Desire (36 page)

She looks at me so seriously,
backing away like I’m going to hit her. Fuck. I am really on the spot I have to make this work. “Did you hurt that last girl?”

Yes. I’m hurting her right now.
“Why do you keep asking me that?”

“
Because you’re lying whenever you answer me.”

Fuck. Maybe I’m not as good a liar as I thought,
at least not when she gets in mommy mode. “Fine, but you’ll have to be more specific. What do you think I would have done?”

“What you do,
” she murmurs and I drop my head in shame.

“I only did what they told me to do.”

“I know.” She looks so concerned, but she’s can’t be, not about that. I don’t get it. “Did she cry a lot?”

Yes.
“Why would she?”

“Well, does Luke hurt her?”

“Yes.”

“Like he does his other toys?”

“It’s not quite a brutal,” I answer honestly, completely fucking dumbfounded when she sighs in relief. “It was more psychological. But he hurts her, yeah.”

“
And you didn’t?”

“No. I’m sure she appreciated
that, but it wasn’t an act of compassion or anything. I didn’t want to. I really fucking hate that now. Why do you think I can’t fuck you?”

“So what did you do to her that whole time?
” Why the fuck does she care? “It was a
long
fucking time. I don’t buy the housework thing.”

“Well that’s what happened,
” I snap.

She keeps probing me and I keep denying everything, but somehow she knows that I’m lying.
And before I know it, it disintegrates into one of our shouting matches that neither of us will ever win. We just keep screaming at each other louder and louder. I get so fucking angry. I’m just so sick of her bullshit that I’m not listening until I snarl, “Why do you fucking care so much?” at the same time Glory yells, “I’ll ask her. I will find her and I will ask her what you did.”

I did not just hear that. I couldn’t have, that’s not in plans A thru Z
. Never in million fucking years would I have planned for this one. My heart would probably explode if it was still beating. “What?” I whisper.

“If you could see your face right now. What did you do to her?
” she shrieks. I’ve only seen her this angry a few times. I don’t get it. “You fucking tell me right now,
what the fuck did you do
?” I can’t breathe. This isn’t happening. Glory keeps yelling, but my ears are ringing like a gun just went off next to my head and I don’t faze back in until, “You just told me that I raped you.”
That is not what I said.
“How many times did you rape her?”

The entire world is spinning.
“Never,” I answer in the little voice that Maya calls childlike, the one that makes her lips part in sympathy until she kisses me and holds my hands. “That never, ever happened. Not even close.” The fact that Glory’s question hurt me is so obvious. Shit. Don’t overdo it. It just makes me sick even think about it. I can’t believe that she thinks I could do that for real. She doesn’t know me at all.

“That phone call that night. You said…”

“That’s not what I meant. That’s not what happened.”

“So what did?”

Fuck. I have to come up with something. Denying it will obviously never work. “I let her go.”
That’s what I should have done
. “She came around and left as she pleased. I fucked her a few times.”
Okay, more like a few hundred times but who’s counting?
“Nothing hard core, actually it was the total opposite.”

“That phone call…
”

“She was
really cute. Innocent, but not. And she was so nice to me, she really had no idea what she was getting into,” I mumble, smiling a little bit as I think back on the first time she laid her head in my lap, the way her hand curled up on my knee. Glory’s face softens and she cocks her head to the side. “Yeah, she got under my skin, in a good way. But she belonged to someone else. I pulled my shit together the next day. I didn’t want to get attached and she didn’t like the freaky shit. She got so scared when we started, I just couldn’t do it. So we came to an agreement. She wasn’t around that much, and I… I just checked out and basically got high the whole time. Slept a lot.”

“Are you serious?”

“Yeah. I was lying to you, I’m sorry. I was afraid you’d think I’m even weaker than I am. It’s embarrassing. I gave her a burner and let her call her brother when she told me some sob story about missing his birthday. It spiraled out of control from there. I didn’t hurt her, I swear to God. At all. I couldn’t even call her a slut. She was just too sweet.” Shut the fuck up already! The last thing I need is more questions.

My mother
breathes deeply, rolling her lips together. I used to see this expression when I talked about girls at school. I think that worked. “She left him. You have to know how that looked. Luke is positive that you did something to her. Everybody is.”

