Feels Like Home (18 page)

‘I'll pass on the message,' she said when Jo explained she was calling to thank Ryan. And that was that. No return call, no idea whether Beth had indeed passed on the message.

Now it was Tuesday evening and Jo was fighting a losing battle with herself. Should she risk calling him? What on earth would she even say? He'd told her on Saturday night he had nothing to offer. He wasn't up for a fling. But she couldn't get that kiss out of her mind. The memory of her hands on his bare chest, his fingers in her hair as his mouth explored hers…after three nights of steamy dreams she was looking for an excuse to call him, to see him again.

What about the offer to put money on the bar at the pub? Maybe she could call to remind him about that?

No. It was only Tuesday. Way too early to be worried about Friday night. He'd see straight through that one.

She'd just have to wait until the dress fitting tomorrow night and hope that she'd see him when he dropped Ella off at Kallara. Although knowing Jo's luck, Beth would be the one bringing the kid.

But then she realised the fitting was the perfect opportunity to call Ryan. She could offer to take Ella for him. As well as giving her an excuse to call, she'd get to eyeball him in the flesh when she picked Ella up. Maybe then she'd get some clue as to how he was feeling.

When he didn't pick up her call she left a voicemail, taking care to sound light and breezy. ‘Let me know if you'd like me to take Ella tomorrow night. I'm going anyway so it's no trouble.'

Ten minutes later her phone buzzed. It was him.

‘Thanks so much for your offer to take Ella,' he said. ‘It'll give me some time to sort out a bit of paperwork for the clinic and for the farm as well. I have young Taylah here one day a week to help out but I like to check the invoicing myself. With Dan and Bec away things have started to pile up a bit.'

‘No problem. I'll pick her up at four.'

He thanked her again and said his goodbyes. There was no small talk, no personal stuff, but it didn't matter. She'd see him tomorrow. Maybe he'd even invite her in when she dropped Ella back home.

With Ryan sorted she could turn her attention back to dealing with the mess with Zach. She'd left messages and texts and even called his agent, Leon, without luck. It seemed she was
persona non grata
in Manhattan already.

She left yet another message imploring him to call before curling up in bed with one of the romance novels she'd found in the attic. They were ancient looking and had possibly belonged to Nanna Lil, but it was fascinating that Katherine had kept them. The thought of her mother secretly devouring these books was somehow both thrilling and sorrowful. Under that cold exterior her mother must have had love to give. Such a shame neither Jo nor her father ever got to see that side of her.

At six o'clock Wednesday morning she was woken from a deep sleep by her phone buzzing beside her. She answered in a trance without bothering to check the screen for details of the caller. ‘Hello?' she half whispered, her voice still thick with sleep.

Zach's distinctive New York accent was the last thing she expected to hear. ‘Hey babe. Did I wake you? You sound sleepy.'

Babe?
She was too tired to even try to dissect why he'd chosen to use that word. She'd always hated it, even when they were together. ‘It's six a.m. here.'

‘Oh man. I miscalculated the time there. I thought it was later. I'm so sorry. I can call later. Go back to sleep.'

‘No, Zach, wait. It's taken me days to get hold of you. You're not getting away that easily. Besides, I'm awake now.'

‘Yeah, sorry about that. Everyone keeps telling me not to contact you. Let the lawyers do the talking, huh?' He laughed a little.

‘Lawyers? I don't have a lawyer. Why would I need a lawyer? We're not married. This is not a divorce.'

‘I know, honey, believe me I know. I was just joking about the lawyers. There's no need for alarm.' The tinge of sadness in his voice was audible despite the distance between them.

‘Zach, I'm sorry, you know that, right? I'm sorry I couldn't go through with it. But you have to believe me when I say I left because I didn't want to hurt you even more. It would have been so much harder if we'd actually been married.'

‘Yeah babe, I know.'

Babe
again. He was nervous. He always went into suave mode when he was unsure of himself. Something was up. ‘So what's the deal, Zach? With you and Kiara? Is that for real?'

