Keep Breathing (8 page)

“Let’s
hit the bar,” I suggested. She nodded, and slipped her fingers through mine as we made our way through the thick crowd. She tucked herself behind me, and I managed to slip past a knot of people and finally got to the bar.

“
Jack and Coke?”

She mouthed a “yes,”
and I flagged the bartender down, a busty blonde whose makeup was at least a quarter inch thick and a whiter smile than could possibly be natural. I was ignored for about ten minutes, which annoyed me to no end, and the crowd kept bumping into me. Penny didn’t get spared either, yelping when one stumbling drunk guy smashed her toes. I shoved him away, and he swayed, confused about what was going on before turning back around, swallowed by the crowd. Penny shrugged, and snaked her way to the bar, waving the other bartender down—a slender tattooed guy with spiked up blonde locks—with a flick of her wrist. I had to admit, she was the best-looking one there and was definitely hard to miss, even in her toned down outfit. She rocked it like no other.

After we finally got
our drinks, we headed over to where a few tables stood, half empty at the edge of the dance floor. The music changed from a classic rock tune to a dance techno mix, and the bass once again pumped out, vibrating the room. The floor was soon jam-packed with couples, girlfriends and groups of hopeful single guys. All were there searching for something. All of them studied each other, with lust and desire permeating the air like a thick, hormonal driven fog.

“T
he music’s awesome!” Penny yelled out. I nodded, and finished off my drink, slamming it down on one of the empty tables. It had burned going down, the bartender had been generous. Turning back toward Penny I admired her pretty figure and shiny brown hair under the flashing, hypnotic lights. Her eyes were filled with longing, and I knew she wished she could just will away her inhibitions and give in to the infectious energy of the crowd. The music called to her, like an old lover begging for release. So much like me, waiting patiently beside her for any sign that it was okay to give her all she’s needed for so long, and all she hasn’t known she’s wanted.

I grab
bed her glass as she finished her drink and plopped it down on the table. “Come on.”

“What? No
!” She tugged back, her eyes wide in terror as she shook her head. “I’d rather stay here.”

“
Penny, there’s so many people out there. We look more exposed standing here gawking at everyone else. Let’s just bob to the music. You don’t have to dance, just enjoy the beat.” I tugged again. This time, she took a tentative step forward, squeezing my hand even tighter before following as I guided her into the crush of people. I led her to a small area where the elbows and feet weren’t as close together as others, and the crowd didn’t threaten to suffocate us as much.

I faced her and
started to dance, slowly bobbing to the beat as she stared at me, the fear ebbing from every part of her as she fought back a laugh. The sight of me dancing had to be ridiculous, but it was worth it to watch her loosen up. My arms flailed, and my feet were having a time not tripping on each other. My humiliation for her smiles; it was a perfect trade. I inched closer until I could pull her arms around my neck, slide my fingers around her slender hips and sway them to the rhythm of the hypnotic drum beats. She fought it, but I knew better. Her body craved the movement, like a memory resurfacing after too long submerged under a smothering bog. I kept on through her resistance until she relaxed slightly, amused by my awkward dance moves. I was pretty sure I looked like a fool, jerking like an epileptic having a fit. But it was working, and I knew no one else was really looking. I was focused on Penny, her beauty enticing in the foggy atmosphere.

Somehow, the thick crowd created a kind of anonymity, letting her loosen up even more
, and she realized this too. Her body found its rhythm as we continued to follow the music. Pressing my fingers against her hips, I could feel her warmth seeping through her clothes, her scent even stronger as a sheen of sweat coated her soft skin. I pulled her closer, needing to feel her warmth permeate my clothes, cling to me in more ways than one. Her heartbeat was fluttering under her chest, which brought a splash of pink to her cheeks as her lips turned upward, revealing her pearly white teeth. The entire world was gone to me. It was her, and only her, I wanted to see, wanted to feel, wanted to taste.

The hypnotic beat transitioned into a slow rock song
, and the dance floor cleared out, except for the couples who were now pasted to one other. Penny laced her fingers around my neck, looking like she was actually having a good time. I was beaming from ear to ear to see her so happy. It was the best thing I’d seen in such a long time. I could’ve stayed there forever, and a tiny pang of fear that it wouldn’t last hit me like a punch to the stomach, but I focused my thoughts back to the moment.