“I know. Like I said, I fucked up.”
Actually I did exactly what Dad told me to do or he would have definitely fucking killed me by now
.

“Do you think she left him for someone else?”

Yes
. “I don’t think she was seeing anyone. Her friend maybe, definitely her brother.” This shit is way too close to home. Glory is far too interested, she doesn’t even run in those circles anymore. How does she know any of this?

“Is that why you’re so scared of
your father?”

“Yeah.” Maybe she’s just checking up on that scene for me.

“He hasn’t brought it up and Luke is not his favorite person right now. I don’t think he cares.”

“Really?”

“Yes. He could never do that you, honey. Never. Come here.” She holds out her arms and I can’t stop myself from falling into them. Why can’t she be like this all the time?

“I
’m not going back,” I whisper, stopping myself right before I call her Mom again and hugging her tighter. “If you make me leave you will never see me again. I’ll run. He’ll still find me, but I’ll run, I don’t have a choice.”

“Shhhh.
Everything will be okay. Let’s just go home.” Both of our heads whip around when someone bangs on the door. Glory looks around at the coats and smirks, shaking her head. “Isaac, I swear,” she laughs. “Could you be any more creative with your fuck ups?”

“Sorry,” I answer sheepishly, dropping my chin. “I feel like shit, I don’t want the coat
check guys to get fired.”

“You’re so sweet.”
Yet you wonder if I’m a sadistic rapist. Go figure.
“I’ll make sure they don’t.”

We both empty our wallets and give the guys over a grand, along with a promise that Glory will take responsibility before we leave. And holy shit, I am so ready to leave. It totally looks like we snuck off
for a quickie, especially when she messes up her hair and pinches her cheeks so they’re extra red. That would normally be perfect, but she just had to bring that dumbass Scott. I offer to sneak out separately so he doesn’t see, but she’s getting sick of him anyway. He needs to know that he’s chasing her, not the other way around. I do not understand how these people are so successful because they never really left high school. It’s nothing but bullshit and drama all the fucking time.

We run into Miranda o
n our way out. She hasn’t come to one of these things in ages, I don’t even want to know why she’s here or who she’s with. My heart starts to pound as I search the room for my father, but he isn’t here. Then that asshole Mitchell, who came crawling back to Gloria a few weeks ago only to get blown off, appears at her side with a drink and everything becomes crystal clear.

“Seriously?” Glory spits under her breath, her cheeks further reddening in
embarrassment because we have to walk by them to get out the door.

Miranda starts to smirk as soon as she sees her, but then her eyes lock onto me. She’s the one that fucking did all this, she started all this trouble. She’s the reason I haven’t held Maya in almost a month. I could fucking strangle her right now in front of all these people.

I drop Glory’s arm and stomp up to her, breathing so heavily I’m basically growling. “Fuck you!” I shout, pushing Mitchell out of the way so hard that he falls flat on his ass and slides across the floor. “You lying cunt.”

“Isaac!” Gloria chides me, but she is loving this, I can tell.

“I never stuck my dick in you.
Ever!
It’s been in everyone else here, right?” I scream, spinning around and scanning the crowd. I’m hardly even exaggerating, I really was quite a whore. “But not her! I want that on the official who fucked who record you all keep in your heads.” Locking eyes with her, I get so close a few guys start to approach me, but hang back in hesitation. “I would fucking cut it off first before I saw it coated with your slime.”

Miranda is speechless, her jaw
gaping open. This stupid fucking party is quieter than a goddamned funeral. You could hear a pin drop if it weren’t for the little snickers coming from the women that are too drunk to know better.

“Isaac, let’s get the hell out of here,” Gloria orders, and like the dutiful little boy toy that I supposedly am, I nod a
t her. Scott’s inebriated eyes blink at us in disbelief and I flash him my most arrogant of fake smiles, pulling Glory closer to my side.

I may as well t
op it off because we won’t be coming back to one of these things very soon.
Sorry Maya
.

I
won’t kiss her, but I toss Gloria over my shoulder and smack her on the ass. A chorus of gasps and giggles breaks the silence as I carry her towards the door. Scott starts to run after us, but I spin around and flip him off as Glory pretends she’s trying to get me to put her down and be good. This prick can fuck right off and get the hell out of my house. Glory’s house. Whatever. Dick!

