Gentlewoman: Etiquette for a Lady, From a Gentleman (11 page)

A WOMAN IS HER BEST WHEN SHE’S JUST BEING A WOMAN.

But it’s not enough to know your worth. Live your worth! You must behave like you know what you’re worth. Not everyone will comprehend that worthiness is a birthright. Prove them wrong, but do so in an admirable manner. Arrogance isn’t a reflection of knowing your worth. Being bourgeois isn’t a display of significance. It’s the opposite, actually. To demonstrate worthiness means to conduct oneself with honorable intent–with manners and class. Act like you know who you are and whose you are.

It doesn’t matter your story; breathing is a sign of worthiness.

The whore is as worthy as the queen. Don’t allow society’s judgment to confuse you. God’s truth is often the world’s fiction. Acting on your sexual desires doesn’t decrease your worth. You can’t
ride
your way from God’s love. The One who designed you determined your value. Greater than nature’s beauty, sunsets, oceans and waterfalls, you are God’s masterpiece. You’re far more beautiful than the Mona Lisa or Mozart’s music. Now act like it. Don’t let little lies grant access to your lovely life. Your value can’t be diminished by your life choices. God’s love isn’t conditional. You’re always worthy. It’s up to you to accept this. It’s impossible to believe in God without believing what He says about you.

You were formed with the Creator’s definition of beauty. Somewhere along the line, society changed that definition. But you weren’t created for anyone to define. God looks at you and sees purpose–not what others tell you that you are. To worry about what everyone thinks about you is the quickest way to forget who you are. People-pleasing is idolatry.

As men, we might attempt to degrade you. An elder has to ask us, “What if that was your mother?” or “You wouldn’t treat your sister that way.” It’s a shame you have to be viewed as family to be valued. You’ve been lied to. The moment God created you was the moment you became worthy.

You’re a Lady with design and purpose, not just some girl with a designer purse. Class can’t be purchased. People should be able to tell what you stand for by the way you carry yourself, not the purse you carry. Self-love, self-esteem, self-respect and self-confidence–all of these words become more powerful when “self” comes first. That’s not selfish. You must love yourself in order to love others and respect yourself in order to respect others.

Insecurity is known to penetrate through any level of confidence. The voice that ruins most dreams is your own. Wounds heal, but unresolved issues don’t - Don’t be scared to get scarred. Stare at your scars until they become beautiful. They’re reminders. You’re only a victim if you don’t get back up. Don’t let anyone or anything take your power.

“I’m Beautiful.” –
You

God created man, but He constructed woman.

PRETTY GIRLS

It’s tragic that being pretty has become one of society’s coveted honors. It’s like winning a Nobel Peace Prize. Some women gather together, pop champagne corks and toast to being cute as if it’s cause for celebration. This type of behavior should be illegal. A judge needs to throw the book at them–the
Gentlewoman
book.

Oh, and your cute friends don’t automatically make you cute. Osmosis only works in science. Pour out that champagne and keep reading.

Pretty might open doors, but intellect lets you in – Don’t be stuck outside with your pretty ass.

Pretty is what you are, but beauty is what you do with it. Have you ever been to a highly promoted party that ended up being completely empty inside? Well, that’s what it’s like when you’re sexy but dumb. It’s similar to the anticipation built up from an amazing movie trailer, only for the movie to be a complete disappointment. A pretty face is cool, but the mind is God’s masterpiece. You become boring when you’re unaccompanied by intellect. At this point, being smart is cuter than being cute. What you look like will never be as important as what you do. Be so good that you can’t be ignored. You’re here for an instant. What will you do with that time?

A man will lust after the body of a goddess in a little black dress, but a gentleman will revere a Lady discussing the pros and cons of Western versus Eastern education in a little black dress. Move beyond the pretty. Be better than beautiful. A beautiful woman has more to offer than just her looks. You can keep your cute. We prefer an awe-inspiring soul.