“Thank you,” s
he whispered, her breath tickling my ear as her lips softly bumped against my skin. It sent a crackling thrill through me, reminding me how close she was. I’d imagined this moment for years, playing it out in my dreams, in my head over and over until I’d forgotten how unreal those scenarios had been. This was the real. This was so much more than what I imagined it to be, and I never wanted it to end.

“For what?”
I asked.

“For t
his. The dancing, the music. I missed it. Never realized just how much it’s a part of me. You remembered though. You knew it’d be okay. Thank you.”

I tilted my head,
and our foreheads touched as we danced. I was slightly taller than her, but not by much. I could easily lean forward to kiss her soft pink lips, they were so close.

“The pleasure is mine. I have
you to thank.”

Her confusion played across her face as her eyes flicked between mine, shining under the sp
arkling lights above. The colors had darkened in the dim lighting, making her irises liquid black. “Why do you have to thank me? I’ve been such a pain.”

“Nah. You, a pain?”
Shaking my head, I pulled her even closer, leading her around the dance area since now we had a bit more room. I loved the feel of her curves hugging my body, her voluptuous breasts pressing against my chest. Our hearts thudded to the slow beat, and sweat gleamed across our foreheads. I took a moment to glance around and saw that most of the couples were grinding against each other or embraced in deep, passionate kissing. It was a lovebird nest fest out there.

“You c
ouldn’t be a pain if you tried,” I said, turning back to Penny. “I was the pain in the ass. I only wish you’d forgotten about all that already. I know it’s not easy, I was such a fool but I promise to make up each and every hurt I might’ve caused you. I promise.”

Her face darkened slightly, making me desperate to change
the subject and bring back the happiness which had just passed across it. Anything for a smile from her again. I never thought seeing her frown would hurt so much but it hit me across the chest, and I reached up to cup her face, desperate to reclaim the moment.

Her gaze held mine glued to hers. My fingers caressed the softness of her cheek, pink and full of life. Nothing would take this moment from us, not even the stubborn fear that lingered in her shiny eyes. I wanted to wipe it free from her memory, to replace it with nothing but
a great love that could withstand the test of years and broken hearts. I was hungry for this, and I could see she was too.

The music blurred into another dance number
, and I motioned her back to the edge of the dance floor, finally breaking the spell of our soul-searching stares. “How about another drink?” I waved toward the bar again, feeling the tension building back up once more. I needed to loosen up, too. It was stifling hot in the room, and the crowd had thickened while we’d been dancing.

She no
dded, and followed close behind me, our fingers laced tightly together as we braved the crowd at the bar once more. There was nothing like alcohol to bring the barriers down, not just for her, but for myself as well. Fear of screwing up again ate away at my heart; it was the last thing I wanted to do. The question was, once I broke down her barriers, would I mess it up again? Would I do something stupid and foolish again to push her away again? I knew I didn’t want to, but the past few years hadn’t been easy, and I hadn’t let anyone in since we’d separated. Maybe my own walls were the taller obstacle to demolish. These would be harder for me to break down than anything else.

Yet
, as we stood there waving down the bartenders and laughing at little jokes we made about the different characters stumbling by us as we sipped our drinks, I felt something I hadn’t felt in a really long time. Hope.

T
he night ahead was full of possibilities.

Penny

I’M SURE THERE was more to this than I thought there was. The dancing, the close proximity of his body…I was so hopelessly toast. Who can resist that? It was an impossible feat and it left me wondering just how much I was going to pay for it this time around. One could only hope that the price wouldn’t be as steep as it’d been the last time Seth had squashed my heart into a million little pieces for everyone to step on and crush under the soles of their shoes.

My impulse to run as far away from this man had been on high alert all evening. Even after we danced and twirled in the absorbing music that had me lose my senses in a wicked way to the beats. Seth was a horrible dancer, but it hadn’t stopped him from moving us onto the dance floor and getting me to lose my inhibitions and dance the night away. Drink after drink and my head was vibrating with the beats as sweat dripped down my neck and his scent intensified as the time went on.

“Let’s get a breather.” His fingers gripped mine as if he never wanted to let go. It made me smile. The small gestures he made let me feel more relaxed and wanted. It was so easy to just let him lead me through the crowd and out the doors into the electric Vegas night where the crowd outside was as bustling as the one within the club. The air was still warm, and the concrete radiated the heat which had been absorbed from the day. Still, it felt less claustrophobic than inside. The slight breeze tickled my sweaty skin, and cooled down the buildup of heated tension from dancing.

