Here For You (23 page)

We we
re fucking magnets.

Magnets that refuse
d to break apart, no matter who or what was in our way. But to say the word ‘love’ was unlike me. People use it like it’s nothing nowadays, lessening the meaning behind it. Its overuse means it’s less believable. I didn’t believe in the word, not as much as I believed in the feeling.

So when I told Becca that I had fallen in love with her, she stopped moving. Hell, she probably stopped breathing. I just hoped she didn’t pass out. But she had to know.

“What did you say?” she asked, breathless. Great, she was going to make me repeat it.

So at that moment, with her back to my chest, I swung her around to face me. She didn’t protest and her eyes fell on mine with tears running down her face. Shit, I didn’t want her to cry; she’d done more than enough of that lately. Lifting my hands, I lightly grabbed her cheeks as my thumbs wiped at the tears on her face. Her hair was still dripping wet, plus, we had created an enormous puddle underneath us. She looked like the cutest little Rudolph, with her nose getting all red and stuffy. Bending my head a little, I made sure to look into her beautiful, morning sky-filled eyes before I let her know. It was probably all wrong, on so many different levels, since I was technically still in a relationship, but I couldn’t control my feelings around the person who had owned my heart for so long. I had been in denial from the beginning, but not anymore. What had brought on this sudden change? I couldn’t tell you.

Her eyes dropped; she was trying to hide. “Look at me, Becca.”

I could tell that the wheels in her head were spinning from her body movement. She didn’t know what she wanted to do. But she eventually looked up at me, because she felt it too. She fucking pierced me with those eyes, making me want to fall to my knees.

I took a deep breath. “What I’m trying to say is that I want
you
.
All of you. All of your flaws, your attitude, sarcasm, smiles, tears, happiness, even your fucking sadness. I want to be here for you, not just now, but always. So many times I have let you slip away, but not anymore. I’m taking a stand. I want to be your best friend and lover. I want to be the air you breathe. I need you in my life because I love you. You’re my one in seven billion.”

Fuck, I’d just put my heart on the table, something I’d told myself I would never do. My heart was going crazy in my chest and I had those weird feelings in the pit of my stomach. I didn’t want to disappoint her of all people. This was the girl that held my heart. Looking at her, I was pretty sure I’d put her in a state of shock. My thumbs were going back and forth on her cheeks. They were so smooth, I could touch her all day, every day, and still I’d want more.

The tears that I’d wiped away were back, but I didn’t know if they were sad or happy tears. I kissed them away anyways. Then she lifted her hands and covered mine on her cheeks. Fuck, she was going to pull away. She had too much shit on her plate to deal with this. Why did I have to say this now? Not too long ago I’d had phone sex with my girlfriend. If she knew that she would have kicked me in the nuts and sent me out.

But then, she
smiled.

It was a weak smile but it was something, something good, I hoped.

She opened her mouth a few times but quickly closed it. Lost for words. That had to be a good thing,
I hoped.
Fuck, I was nervous having to wait for her to say something, hoping for some type of sign besides a smile.

After a few more minutes of thoughts running through her head, probably decisions too, she told me, “I’m at a loss for words.” Her voice was shaky, nervous. Should I be too? “I’ve been trying to avoid my feelings for you for so long. I was petrified to be around you, but it’s all I wanted to do. I always thought you looked at me like the sister you never had. So much shit has happened these past few weeks, with the last week being…unpredictable. My world is going to change forever and I don’t know how to handle that. Even with everything that is going on, I shouldn’t be, but I think about you all the time. You seem to slip into my every thought, even when you don’t belong there. And it’s always been like this.” She bit her lip so hard I could see her lips turn white where she was squeezing.

“Becca, you do…”

But she was getting me back for earlier.

