Losing Faith (19 page)

Cullen looked out over the waterway. “Forget it. I shouldn’t have said anything. Like I said, it just took me by surprise. That’s all.”

“No. I’m glad you told me. I want to know these things. I want… to know Cole and hear about the life you shared with him, but only when you’re ready. I mean… it’s obvious to me how much you loved him, and for you to love him so much, he must have been an extraordinary man.”

“He was,” Cullen whispered. “Look! The sky is so beautiful. And the sun is about to drop below the horizon.”

Abel didn’t know whether Cullen was really watching the sunset or simply changing the subject, but either way he would let him take the lead. Cullen would tell him about Cole in his own time, and Abel was prepared to wait.

Cullen had been right about the sky. The sun was hovering just above the horizon to the west. Abel watched it drop lower and lower until it was completely gone, leaving a wispy sky swirled with various shades of magenta, orange, and pink mixed together, all reflecting off of the billowy clouds, creating an array of fluffy, colorful figures. “The perfect ending to the best day of my life,” Abel mumbled almost to himself.

“And just think, it’s not even over yet,” Cullen said with a smile and a wink.

“I stand corrected. But really. For the very first time in my life, I feel alive and full of hope for the future. And I owe that all to you.”

“I don’t know about that,” Cullen said, getting to his feet. “But I am so happy for you. You’ve waited far longer than most to be happy, and no one deserves it more than you.”

“Thank you.” Abel got to his feet as well.

“Why don’t we get cleaned up and start thinking about someplace for dinner.”

“Can I pick the place?”

“Sure. What did you have in mind?”

“A quaint little place called Live Oak Café up on North Howe. It’s one of my favorites.”

Cullen nodded. “I’d love to give it a try.”

SEVERAL HOURS
later they were back at the marina and walking down the dock, their appetites now sated, simply enjoying comfortable conversation and each other’s company.

The restaurant had been a great choice, and Cullen now knew why Abel liked it so much. It was an old house, and the multiple dining rooms were all small and only held a couple of tables each, so it was very private. He wondered if that was the reason Abel had selected it, but if so, he understood. If they were seen out too many times together, the local tongues might start to wag, and that could be bad for Abel.

Abel proved to be an exceptional conversationalist. He was smart, had a great sense of humor, and was an overall pleasure to be around. They’d talked about Southport, P-town, boats, T-shirts, the church, and everything else under the sun. The conversation had flowed easily, and Cullen had thoroughly enjoyed himself.

Since his recent revelations regarding Cole, Cullen seemed to be handling things a lot better. It wasn’t like he still didn’t miss Cole. That would never change. But now the pain and longing seemed a little more manageable. The important thing was, he now understood what had been driving him, and now he could deal with it better. Also realizing he’d been letting Cole go gradually had made all the difference and had seemed to take the present fear and desperation away. But the real question was, would this truce he’d called with his emotions hold?

“Look!” Abel pointed down the dock. “There’s a new boat.” He smacked Cullen on the arm. “I’ll race you to the dock house.” Abel took off running.

“Oh, no, you don’t,” Cullen said, taking off right after him.

Cullen might be a seasoned long-distance runner, but he was nothing if not a sprinter. He caught up to Abel in seconds, passed him up, and was waiting for Abel when he reached the dock house. “Damn! Not again.”

“Yep. Again.”

“Just wait until I get you to the gym,” Abel said, looking up from under his eyelashes. His lips were now a little pouty, and it was absolutely adorable on him. Cullen looked at Abel, and a smile twisted his lips. He ran the backs of his fingers along Abel’s jaw and then took him into his arms and whispered into his ear, “I’m sure you’re gonna kill me at the gym.”

Abel stilled for a second and then melted into Cullen’s embrace, and it was the most glorious feeling to have him fit so perfectly. For just one second, he allowed himself to think about love at first sight. He hadn’t believed in that crap until he’d met Cole. Could it happen to him again? Could he be so lucky? He remembered how he’d been so drawn to Abel when he’d first seen him sitting on that park bench. The connection he’d felt.
Does lightning strike in the same place twice?

“WHATAYA SAY
we call it a night?” Abel looked around to make sure they were alone, took Cullen by the hand, and led him toward the boat.

