How To Walk In High Heels: The Girl's Guide To Everything (13 page)

Crime
: Two women a week are killed by their current or former partner.

Culture
:
Media and Sport
– The 2012 London Olympics Bid.

Defence
: Defending our land and others.

Economic Situation
: Go shopping or streamline your budget.

Education
: Public or private, who makes the grade?

Employment
: Working nine to five.

Environment
: Saving the world and what’s left for future generations.

Europe
: The ongoing currency debate and European Union.

Foreign Policy
: Sorting out abroad and how we are viewed; see also Eurovision Song Contest.

Health
: NHS, healthcare and waiting lists, should you go private?

Transport
: Bus, tube, train, congestion charge, taxi.

Welfare Reform
: The elderly, and care for dependants of the state. Have you got a pension?

Different parties outline their policies, tax plans and, most important, how much we will have left to go shopping with (also known as economic policy).

There’s way too much information to be able to offer a helpful digest here, and, as it constantly changes, it’s far better to visit the party websites:

Conservatives:
www.conservatives.com

Labour:
www.labour.org.uk

Liberal Democrats:
www.libdems.org.uk

Green Party:
www.greenparty.org.uk

If you’re concerned about having a rosette that matches your outfit remember that Conservatives are blue, Labour red, the Liberal Democrats yellow, no points for guessing the Green Party’s colour. The House of Commons is also green, a rich pea green, and, for a more sophisticated look, opt for House of Lords burgundy.

Key parties

The Conservatives and Labour are the two parties that have dominated British politics, power oscillating between the two. Over the years they have become harder to differentiate, policy wise, but here are some hints.

Conservatives
favour a small state and want to remove all barriers to make this happen. They see their role as that of a government empowering the people to make their own choices, while they stand on the sidelines. They are trying to ditch their 1980s Thatcher/Sloaney yuppy image and appeal to the modern successful urban entrepreneur. They want to reach a broader market than their stereotypical middle to upper-class bracket.

Labour
also want to remove the barriers but think the country needs more stage management and organisation than the Conservatives do. They believe that in order to make change they need to support the people at the bottom and try to even out the inequalities, working towards a more classless society. Under ‘old Labour’ the miners’ strike and workers’ unrest cast a cold shadow on all the outspoken and great work of Neil Kinnock. But under the silver tongue of Tony Blair they got the vote of the masses in their landslide victory in 1997, using the theme tune ‘Things Can Only Get Better’, even, it is rumoured, getting the vote of the late Diana, Princess of Wales.

Liberal Democrats
are for those who find neither of the main parties appealing. They are also the party to help tip the balance when there is a deadlock. This party sticks to its guns, and its opinions. Despite a few internal wranglings, and the Paddy Ashdown sex scandal, they always put up a good fight, and, who knows, maybe one day the odds will tip in their favour.

In America
there are also two key parties. The Democrats and the Republicans. Roughly speaking the Democrats (such as President Clinton and John Kerry) have more in common with Labour ideologies, and the Republicans (George W. Bush) are more in tune with Conservative philosophy, despite the camaraderie of Bush and Blair.

America, as it is keen to remind you, is the most important and influential global power. But keep your eye on China.

George W. Bush was the forty-third President of the United States of America and on 20 January 2009 Barack Obama (Democrat) became the forty-fourth President and the first African American President.

Important moments in the political calendar:

In the UK a general election has to take place at least every five years – so once the party is in office they don’t tend to budge until they absolutely have to.

In Britain only 40 per cent of voters can be bothered to get out of bed and make their mark. But you
have
to. It’s a few minutes that will affect the next 1,825 days of your life. Make time, or email or post a vote. If you care about your neighbourhood, where you live, and how you live, you need to VOTE. People have fought to get you your democratic right, so use it.

The budget is reviewed constantly, but is given an annual overhaul, which is when photographs of the current Chancellor of the Exchequer, holding a briefcase (gone is the tatty old red one, Gordon Brown had a new one made in Fife in 1997) appear on the cover of every newspaper. Cigarettes, alcohol and petrol skyrocket in price, but after a few days of media hype things tend to calm down again. It’s rising interest rates you need to be wary of as it could cause great stress to you and your mortgage.

Not as glamorous as the general election but more frequent. Voting at a local election is actually the easiest way to get your voice heard. You want to live in an area where the party that has the most appealing policies is representing you in your local authority. Street lighting, rubbish collection, installing sleeping policemen, parking restrictions and keeping crime off the streets, are all done at a local level.

If you are feeling really disgruntled you could always run for local government yourself, or join one of a huge number of campaigning groups that work to change policy on subjects such as anti-globalisation, the environment, the congestion charge, women’s issues, third-world debt and fair trade.

Think of the impact that Live Aid had on the famine in Ethiopia. Or Diana, Princess of Wales and her anti landmines campaign.

Look online and see what’s on offer that appeals. A good one to join, or at the very least know about, is the Fawcett Society. No, it’s nothing to do with Charlie’s Angel Farrah. This is the dynamic group that brings a gender perspective to policy-making around criminal justice issues and gives women a voice in current debates. If you are keen for more info, email [email protected].

Sisters are doing it for themselves . . .

They say it’s a man’s world. But we all know that’s NOT so. In the UK 52 per cent of the voting population are female, and 2 million more women than men will vote come election time. Yet, annoyingly, only
18 per cent
of MPs in the House of Commons are women. You can be flippant, but face it: it is worth having a passing grasp of politics. They do affect you.

Women can often be credited with putting compassion into politics. They have been crucial in improving maternity pay, childcare, better rights for part-time workers and single parents, and many humanitarian policies.

