Hanging by a Moment (From this Moment Book 1) (24 page)

He stops and stands still, looking up at me with a frown on his cute face. “Oh shit! Sorry I thought you said you were with Luke?” He looks genuinely apologetic and very confused.

I swallow the lump in my throat. “I am with Luke. Who is Amanda?”

“Um just... just this chick he knows.” He stutters.

As if on cue, I hear footsteps coming up the stairs, just before Luke appears. “Hey, princess. Gino’s got it right... wild horses could not drag me away from you.” His smile is quickly replaced by a frown. “You okay?” His hands cup my cheeks.

I blink, looking back at him, then back at the young man behind the bar, who is watching us with curiosity.

“Um. Yes.” My mind is whirling around an Amanda, wanting to know who she is. Without thinking I blurt out. “Who is Amanda?” I suddenly feel deadly possessive of him. I need to know even if his answer is going to shatter my heart into a gazillion pieces.

Luke’s entire body stills and his face pales. He looks at me with a stunned expression. He runs a hand roughly through his hair as he turns around, pinning his blue eyes on the guy behind the bar.

“S-sorry man. I thought she was Amanda.” The young man apologises as he comes over towards Luke.

Luke sighs loudly. “Hey, Nick. It is okay, man.” His voice is calm and he pats Nick on the shoulder, reassuring him that he is not upset with him.

Luke focuses his expressionless blue eyes towards me as he chews his bottom lip. After a few seconds he speaks, his voice strained. “Come on. Let’s get out of here.” He drapes his arm around my shoulders.

I can feel the tension dripping of his body as we make our way out. I cannot help feeling a little frustrated with him. It seems like he has a closet full of people from his past that he is hiding from me. First, there was Monica and now Amanda. I follow him out of the club hoping this is the last of them.

Chapter Twenty Six

He does not glance at me once during our drive back to the dorm. He is quiet and it feels like he is shutting me out once again. We silently make our way back to the cottage, his fingers laced with mine.

Something is very wrong. And that hot heavy feeling is back in my tummy with a vengeance.

He closes the door behind him and guides me to the couch without releasing my hand.

I feel the tears prick behind my eyelids. Reminding me of a time a couple of months ago when Ethan told me he was leaving me. I survived Ethan’s departure but I know I will not survive Luke leaving me. I have never experienced this kind of love that we share. He is the air that I need to breathe in order to survive. He is the blood that courses through my veins all over my body. He is the key to my soul. Without him, I am nothing but a vessel carrying an empty body.

Every part of my body is racked with pain and I feel like I am falling apart little by little. Almost like having an out of body experience, I watch myself disintegrate in front of me.

Luke turns sideways to face me. His eyes are dark, almost black. When he opens his mouth to speak, his voice is almost unrecognisable.

“Back in high school I was the real party boy. Sex, alcohol and women were my daily essentials in order to survive. That lifestyle continued in college. Thinking back, I’m not proud of my life back then. I hurt a lot of people... good people.” He exhales. His fingers tighten around mine. “One night, I attended this frat party and I ended up being drunk out of my fucking mind. I don’t remember much of what happened that night.  Hell, I could not even remember my own name.  I was never so wasted in my entire life. I met Amanda there and we ended up in bed together. After that night we saw each other a couple more times.”

My heart is beating so fast and I can feel my hands getting clammy in his. I remember a time when he told me he never had a girlfriend and now he is telling me that he saw Amanda on a number of occasions.
What the hell, Luke?

My head hurts and I just want him to stop lying to me. I yank my hand free of his and try to stand up, I need to get out of here. Now.

His hand grips tightly around my waist. “Emma. You wanted to know this shit so you better listen. I wanted to tell you but I... it is not something I’m proud of. And I never wanted you to find out like this.” I try to break free of him but he pulls me back down onto the couch. I am breathing so loudly I am sure he can hear me.

