Everything I Shouldn't / Everything I Need (31 page)

I stare at her in shock. How the hell? Seeing the look on my face, one corner of her mouth tips up in a sad smile. "I've been there. I was a junior in college when I ended up pregnant, so I know exactly what you're going through."

My mouth drops open. She had a baby? Wait...what? She doesn't have a kid, does she? If she does, my brother's never mentioned it, and she's never brought a child over here. I'm so confused right now; I have no idea what to even say to her. She doesn't say anything else, just continues to sit in front of me, waiting for an answer to a question I don't even remember now.

Oh right...she asked if I've taken a test yet. I shake my head no, telling her, "I don't want to know for sure. Can you imagine what my brother would do if I ended up pregnant right now? What he'd do to Jeremy?" Oh shit...Jeremy. If I actually am pregnant, how will I even tell him? He's not answering my calls, I don't know where he's staying, and the one time I tried showing up at his office, they told me they had explicit instructions not to let me up to see him. I've made such a freaking mess of everything.

My eyes fill with tears once more and Lyric gets up to come sit beside me. She puts an arm around my shoulders and pulls me into a brief hug. "SarahBeth, you need to know. How late are you?"

I have to think about it before answering her. "About a week," I mumble, embarrassed to be having this conversation with her of all people. She shouldn't even be talking to me right now, not after what I've done to her. "Lyric?" I ask, prompting her to look over at me. "I'm so sorry for saying all the horrible things I did to you. I hope you can forgive me someday." I start to cry again as Lyric holds me close. After everything, I really can't believe she's the one I'm going through this with. Once I've calmed down, she leaves to run to the closest drugstore so we'll know for sure, and I freak out the entire time she's gone.

Three minutes takes
forever
when you're waiting on an answer that will change your life. I'm pacing back and forth in my bedroom while Lyric sits on my bed watching me. The next time I walk by her, she grabs my hand, and pulls me down to sit beside her. "I know this sucks. Waiting was one of the hardest parts for me."

Lyric looks down at our hands before continuing, "When I took the test, my sister Aria stood outside the bathroom door waiting for the answer. I didn't even think about being pregnant at the time, I just thought I had a stomach bug that wouldn't go away." Her mouth twists in annoyance. "Honestly, even after she brought up the possibility, I refused to believe it. As soon as I realized I didn't want to find out alone, I let her inside and started to freak out. The positive test was such a shock and I had no clue how I was going to finish college and have a baby."

"So, what happened? I mean, I've never seen you with a kid, and David's never mentioned it either..." I trail off, because we're not that close and asking her for details seems kind of wrong.

She still doesn't look at me when she answers. "I miscarried. It was so stupid, and I blamed myself for what happened for a long time." She stops to take a deep breath and I feel a tear hit our joined hands. "I told my ex that I was pregnant and he didn't react well. He basically told me to
deal with it
because having a baby didn't fit into his plans. I ran away and ended up falling down some stairs, causing the miscarriage. It was a really hard time."

"No offense, but your ex was an asshole," I tell her matter-of-factly. What kind of guy gets a girl pregnant and then acts like it's not his problem? He was there to help create the damn thing; he should have to deal with the consequences too. It's so unfair.

She nods, "Yup. He still is an asshole. Remember when your brother met him?" I nod my head, thinking sarcastically,
I'm sure that went well
. "Yup. He showed up not long after I moved to Nashville and was
not
happy I'd moved on. He was sure that telling David all about the pregnancy and the miscarriage would make him leave me and then I'd go home with him. Your brother though, he wasn't having that. He punched Matt right in the nose. I found out afterward from my sister that it was broken and he was crying to anyone who would listen about how mean my new boyfriend is, how he attacked him for no reason. I really don't know what I ever saw in him."

My brother really is kind of a badass. I'm glad he stood up for her with that douchebag. Looking over at my phone sitting on my nightstand I realize that my time is up and it's time to find out if I'm actually pregnant or just stressed out. Standing, I turn to Lyric and ask in a small voice, "Will you come look with me? I don't want to do it by myself."

I feel so young all of a sudden. I can't believe I'm barely twenty-one years old and I might be having a baby myself. This is so not the life I thought I'd have. I'm alone, my brother is barely speaking to me, and the only person I have here with me right now is someone I treated horribly. Karma is a really big bitch.

All too soon we're standing at the sink in my bathroom, the test on the counter showing the result. The little window states very clearly "pregnant". "Oh. My. God." I can't believe it. Well, I can believe it actually. I already kinda knew, but that doesn't make it any better.

I turn to Lyric, my eyes wide and full of unshed tears. "Oh no, what am I going to do?" My breathing is fast and I'm fairly certain I'm about to have either a mental breakdown or a panic attack and I'm not sure which would be a better option.

"Calm down, SarahBeth," Lyric says, hugging me tightly. "Breathe sweetie, just
breathe
. This is
not
the end of the world you think it is, I promise."

Really? It sure feels like the end of the world, or at least the end of my world. Now, I'm going to be someone's
mother
. I'm going to be responsible for a
life
when I can barely manage to take care of myself. This is such a disaster. I can't believe I was so stupid! "I can't breathe, Lyric! What am I going to do? David is going to kill me, then Jeremy for this. I can't even tell Jeremy because he won't answer the phone and he won't see me. I have no idea where he is and nobody will tell me. Oh God...how on earth am I going to explain this to my brother?"

