Everything I Shouldn't / Everything I Need (9 page)

The night of graduation is burned on my brain; I can picture it as if I'm still there, watching it all play out like a movie in front of my eyes.

I am so proud of her. Even with everything that's happened, all the drama and tragedy between her sophomore and senior years, she graduates with honors. To be honest, I don't know who is more proud of her, her brother, her grandparents, or me. Bringing Melanie with me is a really stupid idea, I know that going into it, but SarahBeth is a temptation I don't need and I bring Mel thinking she will keep me grounded. The last thing SB needs is me confusing her, but in the end, grabbing her and swinging her around in my arms before pulling her into me only alarms Mel.

I'm not sure what alerts her to the fact that something is off, but when I release SB, it is obvious that something has. I know I have to get her out of there before she starts asking questions, so even though she doesn't have to be at work for another two hours, I make our excuses and start leading her toward my car.

That's when she starts. "Is there something going on between you and SarahBeth?" Her voice is quiet, and with the amount of people around us, I have to lean in to hear her repeat herself.

"What are you talking about? She's a child, Mel." Playing dumb is rarely a good idea, but what am I supposed to say?
No, but I wish there was
? The only thing I can do at this point is play it off and hope she doesn't ask more pointed questions or look any closer. It physically hurts to say it, but I do anyway. "SarahBeth is like a sister to me."

Melanie looks up at me, her expression hopeful. "Really?"

I am a fucking asshole, and I'm going straight to hell for saying it, but I can't tell Mel how I feel about this little slip of a girl. She would never forgive me. "Promise," I tell her, trying to make my smile look genuine, even though I am sure I failed.

She lets it go and when I chance a look back SarahBeth is talking to her brother, not paying Mel and I a bit of attention. I am relieved she didn't to hear me lie about my feelings. The last thing I ever want to do is hurt her, especially when I know she has a harmless crush on me. Ruining her graduation day with my careless words would've been unforgivable.

Melanie and I are quiet during the remainder of the walk to my car and when I open the door so she could get in, she lifts a hand to my face. "I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable, Jer. It's just...I saw your face when you were holding her and you certainly didn't look like you felt brotherly towards her. I don't want to be wasting my time if you're pining over someone else." She looks nervous; like she's worried I'm going to take back what I said originally. But I won't. I can't put how I feel about SarahBeth into words for her.

"Babe, I'm not sure what you
think
you saw, but believe me when I say that nothing would ever happen between SB and I." My voice is tense, hard and unyielding. My expression must match it because Mel quickly backs down.

As she gives me a quick peck on the lips, she murmurs, "I believe you." Then, with an uneasy smile, she lets me help her in before I walk around to my side; we grab a bite to eat before I drop her off at work. I am meeting everyone else for SarahBeth's graduation dinner.

Unfortunately, that isn't the last time Mel had cause to doubt either my relationship with SarahBeth or my feelings for her. No matter how hard I try, I can't seem to stay away from her. There's just something about her that draws me in... that keeps me coming back for even the smallest bit of her affection and attention. I am pretty sure she is trying to kill me.

As I wait for SB to text me back to tell me she's coming out of the party, so I don't have to march in there like her father and drag her ass out, I am thinking about what brought us to this point.

It's the night David and I both abandon SarahBeth, leaving her alone for over an hour before I find out that not only have
I
left her hanging with no plans for dinner, but so has her brother. When he calls me to make sure she's okay with the fact that he can't be there, man, I just lose it. By the time he gets home, SarahBeth has gone to bed without eating, and I'm more than half drunk. David makes it a point to be home with her most evenings, doing all the things with her that I did before Mel.

It's no surprise the summer after her freshman year of college that he wants to keep her close, still trying to make up for all the time he's lost because he was stuck in his own head after his parents died. In an effort to keep her in town and away from unsupervised summer parties, he urges her to plan a pool party for July fourth. She eagerly agrees, having Olivia help her plan it and decide who to invite. David gives her carte blanche, he doesn't ask anything about what she's planning, and gives her whatever she needs to make sure she gets the party she wants.

SarahBeth and Olivia spend the morning of the party directing Olivia's boyfriend Emmett and a few of his friends around, making sure they had everything just the way they want while David and I watch from the kitchen window. Chuckling, David turns to me, "Damn, she looks so much like mom right now."

I agree. SarahBeth is standing on the patio surrounding the pool in a bright yellow t-shirt and a pair of bib overalls that barely cover her ass, her hands on her tiny hips while she bosses around a group of guys who all tower over her, Olivia at her side. The sight of her has my cock stirring in my shorts, something that is extremely uncomfortable, especially with her brother standing right beside me. Seeing her in that outfit makes me realize that there are no more traces of the teenager she used to be. She is no longer a child, she is a young woman, not that it makes me feel any better about the thoughts running through my head. After making a lame excuse, I leave to go run, hoping I can get myself under control before the party starts.

By the time I feel like I've run long and hard enough to deal with seeing SB in what I'm sure will be a bikini, her guests have started to arrive and the backyard is full of people already. I head straight to my room, intent on staying there until Melanie arrives to avoid seeing
her
. The last thing I want is to be subjected to watching her flirt with guys her own age; guys who make me feel like a dirty old man for having the thoughts about her that I do. I mean, yes I'm older, but I'm not
that
old. I know it's hypocritical to not want to see her with another guy while I flaunt Mel in her face, but I keep hoping that she'll move on, and that
her
moving on will allow me to move on.