AN UGLY MIND ATTRACTS AN UGLY PERSON...ENJOY YOUR DATE!

There exists too many gorgeous, down-to-earth women for you ever to be cute with an attitude. Being attractive doesn’t provide a pass to be rude. Pretty isn’t enough. Humble yourself. Does it ever cross your mind that maybe your looks aren’t for your personal vanity, but to draw others in for your life’s purpose? Maybe it’s not all about you after all. Perhaps you were granted good looks for a purpose greater than you and your arrogance. If you don’t know the purpose of something, you’ll misuse it. When God builds, He builds with purpose. Please don’t misuse your pretty. Gain comfort in it. Accept it. Figure it out. But don’t misuse it. If a genuine smirk will get you out of a speeding ticket or earn you a discounted meal, by all means go ahead and smile with those pretty eyes. Solely relying on the use of sexuality as currency is prostitution. Check the definition for yourself. Just don’t be selfishly beautiful.

Get beyond the plastic look. You’re not a doll. If you were to get a knife and cut a doll’s head off, you would find no brain inside. If you were to make a small incision on the doll’s chest, there would be no soul. A human lacking these two vital components is in a severe vegetative state. You’re a living, breathing manifestation of the most compelling dimension of life. Good looks without intellect is a Bentley with no gas, a wallet with no cash and a stripper with no–well, you get the point. Over time, your mind and spirit stand out more than your long hair and lipstick. Congratulations if you have all four. But if you mimic the persona of a lifeless doll, we’ll naturally assume you want to be played. “All you are is pretty” has got to be the worst compliment ever. We’d rather have a Lady with Bachelor of Science stamped on her degree than
Mattel
stamped on her tail. What’s your worth?

For what it’s worth, you couldn’t pay for it. No job, degree or salary will cover the cost. You might receive rewards, status and luxury for those carnal accomplishments, but that’s not the real measure of your worth. Your true worth is the value of your soul.

Ephesians 2:10 says she’s God’s masterpiece…but she still searches for likes on online.

Do You Care What Men Think?

Benecia Williams
Fashion Stylist

I believe everyone cares about what someone thinks. There’s motivation behind what we do as a whole. Although it may not be the immediate driving force, there’s always an influence. Let me be very clear, I am a woman. It will never matter how calloused or disconnected from emotion I’ve mastered to be [at any given time]; I care about my perception from the man’s perspective. This perspective does not dictate my womanly responsibility, but it sheds light on my overall behavior and this is a reflection of how I carry myself. For me, it’s better to be safe than sorry. I’m a very traditional, paint-inside-the-lines kind of woman. I believe in the theories of being a Lady: Cross the legs at the ankles, stand with your legs together, never cut a man at the knees kind of theory. It’s not for everyone, but I’d like to remain a woman, not a woMAN. Because perception is no longer independently exclusive, practicing a more respectable behavior isn’t a negative. Who really wants to be discussed in the same conversation as a harlot just because I own the freedom of expression, and I can abuse it if I want to, yet still remain who I believe I am in MY head? My mother always used to tell me, “If you want people to know who you are, you show them.” You must be a walking, talking testimony to who you want to be at all times. That’s sheer discipline and control. That’s a gentlewoman!

Ben Wills is a men’s wardrobe consultant; she works with celebrities, athletes and artists. Ben is the editor of TheWellDressedMan.net and creator of the Well Dressed Initiative used to present mentorship between males and encourage young men in putting their best foot forward.

Inner Views

Inner Views:
Interviews

Meagan Good
Award-Winning Actress | Producer

Define femininity?

1. Femininity is self-love. Loving all of your perfect imperfections. Understanding your immeasurable beauty inside and out. Loving the skin and the being that God created you to be as a woman.
   

   You represent a woman of faith who expresses herself in a very contemporary way. Some might call it sexual. What do you say about that?
   