I turn around to look at him and I see the terror in his eyes. As if he reads my mind, he figures out what I am thinking. “I didn’t lie to you when I said I never had a girlfriend before, Amanda was not my girlfriend. She... she was...” His voice trails off.

He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. Exhaling loudly as he opens his eyes, he continues. “She was just somebody I used to fuck. I had no feelings for her. I didn’t even like her. She comes from a good, well respected family and our parents have been friends for as long as I can remember. They knew about us but had no idea that we were not a couple... not in that sense. And then... she got pregnant.”

I cannot stop the tears that trickle down my cheeks.
Oh God!
“I can’t Luke.” I manage to choke the words out.

“Please, don’t go. You need to know this.” His voice trembles.

I swallow the lump in my throat. His fingers move gently across my cheeks and he wipes away my tears.

He goes on. “When our parents found out... they pressurised us to do the right thing and... and we got engaged.”

The penny drops. Unable to stop myself, I blurt out. “Amanda, is Miss Jameson?”

His eyebrows rise and he looks a bit taken aback as he answers. “Yes. How did you know?” He asks frowning.

I feel strange having to admit that I did a search on him. “I read this article about you and it mentioned the engagement.” But there is something else that I need to clarify. “We met
her
father the night we went on our first date?”

He nods.

Somewhere deep inside my head, my subconscious speaks, reminding me of the article I read online. The one that informed me that Luke and Miss Jameson called off their engagement. No reason was given nor was there any mention of a baby.

He continues. “We were due to be married late last year. Our families managed to keep the news about Amanda’s pregnancy out of the tabloids.”

That explains why a baby was not mentioned. I can only begin to imagine the scandal that would have caused.

His head flops to the back of the couch and he stares at the ceiling for a few seconds. I see the veins on his neck tighten. He looks back at me; I know that this story has a painful ending. For who, I am not sure. But I need the truth. My subconscious is ready and waiting with her pack of tissues and Ben and Jerry’s Peanut Butter Fudge ice cream.

“I was even more messed up by then... drinking excessively and partying like there was no tomorrow. I had no idea how I was going to survive being married to someone I didn’t love. The thought drove me to near destruction. Amanda was not doing much better herself. She did not want a child and thought about aborting the baby but when time came, she could not go through with it.”

My hands cover his and he laces his fingers with mine. I know Amanda’s choice to end her pregnancy must have been hard on him. He bends forward and rests his elbows on his knees still facing me. He looks so tortured and I can’t believe that he went through something so painful... my beautiful tortured Luke who always has everything so together.

“I had accepted the fact that she was pregnant with my child... but I did not want her in my life. I decided to go over to her place and tell her. There was no way I was going to marry her. I got to her apartment and used the spare key she gave me. I was ready to take all the blame from our parents... I just couldn’t take it anymore. I found her...” He laughs softly.

Looking deep into my eyes, his voice is barely a whisper. “I guess fate was on my side that day. I found Amanda in bed... with Mason.”

What the mother fucking shit?

I cannot believe my ears. I never saw that coming. Mason was his best friend. How could he?

“Oh my God!” I shout. “So that is why you and Mason stopped being friends?”

“Mason and I were not on talking terms at that point. As much as I dislike the guy, he saved my life that day. I confronted them and Amanda broke down. Accusing me of never loving her and called me all kinds of names. I didn’t deny it. I never loved her and never uttered any words of love to her ever. Mason just smirked at me the entire time. I figured he got even with me after all... in his own warped way of course. He had the pleasure of informing me that he and Amanda were sleeping together ever since he saw us that party. He was under the impression that I had genuine feelings for her. So he used her to get even with me... after what happened with his sister.”

“What?” I am shocked. As much as I expect Mason to do something this horrible, I find it hard to believe that anyone could cheat on Luke. She was carrying his baby for God’s sake. And Luke is the most caring wonderful person I’ve met. A lone tear falls down my cheek.

“After my parents found out they insisted on a paternity test. The baby was Mason’s. And I called off the engagement.”

