Desire (40 page)

“Please stop fighting,” I interject softly as he raises his hand. I can’t watch him hit her right now, I just can’t take it. “Can we get this over with so I can go back to sleep?”

Glancing at me nervously, she st
eps to the side to let him through. I flinch when his hand slides across my cheek and he recoils. “Your face.”

“They didn’t break anything. No cuts, just a few scrapes. I’ll be as handsome as ever
. Don’t worry about it.”

“Isaac, I—”

“You sent Randi’s boys, didn’t you? I guess she forgot to mention that I completely humiliated her in public recently when she showed up at Glory’s party. She’s screwing Mitchell, by the way. We just figured out she’s the one that’s been causing all this fucking trouble. You obviously didn’t get the memo.”

“I never would have—” he starts.

“It is just nonstop fucking drama with you fucking people. You have all the money in the goddamned world, the entire Universe is your fucking playground and the only thing that any of you can think to do with it is piss each other off. I am beyond fucking done with your bullshit. Just fucking do it already.” I grab his wrist. “Do it yourself. Maybe that’s what you’re waiting for.”

“Isaac, I didn’t—”

“Yes, you did!” I blurt out.

“Don’t get mad at him for cutting you off, Baron,” Glory says, more as a reminder for me not to overstep my boundaries than to pacify him. “He is
really
fucking high right now.”

“Just fucking finish it already,” I hiss.
“You’re done with me, she’s done with me—”

“No, I’m not,
” Glory insists.

“Well, I’m fucking done with me! I was never supposed to
exist to begin with. I’m the biggest mistake that you ever fucking made, so just unmake me already. Set it right. That’s what you do.”

“Isaac…” they chastise me in unison.

“You have fucking hated me from the moment you found out they cut me out of my mother,” I snarl. My father’s face twists in confusion as Gloria’s eyes widen in fear. “Why did you ever fucking keep me?” Leaning closer to him, I bring his hand to my throat. “Just fucking squeeze already. You probably want to watch the light go out yourself. Maybe that’s what you’ve been waiting for. You’ll never know until you try. I’m the reason your wife drank herself to death,” I taunt him. “I
destroyed
your happy family.”

“Stop it,” Glory whimpers.

“I fuck your friend’s toys behind your back all the time. I cause so much fucking trouble, I start half the cat fights in those clubs just because I’m fucking bored and I want to watch everybody scramble,” I laugh. But he doesn’t squeeze, his thumb skimming across my jaw. “I am always fucking high. I got kicked out of how many fucking schools. I go see my brothers when I’m not supposed to. I am
constantly
disobeying you and tricking you into thinking that I’m exactly what you want me to be. I have done whatever I fucking wanted for
years
and I’m smart enough to keep it all a big fucking secret. There is more of you in me than in Preston and Taylor and however many other secret kids you probably have
combined
.”

“
I know,” he murmurs. I think that one surprised all of us.

“Take your hands off him, Baron,” Glory pleads, but he already is, giving me that prideful grin I used to
desperately crave. Now I fucking hate it so much it turns my stomach. “He is delusional. He needs to get some rest.”

“I am fine,” I growl unconvincingly. “
Do you need me to come back? Is the place falling apart without me?” My father shakes his head no. “So what is the problem here?”

“You
told me that you wanted to keep her happy.”

“You of all people kno
w how fucking difficult that is,” I laugh.

“That
cannot
be what this is about,” Gloria scoffs. “And don’t you dare try to sell it, Baron, because I’m not buying.”

“Of course it is,” Dad answers softly. My
body relaxes when his attention turns to her. “That’s all it is. You haven’t spoken to me for almost a year. I worry about you constantly. At least with Isaac here I know you’re getting what you need.”

“
I don’t
need
you to give me a piece of ass. I do just fine on my own.”

“
That’s not what I meant. I don’t want you to be alone.”

“Well, not that I need your help there either, but killing your kid probably isn’t the best way to
accomplish that.”

“
For the last time, I did not intend for this to happen and it will be rectified. Maybe if you weren’t being such an unreasonable bitch, I wouldn’t have flown off the handle.”

“Yeah, just turn it around on me like you always do. Fucking typical.”

“Okay, that’s it,” he snaps. “
Watch
your mouth
.”

Gloria rolls her eyes at him dramatically. For a second, I wonder if she’s going to take a page from Maya’s playbook and stick out her tongue.
“I do not belong to you anymore. You threw me away. Twice. And I’m not
fucking
stupid enough to go back for a third.”