Women have had the right to vote for less than 100 years, but already Britain has elected a female Prime Minister. However, when Margaret Thatcher was in power she ran the only cabinet with NO other women in it. There are currently four women in a cabinet of twenty-six ministers in Britain. There is only one woman judge in the House of Lords, the highest court in the land. Come on!

Women at Westminster will always have a disadvantage, not just because of the stuffy traditions, but because of the ridiculous long hours and voting system. Run like an old boys’ club, it is close to impossible for an MP to be able to be devoted to their constituency and attend all the debates as well as care for a family. Women have been able to manage both, presumably by giving up old-fashioned pastimes like sleep, and no one seems inclined to rush through any changes that might help redress the balance.

Female political icons

A Victorian English woman who spearheaded the suffragette movement, campaigning for ‘Votes for Women’. In 1912, aged fifty-four, she went to prison twelve times in a year in her fight to get the female vote. She died in 1928, the year they passed the right for all women, over the age of eighteen, to vote. (In 1918 women over the age of thirty had been granted the right to vote, but she had carried on campaigning to get women the same voting rights as men.)

In 1919, Lady Astor became the first woman elected to the House of Commons, as MP for Plymouth Sutton.

One of the early women’s rights campaigners. She will also be remembered for introducing the breathalyser, paving the way for making it compulsory to wear seatbelts, equal pay and giving pensioners a fair deal. She was elected to St Pancras Borough Council in 1937, and died on 4 May 2002. She once said: ‘I will fight for what I believe in until I drop dead. And that’s what keeps you alive.’

Without a doubt the most iconic First Lady, she was the wife of JFK, President of the United States, for a little over 1,000 days, in office from 1961 to 1963, before he was assassinated. This glamorous couple symbolised a Camelot era in American politics, and no one has yet come close to matching her style and mystique in office, here or abroad. She even charmed the French. She was wearing Chanel on the day of the assassination and, until her death on 19 May 1994, remained a style icon.

Nicknamed ‘The Iron Lady’ by the then Russian leader Gorbachev, Margaret Thatcher was the first, and so far the only, female leader of a Western democracy. She was Prime Minister of the Conservative government for eleven years (1979–90), winning three successive general elections.

The world’s most infamous intern who worked at the White House in 1995, aged twenty-one. She visited Clinton in his Oval Office thirty-seven recorded times, and who knows when else. She took the dry-cleaning of little black dresses to new innuendos and really added to Bill Clinton’s silver hair.

Eugh, life is sometimes very unfair; in the US they had Monica and Bill, Marilyn and JFK, and here we had Antonia with David Mellor, the Conservative MP who was dubbed ‘Minister for Fun’, and later resigned over the da Sancha scandal. Plus a dangerous liaison between Edwina Currie and John Major. Grim. Rather think back to the Profumo Affair.

Where are they now? The 1997 photo shoot of Blair and his female cabinet has become folklore, but was it merely an election-winning publicity stunt? The 1997 general election saw a record number of women elected because of positive discrimination in the Labour Party. After the 2005 election there were 128 female MPs out of 646 seats, one of the lowest ratios in Europe, and by 2009 this figure was 126 female MPs out of 645 seats.

One of the founding four rebel Labour MPs who set up the SDP (Social Democratic Party) that went on to merge with the Liberals in 1987 to form the Liberal Democrats. She was their Leader in the House of Lords until she stepped down at the end of 2004.

Resigned from the Labour government in 2003, from the Department of International Development, in opposition to Tony Blair’s involvement in Iraq.

Persuaded Gordon Brown and the New Labour government to improve childcare and make maternity and part-time pay improvements.

Labour, former Secretary for Northern Ireland. Heroine of the Good Friday Agreement as well as a courageous battler against her own brain tumour.

The Tory Chairman who jazzed up the party conference in October 2002 by wearing leopard-print kitten heels, and made a potentially dull occasion front-page news. Her stylish shoes were by Russell and Bromley, who saw sales skyrocket. ‘In love the chase is better than the catch. Too much is not enough’ – were the words engraved on the soles. The Conservatives never looked so stylish. (Note: Teresa May is also a locked hardcore PORN website. No connection.)

Wife of former US President Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton is more than a First Lady: she was nearly the First Lady President of the United States. She has juggled law, family and public service and is a staunch supporter of women’s and children’s issues. She was elected as senator of New York on 7 November 2000, the first First Lady to be elected to the United States Senate. She has emerged with her dignity and marriage intact from the Bill and Monica show, and in 2009 became the 67
^th
United States Secretary of State, serving in the administration of President Barack Obama.

How to Play Games

Homer: Your mother has this crazy idea that gambling is wrong. Even though they say it’s okay in the Bible.

Lisa: Really? Where?

Homer: Uh . . . somewhere in the back . . .

How to play poker

Thanks to the bright lights and casinos of Las Vegas, the glamour of gambling is tout le rage. Think Al Capone or Humphrey Bogart, and their diamond-drenched molls; Monroe or Sharon Stone are good starters. This is the ideal place for Martini sipping and eyeing up potential James Bond types and sugar daddies. ‘Hey big spender, spend a little time with me . . .’

A brief history

Poker is the most played and popular of all card games. It can be traced back as far as China in
AD
900, although others say it is derived from a five-player Persian game, which requires a deck of twenty-five cards with five suits. Another theory is that it comes from the French ‘Poque’ and became popular in New Orleans in the seventeenth century, where it was introduced by French immigrants. It travelled up the Mississippi and Ohio rivers, and then via wagon and train across America. This is also said to be where the original use of decks consisting of spades, diamonds, clubs and hearts originated. In 1875 the joker, or wild card, was introduced.