Gentlewoman: Etiquette for a Lady, From a Gentleman (10 page)

Keep in mind that the best gifts are thoughtful gifts. Sometimes it’s not about the money you spend, but the time you spend and thought you spend creating something memorable. And don’t underestimate the delivery. Deliver creatively.
A scavenger hunt; concert tickets inside of the artist’s CD case; plane tickets inside the glove compartment of a new car.
Well, that might be a bit overboard…unless you preside over a board of directors. In that case, spend freely!

When to give:
Birthday | Wedding | Engagement Party | Baby Shower | Housewarming | Graduation | Retirement | Christmas | Special Anniversary | Dinner Party | International Business Trip

Gift-giving isn’t limited to special occasions. Give back and volunteer when you can. Give with passion. Give with love. Give without expectation.

NOTE
: Just because someone gives you a gift, doesn’t require you to give one back. A meaningful “Thank you” will do.

Who to give to:
You’re not Mrs. Claus. Gift-giving shouldn’t require too much thought. Give to whom you can when you can. Family, friends and your significant other fall on this list. But a gift is exactly that–a gift. It shouldn’t be expected, but it should always be appreciated. And don’t feel compelled to give a gift beyond your budget. It doesn’t matter if the receiver is wealthy and
has it all
. People enjoy being considered, and the fact that you thought to give something is what counts most.

When you give a gift, give a gift thoroughly. Nice shoes are accompanied with quality cedar shoe trees. Davidoff Cigars with the humidor included. It’s no different than a gentleman getting you flowers with a vase. A gift is thoughtful. Make sure it’s a complete thought.

Hoarding Etiquette:
Emotional attachments to inanimate objects can be dangerous. It’s OK to keep a cute collection of coins or stamps or whatever you’re into, but to fill your dwelling full of stuff is a reflection of you. Cluttered homes reflect a cluttered mind. Hoarding won’t cover the issues you’re attempting to run from. Facing issues is the only way to get through issues. If you want to get rid of the mess in your life, you need to start with the mess in your house.

Perhaps you’re someone who doesn’t have a real hoarding issue. But those plastic grocery bags full of other plastic grocery bags that you use as garbage bags…you don’t need them. A clean space will grant you peace.

Sex Etiquette
: Does there even exist such a thing? Historically, we shy away from the subject because sex is so taboo. We act like sex doesn’t happen. Like we all just appeared or were delivered by storks. We position sex in a way that’s provocative or procreative, educational or unromantic. Why are we so afraid to talk about something most of the world is doing? Let’s have an honest and open discussion about it. It’s not bad etiquette to discuss sex. But it’s bad sex when you must discuss etiquette.

Etiquette has no place in the bedroom. If you’re married, bounce off of the walls, hang from the ceiling fan and leave a few marks. A Lady loves a gentleman who knows when not to be gentle. Pull her chair then pull her hair. Chivalry is foreplay. The same goes for you! Of course it’s appropriate to discuss likes and dislikes; what works for you and what doesn’t, but formal pleasantries in the bedroom don’t make the experience all that pleasant.

My personal view on sex before marriage is that it feels good. My spiritual view on sex before marriage is that it still feels good. The reality is everything that feels good isn’t good for you. Sex can be healing, but marriage is the prescription. If you’re doing it unwedded, then you’re taking an illegal drug. If you’re married, feel free to overdose and refuse rehab. Premarital sex won’t solve your problems; it’ll likely create them. If you’re honest with yourself, premarital sex is putting your body, mind and soul through something it isn’t yet prepared for. Sex is a deep spiritual connection intended for the person you’re spending the rest of your life with. Soul ties are real. Popular culture and media often portray sex as a casual act to commit with whomever, wherever and whenever it feels right. It often suggests it’s OK to follow all of our sexual desires, but fails to inform us of the not-so-obvious consequences. You can end up imprisoned by the very act you thought was a liberating exercise of your freedom. And once you start, it’s difficult to stop. Casual sex is like casual cocaine–it won’t stay casual. You may be able to escape STDs or pregnancy, but you can’t dodge an unwanted soul tie. Sexual connections with someone, or people who are not assigned to your life is what causes you to stay when you know you should leave. It’s what allows you to settle when you know you’ve been done wrong. Dust settles – people don’t. When you lay down with something dirty, you get up with something dirty. When you lay down with a man, you can take on his energy. But none of this is considered when alcohol is already flowing through the bloodstream, and you’ve accepted his text to come over at 4 a.m. You ignore all reservations and make reservations at his place. Self-control is more reliable than birth control. Listen to your moral compass even when the alternative feels so damn good. That’s what character is. That’s what a gentlewoman does. If you insist on having sex, have condom courtesy and insist on having sex safely.
Condoms are cheaper than child support and abstinence is free! Every man you lay with has the potential to make you a mother. Peace of mind trumps piece of man. The choice is yours.

THE PRICE FOR SEX IS MARRIAGE…THE PRICE FOR A RELATIONSHIP IS COMMITMENT – IT’S HARD TO ASK A MAN TO PAY FOR EITHER WHEN YOU’RE GIVING BOTH FOR FREE.