‘Look, that was an accident, you have to believe me.'

‘An accident? You accidentally went out with her?'

‘No of course not. But I didn't see the photographer. It wasn't staged if that's what you're thinking.'

‘So, it's real between you two then? It's okay if it is. You're a free man. You can date whomever you please.'

‘I don't know, Jo. Early days still.'

‘Where does that leave me? I guess you're not expecting me to walk down the red carpet on your arm anymore?'

‘Well…your PR people and my PR people have been talking and they think it's best if we play this down. You know, no comment from either side. Don't give the story oxygen.'

‘Yes, I'm aware of the strategy. I've been in contact with my agent. But I want to know about our deal. Am I supposed to be walking the red carpet with you or not?'

Zach cleared his throat. ‘Chris and Leon and the PR dudes think it would be best for both of us if we stick to the original agreement.'

Best for them, no doubt. Zach's manager and agent always had an eye on the bottom line. They'd been nice enough to Jo while she was Zach's girlfriend, more than nice in fact — calling her darling and sweetheart, organising the best seats for her and her girlfriends at concerts and shows, asking her opinion about everything from Zach's wardrobe to which scripts he should read — but she'd never been under any illusion about what was truly important to them. She knew they were not her friends and that they would shaft her without a second thought if the time came when she was no longer useful. That time was rapidly approaching.

The thing was, she realised, that she simply didn't care. If Zach wanted her to walk the red carpet with him, if that would make this better for him, then that's what she would do. What happened after that didn't matter.

She was a survivor. She'd proven that to herself already. Zach didn't get her the contract for
Hollywood Kisses
, she'd done that all on her own. And she'd do it again if she had to, write under a pseudonym if necessary. Maybe she'd do that anyway. It would be a relief to start again, to be an unknown without all the baggage of her ‘celebrity by association' persona.

‘Look Zach, I promised you I'd come back for the premiere and all the associated hooha and I will.'

He exhaled, audibly relieved. ‘That's great, Jo. Thank you. The PR people are suggesting we keep a low profile until after the movie comes out. Once the promotion's done, we can go our own separate ways.'

Poor Zach. Everyone thought his life was so perfect, but he was trapped in it. Every single moment of his life was orchestrated. No wonder he fantasised about playing happy families. Thank god she'd had the sense to get out before her life had become the same way. ‘So we're playing the happy couple until after the premiere, is that right?'

‘I think that's for the best. For Kiara too. We don't want her to get any unnecessary backlash. You know what the media is like over here. She's just starting out and I'd hate to see her swallowed up in all this.'

‘Of course. Well you needn't worry about me. I'm about as far away from the American media as you can get. I don't think anyone will be stalking me in the main street of Linden Gully.'

He chuckled. ‘I guess you're right about that. I'm sad I never got to see your hometown, though. I loved hearing all your stories about the place.'

Jo smiled. Zach was a good guy. She hoped that one day he'd find someone to love him the way he deserved. ‘Well maybe one day I'll write a book about this place and you can star in the movie.'

He laughed again. ‘I'd like that. Maybe I should start working on my Australian accent. How's this?
Giddaay maaate
.'

She grinned. ‘Truly bloody awful and you know it.'

‘More work required I guess.'

‘So are we good?'

‘Sure. Is it okay if I get my people to draft a joint statement? I'll make sure your PR people get input and we'll email it for your approval.'

‘That's fine. But I thought we weren't giving the story any oxygen?'

‘This is just preparation. We won't release it unless we're forced to.'

‘Okay. That's fine.'

‘Well, I'd better get going. I've got a pre-dinner function to go to, so…'

‘Sure. It was nice to talk to you, Zach. I mean that.'

‘Yeah, you too. Bye.'

Just like that he was gone and so was the weight that she'd been carrying around since she'd got on the plane at JFK. Zach might be hurting still but he wasn't harbouring any anger towards her. Hopefully the movie would be a big success for him and he would move on with his life. Maybe even with Kiara, although she somehow doubted that.