“Shut up,” she said, grinning a little. “I’m scared to fucking death because I know the type of person you are, and I think that most would say I’m crazy. But it doesn’t matter what they say, right? Because you were placed on this earth to be with me. Like, you were created to be with Rebecca. It’s written somewhere in the stars, I’m positive.” I can’t believe she said her full name. “James, I need you like a heart needs a beat and if I don’t have you I’m going to be a crazy old cat lady. But, if somehow I can’t have you as a soul mate I still need you in my life, even as a friend,” she stuttered, but when she opened her mouth it was the best. “I love you,” she said, making her beautiful lips pucker.

Those are the three words that I’d wanted to hear from her for so long. I didn’t let another second slip by before I crashed my lips to her velvet, salty, tearstained lips.

chapter - 13

becca

Was this really happening? All of my dreams came true all in one night. On a night when it shouldn’t have been happening, because who knew what would happen tomorrow? But then again, maybe that was the very reason why tonight was perfect.

His lips were the lips that I’d been waiting for a long time to kiss. They were on mine, strong and soft at the same time. I was afraid to even joke about kissing him before, and now that it was happening I wanted to kick my own ass. I totally should have kissed him sooner than this, even if he didn’t want to kiss me.

James wrapped one of his hands around my neck and pulled me closer to him. It was like we couldn’t get close enough, but there wasn’t any more room between us. The space was non-existent. His other arm snaked behind me, holding onto me like he never wanted to let me go, and I didn’t want him to. My arms made their way up to his biceps, squeezing them and digging my nails into them. The feel of his muscles under my skin ignited that flame that had been sitting there for far too long. Then, without thinking, I moved my hands even higher until I grabbed a handful of hair. My goodness, I’d always wanted to do that.

Our mouths opened, allowing our tongues to dance. Fuck, and I thought Grey was the best kisser ever. Nothing compared to this.

Nothing.

James’ tongue licked the roof of my mouth as mine licked under his tongue. The hand that was behind my neck was now in my hair, gripping it tight, not painfully, but soothingly. He sucked my lower lip then ran his tongue along it, circling up to my top lip, all the while looking at me.

We broke away from our kiss, chests rising and falling quickly. I was thirsty for him. It was like he was an animal. He probably thought that he was the lion, but what he didn’t know was that the lioness is the one who runs things. I had loved this man for so long, not knowing that he had those same feelings for me. How could somebody so perfect, like him, be interested in me?

Before he could try for another make-out session it was my turn to grab his cheeks. I felt a little stubble, maybe two days worth of hair. And I just stared at him. I stared at that wonderful pain in the ass man. That man who’d been in my life for so long now, I didn’t know what to do if I ever lost him. He was never like a brother to me, even though he’d been my best friend. And yes, I was that pathetic chick who loved her best friend, I mean, look at him. He might not have been the romantic, lovey type, but he was all I ever wanted. I’d take all the flaws and mistakes.

As I stared into his deep-sea eyes I couldn’t help but think of how it’d been all these years. How do you let someone slip through your fingers? I mean, I knew why I had personally, but what could he have possibly been afraid of? His smile was perfection, and that dimple made it that much sexier. With his hands on my waist, reality snapped back and I dropped my hands.

He frowned. “What’s wrong?” he asked me.

I shake my head. “You’re still in a relationship and I…we just kissed.” He laughed his James laugh. “How is that funny? How can you tell me the things you have while being in a relationship?” I didn’t want to break what we had going on but reality had peaked its little head out.

The laughter stopped.

He pulled me closer by the waist. “There’s nobody, only you. It’s only ever been you. So if I want to kiss you, I’m going to kiss you. You let me worry about the rest, okay?”

I didn’t know why, but I agreed with him. Maybe it was because we were in the middle of a moment. A moment I had been waiting forever for. I knew he had a girlfriend and in my heart I knew that things would be off with them very soon, but tonight was ours and I’d take it. That was something he had to deal with.

“Okay,” I submitted.

He leaned in and kissed me again, but this time it was nice and soft. It was full of all the emotions we had just spilled to each other. I placed my hand on his heart, feeling the beat, which w
as pretty rapid. But mine took the cake; you could probably see it if I stood still. It was all over my body.

