Hanging by a Moment (From this Moment Book 1) (28 page)

Ethan’s gaze is fixed to the back of Luke’s head. “Don’t.” His brown eyes are filled with hate and his face is gray.

I look back at Luke. His face is etched in worry. “Don’t what? What the hell is going on?” I ask him. I am shocked at how calm and controlled my voice sounds.

“Emma, let it go.” Ethan cuts in.

I shoot him a fleeting look and point my index finger at him. “I was not talking to you.” My eyes go back to Luke. “What did he do?”

Luke looks deep into my eyes, his voice soft as he answers me. “Let’s go home.”

I start to protest. This comes to an end here and now. “No. You tell me what he did.
Now!
”

But Brit interrupts. “Em, listen to Luke. Go home.” She rubs my back in a soothing motion. “Please.” She pleads.

“Fine,” I say through clenched teeth.

The drive home is hellish with Luke driving like a maniac. Cutting and weaving the Range Rover through traffic as we head back to campus. We travel in complete silence... no talking, no music... nothing. An eerie silence falls between us.

I steal a glance at him. His jaw is tense and his knuckles are white from holding the steering wheel in a death grip.

All kinds of thoughts speed around in my mind. I am feeling confused and betrayed and I do not even know the reason why. I thought Luke was defending Mason’s sister but no... he was shielding me all this time. From whatever secret Ethan has been keeping from me.

He does not say a word to me as he cuts his way through traffic, flashing motorists out of his way. He does not even glance at me. I shiver as I watch everything that used to be so familiar to me pass me by... now it all looks unrecognisable to me.

Chapter Thirty Two

When we arrive at campus, Luke parks his car in his normal parking spot and comes around to my side to open my door. I am already half way out as he helps me climb out of the Range Rover and laces his fingers through mine as we make our way in silence to the cottage. He walks in quick long strides, dragging me along with him half running as I try to keep up.

As soon as we enter, he shuts the door behind us. I fling my clutch onto the table. My head hurts and my body is in flames. That hot heavy feeling is back and for the first time in my life I’m as scared as hell. The last few minutes have been the worst minutes of my life. And it can only get worse.

I stand awkwardly by the table. Luke motions me over to the couch and we sit down facing each other.

He rests his elbows on his knees and cradles his head in his hands. He takes a deep breath and exhales slowly as he sits up. He fixes his troubled blue gaze on me. He winces and looks like he is in pain. “Em, I love you with all of my heart. I am nothing without you.” He places my hand on his warm chest and I feel the rapid beat of his loving beautiful heart under my hand. “I will never hurt you. You know that right?” He looks at me with sad distressed eyes, waiting for my answer.

“I know.” My breath falters. And my chin starts to tremble.

Luke laces the fingers of his one hand with my free hand and raises our hands to his mouth, kissing my knuckles softly.

He looks up at the ceiling for a second before he pins his beautiful tortured blue eyes on me. He swallows and I watch as his throat moves. When he speaks his voice is low. “Ethan did not go to Switzerland because of his parents. He left so he could be with Mason’s sister, Liz.”

If I was not sitting I would have collapsed on the floor. I feel like someone has just kicked me in the gut. I close my eyes trying to shut out what he has just said to me.
Ethan left so he could be with Mason’s sister, Liz.

What is going on? Luke is mistaken. Ethan left because his dad got a transfer. He told me so... that day at our picnic. No, Luke has it all mixed up. He was not even here at MFU when Ethan left. So how could he know?

I realise a few seconds have passed when he speaks again. “Say something.”

I slowly open my eyes and shake my head. I pull my hand free from his hold. “What are you saying? Ethan left to be with his parents.”

Luke rakes his hand through his dishevelled hair and then rests his hand on his jean clad thighs where they twitch nervously. “Baby, this is the worst thing I ever had to do in my entire life. I never wanted to hurt you. But... Ethan cheated on you when you guys were together.” He shakes his head as if he can’t believe the words coming out of his mouth.

And neither can I. My hand flies to my mouth.
Oh God, I think I am going to be sick.
“How do you know that?” I shake my head as I gape at Luke.

This can’t be true. Surely Luke is mistaken. I mean he didn’t even know me back then. How the hell does he know when Ethan was dating me? He only found out about Ethan and me after he got here. This does not make any sense at all. My head feels much too heavy and my eyes are sore. My brain is like scrambled egg. Ethan cheated on me.
How?
We were together most of the time. We attended the same school. How did he manage to see Liz if we were together? So much of this confuses me. And how does Luke even know any of this? Why did he not confront Ethan before he could leave? Why wait till now?
Because Ethan is back now... and has made it clear he wants me back.
But then what happened to Liz?