“I never threw—”

“Yes you did!” Glory shouts. “You married
her
behind my back.
She
barged into my house and took your son away from me after you promised I could have him and you didn’t do a fucking thing about it. And just when things finally started to get better, you found a younger, firmer doppelganger to replace me.”

“Miranda could never replace you.”

“That’s what I told you, but you didn’t listen. You just left me with your fucked up kid again, who, by the way, got a lot more fucked up living in that stable, happy home with your wife than he ever would have with me. And now Randi’s getting crow’s feet and a little soft around the middle, so you’re ready to go back to the real thing, but I’m not done being angry at you yet, Baron. Not by a long shot. And you’re not the groveling type, so it’s pretty obvious how this will play out.”

“We aren’t
young anymore, Birdie. We don’t have time for these silly games.”

“Exactly. The last thing I need is for you to fuck up my life again. I am happy. And you will be too as soon as you find something young and sweet that reminds you of me.
Just be more discerning this time. I’ll keep your fucked up kid, I like him just the way he is. Impulsive, reckless, and driving me up the wall in more ways than one. Fighting and making up is the best part. You remember how that was, don’t you?”

The corner of his mouth lifts into an arrogant smile like mine does. I wonder if Maya would still like it so much if she knew
where it came from him. “I remember.”

“So if for some reason I ever drunk dial you again, please don’t think I—”

“I get it. Loud and clear.” His eyes flick to mine and I wonder for a second if he’s going to apologize. Instead he pulls Glory close to him by the waist and dips her down into one of those old movie style kisses, keeping his gaze with mine the entire time.
I get it. She’s yours and she always will be.
I suppress the urge to yawn, but I can’t manage to feign jealousy at this point. I’m just too fucking exhausted. “Let me know if you ever feel like making up,” he murmurs into her ear before lifting her up.

Glory just glares at him, but she’s trying not to smile. “Isaac needs rest. I’ll walk you out.”

Could my life be any more fucked up? I’ve always known there wasn’t a single normal thing about my family, if you can call them that, but now that I have Maya, it all seems so fucking bizarre it feels like a dream. These people are literally insane.

48

Isaac

I wake up to the smell of cigarettes. “Are you seriously smoking in here right now? What the fuck?”

“Did you go out yesterday?” Glory asks, taking a drag.

“Yes.”

“Who did you see?”

“Random people I don’t know in a forest preserve.”
And a gas station where I bought a new phone.

“
Do you honestly expect me to believe that bullshit? You have a deck.”

“
I needed a change of scenery.”

“Yeah, I noticed,” she snaps. “Who are you so anxious to see?”

“If we have this conversation one more fucking time…”

“I know. You’re not fucking my friends. But you were fucking someone. Who?”

“Gloria…”

“Where did you get that bite mark on your shoulder?”

Fuck. I guess I have been shirtless for a while. How did I not think of that? “It’s an old work injury.”

“It doesn’t look that old.”

“Well, it’s not that recent either.”

“
I know you brought a girl up to your office at the club.”

I practically stop breathing. I knew that was a stupid mistake, but Maya was so excited. “You sent someone to spy on me?”
That we somehow didn’t fucking see?

“I’m a jealous lover
. You knew that when you came here.” Her voice is surprisingly calm. “Are you picking up girls at the club?” She waits a long time for me to answer, but I can’t. I’m still scrambling for a way to spin this. “Because I can live with that. Probably.” This is a trick. It has to be. “What I can’t live with is you treating me like your mother. Am I too old for you now? Is that why you don’t want me anymore?”

“No,” I answer emphatically. Glory glances up at me,
trying to hide the hurt in her eyes, her shoulders slouched meekly. How can I do this to her? It’s so fucking wrong, she doesn’t deserve it. “That’s not what’s going on.”

“I researched all of your meds.
None of them keep your dick perpetually soft, so it has to be me.”

“I… Fuck, this is so embarrassing, I don’t really want to talk about it, but…” I have to give her something. Not
the
truth, obviously, but there’s another confession that might do the trick and it isn’t a lie. “I really don’t want to hurt you.”

“It’s a li
ttle late for that,” she replies, her voice cracking. That’s very out of character for her.

“I met one of Sloane’s girls at the club. We danced.”

“I know.”

Yeah, I kind of figured, that’s why I told you.
“I didn’t fuck her up there.” I lie adequately, but Glory isn’t buying it. “She gave me a blow job, though.”

“That’s it?”

“Yes.” I am clearly not getting out of this that easily. “Well, that night.”