I let out a breath I had no idea I was holding.
Holy Jesus, Joseph and Mary!
Amanda was not pregnant with Luke’s baby. Oh my God! It was Mason’s. I almost cannot believe my ears.

“After we broke up, I decided to start over. I vowed to never be that guy again. I learnt my lesson and I have never been drunk since. I came here to Midland Falls to find myself. I don’t want to go back to being the person I was before. Fate intervened and gave me a new lease on life that day. Had I not caught them in bed together... I would have been married to her now. Who knows what would have happened...” His voice trails off.

He is right. Mason saved his life that day, whether he realised or not. I actually want to hug the guy right now. However, something still bothers me. “Why did Mason not try to stop her from marrying you? Did he not think that baby could have been his?”

“Mason hated me and vowed to ruin my life by using Amanda to get even. He never loved her either. He just used her to get back at me. When he found out the baby was his, he was shocked. He didn’t even know she was pregnant. I suppose if he did find out, he would have dumped her. And I never would have caught them in bed together... I would have had no reason to doubt the baby was mine.”

I am speechless. I’m not sure what to make of this. My poor tormented guy. I can’t even begin to imagine the agony and suffering he went through. I just want to hug all his pain away and I do. Tugging my hand free from his, I wrap my hands around his shoulders and rest my forehead on his arm.

“I do not know what to say.” I tell him truthfully.

“I came to MFU to start over. I never imagined meeting you and falling hopelessly in love with you.” He kisses me softly on my forehead.

And I never imagined meeting him or having him in my life. In such a short time he has become such an important part of my life. It is like he has melted into me... becoming one with my body, mind and soul.

Blinking, I realise he has not mentioned the baby and I need to know. “Did Mason do the right thing with Amanda?” I am curious though I have a feeling he did not.

“A few weeks after I arrived here, Amanda miscarried. And Mason, well he had no intention of marrying her. He left her the minute his game was up. That is why I want you to promise me to stay away from him.”

I look up at him. “You think I am going to fall into bed with him?”
Really, Luke?

“No. I trust you. He is the one I don’t trust. I don’t want him anywhere near you. He is poison. Promise me, you will stay away from him?” His fingers caress my cheek in a soothing stroke.

“I promise.” Not that I expect to see Mason again.

Chapter Twenty Seven

“I just want a chance to apologise.” Ethan’s frustrated voice tells me from the other end of the line.

I sigh loud enough for him to hear, rolling my eyes towards the sky. Not that he can see me.

“Please, Em.” He begs.

Damn, I forgot how persistent he can be. I am not sure I want to meet him but I figure I should go and give him the closure he needs. He needs to know that we will never be together again.

“Fine.” I finally agree.

“Thank you.” I can almost hear him smiling on the other end.

We agree to meet at a local eating house not too far from campus.

After I disconnect the call, I think about last night and what Luke went through not so long ago. I shudder as it dawns on me that had fate not intervened things would not have turned out the way they did. Luke and I would never have met. And even if we did meet, he would have been a married man.
A fucking married man!
I can’t even imagine that... it hurts too much to think he could have belonged to someone else.

But my mind is on a roll and I wonder if there would have been sparks when we met, irrespective if he was married or not? Like there was the first day we met. I thank fate for bringing him into my life. I cannot imagine my life without him and I wish for Ethan to find the same kind of happiness. With someone else of course!

****

I take a deep breath filling my lungs with the crisp cool air outside the restaurant that I’ve agreed to meet Ethan at. I pray I‘m doing the right thing by agreeing to meet him. He wants to apologise so I can assume he wants to put our past to rest. Finally.

He has asked me to meet him at a bistro, opposite our college, a place that we frequented often as a couple. Had it not been his favourite eating house, I would have suggested a different venue.

I have not told Luke that I’m meeting Ethan as I know how paranoid he can get. Especially after last night. He had a rough night and found it difficult to sleep. He spent most of the night and early hours of the morning watching me sleep and decided to miss this morning’s classes to try and get some rest.