I let my
eyes linger on Seth for a bit. His fair skin was reddened from gyrating against me on the dance floor. Tiny droplets of sweat had built up and dripped down his collar, but I didn’t mind. It intensified the cologne he was wearing, and it heightened my awareness of his proximity. His blonde hair shined with dampness and was slicked back from his fingers running through it. I wanted to run my own fingers through it and step closer to kiss the saltiness of his skin. There was just something about this man that pulled me in, like a fish hook, never to let go. Was it a deadly thing? Why could I not shake the ever present dread I’d let hang over us all evening long, even though I desperately wanted to let it go and forget the past, every tiny bit of it.

“It’s been a while since I’ve gotten to enjoy Vegas at night so much.” He peeked over toward me
, and I let my lips upturn into a shy smile, not knowing what else to do. I usually turned into a stuttering idiot, so a smile and silence went a long way at moments like these when I didn’t even trust myself. “Want to watch the airplanes?”

I blinked at the question, knowing the place he was talking about. “Sure.” It was a tiny strip of parking lining the fence of the McCarran Airport where people could park and watch the planes take off, racing by at impossible speeds as their massive metal bodies lifted off the ground. It was a lover’s paradise and pe
ople of all ages ended up there, whether to fall into each other’s arms, or just let the planes take them somewhere else instead. I was just hoping he wasn’t expecting anything by going there.

“All right.
” He never let go of my fingers, and I followed behind, letting him lead me through the sea of cars until his SUV popped into sight, and he opened the door for me. “Ladies first.” His brilliant smile made his deep blue eyes wrinkle slightly, showing the years softly on his face. I liked how time had carved out his features. He looked the same, yet different, more mature, more worn down from age and time. I hated to compare it to an old shoe, the soft and comfort of time and wear had done him good. He was no longer a boy of nineteen, inexperienced in matters of the heart.

Maybe that could be a very good thing.

“Have you taken many dates there?” I snapped the seatbelt on and stared out the window, wondering why I did this to myself. Who the hell wanted to know about the ex-lovers of their current date? That was nothing but asking for trouble. I gulped hoping I hadn’t opened a whole bag of tricks I didn’t want to hear.

“No. I used to park there
and lay in the back of my truck, watching the planes after they took off and looking to see if I could find the stars past the haze of the lights of the strip. Usually, I couldn’t, but the roar of engines helped me concentrate on my problems at the time. It was sort of humbling.”

My eyebrow lifted as I finally turned toward him. “Humbling?”

He chuckled, started the car and threw it into reverse. “Well, look at it this way. Back then, it used to help me to watch the world from another point of view. From the bed of my truck, the traffic disappeared. All I could see was the sky, the airplanes already there and hear the roar of their massive engines. It made things fall into prospective, and I could see more clearly after spending some time lying there, thinking it all out. It helped a lot.” He flicked his eyes to me before focusing on the road as we exited the parking lot. “You might get anxiety attacks, but I have to think about things, deeply, observe them in my head, like under a microscope. Especially things I can’t understand or can’t figure out. It was meditation, sort of.”

I nodded, turning to stare out the window.
Funny thing was, he made perfect sense. It was foolish of me to think I was the only one who had problems. Everyone did, just on so many different levels that it was hard to understand that unless someone like Seth laid it out so plainly to me.

“What do you do to relax, Penny?”

I leaned back into the soft leather chair, hearing it sigh under my weight. The airport was approaching, and I could see a plane racing down the tarmac to take off. The Las Vegas Strip was so close, the casinos provided the background to these steel monsters speeding off into the night air.

“I don’t know. I read a lot, it helps me sleep when I get bouts of insomnia. I listen to classical music a lot. Sometimes I just drive too, drive down the streets, residential areas, on the highway, anywhere really. Getting lost is really relaxing actually.” I laughed at how ridiculous
it sounded.

“Sort of a recluse, aren’t you?”

I nodded at his assessment of me, but it felt harsh putting it that way. Was I so withdrawn that I had let life pass me by? It made me cringe, and I hugged my arm. Staring harder out the window, I willed the tears to not come.

“Well, that’s okay. Lots of famous people are recluses. I can’t say I blame you. I deal with the public all day long at my coffee shop
, and let me tell you, some people need to remember what it’s like for others and not be so hell-bent on being rude or bringing others down. It’s a real shame to see people treat each other like crap just because they think they can. If I could avoid the world, I wouldn’t mind getting lost in the forest or just travel the world so no one knows or cares who I am and leaves me be.”