“Is she your submissive
, Isaac?”

She is so much more than that.
“No. I don’t want a submissive.”

“So what do you want?”

“I just want to be normal,” I whisper, looking down. “So that’s what I pretend to be.”

“Pretend to be?”

“With them.” Shaking my head, I take a deep breath. I haven’t thought about this shit since Maya. “I take them to a suite. They have to wear normal clothes, no makeup. They’re not allowed to bow their heads and they have to call me by my name. We just hang out. Watch movies, eat pizza, sometimes I’ll convince them to play videogames, but they only seem to like the little kid stuff, nothing violent. The conversation is pretty boring too because they’re so… they just don’t have much of a personality left. It’s all been stripped away. Which is probably why Sloane insists that it’s so good for them and it scratches an itch for me.” I should have told Maya this stuff first. I just didn’t want her to think it made what happened between us less special. Or unexpected. Or that I planned that first night because I didn’t. But now Glory knows and she doesn’t, so it’s even worse.

“Then what, you just have boring old vanilla sex?”

“No, that part doesn’t work out. I can’t get attached so the sex can’t scratch the itch. Actually, it ruins the illusion, so I usually don’t even try anymore and they know that from the start. Sometimes I try to get them to cuddle… but they don’t like it, so I can’t enjoy it myself. And at first when I did try to fuck them… they just can’t relax. They feel like they’re doing something wrong and they need to know what I want. I’ve tried telling them to just hold still but… they don’t like it when I kiss them or hold their hand. Like you never did,” I murmur. She can’t even look at me. “A few of them even started crying. Cock sucking was a pretty good compromise, but it feels so empty. And they can’t get off when I try to return the favor, so it’s just a disappointment. Eventually I started ending it with some soft core stuff, but that isn’t what I want and they can tell. It’s honestly more enjoyable to just jerk off after they leave.”

“Is that where you’re going?”

I nod. In all the years I’ve known her, all the times I confided in her about some girl I was crushing on that she had to gently remind me that I couldn’t have, she’s never looked at me with quite this much pity before. “That face you have right now, Gloria? That is not a jealous lover face. Not even close.”

“I am not your mother, Isaac.
It’s not your fault that you’re confused. You don’t even know what a mother is.”
Thanks.
“You got half of two, maybe 10% of me, but it’s all just fragments, it doesn’t add up to anything whole. I wanted to be, if it makes you feel any better, but it didn’t work out. And you can’t replace the two you actually had with a fucked up basket case like me, especially when we’ve been fucking on and off for nine years. You need to accept it for what it is. I have.”

“I don’t know what this is
, but we are
family
. We always have been. Tell me I’m wrong about that.”

She starts to deny it, but it catches in her throat. I watch her scramble for a better word, but there isn’t one, so she just
exhales a laugh instead. “Okay, you’re right. But please reframe it to be less creepy and more accurate. At least fucking your
step
mother is actually pretty hot.”

“Yeah, it was. It
really
fucking was.”

“You always took as much care of me as I have of you, Isaac. The partying, the hangovers, the endless stream of clingy boyfriends, the
, uh…”

“STD’s? Yeah, this part I’
m not going to argue with,” I chuckle. Biting her lip, she looks at me guiltily and shrugs. It feels good to laugh together about all that bullshit, I can’t help it.

“T
hat’s what lovers do.”

Fuck. How do I get out of this now? “
I don’t want to be a stand in for my father.”

“W
ell, if that’s the problem, stop worrying about it. Your father disgusts me.”

“What?” I stammer. “You’re in love with him. You always will be.”

“Actually, that wore off. I never thought it would, but it did.” Well, that’s just fucking great. “I do not think about him when I’m with you. Yeah, you got all his good parts, none of the bad. I’m sure that enhances your appeal. It is what it is.”

“What if I want you to
stop fucking around on me?” That should do the trick.

“Well… I could try.”
You have got to be fucking kidding me.
Fuck! “But honestly, that is going to be a problem.” Thank God. But then… well fuck, do I have to move out then? What the fuck do I say now? “Maybe we can do the monogamish, don’t ask don’t tell thing where we hear rumors and have revenge sex then angry sex which leads to makeup sex just like the old times.”
I’ve had makeup sex now, that is not what that was.
“Drama is fun, it keeps you young.”

Fuck! “A
re you serious?”

“J
ust don’t throw younger girls in my face. I’d rather have you fuck my friends.” No!
This is when
you’re supposed to tell me that you get to fuck around but I can’t so I can get mad and we can fight and you leave because I shouldn’t get upset in my condition and I can have some time to fucking think!
Goddammit!