Pulling away, he dropped his hands to mine and dragged me upstairs. Oh my goodness, this was not going to happen right now. Did I say no? Did I go along with it? Live like it’s your last? I didn’t know. When we reached the top step he let go of my hands and went into the bathroom. When he came out he had a towel wrapped around himself and another that he draped around me. He grabbed my hand again and led me to my room. The room that he’d been in over a hundred times, but now it felt weird. The moment was cloaked in awkwardness. I mean, we had just had the kiss of all kisses downstairs and now we were stood in front of bed. He must have sensed my nervousness because he stood in front of me, smiling.

“It’s not what you think. Take your mind out of the gutter,” he said, grinning.

Smartass.

He had the towel over his head, rubbing it back and forth as he dried his semi-wet hair. As he did that, I went over to my dresser. I set my phone on top of it as I patted my hair dry too. Turning my phone on, I saw that it was 1:02am. Thank goodness it had been inside the back of my jeans while my jacket covered it or it would’ve been damaged from the rain. And no wonder I was fucking exhausted. Looking down, I noticed there was a text message. I opened it.

Emma: Hey love, stop fucking ignoring me or whatever it is that u r doing. (12:13am)

She was another that I needed to explain things to. We were graduating soon and I wanted her to know why I had been the way I had been. She had been my rock when James wasn’t around, or should I say, since he’d left. Talking about leaving, what would happen with that?

I’d text Emma later.

I closed my phone and left it on the dresser. I went inside my drawer and took out my pajama shorts, tank top, and a sports bra. I walked by him so I could go to the bathroom to change. It’d been a long day and sleep was something I needed, and soon. To think all of this had happened within the last two days. It was too much to handle when I was so exhausted, even with the good sleep I’d managed to get in earlier. Hopefully James would stay so I could finally get some sleep.   

“Where are you going,” he asked me, as he saw me leaving the room.

I held up my clothes to let him know I wanted to change. He just nodded, and I walked out. In the bathroom, I let the water run in the sink. I needed to splash some water on my face from the surreal outcome I’d just experienced. The icy water felt so good against my warm face. God, when we kissed, my whole body ignited. It was a good thing I wasn’t made of air because I would’ve floated high, high, high. To think that all I’d wanted was to kiss him, and now it’d actually happened. It felt unreal.

Drying my face, I looked at myself in the mirror. I saw a person who had been through a lot the past few weeks. There were black rings around my eyes from lack of sleep and I hadn’t applied makeup since breaking up with Grey because, well, I didn’t feel like putting it on. But even with how tired and pale I looked, there was a smile. A smile that told me, even through the bad you could find the good in something. You could feel the good. And this, right now, was
oh-so-good
.

The giddiness in me couldn’t help but happy dance. I danced in a quiet circle, afraid that James could hear me. I felt like such a little girl. I couldn’t wait to tell my dad. I wondered how he’d react. I wondered how he was doing?

I needed to get to work tomorrow, for real this time, and hopefully get the good news that dad would be coming home in a couple of days. Damn, I missed him being here, instead of that cold ass white place.

As I entered the room, I saw James already lying in bed with an arm bent behind his head with a towel behind him, looking up. He didn’t have a shirt on. His chest was bare with the muscles rippling from his collarbone all the way down to the happy trail that disappeared under his shorts. His hair was still a little wet and it fell over his head. This was going to feel so different but so good at the same time because we’d just shared an intimate kiss downstairs.
I could do this.

