How To Walk In High Heels: The Girl's Guide To Everything (8 page)

How to achieve perfection

Whether you are born with beauty, or not, you have to maintain yourself. Appearances are everything, and so ensuring you have regular MOTs is an essential part of being a lady, or not, case depending.

Waxing hurts, but it ensures finer regrowth, lasts longer than shaving and gives a smoother, more feminine feel. Exfoliate at least two days before you go for your waxing appointment. It frees follicles, ensuring hair is pulled from roots, and makes it less painful. Taking painkillers is another option.

Don’t attempt to do home waxing unless you are a professional beautician or suicidal. Waxing also needs to be planned in advance, as you need to allow a day or two for skin to calm and stop resembling that of freshly plucked chicken.

You budget for the upkeep of your house, regularly service your car, so why cut corners on yourself?

Copy this schedule into the front page of your diary/planner and ensure you keep the system smooth and purring.

Deep breath: a Brazilian, every 2–3 weeks. Note: before we leave this topic, which we will very soon, be wise, and never shave here.

Either wax – every 2–3 weeks – or shave every other day. You sweat more in summer so there is faster regrowth. Go for whichever option you can stomach or budget.

Wax every 3–4 weeks or shave as required. Go for a half leg in winter, full leg in summer. Darker hair may need more attention. Waxing and salon methods are more effective than the razor.

Get plucked, waxed or threaded, whatever you wish. (Threading is a beauty technique from India where twisted cotton is rolled and twisted over the skin to remove the hair from the follicle. Totally painful, but your choice.) Whatever you decide it is advised you do it once a month. But you can keep tidy by plucking (cautiously) at home.

The stresses of modern society mean it is recommended you have a salon facial every six weeks to purify and detox skin.

Once a month to maintain shape and colour.

If you have it, deal with it. Wax once a month or as necessary. Bleaching is utterly pointless. You might think you want electrolysis but your pain tolerance barrier has to be sky high to go for this option on your lip.

These are the basic no-frill essentials. Alarming but true. Ideally everything should be done in a salon. You would not attempt to MOT your own car, or operate on yourself, so why on earth would you let anyone other than a professional work with your body and on your face? Individuals should assess the need and budget accordingly. For holidays, weddings (particularly your own) and special occasions salon trips are highly recommended. Do not forget hair/colour maintenance and regular dental appointments. Hair 6–8 weeks. Dentist every 6–12 months.

How to Have Perfect Vision

‘Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.’
Proverb

How to wear contact lenses

Assuming the world only has eyes for you, you should make sure that you are able to view it with equal clarity. If you do not have 20/20 vision spectacles are very becoming, and give an air of intellect to a person. But if they are not your bag, and life is a blur, you need to get to grips with contact lenses.

If you can get them in, contact lenses are the non-laser-surgery option to achieve ‘natural vision’, without having to wear specs. They also give you the option to change your eye colour.

That said, they are not great for hay fever or allergy sufferers who are prone to watery eyes, or for people who are squeamish or are generally babyish about touching their eyeballs.

If you hate wearing glasses, are ‘beauty conscious’, sporty or have a non-glasses-friendly occupation, contact lenses are great. Also, a science bit here: if you suffer from moderate to serious refractive error and need vision correction all the time, this is the option for you.

WARNING: You have to be motivated, methodical and hygienic to get over the initial discomfort and maintenance hassle that comes with wearing lenses.

Myths and legends

It is impossible to get a contact lens stuck behind your eye.

They can break – but they don’t tend to shatter in your eye.

You cannot lose them in your eye, they are in there somewhere; or you did indeed drop them on the floor, so mind where you step . . .

The main types of contact lenses

Also known as
Oxygen Permeable Contact Lenses
. These are made of breathable, flexible plastic that allow more oxygen to pass through than a normal ‘soft lens’. They are also easier to clean as they don’t contain water. RGP lenses are custom made for the individual so are often the most comfortable option as they are really tailored to fit.

The daily-wear soft lens that is designed to be replaced yearly. As you would expect they require cleaning and disinfecting daily after use, and you should review with an annual eye test.

These lenses are designed for single, one-day use, and are to be discarded at the end of it. The benefit of this is that they do not require cleaning with fiddly solutions. You will be assured of fresh clean new lenses every morning.

These are designed with a specific expiry date, depending on your prescription, but are usually weekly or monthly. Good choice for those who suffer from allergies as it prevents build-up of dirt particles or too much eye irritation.

If you are thinking of going out to a party and wearing your contact lens overnight, this is the lens for you. They are made of a highly permeable silicone hydrogel that allows oxygen to pass through to the cornea, much more than a soft lens does, so you can wear these for up to thirty days and nights without worry. This eliminates the drama of inserting, removing, cleaning and so on, and for a month you can pretend you have 20/20 vision. Also a good option for Miss Allergy.

If you suffer from ‘double vision’ (when sober) you will need this lens as it is fitted to correct this astigmatism, which is caused by the irregular shape of the cornea. The Toric lens corrects the refractive error by creating a single focus point for the retina so you don’t have to. Toric lenses have two special features: one for astigmatism, the other for ‘myopia’ or ‘hyperopia’, but let your optician tell you about this.

This is what you need for the ‘aging eye’, or the presbyopia, usually for people aged forty or above (think gold-rimmed, half-moon glasses, usually on a string, worn by librarian or granddad in toffee advertisements). You need these when the crystalline lens of the eye grows harder and thicker and loses its elasticity. With age the eye muscle control decreases, and it becomes difficult for the person to focus on near objects. Multifocal lenses contain over two kinds of correction for user to correct near and distant vision simultaneously.

