Here For You (32 page)

She nodded without saying a word. Slowly, I removed myself from her body and helped her up. I had to practically hold her up to stop her from hitting the floor, hard. Turning my head to the right, I saw my mother and Juliana with sad looks on their faces. I wished Juliana wasn’t here, but I couldn’t do anything about that now. Becca and I walked out of the front door to see an ambulance and a cop car in front of her house. A sob came from her, but the only thing I could do was hold her tighter. Letting her know with my grip that I was here and I wasn’t going anywhere. My heart broke thinking about the things that were about to go down. Her emotional breakdown. How far would she push me…
us.

Someone touched my shoulder and when I turned and looked down I saw my mother. She wrapped her arms around Becca’s waist. “I’ll hold her while you go talk to them,” she told me, nodding toward the men in uniform.

I faced Becca, cupping her face in my hands. “I’ll be right back, okay? I’m going to talk to them. Stay here with my mom.”

I didn’t think she knew what I was saying. She wasn’t looking at me, but straight ahead. I left her with my mom and walked down the steps toward a cop. He held out his hand before I could go inside the house. “Sorry, sir, you can’t come in.”

I stopped at the front of her house. “I know the guy who lives here. He’s my…father-in-law. My fiancé is at my mom’s house down the street and she’s upset, I don’t want her here so that’s why I’m here. Does anyone know what happened?” I asked him, looking toward my house.

My mother must’ve taken Becca inside so she didn’t have to see. Right behind the cop there was a body in a black body bag with two paramedics wheeling it out of the house. I stepped to the side, sticking my hands in my pocket. It had gotten really cold all of a sudden.

“Sorry, sir, I don’t know the facts but you can follow the ambulance to the hospital and I’m sure the doctor can explain,” he told me, going down the stairs behind the paramedics. They wheeled Larry’s body inside the ambulance. I turned inside and rushed up the stairs to grab any clothes I could find for Becca.

I quickly made my way to my mom’s and burst through the door. My mother was rubbing Becca’s back, Becca’s head on my mother’s shoulder. She was draped in a blanket. Juliana was sitting in the far corner, keeping her distance with tears in her eyes. I didn’t want to rush Becca but we needed to get to the hospital. I walked around the sofa, kneeling down and placing my hands on her knees.

“Is he okay?” she whispered, staring straight ahead.

My heart broke at that moment.
She was in denial.

I didn’t bother to answer that question. “Listen, babes, we need to go to the hospital. I got some clothes for you.” Gently, I grabbed her hands and stood her up.

She was like a zombie as I slipped her shirt and shorts on. Her head was hanging to the side, leaving her wavy brown hair still, no movement, no nothing, but the faint rise and fall of her chest.

I looked toward my mother. “We’re going to the hospital. I’m going to take the car.” She got up and went into the kitchen, coming back with the keys in her hand.

Juliana stood. “Ummm…can I come?” I didn’t know why she wanted to but I didn’t care at this point. I just nodded.

*

As soon as we got to the hospital the nurse at the desk told us that we had to wait in the waiting room. We hadn’t been there long so I wasn’t going crazy trying to figure out the answers to the millions of questions that must be going through Becca’s head. As we sat down, I squeezed her hand every so often. She wouldn’t squeeze back, she just looked toward the hallway filled with nurses in scrubs and doctors in lab coats.

Juliana was sitting on the other side of us. I didn’t know why she wanted to come if she was just going to stay in the back.

Just then, someone came running inside the waiting room, looking around.
Grey.
What the fuck was he doing here? In two seconds flat, he was in front of us, running his hands through his hair.

I stood up. “Hey,” I didn’t know what else to say to him.

He finally acknowledges me. “Hey, James, is everything okay?” I shook my head and he looked down at Becca. She continued to stare into nothing. He squatted before her. “Hey, Becca.” He touched her hand.

She didn’t give him the time of day. The awkwardness didn’t last long because a doctor walked in. “Family of Larry Miller?” he said, looking around.