When they were safely inside, away from the prying eyes of Southport, Abel stepped up to Cullen, placed his hands on Cullen’s chest, and kissed him gently. He slowly and deliberately released the buttons of Cullen’s shirt, one at a time, and pulled the shirttails out of Cullen’s jeans. Abel ran his hands over Cullen’s bare chest, down his sides, up his back, and once again to his chest. He brushed his thumbs over Cullen’s nipples, pinched them gently, and released.

Cullen sighed and threw his head back. Abel studied him closely, and when Cullen dropped his head to face him again, Abel held eye contact with him for one eternal moment. Cullen finally cupped Abel’s face and kissed him so completely, Abel felt it down to his toes. Cullen gripped the bottom of Abel’s golf shirt, and Abel lifted his arms. The shirt glided over his head and flew across the saloon. Cullen stared down at Abel with such an expression of desire that it took his breath away. He’d never been desired. Never been looked at that way. Something shone in Cullen’s eyes that Abel wanted to call love, but he didn’t dare. Instead he fought back the tears welling up in his eyes and put the thought out of his head.

Cullen’s callused hands roamed freely over Abel’s broad muscular chest, caressing him in a way that made Abel’s entire body tingle. Abel closed his eyes and licked his lips in anticipation as Cullen again cupped his face and brought their lips together in a slow kiss that churned emotions deep inside, emotions Abel never knew he had. Cullen took Abel’s hand and led him down to his cabin, but once there, Abel took control, covering Cullen’s mouth with a wet, desperate kiss as he moved him toward the bed. When the backs of Cullen’s legs hit the mattress, Abel pushed with all his might, and Cullen went down on his back, looking up at him in surprise. Abel flashed his best seductive smile—not that he’d ever practiced a seductive smile before—and hoped it conveyed his longing for Cullen, his desire to have him.

Cullen was breathing heavily and sweat was starting to glisten on his skin as Abel stared down at him.
He’s so beautiful.
Now that he knew he could be Cullen’s undoing, Abel wanted nothing more. He suddenly realized he’d succeeded in reaching an unreachable man, gotten inside a heart that had been locked away for almost two years.
I can’t take this lightly. I have a responsibility to protect the heart I’ve penetrated no matter what it takes.

Abel dropped down to Cullen’s feet and slipped off Cullen’s loafers and socks without ever breaking eye contact. He came up on his knees and released Cullen’s belt and jeans and pulled them down and off, along with Cullen’s underwear. Cullen’s long, lean, naked, and extremely chiseled body was a sight to behold. In the dimly lit cabin, the little bit of silver hair at Cullen’s temples glimmered brightly against his otherwise black mane, and his eyes were a brilliant blue. How could Abel be so lucky? How could this have happened to him?

Wasting no time, Abel unbuckled his belt, toed out of his shoes, and removed his jeans and underwear. Lastly, he peeled off his socks and then looked down at Cullen, whose eyes were hooded with lust. The sight made Abel groan and bite his bottom lip. Abel climbed onto the bed, and when his skin touched Cullen’s, his nerve endings suddenly caught fire, as if a thousand volts of electricity went flowing through him at breakneck speed. Chill bumps instantly covered his body, and the hair stood up on the back of his neck.

“Come here.” Cullen pulled Abel up to him, wrapped him in a strong embrace, and kissed the top of Abel’s head. “You are one gorgeous man. You know that?”

Abel didn’t concur, but he felt the blush creeping up his face and fought the urge to disagree. “Thanks,” he whispered instead. In reality, whatever Abel was, it was because of Cullen and the confidence he’d given Abel to live his true life.

Abel raised his head and looked up at Cullen. He ran his palm along Cullen’s jaw and hoped his eyes conveyed all the emotions jumbled inside him. Abel opened his mouth to speak, but Cullen pressed his index finger against Abel’s lips.

“Shh…. It’s okay. I know.”

Cullen rolled over, pinned Abel beneath him, and buried his face in Abel’s neck. He nibbled on the sensitive area where Abel’s neck met his shoulder and then trailed soft kisses down Abel’s torso and back up again. Wedged between their bodies, Abel’s cock was painfully hard, and it jumped each time Cullen moved or shifted, sending waves of pleasure coursing through him. When Cullen slid down again and took Abel into his mouth, the warm, wet sensation caused Abel to tremble with anticipation.

“Cullen!” he gasped, arching his back and fisting the sheets, desperately needing something to hold on to.

