Everything I Shouldn't / Everything I Need (10 page)

As soon as I get back outside, I let David know that Jeremy's coming before going to find Livvie. She's with Emmett and a few of his friends, including Kristopher, the latest guy she's trying to set me up with. He's nice and all, but just like all the others, he isn't Jeremy. He isn't the guy I really want to be with.

When I walk over to them, Livvie gives me an evil little grin before she shouts, "Let's see that new swimsuit chica! I bet it looks amazing on you!" Like she doesn't know how I look in it. She's the one who was there when I bought it.

"No, I'm good. I'll take my cover up off before I get in the pool." I really hate when she acts this way. Livvie is a great friend, but at times she thinks she knows what's best for me and she pushes me to do things I'm really uncomfortable with. If it was up to her, I would have lost my virginity at Junior Prom, and of course if Jeremy hadn't terrified Jordan.

Livvie, being the instigator she is, doesn't let it end there. She pouts, pushing her lower lip out as far as she can and looks downright ridiculous until finally I relent, shrugging out of my tank top. This suit gives new meaning to "itty bitty polka dot bikini" considering that it's strapless and barely covers the essentials. When we went shopping a few days ago specifically for this party, she tried to talk me into getting the thong bottoms, but there was no way I was wearing a thong bathing suit around my brother. That was just all kinds of wrong.

Kristopher and his ogling aren't making me feel any less weird about the whole thing. He's blatantly staring at my chest, and all I want to do is put my cover up back on. I notice Jeremy coming out of the house just as Kristopher wraps an arm around my waist and tries to pull me into the water. Shrieking, I start batting at his arms to get away from him, but I can't help my laughter, especially when I see how tightly Jeremy is gripping the rail.

I spend the rest of the afternoon flirting with Kristopher, just to see what Jeremy would do. Poor Kristopher. There are a couple of times I think Jeremy is going to storm over, but he stays with Melanie which just makes my flirting more overt. The last straw for him is after David leaves for Drench. Kristopher wraps his arms around me in the pool, pulls me against him and kisses me deeply. When I turn around to check, Jeremy's gone and so is Melanie. I keep waiting for them to return, and the longer I wait, the more uncomfortable I become. The high from making him jealous dissipates quickly, leaving me with a sick feeling in my stomach.

Finally, after telling Livvie I'm tired and I've had too much sun she gathers up Kristopher and Emmett who are the only ones left, herding them through the house and out the front door. Kristopher pauses to give me his number and to ask when he can see me again. Livvie shakes her head and tells him that I'll call him when I feel better as she gives me a sympathetic look. She knows the issue is Jeremy and Melanie leaving, and as much as she wants me to move on, to stop letting him affect me this way, she won't say anything else.

After Livvie shuts the door behind them, the house is quiet. David won't be home for hours and I have no idea where Jeremy is. I quickly regret having my best friend leave because being home alone leaves me with too much time to think and I have a vivid imagination. Especially where Jeremy is concerned. As I walk back to the kitchen, passing Jeremy's bedroom, I hear his voice and can't stop myself from going to talk to him. I want to apologize, to try to make things better between us, but when I open the door, I get a shock instead.

What I see is the last thing I expect. I stand there, frozen in the doorway with my hand still on the knob and unable to look away. Jeremy is still home, and in his room...but he isn't alone. If I could gouge my eyes out right now, I would. Jeremy and Melanie are in his bed, naked. She's underneath him, her legs are wrapped around his hips and he's between her legs. His head is bent down with his mouth close to her ear so he can murmur in her ear and still keep her arms pinned above her head as his body thrusts into hers. There's a part of me that is extremely jealous that he isn't whispering in my ear while holding me hostage beneath him.

Logically I know Jeremy has a girlfriend, and that he isn't celibate, but in my heart, I fully believe he cares about me in a way that has nothing to do with me being his friend's sister. Seeing him in bed with Melanie is enough to break me and I'm unable to choke back my sob. As soon as they hear the sound, Jeremy and Melanie freeze before they see me standing just inside the room. She immediately turns away from me but not before I see the mortified expression on her face. Jeremy's eyes are wide and full of horror, then remorse. Unable to look at them any longer, I turned and run, the only thought I'm able to concentrate on is getting away before they catch me.

After sending a quick text to Livvie begging her to come get me, I go to my room. It takes only a few minutes to wipe the tears from my face and then I'm sneaking down the back steps to avoid running into them. I know it's only a matter of time before Jeremy comes looking for me and I want to be long gone by then. As I creep quietly towards the back door, I can hear them having a quiet discussion down the hall.

"Where are you going?" Mel hisses, she's definitely upset.

Jeremy sighs, "I have to go check on her. I need to know that she's okay." I imagine him running his hand through his hair, he always does that when he's stressed out or upset.

"Are you kidding me? I'm sure she's fine. She's nineteen Jeremy, not ten." Melanie's voice is rising, but I don't want to listen to anymore. I needed to get the image of him on top of her out of my head.

Shutting the French doors as quietly as I can, I head around the house and down the circular driveway as I send another text to Olivia, telling her I will meet her at the edge of the driveway. She doesn't live far away, so I'm hoping she'll be there by the time I get to the road.

When she pulls up, she isn't alone. Emmett's driving, so I slide into the back seat and once Emmett pulls away, Livvie turns to look at me. "You look like shit. We were only gone for like five minutes. What the hell happened?"

