Keep Breathing (5 page)

Seth

“HOW ABOUT THOSE choices! I had no idea they had every flavor crepe and sorbet you could imagine there!” The glowing lights of the Bellagio gardens lit up Penny’s eyes like soft caramel rounds. Her goofy smile was repressed as she licked the remains of her sorbet off the waffle cone. I loved those lips, they reminded me of all the things she could do with them, and I had to suck in a breath and look away before the urge overtook me to drop my cone and pull her into a ravaging kiss. The memory was like a freight train slamming into me, but I pasted the smile back on and continued eating my treat.

“It’s pretty impressive,
” she said, before crunching down on the cone.

I
licked the small drips attempting to roll down onto my fingers from the waffle cone in my grasp. The lemon and cherry sorbet was amazing, and I tried to slow down as I ate it, not wanting to look like a pig without manners.

“We’ll have to come back for breakfast, one day.” My eyes landed on her lips again. I couldn’t help it, they drew me in like magnets. Between them, her soft, pink tongue carefully licked her ice cream, but she trained her eyes ahead. I remembered kissing her lips, soft and sweet, always willing to let me devour them. It sent a longing surging through me, and I bit into the cone to dial back the heat, the satisfying crunch taking the place of my flustered desire.

We were just leaving the gar
dens at the Bellagio, where Jean Pierre Patisserie was located. The variety and colors of the flowers were extravagant, especially with the small ponds and fountains slowly flowing and making trickling, gurgling noises. Though it was crowded, it somehow felt like the most serene place on earth.

As we walked
into the registration area, I glanced up at the glass flowers dangling precariously from the ceiling. I hesitated before walking under the massive display. The array of colors and shapes formed by the blown glass baubles was a sight, but I wouldn’t want to linger under the mass of glass art if there was an earthquake, and risk being smashed and cut to shreds by the heavy glass. Thank goodness there never really were any in Las Vegas.

“Pretty impressive.”
I stuffed the last of my waffle cone into my mouth, crunching it into tiny bits. I was pretty sure my cheeks stuck out like a chipmunk stuffing his face with food. Penny seemed to find it amusing and almost spit out her ice cream, quickly covering her mouth as a giggle slipped out.

“You might want to chew some m
ore before you choke.”

She cleared her throat and pointed
to her face, indicating I had a smear of ice cream on mine. She pulled out her napkin, smashed it into a tiny wad in her palm, and reached forward, wiping the stickiness off. I couldn’t help but smile at her mannerisms, so proper yet, still wary of things. I let her drag the rough napkin across my cheek. The tiny bit of her skin touching my face sent a thrill through me, and I drank in her beauty. She blushed, and looked away, then offered up her bottle of water as she cleared her throat and finished her cone.

“Thank you
.” I swallowed the last of the cone I’d been chomping, cleared my throat before gulping down a few mouthfuls of water. Breathing in deeply, I focused on Penny as I handed the bottle back. I liked sharing things with her. I wanted to share more than just a bottle of water with her. How could I make her see that?

“Didn’t backwash
, did you?”

I
laughed. “Nope. I promise.”

“What do you want to do now?”

I could tell she was hoping I had some sort of plan. I hadn’t been on a date in ages, let alone explored the Las Vegas Strip much since I’d returned from Moldova. I’d avoided it for the most part, burying myself in work and keeping to myself.

“I have tickets for a comedy show. How
about it?” Thank God for Mick. He’d launched himself into Cupid mode and dropped two tickets to the comedy club he moonlights at now and then, onto my desk that afternoon. He hadn’t said a thing when I asked him what they were for. He’d just winked and waved goodbye before heading out. He was a damn fool for happing endings.

Reaching
out, I offered my arm to her again, which she swiftly took this time without hesitating. She was more comfortable than before, not so stiff and nervous. I liked that about her though…so apprehensive, so observant and cautious with everything. I was looking forward to easing the leftover knots out of her body with my hands all over her silky skin. I couldn’t stop looking at her. She was gorgeous, and her confidence made my insides burn with a lustful fury. Glancing down at her fingers as they laced along my elbow, a soft flutter in my chest momentarily made me forget to breathe. She still had it, that paralyzing charm that had drawn me in so many years before.

“Um, yeah. Sounds great.”
She forced a smile and sucked in a breath. I knew she wasn’t yet sure if she was making a mistake or not by hanging out with me, but I was going to make sure I didn’t lose her a second time around. I was here to stay, whether she knew that or not.

I gently pulled
her toward the front doors of the Bellagio, and we made our way to the sidewalk where we waited in line to hail a taxi. Her curiosity was written all across her face, wondering where I was taking her. I was just as nervous as she was. My mouth was as dry as a desert, even though it now tasted of lemon and cherry sorbet. I hoped after tonight, I’d have more of a chance to atone for what I’d done. The self-doubt had already crept into my mind.

Her silence was a bit unnerving
, too.

“You alright?”
I inquired. She was chewing adamantly on her lower lip, certainly losing her own nerve as we walked.
I could kiss those lips for you
, I thought.
Make it all better.

My voice pulled her
back to the present as we slipped into the back of the taxi cab. I scooted in after her and told the cabbie our destination. Penny was already hugging her arms in the cold of the AC blasting from the vents, so I slipped my arm around her shoulders and pulled her closer. She froze, not sure what to do about me putting the moves on her.
Relax, relax
, I mentally told her. I couldn’t afford to let her chicken out now.

“Better?”
I whispered, my warm breathe tickling her ear just slightly. She nodded, throwing me a small smile. In the dark of the backseat, her eyes shined, reflecting the flickering lights of the casinos. My gaze didn’t leave her face, and she let it linger a while longer. Her lips were the lightest pink and were probably still as soft as I remembered. Oh how I wanted them. Flashes from long ago, of kissing her, made me want to lean even closer to brush mine against them. It seemed to be flitting across her mind, too, and a soft blush warmed her cheeks in the quiet darkness of the backseat.

