Everything I Shouldn't / Everything I Need (8 page)

"Yeah Gran, I'm ready to go." Being around her is almost painful because she looks so much like my mom probably would at that age. It's like seeing a future that will never be. I have got to get a handle on my emotions today! Looking like a raccoon won't be attractive in all the pictures my grandparents are sure to take.

Wrapping an arm around my shoulders, my grandmother walks beside me down to where the rest of my grandparents and David are standing. These are the most important people in my life. Looking around at each of them, the pride and love shine on each of their faces, along with the same acknowledgement of the two people who should be here but aren't. Each of my grandparents take a turn giving me a hug and kiss before David does the same.

Pulling me in and hugging me tightly he murmurs into the top of my head, "I'm so proud of you sis. I love you." Tears prick the back of my eyes, but I do my best to hold them in.

"I love you too," I whisper back around the lump in my throat, afraid that if I say it too loudly the dam will break. It's nice knowing that all of these people love me, but at the same time I feel the loss of Jeremy like a limb. Looking up at my brother, I can't stop myself from asking, "Where's Jeremy?"

"He went to get Melanie. They're meeting us at graduation. Don't worry, he wouldn't miss this." David attempts to reassure me, but we both know that for the last few months, Jeremy hasn't been as present as he was before. There was a period when he spent all his free time with me, but after Christmas it was like he couldn't stand to be in the same room with me for very long.

The fact that Mel is so nice makes it worse. I want to hate her, for no other reason than she's with him, but I can't. Every time she's been a part of whatever we're doing, she makes it a point to befriend me, to be nice to me and to include me. How can you dislike someone who is so intrinsically nice?

"Come on you two," my PawPaw grumbles, clearly aggravated that we aren't on the move yet. He hates being late, he would much rather be an hour early. "We don't have time for all these mushy moments, there'll be time for that later."

He acts so gruff, but he's really just a big softy. Pulling away from David, I grin at my grandfather before hugging him tightly once more. He continues to grumble under his breath for a few more minutes, a grin on his face the whole time, before herding us all towards the door.

The ride to the high school only takes about fifteen minutes and when we park I can see Livvie waiting for me, along with her boyfriend Emmett. She is still sporting the bright red streak in her hair that she swore to her parents was temporary even though I'm sure they know it isn't.

As soon as I shut the car door she runs over. I've never understood how she can run in four-inch heels. We are close to the same height, but her heels put her about two inches above me. Even with them, she's still a few inches shorter than her boyfriend. They've been on and off for over a year, and their breakups only last a few days, except for one time. I never knew what caused the fight a few months earlier, and she refuses to tell me, but they were split up for almost two weeks.

Olivia spent most of those two weeks with a guy named Tyler who graduated the year we were freshman and was friends with her brother Chris. They played in a band together for a little while before Chris went into the military. The guy is
hot
, all tatted and pierced. He's pretty much the opposite of Emmett who's clean-cut and athletic, but he's a nice guy.

"Ohmi
god
SB! Can you believe it? We're
graduating
today! No more high school, and we're adults!" Olivia squeals, throwing her arms around me and bouncing up and down with excitement. I look over at Emmett, who is watching us with an amused grin on his face. Meeting my eyes, he gives me a small wave before walking over to us.

Putting his arm around Olivia's shoulders, he says, "Hey SB. You ready to do this thing?"

"Definitely! Let's get this over with." Giving my brother one last hug, he hands me my cap and gown before sending me off with my friends while he waits for his to arrive.

"Where's Jeremy," Livvie asks, bumping my shoulder as we walk. She is the only person who knows about my feelings for him.

With a long-suffering sigh I tell her, "He had to go pick up Mel before coming here."

Livvie scrunches up her nose, "Ewww. Why's he bringing her here? This is supposed to be a
happy
day for you. Flaunting her in front of you is only going to make you cry."

"No, it's fine. Really. I'm over it, and I'm over him now. He can do whatever he wants." Amazingly enough, my voice sounds completely normal. Huh. I almost convince myself I mean it. But no, even as I'm saying it, I know it isn't true. If anyone else knew about my feelings, they'd write it off as some schoolgirl crush. I know better though. I've always loved Jeremy, it's just getting stronger as I get older, especially since he used to be around all the time. "Anyway," I continue, "it doesn't matter anyway. Even if I
did
feel something for him it wouldn't change anything. I'm just the bratty little sister to him."

Olivia looks skeptical. "I don't know about that SB. Remember how he acted when Emmett set you up with Jake last month? That was not the way an older brother reacts to a date. He was like a jealous boyfriend."

"You're so reaching." My bestie only sees what she wants to see, and since she wants me to be happy of course she reads his actions that way. Not wanting to continue the conversation with her right now, I start looking for the section I need to be in. Livvie's last name is Barrett, so she will be up front. Since mine is Pearson, I will be closer to the back. Emmett has already left us to go find his place, bored with the discussion we've been having. "I need to get in line Liv. I'll see you after okay?"

Her face falls, "I'm sorry. I know you hate talking about him, I just want you to be
happy
." Giving me a quick squeeze she steps back into line leaving me to go find where I was supposed to be.

