Everything Changes (33 page)

“Jesus, you act like I never asked you to stay.”
He gasped. With a clumsy lurch, he stepped back, ramming hard against the
hauler door. His riding boots squeaked with the motion on the tile floor.

I pushed up to my feet, reaching out for him.
“I’m sorry, Parker. I meant to tell you about him,” I pleaded.

“No you didn’t,” he said, his voice strained with
emotion. He twisted away from my hands and staggered back towards the front of
the hauler. I caught up to him in the small space. The second my hands touched
his back, he stopped and turned into the wall, resting his forehead against it.
He was breathing so hard, dragging in deep, ragged breaths as his jersey clung
to his chest and back. “I don’t understand why this shit has to be so hard
between us. It’s fucked up,” he said in a hollow rasp.

“It’s like this because neither one of us wants
it to end, but we can’t get our shit together and see what’s right in front of
us.” I kept my hand on his shoulder and crouched a little, trying to see his
face, but he kept it down.

“For fuck’s sake, Ro, you act like you’re just
some girl I call every once in a while. You’re not!” He pounded his fists
against the wall on either side of his head and it made me jump.

“Don’t you see…I am because that’s the way it has
always been,” I said, desperate to keep him from pushing me away completely. We
may have been fighting but at least we were talking. It didn’t stop the anger
from surfacing.

Parker snorted a laugh but I talked over him.

“We have absolutely no communication other than
you calling when you need me. What does that tell you about our relationship?”
My eyes were burning and I kept blinking thinking that if I did, he wouldn’t
see the tears coming. The thought of him knowing my true feelings surrounding
our relationship was frightening to me and the very reason why we never
communicated. I wanted him to see that this wasn’t the kind of life I wanted. I
wanted a man that was there for me through everything and a life of my own, not
something where I followed a boy around.

Parker finally straightened up and looked at me.
His face was full of pain and anger. He reached out and grabbed my shoulders,
but it wasn’t like before. He was holding me there, pinning me down at an arm’s
length. I reached up and closed my hands around his wrists, but he didn’t move
and I couldn’t get closer.

“All you had to do was call and everything would
have changed.”

Call?
Me call?

It was like this shit was some kind of sick joke
between us, both of us seeing how badly we could hurt the other. All I could do
was stare back at him. I was willing those fucking tears not to fall, but I
could feel each one escape anyway. “It doesn’t change anything, Parker.”

I was pissed by that point. I was pissed at
myself, him, his career, my lack of motivation to do anything with my life, our
situation… I was pissed because it all came down to this and why nothing ever
changed. I thought I could come here and tell him how I felt and that maybe
something would change but it didn’t.

When I started to cry, his face finally softened,
but he still didn’t bring me closer. There was sorrow there and regret for what
we had now became.

“I’m not okay with you seeing Sean and me,” he
said softly. “Chose one of us.”

“Don’t do that to me,” I cried, my voice shaking
with tears. My vision started to blur. “I don’t tell you who you can see when
I’m not here. I never told you that you couldn’t talk to Kayla.”

“She’s my agent, Ro. I don’t have a choice and
you know that. You have a choice. Besides, I’m not seeing her. She’s only a
friend.” He sighed and his eyes looked so sad and tired. It was like the last few
years he had aged ten years.

I wanted to believe him but everything she said
and did was with purpose. She wanted me to see them together, which was why she
sent the pictures to me.

He looked down at the ground again with that
jaded, bitter look he got whenever our relationship came up. I swallowed hard.
“I just wanted you. I didn’t care what I was to you. I only wanted you.”

His whole face twisted in disgust, and I
immediately regretted what I said. “The fucking problem is that you never
saw
what you were to me,” he said, his
voice hard with anger. “You
assumed
what you were!”

“But you never led me to believe anything else,”
I insisted.

I slid my hands up his arms, desperate for him to
let me touch him. If I could just touch him again, I thought he would
understand that this was me finally standing up for myself in this. I wasn’t
trying to break his heart though he’d been breaking mine for years.

Regardless of what we had been doing to each
other, our bond and our love was too strong to deny and we knew that. It was
why we constantly ran to each other. But still, how long could this really go
on for before one of us got hurt?

Our answer was right in front of us.

His face collapsed as his anger faded. He tipped
his head forward, his chin practically on his chest. Elbows bent, it was enough
to move forward, so I did. I moved into his arms, my hands finding his sides,
pulling him towards me. His arms fell around me and he sighed.

“Did you fuck him?”

“No…” I said, my mouth almost against his neck.
He groaned, and then turned his head just enough so his mouth connected with
mine again. I wanted to cry in relief. There was no way he could say no to
this, and it didn’t seem like he was. He tightened his arms that were loosely
folded around me. I reached up for his shoulders, gripping his wet jersey and
pulling myself up to be tall enough. He lifted me until I could wrap my arms
around his shoulders. Then I kissed him.

We could hear someone knock on the door. Parker
kicked the door hard. His riding boots dented the door slightly. “Get lost!”

“Parker, there’s five minutes until the main!”

He kicked the door again, his anger flaring. “I
said get lost!”

In a tiny moment when there was air between us,
before he took my mouth from another direction, he whispered, “I can’t live
without you, Ro… Stay with me.”

It felt so right when he would say things like
that, but I also knew how this would end. He knew it too. I moaned and hung on
tighter, avoiding it.

After today, who knew what would become of us?
Right now, I knew this was what we needed.

Parker took one step and my back was against the
counter near the helmet he had sent flying earlier. His hand slid down past my
hip, over my ass, wrapping around the back of my thigh. He lifted my legs and
wrapped them around his hips, pressing himself against me and the counter. At
some point, when that stopped being enough, he moved to the floor and laid me
down.

