s legs and arms flailing and reaching for anything to grab on to. Abel’s fists closed around Cullen’s wrists and pinned them to his sides, where Abel’s knees held them firmly in place. Abel flashed a sinister grin and rubbed his hands together as if to say
payback is a bitch
.

It was Cullen’s turn to plead and beg as Abel was merciless with his efforts. Abel started by squeezing his fingers into Cullen’s armpits and wiggling around and then running them down to Cullen’s waist and repeating the process. By now Cullen was laughing so hard he was afraid he might pee himself.
Would serve Abel right if I peed in his bed.

Cullen cackled and howled between pleading and cursing until he was flailing on the bed like a fish out of water. Abel outweighed him by at least twenty-five pounds, and there was no way he was going to overpower him. He’d just have to wait until Abel decided to show him some mercy.

“I—I give.” Cullen was laughing so hard he had a tough time getting the words out. He had no idea when he’d last laughed so hard and so long.

“What’s that you say? You give?” Abel’s voice was full of naughtiness.

“Yes! Yes! I give!” Cullen said.

Abel stopped his incursion, and their laughter started to settle into chuckles until their eyes met and all forms of hilarity halted.

Cullen stared up at Abel, focusing on the little droplets of sweat glistening on his upper lip. When Abel used his tongue to lick the droplets away, Cullen felt a definite tug in his groin. Abel released Cullen’s hands from his sides and brought them up, stretching them over Cullen’s head and pinning them there. His cock jumped again when Abel shifted and leaned forward. Cullen closed his eyes when Abel’s lips touched his. They were warm and wet and tasted of perspiration, and the combination was sending pulses right to Cullen’s groin. Cullen’s cock was stiffening between them.

Abel pressed his tongue against Cullen’s lips and sought entry. Cullen welcomed the intrusion and made a weak consenting sound that surprised even him. The sound seemed to give Abel more confidence, and he took the kiss deeper. The combination of the kiss, Abel’s weight straddling him, and his movements had Cullen hard as a rock. He was nearing the point of no return when he realized this was make-or-break time. The discord of doubt plaguing Cullen for days was suddenly silenced by an urgent craving that could not be denied.

It wasn’t fair to Abel, and he needed to stop now if he wasn’t prepared to go through with this. There was no doubt going to be fallout. But how much and how bad? Could his and Abel’s friendship survive?

Without breaking the kiss, Abel released Cullen’s hands, stretched out, and settled at Cullen’s side. Abel was trembling ever so slightly as he moved his hips forward and pressed his erection against Cullen’s thigh.

Alarms were sounding in Cullen’s head.
Stop now or there’s no turning back.

But Cullen didn’t stop. The warmth of Abel’s body was beginning to spread through him, and he realized he needed Abel. Wanted him.

Yes. There would be hell to pay, but he’d deal with that later. Right now he was numb to everything but Abel’s touch. Feeling Abel so close to him, wanting him, so willing, was all he could think about. Cullen rolled over, stretched his long body on top of Abel’s, and ground their erections together. This time it was Abel who released a whimper of approval, which in turn just about sent Cullen spiraling out of control. It had been a long time for him, and if he was going to last for any reasonable amount of time, he needed to take control.

Breaking their kiss, Cullen sat up and again straddled Abel’s thighs. Cullen pulled his T-shirt over his head and tossed it to the floor. He then offered his hands to Abel and pulled Abel up to a sitting position. He grabbed the hem of Abel’s T-shirt and pulled it up over his head. An encouraging smile graced Abel’s lips, and again Cullen was warmed to his core.

Cullen leaned forward and covered Abel’s lips in a crushing kiss, and Abel immediately opened to him. In the midst of their tongues thrashing and exploring, Cullen had a sudden need to protect and take care of Abel. He wanted to make up for all the love and encouragement Abel had missed out on as a child.

“Abel. Be sure, okay? There’s no turning back from this.”

“I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life,” Abel said breathlessly.

“Whatever
this
is,” Cullen whispered, “we are in it together. You’re not alone. Okay?”

Abel nodded.

