Immortal Light: Wide Awake (18 page)

Finally she was awakened
from her stupor, “No, yes, I mean … I
’
m sorry, I guess my mind was
someplace else.
”

Benjamin smiled immensely as he
relaxed back into his seat. Just as Lucy opened her mouth to say
something to him, she was interrupted by the second bell. Benjamin
already had his notebook out and was vigorously writing notes in
pristine calligraphy.

Mrs. Roth had begun her lecture
and there wasn’t a single note written on Lucy’s page. It was
difficult to think, let alone get organized, with Benjamin sitting
so close. She wanted to talk to him, but he was too engaged in
note-taking, so Lucy started with the notes on the board. Her eyes
were working overtime because for every glance she made at the
board, she made a sideways glance to see if Benjamin was paying any
attention to her.

Every look produced negative results. All she
could see was his hand fluidly moving across his paper. Never once
did she see his head tilted or turned to look at her.

You’re being ridiculous,
Lucy. You haven’t said a word to him in almost a week. Let it go.
He’s only here because Samantha isn’t
. It
was easy to convince herself that he wasn’t there for her, but for
some reason she wanted so badly for him to want to be there in that
seat right next to her.

Elation over Benjamin’s
company began to fade as she ruminated over the possibility that he
was there only because Samantha wasn’t. She would feign a look at
the clock in the back of the room in order to confirm her
assumption. The maneuver, while a perfect façade for looking behind
her, had another perk: as she rotated, she was able to take in
Benjamin
’
s full
upper body.

His dark hair was as perfect as it
had been earlier that summer: black, with the slightest hint of
dark burgundy, as the sunlight filtered in the window and bounced
off of it. The sleeves of his white shirt were folded up to the
elbows revealing that dark skin that she thought only existed on
Hawaiian surfers. One thing that Lucy had only barely noticed
before was his physique; he was perfectly built, almost like some
ancient Roman warrior. It wasn’t so much that he was muscular,
because a lot of guys at school were muscular, but it was how well
he wore his own flesh. He seemed more comfortable in his skin than
other people. But, the thing that amazed Lucy the most about him
was that he was the perfect resemblance of his dream
version.

She had dreamt about people
before, and they seemed so perfect in the dream, but in real life
they were so much less than that perfection. Benjamin didn’t follow
that mold. In all of the dreams of the grove, he was perfect. In
real life, much to Lucy’s astonishment, he was perfect. And then
there were the eyes, those shining emeralds. He could look straight
through her with them, and she welcomed it.

But, then there was the task at hand, the
reason she was turning in her seat. She had to be sure of one last
thing before she could let herself be comfortable.

It didn’t take long for her
assumption to be validated. Two rows behind her there were two
empty seats that had, in every previous class, been occupied by
Benjamin and the girl for whom Lucy harbored the animosity of a
lifetime. Samantha wasn’t at school. Lucy’s heart and all of her
joy sank, but not in shock or surprise. The feelings of failure and
disappointment were beginning to feel second nature.

“
Now, I
want
everyone
—that means you, Mr. Simpson—to open to page thirty-seven and
discuss the different ways F. Scott Fitzgerald uses imagery in the
form of color. We’re about to start into some serious imagery and I
want you to refresh your memories as to what that is.” Mrs. Roth’s
voice echoed off the high walls of the classroom.

Glancing over at the desk next to
her, Benjamin already had his textbook open to the appropriate
page, where a picture of Mia Farrow and Robert Redford lay starring
upward.

“
What’s your favorite color,
Lucy?”

For some reason, Lucy didn’t
immediately understand the question. What did her favorite color
matter?

“
What?”

Benjamin just smiled. “Well,
I’m willing to wager that your favorite color is represented
somehow in
The Great
Gatsby
, since Fitzgerald managed to use
just about every color known to man in some way.”

“
Oh, uh … I
don
’
t
know.
”

“
C’mon, yes you do. Everyone has a
favorite color. What is it?”

Lucy thought for a second, giving
in to his game. His luminescent green eyes stared back intensely at
her and she felt herself being almost hypnotized as she sputtered,
“Green.”

Benjamin gave her an amused grin.
She was suddenly embarrassed by her obvious answer. She felt like
she’d been tricked. His eyes were so entrancing that she couldn’t
think of anything else.

Not wanting to embarrass her further, he
winked at her and stroked his chin, playfully looking to the
ceiling as though searching for the correct response.

“
Well, the fact of the matter is
that green, in this particular piece of literature, means really
only one thing, unlike a lot of the other color images.”

With just a wink, Lucy felt so comfortable
again, like they were old friends. The sense was
overwhelming.

“
Okay, then
what
is
that only
meaning?” she said with an intellectually inquisitive smirk on her
face.

“
I already know what it is; I want
to see if you know.” Benjamin looked at her intensely, as if daring
her to answer.

Lucy rummaged through her memories. She had
read the novel as a sophomore, but she couldn’t for the life of her
remember what the color green meant. She thought of where it
appeared in the book and it hit her; it was so obvious.

“
Daisy’s green light at the end of
the dock,” she said condescendingly.

Benjamin leaned in a little further. “Okay,
that’s a good start.”

“
A good start!” Lucy said
indignantly. “That was more than a good start! I’ll bet I can sum
it up better than you can, and I can do it in one little word.” She
narrowed her eyes as she made the challenge.

Benjamin sat back with a look of
intrigue. “Hmm, a wager? Interesting.” He stroked his chin again.
“I’m willing to accept your wager. But we need to determine the
parameters.”