2. I’m most definitely a woman of Faith. I love Jesus Christ with all of my heart and every essence of my being. As a Christian and within “our” society, we’re taught certain levels of appropriateness [like dressing up for church]. But I prefer arriving comfortably. I don’t believe that God requires us to dress up for Him. I like being able to lift my hands and praise without the restriction of a tight jacket. I like being able to get on my knees if I want to [without the restriction of a skirt or dress]. I believe that He loves us no matter what we wear and no matter how we come. As we seek Him, if He has an issue with the way that we’re carrying (or dressing) ourselves, I believe He will reveal it to us if we’re willing to hear Him. I’m not one who worries much about what’s appropriate by man’s standards.
   Man’s opinion of appropriateness sways often depending on the circumstance. Although I never intend or wish to offend anybody, I’m more concerned about what my heavenly Father thinks of me. And I believe that the word of God is true when it states that man looks at the appearance, but God looks at the heart. I think if we had God’s eyes, we would focus more on people’s hearts instead of often turning people off from Christianity altogether by being very judgmental about appearances and other things.
   

   How did you approach dating before you met your husband?
   

3. Before I met my husband, I always approached dating with my number one rule: whoever I dated had to believe in Christ. I didn’t want to waste any time going down a road where we would be unequally yoked. Though I was very specific on that point, I lacked in other areas. I tried often to be celibate, but hadn’t given the commitment to abstinence the real effort it deserved. I always made excuses and felt that God knew my heart. After doing that for so long, you begin to understand if you expect a different result and you’re doing the same things, it’s the definition of insanity. So I decided to do something different, and as a result, I got a completely different result…the best one I could’ve ever imagined in my life
   :) 
   

   You were a woman who seemed to have all that she wanted except a husband. What would you say to successful women who struggle with that thought?
   

4. I would tell women who appear to be successful in their own right and haven’t met their husband yet, to be patient. Trust God’s timing. His timing is always perfect. If I had hooked up with my husband sooner in my life, I would’ve messed it up. I wasn’t ready. I needed everything that happened in between to prepare me for marriage and prepare me for this time of my life. I have no reservations and no regrets. Although there were some things I would’ve done differently, everything taught me something and made me better, not bitter. I’m thankful and completely attentive to this season in my life–especially my marriage because His timing was perfect.
   

   How has etiquette been instrumental in your relationship?
   

5. Having etiquette is instrumental because it shows a level of class that is to be respected. We’re all a work in progress, but how we carry ourselves demonstrates “how” we are to be treated. In some circumstances we’re still full of potential, even in the midst of our mess. It proposes first-hand insight to what we will and will not allow. In the beginning stages, etiquette can even paint the picture of what kind of woman we generally are
   .
    
   

   Does the past define you?
   

6. The past absolutely does not define me. It’s only assisted in leading me in the way I believe I was created to go.
   

   If you had a daughter and could leave her a final message on your deathbed, what would you say?
   

7. I would tell her above everything to love herself because she is God’s perfect creation. And to pray for “His” eyes to see herself the way that He sees her so that her sight will guide her self-worth, decisions and actions
   .
   

   If you could write a letter to your younger self, what would it say?
   

8. Dear Meagan,
   Your heavenly father is proud of you, so don’t make decisions assuming that you’ve already disappointed him. Remember, there will be more people in your life that last only for a season and the ones who are for a lifetime. Don’t make decisions for seasonal approval. Even people who love you may not want you to succeed. When people’s time has expired in your life – let them go. Don’t let people abuse your kindness. If they can’t love you beyond you standing up for yourself, then they weren’t meant to. God’s plan is better than your dreams and often connected. Don’t take everything personal. Sometimes people’s problem with you is really their problem with themselves. Give grace because you’ll need it, too. And know that your husband will see you with eyes as close to God’s as you can get on this earth. Don’t settle for falling in love because you will fall a few times in your lifetime. Instead, arrive at what God has divinely chosen for you.