Immortal Light: Wide Awake (17 page)

“
That’ll do,” she said as she bent
down and picked it up.

Many of the petals fell off as she lifted it.
It had been dead for some time, probably cut and tossed by a
lawnmower.

Holding it in her hands she tried
to recall what it was she did in her dream that brought Mark back.
She couldn’t recall anything specific, just that she felt scared
and incapable of the task. She remembered crying, and then there
were the ferns. They grew to life right before her eyes, but all
she could remember was how pathetic they looked, crumpled in her
hands. They evoked sadness and sympathy, but she didn’t know what
that had to do with healing anything.

Looking down at the flower
in her hand, she tried to feel sorry for it, that its small life
was cut short, but all she could feel was how ridiculous it felt.
She took a deep breath and shook her head.
C’mon, you have to at least try
. She
convinced herself that one attempt wasn’t going to hurt anything
except maybe her pride.

The little flower lay dead in her
hand and she closed her eyes one last time and started to think
about the flower planted in the soft fertile ground, waving in the
breeze, its white petals swaying back and forth. As the image
started to become more real, she felt, in the tiniest degree, the
same electric flow she was becoming used to. It startled her that
she could feel it with something that wasn’t human, and she opened
her eyes. Looking at the flower, it was still brown and
deteriorating; there was no life or color in the petals, and Lucy’s
heart sank.

“
You’re so stupid,” she said to
herself as she gently dropped the flower back in the
flowerbed.

***

After work, Lucy was picked up by
her mother and the two of them rode home without a word. They ate
dinner as a family without a word, and Lucy went to bed without so
much as a goodnight from either of her parents. Staring up at the
ceiling in the darkness she thought about her ridiculous trial with
the daisy and how like the daisy, she, too, was dead inside. She
lay motionless, forgotten and alone as sleep enveloped
her.

He stood in the golden grove of the rainforest
as if waiting for her. Leaning against a tree, he wore a black
jacket, jeans that were faded with use, and a white shirt. From
across the clearing, he looked at Lucy.

She had so many questions and the least of
them wasn’t whether or not the place she was in was real or a
figment of her imagination, but she didn’t know exactly how to
broach the subject with a person that could just as easily be a
fixture in her fantasy.

“
You probably want to know what
this place is.”

Lucy bobbed her head. “Among other things,”
she said, trying not to show her bewilderment and
frustration.

“
Okay, I’ll start there. But, I
need to tell you that everything that has happened here recently is
only slightly less confusing to me than it is to you.”

She gave him a perplexed look. “Is this real,
then? Am I making this up, or have I somehow teleported to another
universe?”

Benjamin couldn’t help but laugh. “No, you’re
not in another universe, but you aren’t really in your own
reality.”

“
What does that mean?”

“
When you come here, what do you
think it is?”

“
A dream,” she replied without
hesitation.

“
So you believe this is all in
your head?”

“
Yes, there’s no other
explanation.”

“
There is, actually, another
explanation, and you’re partially right. We are in someone’s head,
but it’s not yours.”

Lucy contorted her face in
incredulity. “Then whose head are we in,
yours
?”

“
Yep.” He smiled somewhat
sheepishly.

“
What?” Lucy asked,
disbelieving.

Benjamin looked around and gestured to a
fallen tree. “Why don’t you sit down?”

Lucy walked over to him and sat on the large,
deteriorating husk of the tree.

“
What is this place?” he
asked.

“
Is this a trick question?” she
asked skeptically.

“
Nope, no tricks. Just tell me
what this place looks like to you.”

“
It’s a rainforest. I know what it
is, but why do I keep coming here?”

“
This place is what I call my
haven. Everything you see around you is in my head. I’ve created
it.”

Lucy just stared at him.

“
You are in my head right now,” he
said, slightly condescendingly, as he looked hard at
her.

“
How is that even possible? People
can’t crawl into other people’s heads just like that.”

“
I absolutely agree with you.
Normally, this is a place that only I am allowed to be
in.

“
See, it already doesn’t make
sense. If I’m not allowed in your head, then why am I here?” Her
tone was patronizing.

“
I don’t know. I don’t know how
you got here or why, but here you are, and I’m pretty confused
about it, too.”

Looking into his eyes, she could see on his
face that he seemed to believe what he was saying. There was
nothing but honesty being projected from him, and Lucy was again
losing confidence that it was all her dream.

Lucy got serious for a second and
considered what he was saying. “So, you’re saying that I’m breaking
into your mind every time I come here?”

“
Yes, that’s exactly what I’m
saying. I wanted you to come back, too.”

Lucy didn’t want to try to make sense of why
she was there. She had too many other questions. For now she was
willing to accept that she was in his head rather than the other
way around. She wanted to move on.

“
So, I somehow
made it in here to your …
haven?”

Benjamin nodded.

“
And this is a place made just for
you?”

He nodded again.

“
So why did you want me to come
back?

“
I wanted you back because I
wanted to see if I could clarify a few things.”

Lucy crossed her arms. “Like why you killed me
the other day?”

Benjamin looked at her in stunned silence.
“Well, I can’t explain that one to you just yet, but I will.” His
voice had lost its confidence. He turned around and walked back to
the center of the grove. “You know what; I think this was a bad
idea.”