“Isaac, I cannot believe you just—”

“Aw, save it, Glor. Don’t even start with that shit, you fucking loved it.”

Her lips tighten as she tries to keep a stern face, but then she beams at me, laughing. “You are in so much trouble.”

Actually, I just got myself out of a shit load of it.
I roll my eyes, leaning back in the seat and kicking off my shoes. Glory sighs and checks her phone, that sick, smug look warping her face as she reads texts that she won’t answer until the morning.

“
I’ll reimburse you,” she yawns, leaning on my shoulder.

“
For what?”

“
The hundred grand that you passed up to breathe on Jill’s clit.”

I tell her not to so that she definitely will.
Probably more. But what she really gave me was time. I can get over to see Maya in a few days. I’ll hear her voice soon on the new happy phone. Scott and their fuckfest weekends are out of the picture now, which means ours are too, but it couldn’t be avoided. And it was so fucking worth it.

42

Maya

“So when do you think you
’ll come see me?” I can’t believe this is almost over.

“I’m not sure, I don’t want to push it
.”

“No, don’t do anything risky.
Please
.” I say. “I’m too close to getting you back.”

“I’ll try. But I’m so fucking excited to
see you, I can’t think straight.”

“Don’t you mean horny
?” I tease.

“
Okay, that too,” he exhales. “Holy shit, I am
dying
here.”

“Me too.
”

“Speaking of which
, it’s time for you to start touching yourself.”

“Isaac…”

“Oh, come on. I really want you to.” Somehow he’s combing his little kid voice with the authoritative one that’s impossible to resist. “Let me hear you get off. It’s been so long.”

“Phone sex is weird…”
I’ve really tried for him, but I just can’t get into it.

“I know, but it’s all we have. I want
to feel your smile against mine. The weight of your head in my hand.” Isaac is trying to get me to visualize him and it is working. “Smell your shampoo and taste your squirt. Feel your mouth on me. Hear you gasp when I push inside you.”

“
I’m not the only one who makes noises,” I remind him.

“Does that mean
you want to hear some of mine?”

“
Yeah, you go first.”

“
I always touch myself when I talk to you.”

“What?” I giggle as he laughs.
“No you don’t.”

“
I can’t help it. Just like I can’t help touching you.”

“Oh, my God.”

“I didn’t let myself get too excited. I still hung on every single word you said.”

“Yeah
, right.”

“
I did,” he says. “I used to think about you naked all day long, I wasn’t going to get distracted when I actually got to hear your voice.”

“Y
ou sound pretty distracted right now.”

“
Well, that’s a general rule. You told me to go first.” He breathes heavy into the phone and I flash on all the times that sound was in my ear as my clit throbs. “I wish I was touching you right now. So fucking bad.”

“M
e too.”

“T
hink about it. Us. My hands on you. At least get horny with me.”

“Are you kidding?
I am insanely frigging horny, just like I was every time we used to talk.”

“Did
you need to get off right away after we hung up?”

“N
o, did you?”

“Y
eah, I had to. What did you do?” he asks. I can’t answer him. “Maya?”

“I
would do it in the morning because I was dreaming about you.”

“That’s not what I asked you.” His horny breathing is gone. Dammit.

“Don’t worry about it, keep going. I don’t want to ruin it.”

“Ruin what? A stupid
fucking orgasm? Why won’t you answer me?”

“I mean
t I don’t want to ruin your post phone call jerk off ritual in general,” I clarify, my voice cracking.

“
Why would that happen?” After a long pause, he lets out frustrated breath. “Please tell me, Rookie.”

“
I would get really depressed and usually ended up crying,” I admit shamefully. “I was too sleepy, I couldn’t control it.”

“Every
time?”

“Pretty much, yeah.”

“But you always sounded so hopeful when we got off the phone.”

“
I was, but…” I trail off

“Y
ou did that for me didn’t you?”

“S
ort of.”

“Do this for me instead,” he demands.

“Isaac…”

“Put your fingers on your clit and think about me. Now.”

“But—”

“Do it,” he insists. “
I want you to, I
need
you to. And you want to do what I say right now, so just do it. I can’t put my hands on you, you’ll have to do it for me. I need to at least hear you.” Spreading my legs, I draw in a hitched breath and slide my hand under my waistband. “What’s your favorite memory?”