Cullen began to explore Abel’s body, running his hands up and down Abel’s chest. He studied every muscle, counted every freckle, committed everything to memory.

Cullen again bent down and kissed Abel, dragging his tongue across Abel’s bottom lip and biting gently. Even through their shorts, Cullen felt Abel’s cock, bound tightly between them, stiffen with desire.

Abel was rubbing his hands up and down Cullen’s back, his nails scratching lightly and tantalizing Cullen’s bare, goose-bump-covered skin. Cullen withdrew and trailed moist and satiny kisses down Abel’s throat, chest, and abdomen. Then he licked his way back up Abel’s torso, and Abel arched his back and hissed when Cullen stopped at his nipple, bit lightly, and then licked one and then the other. Cullen slid down to the foot of the bed, removed his shoes and socks, and stepped out of his running shorts.

Abel’s eyes were wide and full of wonder as Cullen stripped down to his underwear and climbed back up the bed, gripping the waistband of Abel’s shorts and slowly pulling them down and off.

Cullen climbed back up and straddled Abel again. Giving Abel a look up and down, he offered him one last out. “Are you sure you want to do this?”

“God, yes,” Abel said without hesitation.

Cullen chuckled inwardly at his choice of words.

“But more importantly, do you?” Abel asked.

Cullen considered Abel’s question. In a matter of days, Abel had woven himself into the fabric of Cullen’s being. Their lives had gotten so tightly wrapped up in each other’s that Cullen was almost fearful about where this might lead. But right now, in this very moment, he wanted Abel.

“Yes,” Cullen said. “Right now I need you desperately.”

“What about tomorrow?” Abel asked.

“At this very minute, I couldn’t care less about tomorrow.”

“Cullen?” Abel said with worry in his voice.

Cullen stopped him before Abel could say another word. “Please stop worrying about me and enjoy this. I want to make your first time as special as I can.”

“But?”

“No buts.”

Cullen slid his body all the way down to Abel’s erect cock. It was straining for release, and Cullen could tell Abel wouldn’t last very long. He gripped Abel for the first time, feeling the weight of his cock, the silky warm skin, the bulbous head.

Abel dropped his head and hissed as Cullen ran his hand up and down Abel’s hardness.

Cullen slid down farther, and Abel cried out when Cullen placed his wet mouth over Abel’s erection, still sheathed in his cotton boxer briefs, and ran his teeth along Abel’s length. Cullen stopped at the head of Abel’s engorged cock and surrounded it with his moist lips. Cullen noted that he and Abel were about the same length, but Abel had more girth.

Cullen looked up at Abel, who was watching him intently, gaze riveted on every motion of Cullen’s mouth running up and down his cock. “Feels so good,” Abel said when their eyes met.

Cullen slid his finger under the waistband of Abel’s underwear and pulled them down to Abel’s knees. Abel’s cock plopped out and landed on his stomach, pointing north. Abel gasped and fisted the sheets when Cullen swallowed him and buried his face in his groin. His musky scent was strong and mixed with sweat, and the aroma had Cullen’s cock twitching in his underwear. He came back up and went slowly down again, Abel thrusting his hips up to meet every advance.

Releasing Abel’s cock, Cullen slid down to Abel’s balls and took them into his mouth one at a time. Cullen tugged and sucked on them gently until Abel was gyrating under him and moaning incoherently. Cullen pushed farther down, and Abel opened his legs wider, giving him all the access he needed. Running his tongue as far down as he could go in this position, Cullen licked at the sensitive stretch of skin between Abel’s ball sac and his opening. Abel moaned louder. Cullen lifted Abel’s legs and buried his face in Abel’s ass. He gently ran his tongue over Abel’s opening, and Abel literally came up off of the bed, arched his back, and dropped back down again. Taking that as a sign, Cullen drove his tongue as deep as he could into Abel’s tight opening, retreated, and dove in again—licking, circling, probing. Abel was once more gyrating, humming incoherent sounds.

Lowering Abel’s legs, Cullen again took him in his mouth. Abel tasted of his salty prerelease, and Cullen licked and teased the head of Abel’s cock until Abel gripped his hair. “Please, stop.”