I walk through the tall glass doors and step inside the crowded eatery. It is one of the more popular places and in order to get a table, you have to be here at least a full half hour before meal time. I pray that Ethan arrived early enough to secure one of the small round wooden tables. I cannot see us trying to talk while seated at the narrow counter in front of the bar which has patrons practically sitting on top of each others’ laps, especially during peak times. And it is lunch hour.

I hear him shout my name even before I see him. Striding towards the back, closer to where the pool tables are, I see the all familiar dark blonde hair and smiling warm brown eyes standing tall.

Thankfully he has secured a table for us against the wall, giving us a bit more privacy. He does not take his seat, rather waits for me. As soon as he has me seated on one of the dark wooden chairs, he sits down. Always the perfect gentleman.

“Hi.” He greets me confidently. “How are you?”

“Hi. Good thanks and you?” I respond, feeling slightly nervous. It is not every day I have lunch with an ex. One that I would rather have disappeared after the stunt he pulled with my parents.

“I hope you don’t mind, I ordered for you already. Or we would have to wait for hours for the food to arrive.” He smiles his all too familiar smile. Once upon a time that same smile caused my blood to accelerate at lightning speed from my heart shooting throughout my body. Now it does nothing of the sort. Absolutely nothing.

Looking down at the table, I am a little taken aback to see he’s ordered me one of my favourite items on the menu - the smoked chicken with shavings of Monterey Jack cheese and sweet pepper wrap. An unopened bottle of orange juice is placed next to a glass tumbler. Just looking at the meal in front of me, I realise how much I actually miss this place. They are widely famous for their sandwiches and wraps here in Midland Falls. And I’m salivating just looking at my lunch.

“Thank you.” I reply kindly.

“I remembered it was your favourite.” His warm brown eyes look at me sadly as if he is remembering all those good times we spent here. “Go on, eat.” He grins.

I take a bite of the delicious wrap, making a mental note that I must bring Luke here. He will love the food.

Taking a sip of his soda, he speaks. “So have you applied for your internships yet?”

“I’m still compiling my list. Should be ready to send out my letters within the next few weeks.” I inform him between bites of food. Okay, this is going well, I think.

“Going back to Manhattan?”

“Yeah. Figured it is time to return and...” I stop mid-sentence, letting my words trail off.

He shakes his head in understanding, knowing exactly what I was going to say and completing my sentence. “Stop running away?” He raises one eyebrow at me.

I nod.

“How’s that being going?”

“Well you saw firsthand the other night at dinner.” I remind him.

“Yeah. And I’m sorry I only added to the problem.” His eyes drift off to focus on something behind me.

I understand it is difficult for him. We were together for two years and planned on spending our lives together. His voice drops to barely a whisper as he continues. “I still love you.”

I set my wrap down on my plate and I look at him, his brown eyes looking lost.

“Ethan-”

He cuts in. “And I will continue to love you. I’ll always love you.” He sighs loudly. “Can’t you give me another chance? We can make this work. Please?” He begs me.

I was afraid he was going to do this. Sweet talk me into taking him back. A couple of months ago, I would have done anything to get him back. And then his letter arrived – the one where he wrote to me about having met someone else.
Met someone else?
I almost forgot about that.

“What about that girl you met in Switzerland?” I ask him curiously. I remember him saying how deeply in love he was with her.
What did he call her? Oh yes, the love of his life.

He shrugs before answering me. “She was not you.”

I shift nervously in my seat. His warm hand moves to cover mine and he grips me firmly. “I know you still love me.”

I shake my head. “No. No. No.” I try to pull my hand back but his grip tightens. “I love Luke.”

“He’s your rebound guy. You don’t love him.” His voice is suddenly cold and bitter.

My temper flares and I want to get out of here. Pushing my chair back, I rise from the table. He gets up with me and moves over to stand a few inches from me, his hand still holding onto mine, his thumb caressing the inside of my palm.