Melanie is perfect for me; she actually reminds me a lot of SB, which only serves to make me feel like more of an ass. She is friendly, warm, and able to hold her own when it comes to the partners' wives at the architecture firm where I work. Mel has a way about her that makes everyone comfortable around her, and she never meets a stranger. SarahBeth is bubbly and bright, bringing a smile to her face makes me feel like a superhero. Like Mel, she is friendly with everyone and you can't help but like her, even though she isn't nearly as comfortable with people as my girlfriend. I can't help but wonder if their similarities are what attracted me to Mel in the first place. I can't have SarahBeth, so I'm trying to have the next best thing, not that it helps.

I step out of the shower and hear my bedroom door open. Assuming it's Mel arriving, I walk out wearing only a towel. Seeing SB standing in the middle of my bedroom is a shock, although I'm sure seeing me wearing nothing but a towel wrapped around my waist is even more of a shock to her based on how wide her eyes become.

Flustered, SarahBeth stammers, "Uh...David...um, David said he needs your help with the grill, so I told him I'd come get you since I was coming in to change." A pretty blush stains her cheeks as her gaze wanders over my naked torso, pausing briefly on my chest and then abdomen before finally resting where the towel is knotted. When she realizes I'm watching her, she drops her gaze to the floor as her blush deepens. All I can do is try to avoid thinking about the way she looks in her tiny cover up, or what is likely beneath it.
Fuck
! These are not the kinds of thoughts I should be having about her. Especially wearing just a towel.

There is no way to hide my reaction to her, so after quickly grabbing a pair of boxer briefs and shorts, I disappear into my closet to get dressed. When I come back out dressed in shorts and a t-shirt, I feel much more in control of myself. SarahBeth is still trying to look anywhere but at me as I cross the room to sit on the bed.

"I'll be out in a sec," I tell her, hoping she'll take the hint and leave, but she doesn't. She is still frozen, standing in the middle of my room. It takes everything I have not to reach out and pull her to me. Especially since all she is wearing is a loose white tank that looks more like a nightgown than a cover up. It barely comes to the top of her thighs, and I'm sure I'd be able to tell exactly which bathing suit she's wearing beneath it if she just moves.

Before she has a chance to respond, my door opens once again, revealing... Melanie. Inwardly I groan. This is just what I need. SarahBeth standing in the middle of my room, damn near naked, while I'm sitting on my bed, hair still damp from the shower wearing only a pair of shorts. If I'd walked in on SB in the same situation I would have lost it, so I'm not surprised when Mel's eyes narrow as she looks between us. Hell, I
know
nothing has happened and I'm pretty sure I look guilty.

"Hey babe," I say before jumping up to go greet her. If I act like everything is fine, maybe she'll let this one go too.

Seeing Melanie snaps SarahBeth out of whatever she is thinking because she turns and tries to smile at her. "Hi Mel. I was, uh, just heading back outside." Then, turning to me, she says, "Try to hurry. If David burns the food it will ruin my party." She has an uncertain look on her face as she looks between Mel and I once more before scooting past my girlfriend and closing the door behind her.

As soon as SarahBeth is gone, Mel turns to glare at me. "What was she doing in your room Jeremy?"

"Nothing! She just came in to tell me David needed me outside," I explained, pulling her into my arms. "I thought you were here when I heard the door shut, but when I came out of the bathroom, it was SB instead." There is no way I'm telling her that when I came out I was wearing only a towel. Even I'm not that fucking stupid.

After studying me intently for a few minutes, Mel finally relaxes into my embrace before turning to kiss me gently. "Okay," she says with a sigh. "Go help David while I get ready, okay?" Pushing me away, she picks up the bag she dropped on the floor when she "caught" SB and I alone in my room.

"See you in a few minutes!" I call after her, just before she shut the door to my bathroom. Exhaling a relieved breath, I head out to see what David needs, wishing not for the first time that I didn't have to hide how I feel.

By the time I get outside, David no longer needs my help so I'm free to relax while waiting for Mel to come back outside. Well, I should be able to relax, and I could if SB hadn't chosen to remove her skimpy cover up and reveal her even skimpier bikini. The damn thing was strapless, white with black polka dots and a black band along the top. The bottoms aren't much better with polka dots and little black ruffles on the sides.

When one of the guys from school that she invited grabs her by the waist, my hands clench into fists and it is all I can do not to go over and tear her away from him. I don't even know the guy, have never seen him with her before, but the only thing I can concentrate on is his hands on her. He shouldn't be able to touch her.
No one
should touch her who isn't me.

Between the skimpy bathing suit and the amount of lightly tanned skin showing, SarahBeth looks like a goddess. Her smile is bright, her laugh carefree; all it does is remind me just how far apart we really are. Her freedom is just beginning, while I should start thinking about settling down. Damn, I'm fast approaching thirty, and she hasn't even started college yet.

SarahBeth

I
shut the door to Jeremy's bedroom; afraid I'm going to hyperventilate. Holy crap! The last thing I expected when David sent me in looking for Jeremy was to see him wearing nothing but a freaking towel. It was obvious that he didn't plan on seeing me in his room either since he came out of the bathroom that way. God... I felt like I was rooted to the floor when I saw him. It was like my legs stopped obeying commands because if I could have, I would have run out of his bedroom. I was just that stunned.

The fact that Melanie showed up when she did, well, I can't decide if that was a good thing or a bad thing. Yes, I've been trying to avoid being alone with Jeremy since Christmas, but I still hate the fact that he keeps choosing her over me. I just don't understand what it is about her that puts her so far above me in his eyes. Even at my graduation, she came first. I can't get the images of that day out of my head, I wanted him to be all about me but she came first, again.

Instead of spending the day with me, he left early to take her where she needed to go. I'm tired of always being second best to everyone.