I don’t publicly condone premarital sex, but if you’re getting into it, listen up:

Sex has lost its value with many:
People often have sex with people they don’t find attractive, cute, kind of cute, average, decent or even tolerable. So stop voluntarily committing yourself to someone who isn’t committed to you. Don’t barter your goods for someone average. And don’t pretend to be a single man’s wife. Giving marriage privileges to a boyfriend is like giving an intern the CEO’s salary. I wish you the best.

Sex partner ≠ Your Partner:
You can make slow love daily from the peak of Italian Carrara marble countertops, to the murky shadows of the kitchen floor. But if the commitment conversation hasn’t come up, you’re just an acquaintance. Quit committing without a commitment conversation. Common sense says commitment requires consent. Quit expecting what hasn’t been discussed. If you haven’t talked about a relationship, then you’re in one with yourself. You might as well be holding your own pitiful hand. That’s how empty-headed you look when you claim him as the “hubby” while he happily claims you as the “homie.” Your frequent sex and those dinner dates don’t make that man your man. Make sure the two of you are on the same page because he might be referencing an entirely different book. Quit telling yourself, “What we have doesn’t need explaining.” Explain this: what happened to that common sense? Where did it go? Where did you put it? When you were a little girl, and you were hungry, you asked for food. When you needed help with homework, you quickly asked. But as a full-blown grown adult woman, you’re afraid to ask a man who supposedly likes you for a commitment? Grow up! Respect what you expect or no one will. But you knew that already, huh?

Sometimes sex just hides everything that’s bad about a relationship:
Sex is powerful! Good sex can fool you into thinking you’re in love with someone you don’t even like. If all you have in common is sex, then you really don’t have much in common.

Miss Representation

Miss Representation:
The Birth of a Nation

Element
: Woman

Symbol
: Wo

Discoverer
: Adam

Atomic Weight
: Accepted as 115, but known to vary from 100 to 200 lbs.

Occurrence
: Surplus quantities in all countries and urban areas alike

Physical Properties

-Boils at nothing and freezes without reason

-Melts if given proper treatment

-Bitter if utilized improperly

Chemical Properties

-Reacts to precious stones

-May explode spontaneously

-Activity greatly increased when absorbed in alcohol

Uses

-Most powerful money-reducing agent known

-Great aid to pleasure

Test

-Turns green if placed adjacent to exceptional specimen

Caution

-Fragile

-Handle at your own risk

THIS IS SADLY HOW MILLIONS OF WOMEN ARE VIEWED

Miss,

You are a representation of a misrepresentation with limitless expectations. You’re expected to be a pure virgin, yet birth babies and look cute while doing it. You should be a stay-at-home mom while working a six-figure job, be independent yet depend on men, and dress like a Lady of the night, but dare not be one. What type of message is this? Google the word “beauty” without the safe search option and notice the images that arise–thousands of thin, pale women (some even nude) in compromising positions. Open your favorite magazine, turn to your dearest television show and you’ll notice the same trend. They try to devalue you. It’s a full-time business. Once they have access to your mind, they have access to your money. Don’t accept that rhetoric. Don’t believe that hype.

It’s not man or magazine’s job to make you feel worthy. Our culture raises women to be confused and insecure. A man will tell you 31 things he dislikes about you, leave you and go date another woman with the same 31 flaws, plus one. It’s not man or makeup’s job to make you feel beautiful. To seek validation is to give people and things permission to determine your value. You must acknowledge and walk in your own splendor. Confidence isn’t based upon compliments. It comes from an understanding of your worth and significance–none of which comes from people or
People Magazine
. Arrogance comes from the crazy love you have for yourself–confidence comes from the crazy love God has for you. History is made in the womb. Your Creator determined you were beautiful enough to be born. You’re worthy; you’re significant; you’re beautiful. You came into the world that way. Anything else is a lie.

“There are 3 billion women who don’t look like supermodels & only 8 who do.” –
The Body Shop

A lie is as valid as the truth if you believe it and act on it. If cute with a side of skinny were an option on the menu at creation’s drive-thru, heaven would sell out. Everyone’s fitting in and no one’s standing out. There’s a strange obsession to be normal in our communities. What is normal? Does it involve looking and sounding like everyone else? Being a child of God makes normal impossible. Acceptance is the most highly sought after commodity. However, you weren’t born for people’s approval. You were formed with a purpose, on purpose. You don’t have a mole by happenstance or a broad nose unintentionally. Your ailment isn’t an accident. I told you; you were born beautiful. There are no ugly women – only careless women. You weren’t created to feel inadequate or to be arrogant. People will judge you based on their own insecurities and limitations. You’re never as bad as they say you are, and you’re never as perfect as they say you are. So don’t look up to see who’s cheering or booing, just keep going. Your life is your own, and it’s specifically designed to be lived by you.

Women who fit in hardly stand out. Celebrate authenticity and unapologetically be you.

Lose the lies. Disregard the comments section. People must earn the right to criticize you. No matter your bad habits, mistakes or disappointments, it’s never too late to accept your reality–you’re God’s masterpiece. You’re beloved. You’re chosen. You’re an overcomer. No one can do what you’ve been called to do better than you because your only competition is in the mirror. Life begins when you believe you are who God says you are.