A jazzy ‘fashion’ option that changes the colour of your eye with a variety of lens types. It does the same focal correction as above, but turns your brown eyes blue, or whatever your particular iris pleasure. Dior is offering lenses in gold.

Other useful extras worth investing in include:

This doesn’t change your eye colour but is an aid to help you find the wretched lenses if you should drop them.

Developed with the sportsman in mind. They enhance certain colours – e.g. yellow, so tennis ball stands out – so good for snooker, golf and other games but not necessary for the odd game of rounders.

This is a solid, yet translucent, tint that enhances the existing eye colour, a bit like getting streaks in your hair. This is especially good if your eye colour is very light.

A solid colour that can change the hue of someone’s eye (iris) dramatically, from hazels to blue and so forth. Ideal for actors, being undercover, or Halloween parties.

How to fit contact lenses

Soft lenses are the easier and more comfortable option to insert, so go for these if you can. Application of Gas Permeable lenses is a whole other ball game – below is how to fit soft lenses.

1
   Wash, rinse and dry hands thoroughly.

Note: it is very VERY important not to let water near your lenses. A wet finger could cause a soft lens to flatten. Avoid using fingernails when handling the lenses as this can scratch them. Keep nails short.

2
   Learn and perfect a routine, then stick to it. Always insert and apply in the same order to prevent confusion, or skipping a vital part of ritual.

3
   Pour the lens from container, with the storage fluid, into the palm.

4
   Using mirror, examine the eyes for any debris, tears or excessive watering before insertion. Also check contact lens is intact, and not chipped or buckled. Do not insert if contact lens is damaged.

5
   Is the lens the right side up? Sounds obvious, but this is like putting the shoe on the wrong foot, so it’s worth checking. While it isn’t dangerous if you do end up wearing it inside out it will be a bit uncomfortable and will be harder to get out. So, to check it’s the right side up, place the lens on your forefinger or your thumb, whichever is steadiest. The lens should have a bowl shape. If it’s inside out the edges will bow out, if it’s the right way up it will sit like a little hat on your fingertip. To turn it the right way round simply pop it back in the solution and fish it out the other way. Alternatively you can gently squeeze the lens between your thumb and forefinger. If it’s the right way up, the edges should turn inwards.

Once you’re a real pro you’ll be able to open the case and position your index finger on the lens to remove. Place the lens in your eye using the thumb of same hand holding lens to pull bottom lid down, whilst index finger of opposite hand is pulling upper lid up. Sounds too much? If you are wearing them every day it will become second nature.

6
   The actual insertion. Until now it’s been all talk:

a) Hold the upper eyelid open to stop it blinking shut, which will be its involuntary action.

b) Use the thumb to pull the lower eyelid down.

c) Look upwards at the ceiling and with finger place the lens onto the white part of the eye. (With more practice you will eventually just put lens directly onto centre of eye.) It will wiggle the lens naturally in a wink of an eye, literally, into the right position.

d) Try NOT to panic, squirm or do any sudden movement – it will prolong the procedure. Be cool, calm and collected.

e) Remove the finger – well, obviously, that’s not going to stay there – and try not to blink. Allow the lens to fix into position by looking down. Allow the lens to swim round the eye to find the correct position.

7
   Relax and close eyes for a moment, and when you open your eyes everything should be crystal clear.

8
   If the eye feels dry use one or two drops of lubricant.

But don’t rejoice yet. What? It’s not over yet? NO. Unless of course you are a Cyclops, normal people tend to need to repeat the procedure for the other eye. Wearing one contact lens will leave you feeling very off balance.

How to remove contact lenses

Don’t panic. If you got it in your eye, it is only logical that you will be able to get it out.

Approach the situation calmly.

Always ensure hands are clean and dry, and have no scratchy unfiled nails.

Look up – or to the side – and position the contact lens on the white part of the eye, sliding it across using the forefinger.

Pinch contact lens gently between the thumb and the forefinger. (This is why long nails could be a liability.)

It should come out easily . . . but practice makes perfect and do anticipate a few pokes in the eye in the early days.

Place lens on tray to be cleaned and repeat process for other lens, then give eyes a chance to recover. Maybe lie down and close eyes, or cry. Depends what you have time for.

How to shape your eyebrows

Eyebrows can make your face, as they frame and enlarge your eye. A bit of shaping can change the way you look. They can hide your flaws and enhance your beauty spots.

The beginning of the eyebrow should be in line with the inner corner of the eye, and should end just beyond the eye. A perfect arch.

The greater the distance between the two eyebrows the wider your nose will look.

Tweeze hairs on nose-bridge (if any) immediately, too unsightly.

Remove hairs that are obviously outside the natural shape.

When tweezing, remove a few hairs from one eye, then alternate to other brow. Yo-yo back and forth. This eliminates over-tweezing and helps achieve a more balanced look.

Pluck from under arch up. Never destroy top natural arch of brow, as this will cause chaotic regrowth.

If a few hairs are missing, draw in each hair using a light feather-touch stroke. Begin at bottom and draw upward following hair direction.

To keep brow hairs swept up, deposit damp soap on eyebrow brush or spray hairspray on eyebrow brush and brush through eyebrows. If no eyebrow brush is to hand a toothbrush (sans toothpaste) is equally effective.

The finishing touch: coat eyebrows with clear mascara which holds it all in place.

How to Deal with Unpleasant Situations

‘Courage is grace under pressure.’
Ernest Hemingway

How to have a good bedside manner