His voice is pained when he answers. “I found out the day I slept with Mason’s sister. Liz told me. And that is the real reason why she left for Europe. She felt guilty for cheating on him and did not want to run into me again.” He chews his lower lip as he searches my face worriedly. “They were seeing each other for about four months before the two of us...” he trails off. “Ethan was supposed to break things up with you the night Liz and I ended up in bed together. She was furious when she found out that he didn’t and wanted to hurt him by using me.”

My ears are ringing and I cannot believe what he has just told me. Ethan and Liz... together for four months... Ethan was supposed to dump me. Ethan who was always a gentleman.... so refined... well mannered.

They were seeing each other for four months. My head is swimming with questions and my eyes are stinging with unshed tears. Memory takes me back to the day Ethan left. I remember how happy his family looked as they helped him load his bags in to the car. “No! Ethan left to be with his parents. He told me. I even saw him leave with them.”

Luke’s hand goes to my shoulder and he gives me a small shake. “Princess, they just gave him a lift to the airport. They never left New York. Only he did. He followed Liz to Switzerland. To be with her.”

I can’t stop the tears from rolling down my cheeks. I look at Luke. Ethan and Liz were together for four months and Luke knew about them. So when he met me, he knew that I was the girlfriend Ethan cheated on. And he never mentioned anything. Why? He even read that letter that Ethan wrote to me telling me he met someone else and was in love with her. Oh God! Ethan was talking about Liz... except he didn’t just meet her... he had already known her for over four months. He was seeing her behind my back. That lying cheating asshole.

Relationships are supposed to be based on trust. There are not supposed to be secrets. I feel my anger surface as all the weirdness of the last hour sinks in. As mad as I am about Ethan’s betrayal it is nothing compared to the hurt Luke has caused me. The guy I trust and love.
Trust?
He knew about this all along. I can feel white hot rage build up inside of me, threatening to spill over. All too soon it takes over, spitting out of me like lava out of an erupting volcano.

“Why did you keep this away from me?” I yell.

He looks at me with shock and confusion by my sudden change in mood. His fingers clamp over my hands and tighten their hold. “It is your past. What difference does it make?”

He just doesn’t seem to understand. This is my life we are talking about – irrespective of whether it is past, present or fucking future.
Future? What fucking future?
Now, that is something worth considering. Luke has lied to me and I cannot let that go. I know people lie all the time. But this is not something casual. He lied about something that concerns my life. He was there and witnessed firsthand how I cried after receiving Ethan’s letter. He could have told me then... when he and I were nothing. He had plenty of opportunities to confess Ethan’s horrible secret. But he chose to continue keeping the truth from me...
his girlfriend
. Somewhere deep, my subconscious is screaming,
what else has Luke kept from me?

I yank my hands from his. I shake my head, trying to let it all sink in. “How long did you know?” I scream through my tears. I cannot stop screaming at him. I feel like the more I yell the more the anger seeps out of me.

Luke looks away as he answers. “Since the night Liz told me-”

I yell at him again, interrupting him before he finishes his sentence. “When did you fuck her?” I wince as soon as the words leave my mouth. Ethan and Liz... Liz and Luke... Ethan and me... Luke and me. This is all so damn sick... like some kind of perverted joke that everybody understands besides me. My emotions are scattered all over my brains and I just need answers.

His blue eyes are suffering when he looks at me. “Last year. Fourth of July weekend.”

Ethan left for Switzerland last July. “So you knew the entire time we were together.” My hands clench at my sides. “What was I? Your pity fuck?” My tears are streaming non-stop down my cheeks, I don’t even bother to wipe them away.

He recoils in shock as if I slapped him. “No!” he barks at me. His hands fly up to his head and he clenches his hair. “I love you, damn it! I didn’t even know you were the girl Ethan was seeing at MFU.”

“When did you find out?”

“When I read that damn letter he sent you.”