I pull away from her, looking up at her, terrified about what's going to happen next. "You
can't
tell him. Please! I don't even know what I'm going to do yet! I can't tell David until I have time to think. Please, promise you won't say anything?" I'm obviously not thinking clearly, because isn't that what caused so many problems before? Keeping secrets, refusing to tell my brother. I just, I don't know what to do, I don't know how to tell him, and it seems like Jeremy should be the first to know since he's the father. Oh jeez...how is Jeremy going to react to being a father? How
will
he get the
chance
to react when I can't get hold of him to even tell him?

"Oh no. No way! SarahBeth, I am
not
keeping your secret again. I'm sorry, I forgive you for everything you said before, but I am not going through all that again." She's staring at me in complete disbelief. I can't really blame her either, you would think I'd learned from my past mistakes. Lyric steps away from me, her eyes narrowing. "I'm going to call your brother right now. You can either tell him yourself when he gets here, and I'll sit beside you to help, or
I'll
tell him when he gets here and you can deal with him alone. Those are your only two options SarahBeth. He needs to know, and he needs to know as soon as possible."

I know she's right, I really do. I just don't know that I can stomach seeing the look on his face when he finds out his best friend got me pregnant. Especially now that he's not here, now that I can't get in touch with him. Sighing in defeat, I tell Lyric, "Okay. Do you promise you'll stay and help me tell him? I can't do this alone."

She nods, "I won't leave you. David and I will get you through this, I promise." She hits David's number on her cell and after a couple seconds, "David, you need to come home...I'm here with SarahBeth and she has something to tell you."

This isn't the end of SarahBeth & Jeremy's story! Find out how it ends in Everything I Need coming August 2014!

Save Me From Myself (Nashville Nights #1)

S
hutting the door to the upscale Manhattan apartment that I hate but my mother pays for, I lean my head back against the door and close my eyes. I just want to go back and restart this god-awful day. The past year has been full of nothing but a few ups, lots of downs, and heartaches that are guaranteed to break a person just by having to experience one of them. Me? I'm so lucky I get to experience them all one after the other like a row of dominos. I never used to understand why people would decide they didn't want to go on living, but if there's one thing I've learned this year, it's that that whole "God doesn't give you more than you can handle" platitude thrown around by everyone who's never been through what you have, is a load of crap. Because, if that's the case, he obviously thinks I'm stronger than I am. Either that, or he has way more faith in me than he should.

Once I've calmed my breathing, I head into the living room and sit down on the couch to call my sister. I'm sure she's been expecting this phone call since she left my apartment earlier this afternoon. Aria answers the phone before the first ring even finishes, "Lyric? Are you okay?"

"How long have you known what he was doing?" There should be some kind of anger in my voice, right? It shouldn't sound so flat, so lifeless.

My sister sighs, and her next words come fast, like she's trying to reassure me. "I saw them at a cafe on Lexington this morning. I swear Lyric, that's the first time I saw anything." Well, at least my sister didn't keep the secret. She was over here at lunchtime to tell me about it. "I'm guessing you confronted him then?"

"No A, I didn't get the chance to confront him." Not that I'm sure I would have anyway. "I went over to his apartment and when I walked in, I could hear them in the bedroom. After I saw it for myself, I took some of my stuff back and left."

"Seriously, Lyric? You didn't do or say
anything
? You didn't rip him a new one, or beat her ass? You just saw them and
left
?!?" She sounds really confused, but I don't know how to explain my reaction to her. I know the normal response to finding your fiancé in bed with another woman is not to calmly walk out and leave, but that's exactly what happened.

"Why would I fight
her
? For all I know, she knows nothing about me." I sound like I'm speaking to someone who isn't all there. I don't get how this is the girl's fault. Matt's the one at fault in this situation.

Aria lets out a frustrated groan, making me roll my eyes, "Do I need to send Edward and Phillip to talk to him?"

I don't even try to stop the snort at that mental picture. Talking is so not what she really means. And while my stepbrothers are awesome, they aren't exactly the uber-macho type. Well, Edward isn't at any rate. He'd probably refuse to punch him because he doesn't want to ruin his suit. If he did, his wife Grace would probably kill him. I don't even think she lets their two kids get dirty. Phillip would probably beat him down though. He's extremely protective over Aria, Kaitlin and I. Kaitlin's starting her freshman year at NYU later this month, and I'm fully expecting Phillip to follow her around growling at every guy who looks in her direction.

To answer Aria's question though, "No, sending the two of them over there won't accomplish anything. I'll handle it."

"Right. Sure you will," Aria sounds beyond skeptical, but I need to do this my way.

We talk for a few more minutes, mainly about my last semester in college. I ended up taking a semester off after everything happened last year, so instead of graduating last spring, I'll be graduating around Christmastime. Finally, I'm able to get my sister off the phone, and I don't know how long I sit on the couch staring blankly at the TV, the TV I didn't even turn on. Yeah, I'm pretty pathetic.