Keep Breathing (4 page)

Penny

Present Day

THE SUNSET BLED
through my eyelids, shining so intensely, I needed to squeeze them tighter to blot its light away. Flicking them open, I let the golden-red colors splash across my skin. The warmth of it made the slight chill I had crawling inside my bones whisk away. Sitting on my porch chairs, I let the heat penetrate my skin to stifle the cold. Seeing Seth at the fair had jolted my world off its axis in a way I had never expected. It left me lingering in my memories, like some horrid picture show replaying over and over in my head.

He
dared to ask me to give him another chance. The gall of him.

How
could I let him back in, especially when the reinforced steel walls I had carefully built up around my fragile heart since I’d been with him remained sturdy and bolted into place? No one got over someone like Seth. No one was ever the same after a whirlwind love affair like that. I’d dedicated myself to that love, to us, until he’d thrown me out into the freezing, cold life, alone. A half-life of a sort.

Sitting up,
I gasped. A sharp, rigid pain jolted me out of my misery. It felt like my heart was breaking inside its metal cage, again, like that time so long ago. The same wretched crack shattering its fragile glass. I felt it flutter in a panic, and it took moments before I could gasp enough to wrangle it back under control. Finally, I slid back inside my apartment and down into a fluffy green couch I’d just recently bought.

Breathe. Just Breathe.

Rubbing the fatigue away from my eyes, I sunk down into the cushions, pulling one of the throw pillows into my lap, grasping it tightly as I curled my arms around it. I hadn’t even known him again for twenty-four hours, and he was already affecting me so. Paralyzed by his unknown intentions, I’d failed miserably at keeping him far, far away from me, like I’d sworn long ago that I would. This oblivion I was swimming in was driving me nuts. How could I let him affect me so much? Still?

I flung the pillow across the room, suddenly filled with rage at
Seth. He’d been the one to break my heart. He’d been the one afraid of commitment and true love, not me. What was I supposed to do when he traipsed right back into my life without missing a beat? No matter how many nights I had prayed that he had paid a high price for hurting me, nothing had prepared me for this. I’d never expected him to return, ever.

Who did he think h
e was? He was nothing to me.
Nothing.

So it shouldn’t be too hard to
just tell him to fuck off and be on his merry way, right? Too little, definitely way too late, get lost!

Sucking in a deep breath, I paused, feeling a slight
, soothing rift open inside with the dizziness that followed my panting. Maybe I could turn it around. This was my chance to do something about the infinite pain he’d caused me, right? I could make him suffer, I could make him feel the exact same way I’d felt when he’d unceremoniously dumped me in front of his drunk, shallow friends. Maybe that was the reason why this was all happening. It was my chance, my one moment for payback I’d longed for all this time.

Yes, that’s what it was.

Jumping up from the sofa, I rushed to my room, grabbed my cell phone and stared down at the message that had prompted my self-loathing.

Hi! It’s Seth. Up for some sorbet? My treat. :-)

So how, HOW had he gotten my number? He must’ve been savvy on the tech or he’d never lost it. Yeah, that must be it. Had to be.

Suddenly I regret
ted not changing my cell number the entire time I’ve owned a cellphone. I’d had the same number for years, since just after high school.

Now he’d asked me out on a date…sort of…out of the blue. What do I do?

Sorbet on a hot
Vegas night. Classy. I was game for that. It was a perfect little get-together to kick start the plan forming in my brain. I couldn’t mess this up, I had to have all my I’s dotted and my T’s crossed. It had to work. Things like this took time to formulate right.

Definitely, the heat’s a killer!
I texted back.

I waited for his response, trying to squelch my eagerness to put his fire out. Running to my closet, I flipped through my vast array of dresses, tanks, blouses and then some. I finally chose an alluring ruffled camisole-like pink top and a snug fitting black skirt. It was good enough for the nightlife if we went to a club, and was definitely fitting for ice cream.

Pick u up @ 6, what’s ur addy?

I cringed at the text speak, all shortened and so impersonal. Sighing, I texted him back my address and tossed the cell onto my comforter. I pulled out my black heels, glad they had a low heel and hoped we wouldn’t be walking too much. The Strip was gorgeous on hot summer nights, but walking the hard concrete sidewalks could turn into an unbearable torture pretty fast.

Sweeping some make up over my face, I made sure to add enough to look striking
, but not overdone. I wanted to make him grovel, but had to take it slow. He’d be sorry he’d let me go all those years ago, more so than he’d admitted on the Ferris wheel. I’d refused to talk to him once we’d hopped off the Ferris wheel, and Joss had even recognized him with a devilish death glare. He hadn’t followed and that’d been fine with me.