Abel shuddered when Cullen circled the delicate skin under the head of his cock and then swallowed him, holding him there until he could no longer breathe before sliding back up. Cullen gripped Abel and began moving his hand in unison with his mouth, up and down, applying a slight suction one stroke at a time that was about to undo Abel completely. Abel released his grip on the sheets and ran his hands through Cullen’s thick black hair, riding Cullen’s head up and down as he passionately tortured Abel with pleasures beyond his imagination.

“Stop,” Abel moaned, and Cullen withdrew. “I’m getting too close, and I want this to last. I want
more
.”

Since they’d already established what
more
meant, Abel and Cullen both knew what Abel was anticipating, and the thought made Abel shiver with expectation. He trusted Cullen and had no doubts of any consequence. Still, fear of the unknown was electrifying and frightening at the same time.

Abel wanted to feel Cullen moving inside him, needed to be one with him, but why the urgency? Something was nagging at Abel just beyond his comprehension, and it lingered there like a dark cloud hanging overhead.

Cullen was now kissing his way up Abel’s stomach and chest, and after teasing Abel’s nipples, he smiled and hovered just above Abel until their eyes met. “Are you sure?”

Abel hesitated for a split second and then nodded. “I need this.”

“I need this too,” Cullen said. “For so many reasons.”

Cullen reached over to the bedside table, retrieved a bottle of lubricant, and as if something had just dawned on him, cursed under his breath. “I forgot about condoms. Haven’t used them in ten years.”

“Are you… okay?” Abel asked sheepishly.

“Yes. I’m HIV negative if that’s what you’re asking. And so was Cole. We were a monogamous couple, and I haven’t been with anyone since his death. I would never put you or anyone else at risk. But if you’d rather not, I totally understand.”

“No,” Abel said. “I trust you.”

Cullen raised an eyebrow. “Remind me later to chastise you for being so trusting.”

Abel rolled his eyes. “And remind me later to ask you not to talk so much during sex.”

“Duly noted.”

Cullen hastily kissed Abel on the lips and then settled between his open legs. Abel was still rock hard, his length lying flat against his stomach. Cullen flipped open the top of the lube bottle, gripped him, and drizzled the lube over his hand as he stroked Abel’s length. The combination of the lube and Cullen’s slick, callused hand moving up and down him teased another shudder out of Abel. Cullen raised Abel’s legs over his head, and as Cullen had done earlier, Abel grabbed his ankles and held his legs in place. The position was not altogether uncomfortable, but he felt exposed and vulnerable. He kept reminding himself this was Cullen, and he trusted him.

With one hand still on Abel’s cock, Cullen spread Abel’s ass cheeks with the other hand and ran his tongue over Abel’s virgin opening. Abel sucked in a breath and released it. The sensation was all too brief, and Abel wanted to feel it again.

As if reading his mind, Cullen licked him once more, this time lingering and wiggling his tongue for a few moments. Every muscle in Abel’s body contracted and then relaxed again when Cullen withdrew.

The tingling sensations in his groin and ass were driving Abel wild with passion, and he secretly wished Cullen would do it again. Deeper. Longer. But he was too shy or embarrassed to beg.

Finally, Abel’s wish came true. Cullen’s warm, wet tongue started licking and prodding continuously. Wiggling and probing. And as if that alone wasn’t pleasurable enough, Cullen started moving his hand up and down Abel’s length in time with his lashing tongue. Abel instinctively started to wiggle and thrust his hips up into Cullen’s hand, riding the waves of pleasure that surged through him. Abel could feel his opening relaxing with each movement of Cullen’s tongue. And then the laving ceased.

Abel sighed and silently cursed Cullen for stopping until he heard the flip of the lube bottle’s top again. Soon after, he felt Cullen applying the slick liquid to his opening, swirling his finger around the sensitive nerve endings, probing ever so gently, and then swirling again. Every muscle in Abel’s body tensed with delight and anticipation, but he didn’t have to wait very long. Cullen slowly slipped one finger inside him, and Abel nearly came off of the bed, his internal voltage meter hitting the red zone. But when Cullen passed over a particular spot inside Abel’s body, Abel screamed as a jolt of something coursed through him. Passion. Electricity. Boundless desire.

Cullen withdrew, and Abel gasped loudly in protest. But when Cullen pushed in again and began to move in and out, Abel felt a stimulating rush of pressure each time Cullen brushed his prostate. Without conscious intent Abel let out a moan that seemed to go on forever.