Feels Like Home (19 page)

Back when they were together he'd made her feel special. He'd made up for the lack of motherly love at home, the dearth of close friends other than Steph. She knew that in Ryan's eyes she was a star. And she could depend on him no matter what.

She couldn't help but wonder what Zach would have done if he was faced with an emergency like the one that had unfolded on Sunday. He would have called someone to help, that's for sure, paid someone if necessary. She could hear him saying, ‘Whatever it costs, honey.' But she couldn't see him making her mother a cheese and tomato sandwich with the crusts cut off, or staying behind to wash the dishes and clean up the kitchen so Jo wouldn't have to on her return from the nursing home.

It was a stupid comparison. They were men from two different worlds. But spending this time with Ryan had made Jo realise it was crazy to settle for a man who didn't cherish her.

A man who didn't make her breath catch in her throat when she heard him say her name.

A man who didn't make her stomach somersault when she thought about him.

The whole idea of marrying Zach seemed ludicrous now. Even if he didn't want children it could never work. Marriage without love — real, unrelenting, overpowering love — was a hard, hollow slog. Her mother was living proof of that.

Next time she made a commitment to a man it would be with someone who cherished her.

A man like Ryan.

She wrinkled her forehead at the thought. Not Ryan, of course. She knew that was never going to be possible. She'd practically thrown herself at him on Saturday night and despite being inebriated he'd knocked her back. He'd made it clear that he wasn't interested in going back over old ground. But even if he was interested, if he inexplicably changed his mind, how would it work? He had a daughter. She didn't want kids. End of story.

She pulled into the Galloways' driveway, turned the ignition off and took a deep breath, but her attempt to calm herself down was useless. Her stomach continued to swirl with butterflies of anticipation at the thought of seeing him again. This was getting ridiculous. She couldn't sit here forever. They were expecting her and had probably heard her car pull in. If she didn't hop out soon they'd start to wonder what was going on.

One more deep breath and she was out of the Jeep and bounding up the verandah steps.

She knocked out a playful rhythm on the front door and plastered a cheerful smile on her face, in attempt to disguise the fact that her heart was pounding double time inside her chest. The door swung open and Beth stood there, not smiling, holding Ella by the hand.

‘Hello, Johanna. Thank you for offering to take Ella to her dress fitting. There was really no need. I was happy to take her.'

‘It's no trouble. I had to drive right past here anyway. It was the least I could do after all Ryan's help with Mum.' She hoped that at the mention of his name the man himself might suddenly appear.

Beth's expression didn't change. ‘He'd have done the same for anyone.'

‘Yes, I'm sure. But still, I appreciated his help. In fact, is he here? I'd like to thank him again.'

Beth shook her head. ‘I'm afraid he's busy.'

Was he avoiding her? They'd made the arrangements yesterday, so he knew what time she'd be here. He'd said, ‘See you then.' Jo smiled at Beth
.
‘Oh. An emergency at the clinic?'

‘Not an emergency, no. But he is working.'

This was going nowhere. ‘Okay then. Are you ready, Ella? We're going to have lots of fun, aren't we?

Ella looked at her with unblinking eyes and said nothing.

Jo held out her hand, but Ella ignored the gesture and walked past her towards the car.

‘I'll make sure she's home as soon as possible. I know it's a school night.'

‘Hang on a minute. Aren't you forgetting something?'

‘Sorry?'

‘You'll need this.' Beth bent down and retrieved a booster seat from behind the door.

‘Oh. Isn't Ella too big for one of these?'

Beth sighed. ‘No, actually. I'm not sure what they do in America, but here it's the law for children under the age of seven.'

‘Oh, I didn't realise. Okay, how do I use it?'

Beth raised her eyebrows. ‘It's quite simple really. You just pop it on the seat and do her seatbelt up. She knows how to do it.'

Clearly she was failing the ‘responsible adult' test in Beth's estimation. ‘Okay, thanks. Tell Ryan I'll take good care of her.'

Beth nodded but looked unconvinced as she waved goodbye to Ella from the verandah.