“Then why didn’t you tell me?” My head hurts. I vaguely remember the shocked expression on Luke’s face when he read Ethan’s letter but at the time I thought nothing of it. All I know is that the guy I fell in love with kept my ex-boyfriends dirty secret from me... that Ethan cheated on me when we were together. Luke must have been beside himself laughing at me when I cried in front of him over that letter Ethan sent to me telling me he met someone else in Switzerland. Only thing was Ethan did not meet his someone else in Switzerland, he met here in New York... while he was seeing me. That must have really cracked Luke up.

“Tell you what? Hurt you on top of what that lying bastard did? I’m not like him.”

“That was not your decision to make.”

“Why do you still love him?” His voice sounds fearful.

“What?” Now he is being ridiculous. Of course I don’t love Ethan. I have been over him for some time. Does Luke honestly think I was in love with Ethan the entire time he and I started dating?

“Do. You. Love. Him?” He grates out through clenched teeth.

“No!” My tears slide off my chin and land on the wooden floor. With shaky hands I wipe my wet face. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

His shoulders slump in defeat. “I never told you because I promised myself I will never hurt you. I love you too much. I didn’t expect something like this... us to happen. Ethan was supposed to stay away-”

I wave my hands in front of my face and cut him off. “I can’t do this.” My voice quivers.

He stares at me, his blue eyes wide and his fingers dig into his scalp. “W-what... are you saying?”

“You should have told me what Ethan did.” I accuse him.

“I protected you.”

“From the truth?” I tell him, my voice flat.

“And hurt you? Do to you what Ethan would have done if he was man enough to break up with you in the first fucking place!” He screams in frustration. “Please, Emma, baby I need you to understand.” His face is completely crushed.

My head is spinning and every part of my body is screaming in pain. Ethan may have cheated on me but Luke is guilty of keeping the truth from me.

I stand up. I need to get out of here. Now. I turn towards the door.

Luke’s hands grab my shoulders.

“Don’t touch me!” I yell. I don’t want him touching me. The last two and half years of my life has just blown up into a billion pieces. My past was all a bunch of lies. I don’t know what is true anymore.

His hands tighten their hold on my shoulders, his fingers digging into me. “Where are you going?” His voice is low and shaky and his eyes are glistening.

“I cannot do this.” With trembling hands, I wave at the space between us.

My heart stops. Tears fall down his cheeks and when he speaks his voice is barely a whisper. “Don’t leave me. Please.” His voice cracks at the last word as he pleads with me.

I close my eyes, willing for some force to take away this hurt in me and the hurt on his face. “I’m s-sorry.” I stutter through my own tears, opening my eyes.

He moves closer and holds me in his arms. His hands are like solid bands around my waist. His wet eyes burn into mine. He moves me backwards until my back is pushed flat against the wall and my front is flush against him.

I shudder as his hot fingers lightly stroke my quivering cheek and come to rest on my lower lip. I turn away. I can’t look at the pain in his face... His hurt is too much for me to bear. His fingers slide off my face and wrap around my waist. As much as I want to touch him, my hands feel like lead and they hang loosely at my sides.

He rests his forehead against wall inches from my face. I can feel his hot breath against my ear. I feel his body tremble and I desperately want to comfort him but I can’t. If I touch him, he will never let me go. And I will melt in his arms... not wanting him to let me go. His thumbs slowly circle my sides, hoping it will help him soothe his pain.

Slowly he lifts his head and places his damp cheek against mine like he craves my touch. My breath falters and I feel like I’m desperately gasping for air... breathing loud and heavy. I feel his chest rise and fall and his heart is beating rapidly... it feels like it hits my own with each pump.

His tears continue to fall... hot and salty as it slides down my face into the corner of my mouth.

“You... promised,” his voice is rough and I barely make out his words through his tears which are coming down harder. “You... promised never... to leave me.” His bottom lip trembles on my cheek.

If anyone told me Luke never loved me I would know for a fact that is a lie... I can feel how much he loves me... but I also remember how much he hurt me by keeping the truth away from me. Finding out the way I did has crushed me. I love him with all my heart but I cannot trust him anymore. Trust is a major issue with me. And I thought we had that. But I was wrong. I clench my eyes shut, struggling with my emotions and willing the ache in my heart to go away. I shake my head, his cheek moving against mine. I need to get away. I need to leave this place.

“Let me go.” I plead with him.
Please let me go and help me to forget what we had.

“No.” He pleads back to me, crushing my heart further. “Never.” His hands tighten around me as he turns his face fixing me with his beautiful blue wet eyes. Dipping his head lower, his warm lips brushes tenderly over mine. “I love you. Forever.” He kisses me.