Lucy stood up in a sudden panic and walked
toward him. She felt her opportunity for answers beginning to
dwindle as he ran his fingers through his hair, concentrating on
his thoughts.

“
No, wait! Just tell me about the
gift you think I have. I don’t need to know everything about this
place; I just want to know about my gift. What did you
mean?”

Benjamin thought for a moment, then focused on
Lucy. “Okay, sit down.”

The two walked back over to the log and Lucy
sat again.

“
When you get back, Lucy, out
there,” he pointed to the sky. “You need to think about everything
you’ve experienced lately that might seem unusual. It’s all related
to your gift.”

She nodded, thinking that it wouldn’t be
difficult, considering it was all she thought about
anyway.

“
You need to try
and develop that gift.” He turned around and walked back to the
center of the grove. “I won’t be able to talk to you about any of
this out there, so you can’t ask, but try and understand what has
happened to you, both in and out of my
haven
.”

Lucy nodded again. “I will, but why can’t you
tell me anything?”

“
I made a promise. A promise I
fully intended to break here tonight, but I realize now that I
can’t, so it’s time for you to go. Remember your gift. Not everyone
has it.”

Before she could ask
anything else, he was gone, the forest which he had called a
haven
was reduced to
blackness, and Lucy lay once again in her bed.

Chapter
9

Ocean mist filled the air on Monday morning.
The concourses of students filled all of the common areas of the
high school. The ride in her father’s pickup was as comfortable as
a cruise on the river Styx, but she preferred it to the unknown
scrutiny that awaited her at school.

“
Remember to take to bus straight
home. Don’t dilly-dally with Kat or anything else;
understood?”

“
Yes.”

She pulled on the handle and slid
until her feet hit the pavement. It seemed as though everyone was
staring at her; a spectacle like a circus freak. She could almost
imagine them talking about her, though she wasn’t exactly sure what
they would be talking about, except that she was one of two people
who should probably be dead right now. The pavement was more
inviting than the view, so Lucy dug her eyes into the pebbles and
dust and headed to the oak tree.

Kat had been invisible all weekend. She hadn’t
called or dropped by to see how Lucy was doing, but Lucy was
certain that Kat was just giving her space. Mark, on the other
hand, had sent thirty texts in the space of two days—everything
from asking how she was doing to telling her he wanted to see her.
She left them all unanswered; she just didn’t know what to
say.

At the final moment before reaching the
planter, Lucy reached down deep and hauled up enough nerve to look
her awaiting party in the eyes. Kat was the only one there. A
feeling of relief came over Lucy as her friend greeted her with a
hug.

“
How’re you doing?”

“
I can’t believe it was two days
ago,” Lucy said. “It feels like it was just last night.”

“
I’m sorry, Luce. Is there
anything I can do?” Kat rarely sounded so somber.

“
No, I’m okay. I just can’t get it
all out of my head.”

“
I bet not. That
was scary. I was scared to death that …
”
Kat took a deep breath and held it
for a second.
“
I
thought you were gone, Lucy, I really did.
”
Kat squeezed
tighter.

“
I did, too.”

“
I don’t get how you guys weren’t
even scratched. What happened?”

Lucy closed her eyes and in a
moment the entire event from impact to the grove and back flashed
in her mind and she tried to shake it away. “I don’t really want to
talk about it, if that’s alright.”

Kat pulled away and looked Lucy in the eyes.
“Of course you don’t have to talk about it. What do you want to
do?”

“
I have to go to class. If I skip
anymore, my mom will lose it.”

“
Okay then, let’s go to class.”
Kat locked her elbow in Lucy’s and escorted her away from the oak
tree.

Mrs. Roth stood at the front of
the room writing on the white board as the first bell rang. The
usual seat by the window felt comfortable—at least something did.
Looking over at the desk next to her, Lucy saw that it was empty;
so, she pulled it closer to herself and decided to recline with her
feet up on it until class started.

Lucy closed her eyes and instantly pictured
Benjamin’s green eyes penetrating the blackness. It was difficult
not think of him after the crash. For some reason her mind was
conjuring him up regularly, so she wasn’t going to fight it. She
had to figure out why he was such a constant fixture in her
dreams.

As she sat reclined in her two desks with her
notebook open on her lap, she sensed someone approach and stand
right in front of her.

“
Other than by your extremities,
is this seat taken?”

Looking up, she observed the
reality-based version of her fantastic preoccupation. Benjamin was
smiling down at her. She was caught in a dumbfounded stupor for a
moment.

“
May I sit
down?” he asked a little more directly, and Lucy realized he was
asking to sit next to
her
.

Lucy yanked her legs off the adjacent chair
and sat up straight in her own desk. “Yeah, of course,
please.”

She moved her bag to under her
desk and watched as he sat down. Staring was the only thing she
could do because it didn’t require the use of her
faculties.

What is he doing?
she thought.
He’s right
here. Should I ask him? No, moron; do you know how stupid that
would sound? But, this could be a clue.

Having situated himself in the chair, he
looked at Lucy. “So, how have you been? You’re looking pretty
well.” His eyes radiated their emerald gleam as he
spoke.

Still taken by the perfection of his face in
both worlds, Lucy didn’t hear his interlude to a conversation and
sat silently staring in a daze.

Benjamin leaned a little closer to her. “You
know, this is starting to feel a little bit awkward. Should I go
sit somewhere else?”