Once the booster seat was sorted and they were finally away Jo set about having a conversation with Ella. What was the hot topic of conversation among six-year-olds these days? ‘How's school, Ella?' Jo winced as soon as the words were out of her mouth. It was the sort of question seventy-year-old great-aunts might ask.

‘Good.'

She was going to have to come up with something better if she didn't want to drive to Kallara in stony silence. Which she didn't. For some reason it was important to her that Ryan's daughter liked her. If she was going to spend more time with Ryan…

Stop it.

Regardless of what happened with Ryan, she would be spending more time with Ella, at least until the wedding was over. It would be better for everyone if Ella liked her, even just a little.

‘I saw a little pony at your house when I was there the other day. Does he belong to you?'

‘She's a girl.'

‘Okay. Is she yours?'

No answer. Jo glanced in the rear-vision mirror to see Ella nodding. Maybe she was on the right track. ‘What's her name?'

‘Tinkerbelle.'

‘That's a beautiful name.'

Silence, but a glance in the mirror showed Ella was smiling. Now she was getting somewhere. ‘Did your dad tell you I used to go riding with him?'

‘No.'

‘When we were kids, big kids in high school, we used to ride our horses together every chance we got. I had a pony when I was your age called Skeeta.'

‘That's a funny name.'

‘It was short for Mosquito. He was called that because he was tiny.'

‘How did you ride him then?'

‘Well, when I first got him I was pretty small too. When I got bigger I got a new horse called Samson and then, when I was fifteen, one of the mares on our farm had a foal. The mother got sick with a virus and she died, so I raised the foal for her.'

‘What was the foal called?'

‘Tam.'

‘That's a funny name too. Was it a boy or a girl?'

‘A boy. I called him Tim Tam, you know like the biscuit? But it ended up getting shortened to Tam.'

Ella giggled and Jo grinned at her in the mirror.

‘Did you know my mum?'

She hadn't seen this one coming.

‘Yes, honey, I did.' Jo searched her brain to think of something genuinely nice she could say about Carly, because she'd heard kids could sense when you were faking. She didn't want Ella to think she was a fraud. ‘She was very pretty.'

‘I know. I have pictures of her.' Ella was quiet for a moment. ‘Did my mum ride horses with you and my dad?'

‘No sweetie, she didn't.'

‘Why not?'

What was the right answer here? She knew she couldn't tell Ella the truth.
Because we weren't friends. Because I never liked her. Because even if I'd wanted to my mother would never have let me associate with a girl like Carly McGregor.
‘Um…I don't think your mum had a horse.'

‘You could have doubled,' Ella said. ‘Sometimes I double with my friends.'

‘I guess we didn't think of that.'

Ella's silence revealed what she thought of that answer.

This wasn't going to be as easy as Jo had hoped.

CHAPTER

19

As soon as they pulled up outside Kallara, Ella unbuckled herself and flung open the car door. She jumped out, ran to the house and started banging on the kitchen door before Jo had the chance to close the car doors, let alone gather up all the stuff required for the fitting. The kid was either beside herself with joy to see Jenny and Steph, or she was desperate to get away from Jo. It was hard to know which.

Jenny swung the door open and ushered Ella inside. ‘Come on in when you're ready, Jo,' she called.

‘Righto.' Jo opened the boot and grabbed the garment bag containing her bridesmaid's dress and her make-up case. Apparently a beautician from Bellington would be there to do a make-up trial after the dressmaker was finished with them.

The kitchen was abuzz with activity. Steph's Aunty Sue was making tea, while her cousin, Madison, complained loudly that it wasn't fair that her dress for the wedding was so babyish. ‘I'm fifteen, Mum, not five. I can't see why I can't have the same dress as Jo.'

‘Speak of the devil. Here's Jo now,' said Sue. ‘Hello, love, how are you? Are you alright? Jenny told me about the business on the weekend with your mum.'

Jo planted a kiss on Sue's cheek. ‘I'm fine thanks Sue. And Mum's okay too. She's safe and sound back at the home. I should never have taken her away from there. The doctor did try to warn me but I guess I didn't fully comprehend how much she'd deteriorated since I saw her last.'

