Everything I Shouldn't / Everything I Need (2 page)

When we moved back, David spent a lot of his time building his business. It was easier for me in a way because I just had to get hired. David built his job from the ground up, which took up the majority of his time, leaving me to entertain SarahBeth. We got extremely close during that time. I knew she had a crush on me, but I thought it was more infatuation than true romantic feelings. I was wrong.

The older Sarah got, the more beautiful she became. Gone was the tiny tomboy who wanted to follow us everywhere, and in her place was a beautiful woman. The more time I spent with her, the more I started noticing things about her; the smell of her hair, how soft her skin was. The more I noticed, the more I tried to stay away. My best friend's sister shouldn't be the girl I can't stop thinking about. I did everything I could to distance myself from her, making excuses when she asked me to take her places, showing up with a date when I knew she would be there, even though I knew it would hurt her. The lengths I went to were atrocious and shameful, but I was trying to avoid this situation. Instead of thinking of her like a sister, I was thinking of her as someone I wanted to own. She became the girl I wanted to claim, to make sure everyone knew she was mine.

Finally giving in and taking her should have brought relief, but instead all it brought was more stress and in the end more heartache. I'm old enough to know better. Hiding things never works, secrets always come out. I wanted her more than I wanted his friendship, and look where it got me. He hates me, she's devastated, and everything is completely fucked up.

I have to make things better; I need to fix this. Fixing my friendship with Dave and deserving SarahBeth is the only thing that matters to me now. He has to understand that hiding our relationship wasn't to hurt him; we weren't trying to deceive him. We were only trying to figure out how to tell him. David discovered us before we were ready, before we could figure out what to say to him. We should have just been honest from the beginning. If I had just gone to him before, explained that I do love her, that I will be good to her, maybe he would have given his blessing.

At least then, we would know. David's reaction might have surprised us. Instead, I let the fear of losing his friendship, of no longer being like brothers color my reactions and influence my decisions. I'm done being afraid; I'm done hiding. Making him understand just how much I want to be with her, that she is it for me has become my top priority. Now I just have to figure out how to get him to talk to me without him kicking my ass.

This is our story...

Jeremy

5 years earlier...

I
will never forget the night that broke my best friend, the night everything changed. After spending most of the night at a bar we found shortly after moving to Charlotte, we were walking into our tiny ass apartment just as his phone rang. Frowning, David glances down at the display.

"Who is it?" I ask, because no one should be calling this late. It's after two in the morning, and we just left our group of friends.

David's brow furrows further. "Fuck if I know. It's not a local number." He doesn't answer and it starts ringing again immediately. David studies his phone for a second but still doesn't answer, when the phone starts ringing immediately a third time, he finally does. I don't know who was on the other line, but whoever it is, the news isn't good. David uses one hand to brace himself against the wall, and the hand holding the phone is visibly shaking. The longer the voice talks, the paler his face gets. We're not chicks, so I don't run over and ask him what was going on, he'll tell me when he's ready. After a much shorter conversation than I would expect based on the look on his face, David slides his phone back in his pocket. He doesn't say a word to me, just walks into his room.

He shuts the door softly, but it doesn't mask the muffled sound of glass breaking. When I hear his fist hit the wall, I can't sit here and wait for him anymore. I still don't know what the phone call was about, but I know based on his expression when he hung up and the sounds coming out of his room that it was bad. Just as I lift my hand to knock, the door flies open; revealing my best friend looking through me with pain-filled eyes.

"What. Is. Going. On?" I wait for an answer, but it doesn't come. David stands in his doorway, lost in another world. The fact that he isn't speaking, isn't reacting to anything worries me. Dave isn't the type to keep quiet when shit's bothering him. He's the guy who will be in your face, never backing down.

Putting a hand on either side of his face, I force him to look
at
me. "What. Is. Going. On? Dude, you're scaring me right now. Who was that?"

David blinks, and he whispers, "They're gone."

"Who's gone Dave? You're not making any sense."

"My parents. They were in an accident on the way to Atlanta." The tears in his eyes overflow, and he leans heavily against the doorjamb.

Oh
fuck
. At first, I can't speak because of the sudden lump in my throat, but my blood quickly turns to ice as I ask the question I need the answer to the most, "Was SarahBeth with them?"

"Huh?" David looks confused, like the question I just asked him didn't make sense, and it takes a minute to sink in before his eyes widen and his words came out fast. "Oh! No man, she's at a friends. My mom called the other day to tell me they were going on a trip, but since it was their anniversary they were leaving her at Livvie's. Thank God."

I sag visibly in relief. Growing up, I spent more time with David's family than I did my own and I'm sure it won't be long before the fact that Elizabeth and David Sr. are gone hits me, but I can't even explain the relief I feel that SarahBeth wasn't with them. David's rushing around the apartment, throwing random things in a bag and I realize he's getting ready to leave.

"You're not driving alone, D. I'm coming with you." David starts to shake his head in protest, but I cut him off. "You're not doing this shit alone, are you crazy? You're going to have to make arrangements, call your grandparents...damn, you're going to have to tell SB what happened." As soon as I say the words, David's face loses the little bit of color it had as he sits heavily on the couch while I start gathering my own belongings. I can't let him do this by himself.