"I really don't want to talk about it Liv. I just want to get out of the house for the night, okay?" If I tell her what I just saw, Olivia will do one of three things; she'll insist on going back to the house and confronting Jeremy, she'll pity me, or she'll remind me that I'm never going to have him the way I want him and then set me up with yet another of Emmett's friends. I've been down this road too many times to count already.

She studies me until I want to squirm under her scrutiny before finally, she says, "Well, we're going to a party. We can go, have fun, get wasted and forget about whatever it is that's bothering you. Sound good?"

That sounds like exactly what I need to do. I've never been drunk before, but maybe that will erase the images that are torturing me tonight. I nod, and Liv's face lights up. Twisting back around in her seat, she claps her hands and lets out a whoop. "Girrrrl, we are going to get you so drunk tonight. Maybe you'll even find a guy to take your mind off Jeremy!" Just the mention of his name makes me want to break down and sob. By the time we pull up the frat house, I'm resolved to getting drunk and forgetting everything that happened today.

We've been at this party for a little over two hours and I'm sure how many drinks I've consumed. As soon as we arrived, Livvie grabbed my arm, led me straight into the kitchen and requested something fruity tasting the name of which I don't remember. It tastes like Kool-Aid, but based on how fuzzy my head is, it must be straight alcohol.

After setting me up with my new buddy alcohol, she introduces me to a guy on Emmett's football team named Clay, the epitome of tall, dark and handsome. I know she means well, but I'm just not into him. She's always setting me up with some random guy and to be honest, it's really starting to piss me off. Clay keeps trying to engage me in conversation, but the harder he tries, the more I drink until everything he says is SO funny I'm laughing hysterically, he finally gives up and goes to find someone more receptive to his romantic advances.

I'm not sure how much time passes before I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket. Pulling it out, I can barely read who the text is from. When I realize it was from Jeremy, my heart drops to my stomach and my hands start to shake.

Where are you? We need to talk.

Yeah right. The
last
thing I want to do is talk to him.

At a party I dont wan to talk to u

We have a LOT to talk about little bit. What kind of party?

Like he cares. Is he trying to play the big brother role? I already have one of those, thanks.

frat party, drinking, guys, bad choices. You no bout that right?

Okay, so I'm being a little bitchy... and later when I read back over my texts it's obvious I was
drunk
... but right now I am entitled to be a drunk bitch. I did just catch him in bed with another woman. Who cares if she's his girlfriend? He's supposed to be mine.

You better not be drinking SarahBeth.

Im drunk. might have sex like u did. Not like u care.

I'm totally lying. I have no intentions of leaving here with anyone but Olivia. Jeremy doesn't need to know that though. I don't know why I bother trying to make him jealous; it isn't like he even cares who I have sex with or when. However, it isn't thirty seconds before he responds back with a reply that makes my insides melt.

You have no idea how much I care. Where are you? I'm coming to get you. NOW.

I ask someone to help me and I give him directions before going to find Olivia, who promptly tells me I'm an idiot and shakes her head at me before leaving me alone to wait. An hour later, I'm beginning to sober up and I'm regretting texting him, let alone giving him directions on how to get here when another text comes through.

I'm outside and if you aren't out here in the next five minutes I'm coming in to get you. If I have to come find you, I won't be happy.

Oh. Shit.
I'm torn. On one hand, I kind of want him to come looking for me; on the other, I'm terrified of what he'll do when he finds me. I decide it's way better to just go to him than risk being embarrassed, but when I finally make it through all the bodies to the door he's standing just inside. Our eyes lock, his are narrowed and menacing while mine hold a mixture of fear and defiance. Jeremy reaches forward, grabs me by the arm and drags me outside behind him. He is so much taller than me and I've had so much to drink that I stumble more than once on my way out the door.

By the time we get to his car, my ankle hurts and I'm tired of the way he's pulling me around. Jeremy opens the back door so I can climb in and when I turn to look at him, confused as to why I'm getting in the back, I see
her
. Seriously? He tells me that I have no idea how much he
cares
, and then he brings his girlfriend with him to pick me up? What the hell? Just seeing the back of her head in the front seat makes me feel stabby. Not giving me a chance to reply, Jeremy shuts the door before going around to the driver's side.

As he shifts into drive, his eyes meet mine in the rearview mirror. "I've got to take Melanie home, and then you and I need to talk."

"If you're worried I'm going to tell David what I saw --" Mel gasps "-- don't worry. I'm pretending that never happened." I cross my arms over my chest, knowing I'm acting childish but unable to stop. "You can just drop me off at home because I have
nothing
to say to you right now."

Jeremy's hands tighten on the steering wheel until his knuckles turn white. He doesn't say anything else to me until after he drops her off and pulls into the driveway at home. "Are you ready to talk to me like a rational human being now?" His tone is so condescending
and
it only serves to put my back up.

"I'd be happy if I
never
had to talk to you again!" I scream at him before slamming the door shut and running for the house. If I can get inside and up to my room before he catches me, I won't have to face him. I won't have to look at him when he tells me that I'm like a sister to him, while he loves Mel. There's no way I can take him saying those words to me.

Jeremy's on me before I can even shut the front door. He slams it shut behind us and pushes me up against it and bending so that we're eye level. "Why the
fuck
won't you talk to me Little Bit?" His eyes are dark and angry, intent on mine. I can't look away from him. He puts a hand on either side of my head and cages me in. His body presses up against me, the feeling is very distracting. It also pisses me off that I like having him so close to me. I hate feeling vulnerable to him and I'm afraid he will see I want him, so I come out fighting.