 When he heard the door close he turned his head toward me and smiled. He smiled that beautiful smile that I’d fallen for a long time ago, with the dimples. And to think I could’ve ruined our friendship. Shaking my head, I crawled into my queen bed. He’d fixed the pillows so that we could share them, then he opened his free hand. I dug right into him, smelling the wonderful scent of rain and outdoors that clung to him and feeling his soft naked skin against my hands. All I wanted to do was run my hands up and down his body, feeling all of him, but I restrained myself. We didn’t say anything, although I had a lot to say. I just lay on his chest, feeling the rise and fall, the in and out of his breath mixed with his strong heartbeat. I swung one of my legs so that it was draped over his thigh and threw my arm around him to squeeze and bring him closer. He grunted, but I knew he was grinning.

james

I opened my eyes to feel the heat that was cloaking the side of my body. Clearing my eyes, I looked to my left and saw Becca. She was snuggled like an animal against me. It was almost like she didn’t want me to leave or that she was afraid I might. I removed my arm from around her head so she didn’t wake then I snuck out of the bed to see that it was only 7:30am. Fuck, I’d barely gotten any sleep. When I finally stood, I made sure that she was covered with the blanket as I made my way to the bathroom across the hall. I knew she had some brand new toothbrushes in the cabinet below the sink so I went in search of them. Quickly, I washed out my mouth and splashed water on my face, but before I went downstairs I went back into her room to write her a little note.

Hey babe, didn’t want to wake you. I’m heading to my mom’s house. Text or ring me when you wake up. I love you…James.

I put it on the pillow we’d been sharing, went downstairs and walked to mom's house.

I didn’t want the door to squeak, so I tried to open it as quietly as possible.

“I hear you, boy,” she said. Of course she was awake. I swore the woman never slept.

Opening the door, now without a care, I saw my mother over the stove. It smelt like maple syrup and buttermilk pancakes. I walked up behind her and kissed her cheek. “What are you doing awake at this time?” I asked.

As I reached over her shoulder to get a pancake she smacked my hand. It didn’t keep me from stealing a muffin though. It was still warm,
fuck yes.

“I know you like your breakfast, although I was surprised you weren’t in your room when I woke up.” She already knew. The woman knew everything.

Honestly, there was never a time that she didn’t know what I was doing, what friends I was hanging out with or who I was messing around with, although, we never spoke about the girls in my life. I loved my mother to death; she was my heart and soul, the person I wanted to do everything for and buy anything for. To think, she spent her life taking care of my dumbass. Looking back, I wasn’t the easiest child. I rebelled once my dad left us and got into some things I’d rather not discuss, but she stuck with me and never gave up. Like any mother, she wanted me to find that special person, get married and have children. Deep inside my heart, I knew she always suspected who that special person for me was.

“Yeah, I was with Becca, but you already knew that. Her dad is in the hospital.” After I said hospital she turned away from the stove and looked at me. I sat down, taking a bite of the muffin.
So good.
Maybe I should’ve mentioned Becca’s father earlier but I was still registering it myself.

“What do you mean he’s in the hospital?” She had the spatula in her hands, and her eyebrows were crunched together.

My mother had a soft face with some wrinkles at the corner of her eyes and mouth. Her eyes were a light green with a hint of yellow, and her turning-grey hair was in a low ponytail. My mother cared for people, deeply, I didn’t understand why she did, but it was her thing. When given the opportunity she would jump to help anybody. Too bad there weren’t more people out there like her. She had a soft, delicate soul.
My angel.
But to not hear that Becca’s dad was in the hospital was a shocker. Becca always talked to my mother, so for her not to know, this was nuts. If anything, I thought my mother had been keeping this from me.

I stood up to get some milk. Milk and muffins, what a fucking great combo. Pouring a glass, I told her about his leg, his diabetes and how stressed Becca had been.

“Oh my goodness, that poor girl.” Her eyes were filled with such concern.

My mother loved Becca, shit, Becca was like the daughter she never had. And I was pretty sure my mom was the mother that Becca had always wanted. They shared a special bond, so for Becca not to talk to her only meant that Becca didn’t know how to handle the situation.

I walked up to my mom and put my hands on her shoulder. “Everything is going to be fine. The doctors said that Larry should be coming home soon. Becca’s just waiting for the call.”

“Well, that’s good.” She smiled and turned around to flip over the last pancake before making her way to the little table in the kitchen. “And by the way, your phone wouldn’t stop ringing this morning.” She raised an eyebrow, I thought about going to get it but I wanted food first. “So, what happened last night?” she asked, changing the subject.