In any case, Zach was not plotting against her. The picture in the magazine had been as much a surprise to him as it was to her, so there was no need to stress on that front. Lydia and the PR people could deal with that now, while she got on with the business of being a bridesmaid.

She snuggled back down under the covers. Her next official bridesmaid duty wasn't till four when she had to pick up Ella. There was no need to expose her bare feet to the shock of icy floorboards just yet. She might as well enjoy the luxury of a lie-in while she waited for the central heating to come on. It wasn't programmed to start until six-thirty.

Her brain was too alert for sleep now, and as much as she tried to focus on other things, her mind kept circling back to thoughts of Ryan. He'd seemed grateful when she'd called to offer her assistance and she was hoping that meant he'd be happy to see her when she collected Ella this afternoon.

It was stupid, this new obsession with being near him. It was like being a needy teenager all over again. He'd said he couldn't do ‘sex with no strings' and she couldn't offer him anything else. So lusting after him was futile. Trouble was she was kind of hooked on the adrenaline rush she got every time he was near.

Ryan Galloway had become her secret addiction.

CHAPTER

18

Jo couldn't seem to stop herself from smiling. As she drove towards the Galloway farm to collect Ella for their dress fitting, she found herself singing along to some inane pop song on the radio and grinning like she'd won the lottery.

By rights she had nothing to sing about. Her engagement was over and thousands of miles across the ocean a full-scale PR campaign was being prepared to deal with the resultant fallout. Her instincts told her no matter how much she and Zach wanted to keep things civilised there would be consequences to her leaving the relationship. She probably should care more about that, but right now she just didn't.

There were more important things to think about. Her mother had irreversible dementia and didn't recognise her anymore. And she'd just discovered she was an unwanted child. Yet Katherine's inadvertent disclosure that she wished Jo had never been born had not caused her the despondency she imagined it might. After the initial shock, it was actually quite liberating to realise that her mother's detachment from her was not personal. She didn't want any child at all. It wasn't some character flaw of Jo's that caused her mother to keep her distance. Maybe the pain would deepen with time but right now it felt as if a heavy burden had shifted.

Katherine's worsening dementia was obvious to her now. Up until Sunday's episode Jo had been worried about leaving Katherine behind when she went back to New York. But her misguided experiment in bringing her mother home had proved two things. First, Katherine had no idea who Jo was and was increasingly unlikely to remember. Second, there was no way Jo could care for her mother even if she stayed nearby. Hell, she couldn't even manage to keep her safe for a few hours. There was no doubt that the Windmill was the best place for Katherine to live out her remaining days.

It wasn't just the burden of her mother being lifted that was causing this lighter-than-air mood. It was the feeling of being among friends. It was funny, but these past few days she'd felt more a part of Linden Gully than she ever had growing up. She'd never felt as if she fitted in here, but seeing all those people streaming into Yarrapinga on Sunday, all wanting to see how they could help, had made her feel truly cared for.

As wonderful and exciting as living in Manhattan was, she'd never felt like a true New Yorker. She loved the city to bits but living there felt a little bit like being on an extended holiday. Even the title of her blog,
The Outsider's Guide to Inside New York,
reflected her non-permanent status. Suddenly it occurred to her that she'd always thought that her time in New York would come to an end.

The weekend's community effort made her realise that maybe that time should be sooner rather than later. Really, what was there to hold her in New York? She could write her books anywhere. The apartment would be easy enough to lease out. She had no pets, no real commitments.

Was she seriously considering coming back here to live?

Back to the place she'd spent years plotting to get away from?

She'd fleetingly considered it on the flight over but quickly dismissed the idea as unworkable. And once she'd clapped eyes on Ryan, her mind was made up. Just over a week ago the thought of the two of them inhabiting the same town was completely unthinkable. But now?

Her stomach flipped at the thought of his smile. He always did have the ability to make her feel as if she was the only person in the room and she'd felt that again on Sunday when he'd looked across the crowded kitchen at her.