Becca stood up fast and was in front of him in a split second. “Yes?” She pointed to herself. “I’m Rebecca, his daughter. Is he okay?”

The look on the doctor’s face said it all. I already knew since I’d seen the bag, but she hadn’t seen it. She probably just saw him on the floor or bed or wherever and ran out of the house. I wrapped my arms around her waist, pulling her close to me.

The doctor was finding it difficult to speak, clearing his throat several times before he said, “Rebecca, I’m so sorry, but there was nothing we could do when he arrived. He passed away in his sleep it seems. We don’t know the specifics, but we can have a post mortem completed in the next couple of days. Your father had on his ID that he would like to be an organ donor, but unfortunately, with the damage caused by the spread of the infection, we can’t use any.” He looked down when he finished.

“Becca?” I tried to get her attention. She didn’t say anything when the doctor finished.

“I’ll leave you to it. Again, I’m sorry.” He touched her shoulder and walked away.

Suddenly, she was limp in my arm. Grey grabbed one of her arms and we helped her to one of the chairs. We were inching her toward the seat when she stopped, grabbed my shirt, and pulled me forcefully to her, crying loud. The cry was completely heartbreaking. It wasn’t like losing a friend or something. She’d lost a parent. A parent who had been there for her through everything. It didn’t help that she’d just found out that her mother was dead as well. Her hold on me was so strong I could feel her nails biting into my skin through my shirt. I bit my lip to mask the pain. I didn’t know what to do except hold her, so I started to smooth her hair down.

“Shhh, I’m here, baby. I’m not going anywhere,” I whispered in her ear.

Juliana came up to me and placed a hand on Becca’s back, rubbing it up and down like my mother had done earlier. ‘Thank you’, I mouthed to her. She just smiled. Then Grey stepped up. When his and Juliana eyes met it there was clear shock on both their faces. It was as though they knew each other. But how?

“Excuse me?” A timid voice said beside us. Looking away from Juliana and Grey, I gave her a nurse my attention. “The body is ready to be viewed.”

“Thank you,” I told her.

Once she walked away, I grabbed Becca’s hand and pulled her off of me. Her eyes were closed but the tears were still streaming down her face like a waterfall as she shook her head back and forth, ‘no’.

“Hey, we can see him,” I said, squeezing Becca’s hand. I gave Juliana and Grey one final glance then walked to the nurse. After telling her we were ready to see the body, she walked us down a few hallways until we stopped in front of a glass.

“You can just knock and they will let you in,” she explained before leaving.

I didn’t want to let go of her, but I knew she had to say her goodbyes, even if he couldn’t say anything back to her. Her breathing had evened out but the tears were still there. I didn’t know if I should go in with her or not.

“I’ll go alone,” she said just as I was about to knock on the door. I looked at her as she wiped her hands across her face. “I can do this.” She finally looked at me. Her eyes were bloodshot with a permanent frown etched on her lips. All I wanted to do was kiss away her tears and tuck her away so she never had to face the reality of this world again. I didn’t know how to protect her from something like this.

“Are you sure?” I asked.

She nodded.

I moved to the side as she walked by me and knocked on the door. I couldn’t stand to see her hurt so I made my way to the waiting room, but before I could get there Juliana was waiting for me at the end of the hall.
Not right now
. I stopped where she was leaning against the wall.

“How is she?” she asked when she saw me.

She seemed concerned. I tucked my hand in my pockets and leaned against the wall with her. “I don’t know. She walked in and that’s it. She’ll come out when she’s ready.” I looked up to see the bright light against the white ceiling. Everything in here was white when it should be black. Black with death.

“Look, I know this is not the best time to tell you, but I don’t know when I will have the chance again after this.” The short time I’d been with Juliana she had never sounded so nervous and now she was drowning in nerves.

But the question that came out of my mouth was not what I expected. “How do you and Grey know each other?”