With anger, hurt, and regret all shining through
his heated stare, his hands moved from my upper thighs to his jersey, ripping
it over his shoulders. It landed next to my head as he pushed my dress up
around my waist.

His hands then moved to his riding pants, his
eyes still on mine. I couldn’t break his gaze enough to watch what he was
doing, just that he was doing something.

There was no questioning the look in his eyes,
and I wasn’t about to. Soon, we were both naked, remembering why we lived for
those phone calls, feeling every part of our love together.

We moved fast and I hated that it was turning
into this, but in all actuality, this was us whether I wanted to admit it or
not. Our bond, though it was emotional, was just as much physical too.

It was an urgent tumble as we pushed aside
clothing. Parker was ready, poised over me, his riding pants down around his
ankles and my dress pushed up over my waist. “Fuck,” he whispered, knowing my
body was only his. “You didn’t fuck him, did you?”

I shook my head, looking back at him.

Then he moved inside me and I couldn’t think
anymore. I could only feel.

In those moments, we were one and everything
changed.

But, like everything else between us, when it was
over, we were both left wondering where our relationship would be now.

“I have to leave,” I said, twisting to find my
dress that had been thrown to the side. Parker reached down and pulled his
riding pants back up. When he them back on, he grabbed his jersey that was by
my legs and slid it over his shoulders.

When I went to move, he stopped me.

Parker’s hand closed on my upper arm, his gaze
intent on mine. “Just talk to me. Why does it have to be like this? Stay with
me.”

“Why? Because it’s good for
you
or
me
?” My voice was
loud and angry, shaky with each word. I flung my arm up and it broke his hold
on me. I wanted to punch something, maybe him at how selfish he was being and
how he couldn’t see what this entire situation had been doing to me all this
years.

His jaw snapped closed and his eyes went wide
with surprise. Then he looked the ground, the muscles in his jaw clenched. He
didn’t say anything but that was the answer I needed.

“I need to go and you have a race.” I started to
reach for my dress again, but he reached forward grabbing my arm again.

“Damn it, why do you always do this? Why won’t
you let us be the way we should?” His voice was loud, echoing in the small
space.

I didn’t answer. I didn’t want to tell him that I
couldn’t stay because I felt myself slipping and I didn’t want to be that girl
I was becoming, the girl I couldn’t get away from.

Parker drew back with a sigh, but he knew this
didn’t solve anything. Just like that, the warm feeling I always had with him
was gone.

“I have a plane to catch.”

“Just…” He stopped and I looked up at him. He was
pinching the bridge of his nose, and his eyes were shut. “We’ll talk about it
later. Right now, I’ve got to get back out there for the main. You won’t stay
for it?”

“I can’t. I have to be at the airport in an
hour.”

When he reached his hand towards me, I took it
and let him pull me to my feet. He lifted my bag onto my shoulder. He wasn’t
looking at me or touching me and dread began to claw at my stomach knowing that
I had pushed him to be this way. I was the one trying to end it, and I didn’t
like it.

Parker motioned in front of him and I had no
choice but to go. He followed me out of the hauler to the tent beside us where his
sponsor rep was sitting with Kayla.

“Parker!” Kayla sighed. “It’s about time. You’re
wanted in the staging area.” His bike was sitting there ready to go as Collin
made a few adjustments.

Kayla looked at me. Her eyes slowly traveled down
my body and then back up. She had to of known what we were doing in there. My
cheeks were flushed, as were Parker’s, and my dress was wrinkled.

Parker turned to Collin. “Did you adjust the sag
the way I asked this time? I was bottoming out in the whoops.”

Collin nodded, shoving a few more tools into his
bag. “It should be good, man.”

Kayla looked at me again, her glare speaking
volumes. “Do you honestly think fucking him is going to make a difference?”

I knew Parker didn’t hear exactly what she said,
but his head whipped around to look at Kayla with shock.

He heard enough to know he didn’t like it. Seeing
the look on his face and the reaction he was about to have, I took one step
back so I was closer to Kurt than Kayla.

Kayla didn’t notice and instead pushed herself
and her words deeper.

From her view, Kayla couldn’t see that Parker was
standing not more than two feet from her.

“You’re fooling yourself if you think you will
ever be more than just a booty call to him.” Her eyes assessed me longer than
needed. She had done that any time we crossed paths.

“Don’t you think I know that? You’ve made that
perfectly clear to me over the years, Kayla.” I could feel the tears again,
hating every drop. “I know that I’ll never be what you are to him.”

“Are you fucking kidding me with shit right now,
Kayla?” Parker shouted, and the group of fifteen people all turned to watch.
“You don’t know anything about our relationship nor is it any of your goddamn
business. Leave her alone!” He put so much force behind his words you could see
the blood rush to his face. He was pissed, beyond pissed. His eyes narrowed
dangerously on Kayla, barely able to speak through his anger.

Collin must have noticed and grabbed Parker’s arm
right before he took an angry step towards Kayla. The helmet in his hand went
flying across the factory tent and under the hauler with a crash of plastic
scrapping against asphalt. I jumped at the noise and watched Kayla’s reaction.

She squealed and moved sideways as though she
thought he was trying to hit her with it.

Onlookers watched and Collin whispered in
Parker’s ear, his gaze still on Kayla. I think he knew this wasn’t the time or
the place for it.

“Goddamn it!” he yelled as he reached for his
helmet Kurt had retrieved. He took it from Kurt with an agitated swipe. His eyes
were still wild and only on Kayla. “Why would you say that to her?”