Sue gave her a sympathetic nod. ‘You weren't to know. Never mind. All's well that ends well. But what about that other business?'

‘What other business?'

‘Your engagement, love. What's happened there? We saw a picture in
Gloss
of Zach with another…'

‘Sue!' Jenny walked into the kitchen and gave her younger sister a filthy look. ‘Mind your business. I'm sure Jo doesn't need us rubbing her face in it.'

Jenny walked over and put an arm around her shoulder. ‘Don't mind her, Jo. There's no need to tell us anything you don't want to.'

Jo shrugged. ‘It's fine. There's not that much to tell. Zach and I have separated. As to his current love life, I really can't give you any information.'

Madison looked at her. ‘I heard —'

‘Maddy! You heard what I said. Mind your business,' Jenny scolded.

‘Whatever.' Madison scowled and went back to checking her phone.

‘Madison, could you please go and check on Ella? Make sure she's not bothering the dressmaker while she's fitting Steph's dress,' Jenny said.

‘Sorry,' Jo said. ‘I shouldn't have let her run off ahead like that. I guess I'm not that great with kids.'

‘Don't be silly,' Sue said. ‘Madison doesn't mind. Do you Maddy?'

Madison rolled her eyes but did as she was asked. Once she was out of earshot Jo looked at the older women. ‘Zach and I had already split up before I arrived here, so the magazine picture was not quite the shock you possibly imagined.'

Jenny's eyes widened in surprise. Obviously Steph had been true to her word and not told a soul. ‘But…you never said…I don't understand.'

‘I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I was waiting until after the wedding. Everyone here is so upbeat and excited. I didn't want to spoil that. I didn't want you being careful around me, thinking that you had to spare my feelings. I thought it was easier just to wait until Steph's big day was over.'

Jenny squeezed her tight. ‘That was very thoughtful of you, love, but we're your family. You can tell us anything. So how are you really? And don't you dare lie to me, young lady.'

The tears welling in Jo's eyes had nothing to do with her feelings for Zach Carlton; it was Jenny's reference to family that brought the emotion to the surface. ‘I'm fine. Really I am.'

‘You don't look fine.'

‘Honestly I am. There's some stuff to work out with Zach, but as far as my feelings are concerned, I'm definitely not heartbroken. In fact it was me who called the whole thing off.'

Jenny pulled a chair out for and Sue plonked a cup of tea and a biscuit in front of her. Jo blinked back the tears and smiled. A cup of strong tea was considered a cure-all by these country-born-and-bred women.

‘So what about this actress he's been out and about with?'

Jo shrugged. ‘As far as I know that's a recent development. Who knows if they're really an item or not? “Just friends” is the story we're running with at the moment. We want to project a united front until after the movie comes out. It's better that way for both of us. So I'd appreciate your discretion, ladies. I've given Zach my word.'

‘Of course,' Sue said as Jenny nodded her agreement.

Madison appeared in the doorway holding Ella by the hand. ‘Steph says you're all to come in and check her out.'

‘We'd better do as she says,' Jo said. ‘We don't want her going all Bridezilla on us.'

Everyone, even Madison, started to laugh. Steph was possibly the most relaxed bride in the history of weddings. They all piled out of the kitchen, and rushed up the hallway to the formal lounge, or the Good Room, as Jenny was fond of calling it. It was a relief for Jo to have the focus taken away from her disastrous love life for a minute.

She heard Sue's gasp as she walked in behind her and when she saw Steph she understood why. Jo struggled to remember a time when she'd seen Steph in anything other than a pair of jeans or shorts. Her practical, tomboy best friend simply didn't ‘do' dresses. Until now.

Steph wore an off-the-shoulder, floor-length gown made from soft pink silk. The bodice was fitted, showing off Steph's petite feminine form, but the skirt fell in a natural line to the floor. It was simple but elegant.

Jo's hand went to her mouth at the sight of her friend looking so beautiful. So grown up.

‘Well? What are you all gawping at? Do I have a huge zit or something? Too much cleavage or what? Isn't anyone going to say something?'

‘Oh Steph you are breathtaking,' Jo said with just a hint of a waver in her voice.