I t
ilted my head, bringing my lips to her skin, softly lingering on her neck as I placed a silent, tender kiss on the area right under her ear. I felt her shiver as my heart raced. I was pretty sure she could feel it thumping desperately against her skin. It was no longer cold inside the taxi, but stifling, and her fast, shallow breathes were not enough to keep the world from spinning.

Suddenly, s
he shifted away, giving me a hard glare and stopping me in my tracks. But my hand lingered, gracing her cheek as my fingers slid down to rest on her hip bone. My other hand still embraced her shoulders, comfortably cupping her small frame. I was invading her space, but her skin was hot and smelled amazing. The calming scent of her perfume filled the air around me, like she was on everything I touched. I was pretty sure she could see the fear and desire flickering in my eyes. Surely we were both done for now.

“
Penny, you look even more beautiful than I remember. I know you still don’t trust me, but that’s okay. You’re worth the wait. You’re that amazing.” I pulled my arm from around her shoulders, leaving a cold draft where the warmth of her body had just been. I didn’t move away, though, but remained seated snugly next to her, our hips and thighs touching, pressed against the fabric embracing our bodies. “I don’t want to push in any way. I’m very patient, and I can wait. Until you’re ready, I’ll be right here, next to you.”

“I’m sorry,
” she whispered back, low enough so the cabbie couldn’t hear her speaking.

C
onfused, I scanned her face as I calmly waited. “For what, Penny?”

“I don’t know if I can do this.”

“What do you mean? The comedy show? We can go somewhere else if you want.”

“No.
” She sucked in a breath and leaned back, letting her head drop, and stared at the dingy roof of the taxi. “I can’t do
this
. This thing you have in mind for us. I can’t do this.” Her breathing turned quick, as if it was hard for her lungs to expand. Her blush swarmed into a violent red as she slid over even more.

Sitting up
straighter, my own desperation spilled over. I wanted to scream. Her words stung my chest like a hot poker. “Penny, I…”

“Stop the cab
, please,” she called out.

The cabbie glance
d at us in the rear view. His eyes darted from me to Penny and back again before settling back on the road.

She
hit his seat, not hearing me protesting next to her, trying to coax an explanation out of her.

“Stop the car now!” s
he hollered, hitting the back of the driver’s seat again. The tires came to a screeching halt and she spilled out, not realizing we were in the middle lane of traffic. A white Caravan swerved away from her, its horn screaming in our ears as it barely missed her, and the car behind it also squealed to a stop. She dashed past it and made it to the sidewalk, a trail of cursing and threats echoed behind her. She stumbled away, holding her chest as though it hurt something awful. I scrambled to throw the cabbie some money and carefully hopped out of the cab to follow. Making it across the two lanes of traffic, still halted from her interruption, I hurried after her.

I
spotted her on a park bench and slowly made my way to it. The casinos loomed behind her, like vast giants about to step forward to crush us. She looked so vulnerable, so small in this big place. I was afraid that if I approached too quickly, she’d run, like a skittish animal. I paused at a street vendor selling cold bottles of water out of a cooler and tossed him a dollar for an icy bottle.  I approached the bench, unsure of what to say. I watched her bend over, trying to calm the tight crushing pain in her chest.

Damn
those panic attacks. I hadn’t seen her have one in so long, I’d forgotten about them. Even in college, they’d sometimes hit her before exams and almost incapacitate her. Heck, she’d almost gotten herself run over and killed because she’d let it overtake her at the most inopportune moment.

Like before, I felt helpless and just wanted to make it better. But how?

“Breathe… breathe….”
I could hear her whispering the words to herself.

She
coughed, letting the calm slowly work the knots out of her as it came wafting in. Her slim frame shook as she wrestled her demons away, her back softly rising and falling with each fought for breath. She was slowly settling, and I could physically see the blood rushing back into her head as she leaned forward, letting her long brown hair drape over her knees and dangle like a shroud.

“
Penny?”

She
didn’t look up, and I hoped she wouldn’t run away again. Had she heard me? Tears spilled from her eyes, and she squeezed them tightly shut. The tears dampened her legs, bare underneath her skirt, until they slid silently onto the sidewalk. Whispers sounded off as the crowd dispersed from around us, no longer entertained by her breakdown. I think she hadn’t even noticed them yet, which was good thing. One look up would send her into another melt down.

I
’d thrown them a challenging glare, sending the few who were still there, scurrying away. I was sure they thought we were both crazy. Wasn’t that pretty much every day stuff for a city like this?

“He
re, Penny.” I offered her the dripping wet bottle of water, condensation sweating from the cold plastic. When she didn’t respond, I bit my lip and dared to press it softly to her skin, hoping to shock her out of her trance. She flinched, and turned to watch the drops of water slide down the clear plastic and run down her bare arm. Luckily, she didn’t holler at me, but focused on it and slipped a hand around it as she sat up straighter. The cold had done it, pulled her back to the present. She took a few sips and calmed down even more.

She glanced
toward me as I knelt in front of her, slowly caressing her arms. She hadn’t swatted me away, which was a huge step, and the relief rushing through me made me want to laugh. But I didn’t. As unpredictable as she always was, I didn’t want to risk sending her running. Just watching her shiver, despite the stifling late June heat, made me want to protect her, steal all the pain she felt inside.

I let my hand slip onto her arm, letting my fingers
encircle her delicate wrist. I felt the goose bumps flare up under my fingertips as I did this, and I held my breath.