Before I know it, his other hand reaches out to hold me on the back of my neck. And as quick as lightning he lowers his lips to kiss me. Before his lips touch mine, my free hand flies to his chest and I use every ounce of strength I have to shove him away from me. I yank my hand from his grip and take a step back away from him.

“I love Luke! And it is time you did yourself a favour and accepted it.” I snap at him.

He takes a step forward, closer to me. “Don’t bet on it. I’ll do whatever it takes to get you back in my life. In
my
bed.” He sneers.

Shaking my head, I move swiftly past him, walking towards the glass door. I expect him to come after me and I am relieved when he doesn’t try to stop me.

My heart is pounding so hard against my chest - it feels like it wants to break through my ribcage. And it is too late for my subconscious to give me the ‘I told you so’ speech.

Once outside I take a few deep breaths to calm myself. I can’t believe the audacity of him thinking that Luke is my rebound guy. Ethan and I broke up over six months ago. During which time, he met someone else and I’ve been out with other guys. I know I love Luke and I know what he means to me. We may have only been together a few weeks but the feelings I have for him are deep and oh so very real. He makes me feel wanted, loved, cared for. He is the air that I breathe, the family I crave for. Every minute without him by my side is a minute of my life wasted. And right now, I just want him to hold me in his arms and hear him say how much he loves me.

Stepping off the curb, I stick my hand up to catch a cab, to get back to campus. To get back to Luke’s big strong arms... as soon as possible. Just as a cab pulls up, a strong hand grabs me by my arm, spinning me around.

What in God’s name?

I find myself looking into angry brown eyes. I groan as I recall the familiar face I met only a few days ago. A face that tried to torment me into leaving Luke. A face I promised Luke I would stay away from.

“If you are here to remind me that Luke is not worth it, you can save your breath.” I tell Mason, not bothering to hide my anger. I wish to honour the promise I made to Luke yesterday that I will stay away from Mason.

He waves off the cab driver who has stopped for me. Looking fiercely at me, he speaks, his voice laced with hatred. “What were you doing with Lockwood?” He growls at me.

His fingers bite into my arm as I try to register his question. “How do you know Ethan?” I don’t remember seeing Ethan with Mason when we were together. Nor do I remember him mentioning Mason’s name.  “And let go of me.” I try to yank myself free of his hold.

His hand drops to his side, letting me go. “Answer me? What were you doing with that asshole?”

I roll my eyes. “Are you going to refer to all the guys you see me with as assholes?” I remember he described Luke in the same way.

He smirks. “How do you know him?

“How do you know him?” I counter smugly.

His answer floors me. “He used to date my sister.”

What. The. Fuck?
I just stare at him, my eyes wide in shock. “W-what?” I stutter totally stunned.

Mason rubs his hand over his face. “He dated my sister then dumped her just before he returned to New York.”

I blink as his words sink in. I bite my lower lip as things start to come together. Mason’s sister is the same girl that Ethan fell in love with. The same girl he wrote to me about. Mason’s voice cuts through my thoughts.

“He makes Luke look like an amateur.”

An amateur what?
“I’m not sure what you’re talking about, Mason. I’ve known Ethan for two years. I find it hard to believe that anyone can speak so harshly of him.” Ethan was always the perfect gentleman - though not showing much of his proper up bringing lately - especially towards me. “And what do you mean by making Luke look like an amateur?”

Mason leans close towards me. “You need to listen to what I have to say. Luke may not be my favourite person in the world but we were best friends once. He helped me out many times and that counts for something. Consider this pay back from me. Do yourself a favour and stay away from Lockwood.” His brown eyes are blazing with fury as he takes a step backwards, flashing me a strained smile. He points a slim finger at me. “Stay. Away. From. Lockwood. Take care, Emma.” He salutes me and then turns around and walks away, leaving me with a whole bunch of unanswered questions.