Dropping his head in his hands, Dave's voice comes out rough, like he's been chewing on glass. "Motherfucker!" Lifting his head, his look is pleading when he continues, "How the hell do I tell her this? Jesus Christ Jer, this is going to break her heart! I can't..." He clears his throat, "I can't tell her this. How do I tell my baby sister..." David trails off, lost in his own personal hell and there is nothing anyone can do to help him.

"Should I call Amy?" I ask hesitantly, not sure what I can do for him. Yeah, we've been friends since we were young, but I don't know how to deal with this kind of shit. I don't know how to help him tell his sister that her parents are dead, or how to help her transition into what her life is going to become. I've never had to deal with anything like this. I'm not sure I'd even slow down if someone told me my mother was dead, she's been gone for such a long time. My mother left me at a very young age after deciding she was over being a parent, and I never knew my father. But D's parents, they practically adopted me when we were in school. Dave Sr. was hard as shit on D, but he treated SB like a fucking princess and he was always good to me. He just had very different ideas on what David should do with his life, and he wasn't happy when he went his own way instead of following in his father's footsteps.

When he doesn't respond to my question, I ask it again. Finally, he snaps out of his thoughts to reply, "No, don't bother her. I'll call her later. She's not even supposed to be back until Tuesday. I don't want to deal with her drama right now." Oh..kay. I guess they're fighting
again
. They seem to be doing a lot of that lately. Before I can say anything further, he jumps up from the couch in a panic. "I have to go. Chattanooga is five hours away, and then I have to get to SarahBeth before someone else does."

"Chattanooga?" I ask, confused as I stop packing my own bag. Why is he going to Chattanooga?

David runs a hand through his hair as he finishes throwing things into his bag. "That's where they are. I...," he takes a deep breath, "I have to go identify the bodies before I tell her. Maybe this is all somehow a mistake." That last word is a whisper, and I reach out to put my hand on his shoulder. David places a hand on top of mine for a brief second before he straightens, zips his bag and heads for the door. Hoping I have everything I need, I follow him out to his car, dreading what the next few days will bring.

"Right this way Mr. Pearson," the secretary gestures towards the principal's office with one hand while eye-fucking both of us as we walk past. Nice lady, real nice. We're here to tell his sister that her parents are dead, and you're trying to figure out which one of us would be the better fuck. David ignores the lascivious look she's giving him, but then again, I'm not sure he's really noticed anything after the phone call last night and the stop in Chattanooga this morning.

When I had to watch the man who's like a brother to me identify the bodies of his parents, it really tore me up. He was quiet the entire drive to the hospital, barely speaking to me or the officer who made the call when we arrived. David decided to go into the room on his own, and when he followed the officer down the hall he looked much younger than our 26 years. They returned after about 45 minutes and David was visibly shaken, his features pale and drawn. It was obvious he'd been crying and he told me afterward that seeing his parents that way was harder than anything he could possibly imagine.

The principal stands to greet us, holding out his hand first to David, then me. "Boys. It's been a long time since you set foot in my office. How are you?"

"We've been better Mr. Parish," I start when David doesn't say anything. He hasn't said much since we left Chattanooga. I can't imagine what he was going through, but I am going to do anything I can to make it easier.

Mr. Parish looks confused, "I'm sorry to hear that. What can I do for the two of you today?" He's studying David, much like he used to when we were in school. It's obvious to him that something is wrong, but because David isn't talking, it's falling on me to speak up.

"Mr. Parish," I begin, before he cuts me off.

"Call me Robert," the principal says, and I nod.

Taking a deep breath, I continue, "Robert then. There's been an accident, and David and I are here to pick up SarahBeth." Telling someone other than SB feels wrong, and I don't want to go into any more details. "Can we borrow your office to speak with her first?"

His eyes, which are filled with questions, dart back and forth between us trying to figure out what's going on. When he hesitates, David finally breaks out of his trance to snap, "Our parents are dead, Robert. Please get my sister so I can tell her what's going on."

Mr. Parish's eyes widen almost comically. If it wasn't for the somberness of the situation, I'd almost be tempted to laugh. Instead, I stand idly by while David stares him down, clearly taking his frustration and anguish out on him. Finally, the principal nods, retreating to the waiting area to have the secretary call SarahBeth down to his office.

"You know she's going to think she's in trouble, right? Maybe we should have just picked her up and explained what was going on when we got home." Sitting here waiting for her just seems wrong somehow. I know this is going to change her world and I want to do everything I can to keep that from happening. It's an irrational thought; because there's no way to keep her safe from the pain she's going to be going through soon. David and I both spent so much time protecting her when she was little that knowingly destroying her is abhorrent. This is the last place I want to be, but I can't leave David and SarahBeth to go through it alone.

David shakes his head wearily. "No, that wouldn't have been any easier. Us being here at all is going to be a shock for her. She's smart, she'll know something is going on, it'll only worry her further if she has to wonder why we've come."