“
I wouldn’t do either,” I say after a long awkward pause because it is obviously my turn to talk. She smiles at me and leans forward to rest her hand on mine. Are we getting back together right now? Holy fucking shit!

“Y
ou have a long time to sweep some girl off her feet and get your white picket fence, Isaac.”

Been there, trying to do that, can’t tell you.
What a fucking disaster. “What if I don’t want to wait?”

“Y
ou can’t bring someone into this, Isaac. Are you fucking crazy?” Shit! That was supposed to subtly hurt her fucking feelings, not make her feel bad for me. “Honestly, I can’t even believe the world that your father lives in even exists. They make movies out of this shit. It’s insane.”
Yes, go off on a tangent, please
. Anything to stop this train wreck. “It’s fucking illegal too, all of it, and
so
much worse than you even know. I hope.” Glory shoots me a look that might be a glare and I have no clue how to respond. “Rich men do things to people that rich women don’t want to think about. That will be true until the end of time. There will always be a big secret club built around young poor women’s bodies, no matter what our percentage in higher management is.” Okay, I know from experience that this is about get weird, but at this point, I’ll take it.

“
Actually,” she continues, leaning back in her chair and lighting another nasty cigarette, “the more ground we gain, the worse it’s going to get because that’s the only fucking outlet they’ll have left to feed their fragile egos as we trounce them in everything else that matters.”

“That’s a little bleak, Glor.”

“Just look at your father. I have more money than he has, you know. A lot fucking more.”

“
Really?” That’s good. I think. It’s good to know at least.

“And a lot m
ore influence. He hardly even cares anymore, he’s lost in this twisted underground paradise where he still sits on a throne, dealing with something more satisfying than money. Control. Unbridled, absolute, control, and not the fun kinds, not the shit we play with.” For a moment I tell myself it was never any fun, but that’s not true. Sometimes it was. And it still is, just not with her. “I’ve fed you that bullshit about how he could never do any of that for your benefit because I never,
ever
thought he could do this to you,” she says, eyeing me up and down as I lay in this stupid hospital bed I don’t really need anymore. I’m just not ready to go back in my room.

“N
ot because he couldn’t do it, but because he loves you. You are above other people to him, just like I am. And Isaac… I know what he used to do to you,” Glory whispers. My heart rate spikes as I inhale sharply. “I couldn’t admit it to myself until you left for good. But I think that’s why I jumped at the chance to get you away from him in the only fucked up way I could. And I’m sorry we took that from you, I really am. It was the only way.”

“It’s…” I just can’t bring myself to tell her it was okay. “You mean you didn’t
want a teenage boy to fuck up your perfect life?” I say, trying try to lighten the mood.

She laughs sadly. “
I was so fucking naïve when I was young. If I’d have known then… I would have found a way to get you back. I will carry that forever.”

“I rea
lly don’t want to talk about this.” My shaking hands reach into my pocket for my silver vial as she watches. With a deep breath, I put a little relief under my tongue and close my eyes, breathing deeply. “People are meat to him and he eats them alive,” I tell her. “He’s worse than a fucking psychopath because he feels it all.”

“
He thinks he can do what he wants to who he wants, and that used to be true.”
Oh, it still is. Believe me
. “He doesn’t even see that it’s all crumbling. It’s only a matter of time until he loses all those friends he has in high places and you need to be as far away from that as you can be. You just have to wait for happily ever after. I’m sorry. You got a raw fucking deal, kid, it doesn’t get any worse. But… who knows what can happen. You might get to wake up from this nightmare one day and into that incredibly boring dream come true you want so much.”

“
And what, leave you when you’re old and you need me the most?”

“Oh,
I’m not getting old Isaac,” she laughs. “I have no interest in celebrating my 70
th
birthday. All those actresses that hold up so great don’t get to have nearly as much fun as I do. There isn’t enough botox and Human Growth Hormone in the world.”

“So… what the
hell are you saying?”

“
Let’s try again. Start over.”

“I told you, I can’t do that shit.”

“I know.” Holy fuck, what the hell am I going to do now? “I still think you’ll get your mojo back because that’s who you are, Isaac. You know it is. What’s done is done. You just need a break and then you need to find a way to make it your own.”
I’m working on that with someone else
. “Or maybe we’ll find something different.”
I already did, it’s incredible.
“I don’t think I can pull off that whole lovey dovey thing for you, but who knows? I’ll try anything once.”