The ceremony isn't very long, but the fact that it is hotter than hell out here in these red cap and gowns makes it seem like it takes forever. When I walk across the stage I chance a look at my family and see Jeremy and Mel cheering along with everyone else and my heart hurts. It's a strange way to feel. I'm so glad he is here, but at the same time so upset that he brought her with him. When it's finally over, it's time to go out and find everyone so we can do the whole "picture taking" thing. Sighing heavily I make my way over to where I saw David and my grandparents earlier.

My brother is the first one to see me and he rushes over to grab me, twirling me around in a circle. "You did it Sarah! You're a graduate now! Congratulations." After giving me a swift kiss on the cheek, he passes me off to my grandparents who echo his sentiments.

Once I'm finished hugging my last grandparent, the only people left are Jeremy and Melanie so there's no avoiding them any longer. Mel smiles warmly at me as she reaches over to give me a brief hug, "Congrats SarahBeth. I know your family and Jeremy are all proud of your accomplishment."

My smile is brittle as I hug her back lightly. "Thanks for coming Melanie." I can be civil when I have to. Even if I want to scratch her eyes out after seeing them holding hands when I walked up.

Jeremy, much like my brother swings me around in circles with a wide grin. "Congrats Little Bit! I knew you could do it!" he says as he puts me down, pulling me in for a hug. I wrap my arms around his neck and close my eyes, wishing I could stay right here, forever.

He pulls away all too quickly though, his smile falters when he looks over at Melanie. I have no idea what causes the change in his demeanor, but he stiffens and almost pushes me away. Looking uncomfortable, Jeremy runs his hand through his hair before meeting my eyes once more. "I'll see you at dinner tonight, yeah? Mel has to be at work soon and since I drove...." He trails off, clearly at a loss for what to say.

I'm not sure why, but I make it easy for him to go. "Sure, no problem. I'll see you later tonight." Turning to Mel, who is watching us both intently with a strange look on her face, I tell her, "Thanks again Mel."

Her smile is small and uncertain, but she nods. "See you later SarahBeth."

Placing a hand on the small of her back, Jeremy leads her through the crowd without looking back. As they move away from all of the people, his head is bent down towards hers and they are clearly having a discussion. I obviously can't hear what's being said, but it doesn't look at all pleasant.

Walking up beside me, David leans over to say in my ear, "Looks like trouble in paradise, huh?"

"Looks like." I feel like I am missing something. Running back through what happened, I can't think of any reason why she would be upset with him. All Jeremy did was congratulate me and give me a hug.

David nudges my shoulder to get my attention. He looks concerned, so he must've been talking to me while I was busy worrying about Jeremy. "You okay?" I nod, but he doesn't look convinced. "Alright, well, are you ready to go?"

Pasting a fake smile I my face, I tell him, "Yup! Ready whenever you guys are."

He puts an arm around my shoulders and hugs me against him as we walk past the crowd of people. I catch Livvie's eye and she waves us over to where she's standing with her brother Chris and her parents Lisa and Greg. David releases me when Lisa reaches out to pull me to her. "Come here sweet girl," she murmurs into my hair. "Your mom and dad would be so proud of you today. You looked so beautiful up there."

"Thanks, Mrs. Barrett." Her praise and her comments about my parents make me feel a strange combination of happy and sad, but the fact that she said that about my parents warms me inside. Her dad takes his turn, congratulating me too before I'm standing in front of her older brother. Just like David, he is extremely overprotective. If he had any idea what went on between Livvie and Tyler, he'd flip his lid.

"Hey there sunshine," he flirts, just like he always does. David frowns at him, but I giggle. I'm used to his flirting, it's harmless. He thinks of me like a sister, he was the big brother I needed when mine was gone.

Elbowing him in the stomach, I scowl playfully up at him. "Stop it you. You forget, I know you're just a big player."

Chris just laughs, hugging me tightly once more before releasing me back to my big brother. David turns to Livvie's parents and says, "We're going out to dinner tonight. Do y'all want to come?"

Livvie's parents decline, they are going out with their own extended family tonight. As we leave them alone Livvie catches my eye and whispers "call me later" to which I nod before following David towards our grandparents who have now made it back to the cars. Opening my door, he helps me into his restored TransAm. I swear he loves that car more than he loves anything, except maybe me. With the exception of whatever is going on between Melanie and Jeremy, today has been a really good day. I'm excited to be done with high school, and ready to start college at NOSSI in the fall. Now, if I can just move on from my brother's best friend, everything will be great...

Jeremy

S
tanding in front of a frat house, I'm debating on whether or not I should just go in and look for her. It's been almost an hour since she texted me, and I've been standing out here for more than thirty minutes waiting for her to show up. If I wasn't so worried about her, I'd be tempted to take a belt to her ass for this whole thing. She's barely nineteen and based on her text messages, I'm pretty sure she's drunk. Visions of SarahBeth being taken advantage of by a frat boy cloud my head, causing me to see red.

A gentle hand on my arm startles me. Mel's standing next to me, a compassionate look on her face. "Stop worrying Jeremy, I'm sure SarahBeth is just fine."

Shrugging off her hand, I'm even more pissed off that Melanie knows exactly what's bothering me. It takes me back to the night of SarahBeth's graduation and the exchange between Mel and I after we left. If I'd been honest at that point, we wouldn't be here right now. Hell, SarahBeth wouldn't be here at this party right now.