Oh
, well. Maybe it was a good thing, made him want to try harder. I was glad I hadn’t thrown myself back into his strong arms again. I’d have been so incredibly sorry the next day if I’d had. Yes, he was still a hot, tempting guy, but I was through with those kinds of guys. Good looks, and a smooth talk equaled a broken heart, plus tubs of ice cream emptied from crying it out. No, this time Seth wouldn’t know what hit him. I was in full control of this ride, and I intended to run it through the ringer. All I had to do was play the part. Piece of cake.

~~~~~

“WOW! YOU LOOK amazing.”

Seth didn’t hold back when it came to compliments. His brilliant smile and shiny eyes made me want to shrink back away from his open arms and sl
am the door right in his pearly-white, toothy grin face.

I could do this, I could do this…

I grinned, letting him step into my apartment while I got my purse. I could feel his eyes watching me the entire time I walked away, and it made a smirk grow across my face. I was pretty sure he was enjoying the view. So far, so good.

Grabbing
my purse, I spun around and threw on the highest-wattage smile I could produce without feeling too cheesy.

“Thank you. You’re not so bad yourself.”

“Nice apartment.” He ripped his eyes away from me to observe the surroundings with great interest, making me wonder what he was really up to. Tucking my purse under my arm, I watched him nervously examine my home. “So, Penny,” his hand reached up, subconsciously scratching his chin. Was that a nervous habit? He sure looked it. Where was that confidence he’d exuded in the time before? This wasn’t like him at all. “What have you been up to all these years? What do you work in? How’s your family?”

I flinched. Personal questions already? I hadn’t
expected to be pummeled with them yet, but I should’ve seen it coming. Now it was my turn to shift in my shoes. There were things I’d rather not talk about, doesn’t everyone have secrets?

“I’m an administrator at a hospital. I arrange aftercare for patients, make sure they have all the medical equipment and nursing care they’ll need before heading home.
Sort of a liaison with the case workers.” My voice was steady and dry, but I cleared my throat and avoided his last question with ease. I just hoped he hadn’t noticed. The intensity in his eyes told me he had noticed. Really noticed, and a million things were flying through his head from it.

Great.

Smoothing down my skirt, I took him in, fluttering my lashes in a flirtatious way, hoping to distract him. He caught on, though. The slow smile working the edges of his mouth before his gaze met mine, gave it all away as we stood there in silence. I’d have to be careful to not give him too much of my life to work with. It could backfire instantly in the worst possible ways.

I focused on
his clothes, hoping he’d move on and not bother interrogating me. He was wearing a light blue, short-sleeved button-down shirt along with a pair of black slacks. Dressed to the nines for the Vegas nightlife. I wondered if we were just going for sorbet or not. Maybe he was trying to impress me. It made me grin at the thought he was trying so hard. Somehow, it had a calming effect.

“Wow, they must keep you busy. Not very good medical care in Vegas.” His Eastern European accent turned thicker, maybe because he might actually be nervous or just really relaxed. I suspected he was nervous, which boosted my confidence in my plan even more.

“Yeah, pretty busy. How about you?
The county fair, huh? Does it pay well nowadays?” I bit back a snicker. Why I couldn’t help bringing that up was beyond me. I bit my lip,
don’t be bitter, it doesn’t wear well on you…Couldn’t have him feeling inferior quite yet.

We
remained standing in the middle of the living room, and I was starting to feel a bit awkward. I couldn’t meet his eyes after bringing up the fairgrounds job, already feeling guilty, like I’d been caught with one hand in the cookie jar. I shifted on my heels and hoped he would get a move on.

“Oh,
that? Nah, I volunteered at the fair for my cousin, Nicolai. He owns it and constantly needs help. I like to help him out when he’s in a bind for workers. It’s hot as hell out there, and the hours are long but, hey, it’s for family, right? Anything for family.” He peeked out the balcony doors, taking in the fading sunset and the gorgeous Vegas skyline. It was a million-dollar view, and I loved it just for that. “Besides that, I own a couple of coffee shops across town, you know, kind of like Starbucks knockoffs, but with a more relaxed atmosphere? It’s been going great!”

My eyebrow lifted
. “Really? What’s the chain called?”

“Cup O’
Dream Coffee Shoppe.”

Biting my lip, I held back a
nother snarky remark. He just made it too easy. The name of the coffee shop sounded cartoonish, but I didn’t mention it. “I’ve seen those. Nice um…name. You said you have a couple of them? Successful I assume then, right?”

He turned away from the window and walked up to me, his deep indigo eyes shining. “Yes, it’s worked out better than I
could’ve ever hoped. The free Wi-Fi draws them in as well as the pastries. Made fresh. They’re my mother’s recipes.” He held out his hand to me, and I looked down apprehensively at it before I slipped mine through his. His fingers were warm, toughened and sturdy as he curled them over mine. “Shall we?”

“Yes, of course.”

He opened the door, leading us out. Locking my door behind us, I took his hand again when he offered after I finished. Was it too soon to hold hands? Shoot, I was so unschooled in dating nowadays, I suddenly felt out of place, lost and unsure.

I followed behind him down the hall to the elevator. The entire time, my heart