She opened then closed her mouth. She was probably going to say that they didn’t, but I knew better then that. “How did you know that?”

Make light of the situation, James
. “The shock on your faces when you saw each other.”

“That obvious, huh?” she chuckled. “We hooked up a while back, nothing serious.”

“Huh.” Not something I wanted to know, but I asked so that’s what I got. “What did you want to tell me?” I didn’t want to continue this conversation but I needed something to take my mind off of Becca. I wondered how she was doing in there. I wished I was holding her.

A couple of minutes passed and she hadn’t spoken a word. Turning my head to her, I saw her fumbling with her fingers. “Juliana?”

She looked up at me. “Umm… this is such a bad time, but…I’m…” She was biting her lip.

Lifting myself from the wall, I stood next to her. “Yeah?” Would she just spit it out already?

“I’m pregnant.”

becca

Cold.

That’s all I felt as I stood by the door. I’d been in here for a few minutes and my feet wouldn’t move forward. I knew my dad’s…body…was right under the covers but I couldn’t. I couldn’t do this. I turned around to leave but paused. I
had
to do this. So instead of walking forward, I walked backwards to him until the back of my legs hit the table. Closing my eyes, I turned around, placing my hand on him. I could feel my body shake.

That single touch was all it took for me to open my eyes. He didn’t grab my hand, he didn’t move. He didn’t do…
anything.
My dad was…

I could taste the bile that was trying to rise to my mouth. I swallowed hard, feeling the acid go down slowly as I peeled the blanket away from his body. Immediately, the tears came crashing down my face. They bled off my face and onto his hands. I couldn’t take it, and before I could think, I launched my body over him, hugging him as hard as I could.

Why?!

I kept hearing my screams as I placed my ear against his chest. No heartbeat. Why… I heard my voice say as it bounced off the walls of this room. You were supposed to be with me for a little while longer! But you couldn’t do that, right? You had to leave me…what was I supposed to do now? How was I supposed to go on?

I just stayed there, trying to hear his heartbeat. Trying so damn hard. As a little girl, I used to jump next to him whenever I saw him on the sofa. I would ask him a million questions about what he was watching before snuggling close. One of my favorite places was in my dad’s arm. He was my personal teddy bear and I loved everything about him. Whenever we snuggled, he held me so close to him that my cheeks would be pressed against his chest. My ears would reach his center and all I would hear was the
thump-thump-thump-thump
and it was that sound that would put me to sleep. But now, as I laid my ear upon his chest, I heard nothing. I felt nothing. Because the man I loved with all that I was had become…nothing.

I couldn’t help but think that maybe he had called me when I was upstairs. Did I not pay attention to him at all? Maybe I could’ve spent a little more time with him instead of going out. I was so pissed about my mom, and him not telling me, but if I could just take the day that I hid upstairs and be with him, I would.

I could barely breathe from all the crying. My knees felt like spaghetti as I held on tight, never wanting to let go, but eventually, somehow, I stood up. And I just looked at him. He was white as snow with his hands crossed over his stomach. His eyes were closed and there was not a single expression on his face. His lashes didn’t twitch, his lips didn’t frown. I remembered how whenever he would look at me he would always smile, even when I had done something bad. I’d never see that smile again. I reached my hand over him and touched his cheek, brushing it with the back of my hand.

Leaning close to him, I pressed my lips on his forehead, kissing the cold stone-like skin. “I love you, Daddy. You are always and forever in my heart. I don’t know what I’m going to do without you here. I love you so much.” I had created a small puddle of tears next to his ear on the silver table. “You’re my forever.”

I walked back and just looked. He seemed peaceful and I only prayed that he left in peace. That he left with everything off of his chest. I backed up against the door, slipping down to the freezing floor. Bunching my legs together, I placed my chin on my knees and cried. I cried for him. I cried for the years that I wouldn’t have with him. I cried for the years I’d
had
with him. I cried because I loved him.