Lucy relaxed her demeanor as she
sat back, confused by his response.

“
What do you mean parameters? You
want to set terms for a bet?”

“
Absolutely! You said you would
bet, so let’s bet.”

Lucy was flabbergasted that
she had somehow idiomatically extended a challenge to him. “Oh,
never mind, I was just going to say …
”

“
No! Don’t say
it. How about this …
”
Benjamin held his hands out as if to lay down a set of
blueprints. Looking down at his invisible plan, he offered terms
for their proposed wager. “If I win, you have to tell me one thing
about yourself that someone wouldn’t know about you if they were
just a casual friend.”

Lucy’s interest in the conversation had been
rekindled. “And if I win?”

“
I’ll give you the
same.”

His response was so immediate that
Lucy’s curiosity about Benjamin led her to agree before she could
fully process what she was agreeing to.

“
Deal! But, you have to make it
something good.” Lucy held out her hand to accept his
terms.

“
Likewise. It has to be something
good,” he replied and took her hand.

As Lucy felt his fingers close
around hers, a familiar feeling radiated through her. It was the
same sensation of flowing energy that she had felt with Mark the
night of the crash, but it was somehow stronger with Benjamin. She
looked up to see if there was any sign that he was feeling it, too,
but there was nothing.

Lucy released his grasp and they
sat staring at each other. For Lucy it was a moment of pure
curiosity over the electric flow she felt with certain people. It
was strange, to say the least; but she couldn’t say the least about
it, because it just sounded weird. She was glad of one thing,
though. This was her opportunity to finally learn something about
Benjamin.

“
Okay, so who goes first?” His
question finally broke the silence.

“
I think we ought to both write
down our answer on a sticky note and then switch.”

“
I think that’s a brilliant idea,”
Benjamin agreed enthusiastically.

Lucy reached into her bag and drew out a
yellow pad of sticky notes. Peeling one off, she handed it to
Benjamin. The two scribbled quickly and folded their papers in
half.

Benjamin held his out to Lucy. With a
skeptical look, she handed him hers.

Unfolding his paper, she saw, in his neat
handwriting, a single word, “Happiness”. Lucy knew in a moment that
she had won. It was obvious that the green light represented hope
that Jay Gatsby would someday be with his true love.

“
Ha! I win!” Lucy exclaimed
excitedly. She looked around at the realization that they weren’t
alone in the room. A few other people turned to look, but most
people were engaged in their own work.

Lucy leaned a little closer to Benjamin.
“Everybody knows that green means hope; how did you not know
that?”

Benjamin laughed a little bit then looked at
her paper. “I don’t know what I was thinking,” he said as he sat
back and relaxed in his chair, resting his right arm on his
desk.

“
You lost on purpose, didn’t
you?”

Benjamin looked scandalized. “I did
not.”

“
Oh, come on, everybody who has
taken American Lit knows that the green light means hope. How is it
that you couldn’t recall the most obvious element of symbolism from
the entire book?”

“
Maybe I’ve never taken American
Lit before.”

“
Everyone has
taken American Lit. How could you not—
”
Before she could finish, the
clamor of the classroom door echoed above the din of conversation
in the room.

The entire class stopped for a moment at the
sound and all turned in unison to see who had come in. To Lucy’s
horror, standing with an insincere look of apology for causing such
a disruption, was Samantha.

Lucy sighed heavily and turned to face the
front of the room, examining her textbook, as everyone around her
returned to their conversations.

Benjamin turned back to Lucy as if to reengage
their discussion, but noticed that she was completely disengaged.
There wasn’t time for Benjamin to fix the situation because
Samantha scooted right up to his arm.

“
Hey, you. Sorry I was late; I had
a nail appointment, don’t you like?” Samantha fanned her fingers so
that her metallic fingertips gleamed in the light of the
window.

“
Those are
simply beautiful.” His tone seemed sincere, and he had been stolen
completely by the mere appearance of
Her
Royal Redness
.

Lucy sat disappointedly, her magical link to
Benjamin apparently only a one way street; so she decided to cut
her losses and just get through class. Just as she was having
feelings of self-pity, her phone vibrated in her backpack. It was a
text message, probably from Kat. Flipping open the device, she saw
that it was Mark.

MARK:
hey, didn’t see you this

morning. I have to know if
ur

ok. text back, alright?

Guilt swept over Lucy as she read the words
and recalled the words of his thirty other text messages. She shook
her head and looked over to Benjamin and Samantha.

“
You’re so stupid,” she mumbled
under her breath, and to her surprise, Benjamin spun around in his
seat to face her.

“
Did you say something?” he asked,
his blazing green eyes staring straight at her.

“
What?” she responded
bewilderedly.

“
I thought you said
something.”

“
Oh, no. I forgot to get something
out of my, uh, locker. I need to go.” She grabbed her bag and stood
up.

“
But class just
started.”

“
I know; I just need to go get it.
I’ll be right back.”

Benjamin and Samantha just stared
as she left the room. As the door clicked shut behind her, she
leaned against the wall, out of view of the door’s window.
Strangely, she could still somehow sense Benjamin’s presence. She
walked down the stairs toward her locker until she couldn’t feel
him anymore.

That’s so weird,
she thought. Everything had been so weird lately
that she didn’t want to dwell too long on any one subject. All she
wanted to do was see Mark. Heading downstairs, she texted
him.