Why this made me grin, I didn’t know
, but I stifled a laugh, and I let the world flash by as we approached the parking lot and slid into a spot near the end. The place wasn’t crowded today, so there weren’t too many people gawking at the planes. It was nice, as if we had our own private viewing.

“Would you really just up and go one day?”

He shrugged, leaning back in his chair and letting his head drop back. The AC ruffled his hair and he blinked up at the roof of the SUV. “Sure. But it might be more fun to do it with someone else.” His eyes met mine, and I felt the rush of blood to my face. I was glad it was dark and the lighting there was minimal.

“
Have you dated since…since we broke up?” My voice quivered, and I hoped I didn’t sound too off-putting.

He sighed
, and stared out the window as one jumbo jetliner touched ground. He stayed quiet until the roar of the engine died down and the plane taxied its way toward the terminal.

“Yes. I dated, but only briefly. I met Dana soon after we broke up and it all happened so fast, I wasn’t really prepared to be a father. Plus, she ended up getting so sick right away after she had the baby that it was
all surreal.”

I sat up, aware that he’d just
revealed that he had a kid. “What happened?”

“Well, I met Dana
a few weeks after we broke up. It was pretty fast, like a one night stand actually, but we ended up seeing each other again before I left for Moldova. Then she called me up one day to tell me she’s pregnant. I was pretty shocked, I hardly knew her. I was willing to work it out though, and would never dream of leaving her to raise a child alone.”

“Did you love her?”

The silence felt heavy and all I could hear was my heart jumping in my chest.

“I loved her, but not in the way she should’ve been loved. It all was so fast. She had the baby and we still hardly knew each other. She wanted things I couldn’t give her and vice versa. We broke up when my son was eight months old. Mutually. I got to see my son every other week and she got a new boyfriend.”

“I see.” I shifted in the chair, reaching out to adjust the AC just to have something to do with my twitching fingers. “What happened to her? You said she was sick?”

“Yeah,” h
e let out a deep sigh, and scratched his head. I could tell he hadn’t really told this story much and it was hard. Probably more so than I thought. “Dana died about ten months later, after she was diagnosed, terminal Breast cancer. There was nothing to be done, and she chose to do homeopathic medicine instead of chemo. She knew it wouldn’t work, but she didn’t want to suffer, throwing up and having no energy the last months of her life. I was mad at her, for our son, for what she was doing, but I had to respect her wishes.”

“After she died, I got my son full time, and it was definitely a wakeup call. I’d taken him part time,
just on weekends and stuff, but having him there with me all the time? It was definitely an adjustment.”

“What’s his name?”

“Cameron.”

“I like that.”

“Me too.”

I
turned toward him and leaned on the crook of my arm. “So he’s what…five?”

“Yes. He’s really a sharp little guy.”

“Does he look like you or her?”

“She always said he l
ooks like he was cloned from me, but she did all the work.”

I laughed, letting my free hand fall between us. He promptly slipped his fingers through mine
, and brought it up to his lips, sending a thrill of butterflies shooting up my arm and hitting my chest.

“I bet he’s a cute one.”

“Yeah, he’ll be a heart breaker.” Seth tugged on my arm to bring me closer as he inched over. His proximity heightened my senses, and his musky scent sent me into overdrive. Damn…if it hadn’t been so long since I’d been with a man, I might’ve been able to control myself more. He made it so hard to pull away, so impossible to not want him in so many ways. His lips continued their dance along my knuckles, across my wrist, and into the inner side of my arm. Gooseflesh flared along the trail, and I held my breath as his face neared mine.

“Just like his father?”

His eyes met mine, and I saw a flicker of sadness in them. “I hope not. He’s smarter than that.”

“Seth? I…I…” I didn’t get to finish my sentence because he closed the gap between us and pressed his warm, sen
sual lips against mine. They felt like burning coals, but not in a bad way. I closed my eyes and let his heat warm my face until it was unbearably hot. I didn’t pull back or demand he leave me alone. No…I let his tongue tease my lips and opened them to welcome him in.

We engulfed each other, desperation marking our tongues as they dance
d together. As he pulled me deeper into his embrace, I ran my fingers through his hair. His scent was all over the place now, on my skin, on my clothes, but it’s not enough. I needed more of him, like a desire denied for far too long screaming in my head.

“Can we go?”

His lips brushed mine as he responded, “Anywhere you want to go.”

I nodded
, and pushed away into my seat, slipping the belt back into place.

“How about your place?”

“Okay. It’s just down the street.”

“Perfect.”