had been fluttering, especially now, with the heat from his hand. It sent a thrill up my arm, and made me want to shake it off like a buzzing bee. It wasn’t supposed to feel so good. Well, maybe it was, but I didn’t want it to. He didn’t let go until we reached the awaiting taxi, and he opened the door for me.

As I slid inside, I’d thought to myself about just how difficult this road was going to be. Had I made a mistake?

Penny

THE SWAYING OF the fountains at the Bellagio Hotel and Casino was hypnotizing, and it sparkled brilliantly in the twinkle of the underwater lights. The classical music accompanying the dancing jets as they performed for the onlookers was mesmerizing and distracted me from Seth’s proximity. The soft spray of water hovered in the air, misting it in its cooling assault before it dissipated in the evening heat. Everything evaporated in the hot, dry air of Vegas before it touched the ground. It made rain and snow practically an urban legend here. It sucked the moisture out of every living thing in sight, and I was pretty sure the lotion companies were making a killing here.

“Enchanting, isn’t it?”
Seth’s cool tone vibrated in my ear, making me turn toward him and almost bump noses.

“It i
s beautiful, but I’ve seen it a dozen times.”

“Still, you can’t say it isn’t a sight
each time, right?”

I nodded.
“It’s pretty amazing, no matter how many times I’ve seen it.”

“I missed the lights of Vegas. T
here’s nothing quite like it in all the world.” His voice was low, sad even. Yet, that wasn’t what made me turn toward him.

Furrowing my brow
, I stared at him, confused. “What do you mean, you missed Vegas? Did you leave?”

He nodded, still gazing upon t
he coordinated water show. “Yes. Actually, I went back to my home in Moldova. My father fell ill, and I had to help my mother take care of him for a while. He had a stroke, and it took months to rehabilitate him. He ended up having another stroke anyway. Hate to say it, but I wished he’d gone quicker. He just suffered so much, but at least I got to be there a while before he died.”

I let my arms fall to my sides
, feeling a bit uncomfortable by the subject. “How old was he?” That wasn’t too direct, was it?

“
He wasn’t that old. Just sixty-two when he died. He smoked like a chimney and was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer before that. It didn’t help with the stroke. Probably inevitable. Not many in my village smoked like he did. Still, it did him in and made for a long, miserable death. I was relieved when he finally passed.” He tapped his fingers against the concrete banister lining the walkway above the lake. I found myself watching his fingers scrape across the stone. It made me ache for his sorrow, but I pushed it down and turned from him to watch the water dancing with the music.

Don’t get emotionally involved. It’s too dangerous…

I rocked on my heels shifting from one foot to the other as the show came to the end. They’d already begun to ache from standing around. I leaned over the cement banister as the crescendo ended, and the applause roared across the lake. I waited for them to quiet down before speaking. “And your mom? How’d she take it?”

He let
out a small huff. His laugh disguised the anguish he was trying so hard not to show. “She’s still kicking. She’d also been quite relieved when he’d finally kicked the bucket, though. She was fed up with his demands and attitude.” His eyes swung toward me, and I couldn’t even look away from the darkness enveloping them. “He was a miserable man, always full of hate and regret.”

“Sounds really awful. S
orry.”

“Don’t be sorry, I was glad I could be there for them.
She’s happy now. Moving on…living. It was the least I could’ve done…to be there for them. I missed them, and seeing them at the end brought me a lot of closure. My father and I rarely got along when I was younger. Hence the move to America when I turned sixteen. I do miss my mom and my brother, though. He’s still back there.”

“When did all that happen?”

“It was during my senior year in college, you were just a sophomore.” His gaze dropped to the ground. “Right after we broke up.”

I
couldn’t look at him. What did that mean? I thought he’d broken up with me to date another chick. Had he known he was leaving to help his family out? Why hadn’t he told me then? I felt sadness churn in my stomach, right before it turned into a slow, steaming anger.

Did he lie about all that back then? Why?

Turning back toward him as I leaned on the wall, I bit my lip and slowed my breathing. I had to focus or this could get ugly. I’d find out the truth sooner or later, if there was any to find. The show was over, and the crowd of people had begun filtering out of the area. Voices filled the air, and the bright lights of the casinos on the Strip lit up the night sky. It was so bright, not a star could be seen over the halo created by the lights.

“How ‘bout that sorbet now?” He winked, bringing a smile to my face.
Just like that, he’d dismissed the topic and was straightening up, holding out his hand to me. I took it so I wouldn’t lose him in the thick, overbearing crowd. He seemed so much more relaxed now than he’d been in college, like he’d cut strings off his limbs and now could stroll along easily, without boundaries. It made me wonder just what had changed with him. Even so, I was alert to the fact that it could just be a façade, something he’d slipped on to put me off guard.

“I
think that sounds mighty fine,” I said, letting out the breath I’d been holding.

He
let my hand go and held out his arm to let me slip my fingers into the crook of his elbow. It felt odd, out of place, but made me feel like a lady. He’d never had such mannerisms before. I decided I was going to search out the reason for his transformation if it was the last thing I ever conspired to do. I wasn’t the only one with secrets, but I was willing to bet he’d be easier to get them out of than me.