“The first time.”

“Me too. I don’t think anything will ever top that one, except maybe the first time you told me that you love me. I guess they’re tied,” he exhales raggedly. “Are you touching yourself?”

“Yes.”

“Stop before you get there.”

“Isaac…” I whine.

“Holy shit, I can’t wait to hear you beg me in person and see the bratty face that goes with that voice. You are really in for it.”

“But—”

“Hush,” he orders. I can’t even resist him over the phone. “Now let’s move on to a raunchier memory. Don’t you dare come until I tell you to.”

The only thing Isaac likes hearing more than his name is the word ‘please,’ at least when he gets this horny. And he makes me say it a lot before we finally hang up.

********

I run over
to the happy phone excitedly when it rings now. “Isaac?”

“No,” Jace answers. “Luke is about to walk
through the front of your building and he looks pretty pissed off.”

“What?”

“My key is on the spare key ring. You still have enough time to get upstairs if you walk out the door right now. Stay on the phone.”

“But my car is here…”

“Then I guess you went for a walk.”

I’m in the hallway barefoot before I even process what he just said. Crap. I didn’t lock the door. When I peek around the staircase, I ca
tch a glimpse of Luke walking down the hallway, so I run up the stairs as quietly as possible.

“Are you inside?” Jace asks.

“Almost.” My hands are shaking so badly I can barely get the key into the lock. “I’m in.”

“Okay, lock the door.”

“What if he comes up here?”

“He won’t. I’
ll give him five minutes to leave before I nonchalantly drop by.”

“Piper is on her way home.”

“No, she called and told me she’s running late. Don’t worry about it.”

“I accidentally left the door unlocked.”

“Well, that explains how he just walked right in. Thanks for telling me. I was freaking out that he had a key and didn’t want to say anything.”

“What’s he doing?”

“He was snooping through your phone but now he’s in your room. I can’t see him anymore.”

“But, I thought…”

“Isaac is pretty strict about video. It sounds like he’s just looking through your shit.”

“He won’t find anything, I
don’t keep Isaac stuff in there.”

“I fucking hope not because—
what the… Maya, stay there until I come get you, okay?”

“What’s going on?”

Jace doesn’t answer because he’s already hung up. I stand there staring at his door for about 45 seconds before I can’t take it anymore and turn around to look at his place. Piper spends a lot of time up here now. It’s messy, just like her room. There’s a picture of her on his dresser. And here’s the stash box in the sock drawer. God, they are probably so cute getting high and laughing at those stupid stoner movies she likes so much.

I make it
back into the living room just before he opens the door. “Is he gone?”

“Yes. I’m seriously glad you have
an old school answering machine,” Jace says. “I called and told her I was coming over. He left immediately.”

“Did you go inside?”

“Yeah. I’m not sure what your room normally looks like, but nothing seems out of place. You wouldn’t know he was there.”

“That’s so fucking creepy. Has he ever done that before?”

“He’s dropped by a few times recently, but he just knocks and waits while he makes a phone call.”

“I don’t answer
him. Can we go back downstairs? If Piper comes home and we’re both up here...”

“I’ll come up with something
to say. We should wait. I want to make sure he stays gone.”

“Okay.”

“Um… do you want something to drink?” he offers.

“No, I’m fine.” We stare at each other awkwardly. “This is weird.”

“A little bit, right?” he laughs.

“Jace do you, uh…”

“I’m not using her, I swear.”

“I know.”

“You do?”

“Yeah. I was going to ask if you had any pictures of Isaac when he was a kid.”

“Oh. Actually, I do have one. I’m not the most sentimental person, but…” He kneels down and reaches under the couch. “Here.”

“Wow,” I gasp. It’s a picture of the two of them standing in front of a river. Jace is
grinning ear to ear, holding up a trout. “Isaac doesn’t like fish.”

“
Isaac’s not a huge fan of fishing either,” he laughs. “They were still flopping when we started to clean them and he made us beat them on the head like a dozen times to make sure they were dead.”

Of course he did.
“How old are you?”

“I’m fourteen, he’s
almost twelve.”

“His eyes…”

“Yeah, I know. They were even brighter back then.”

His hair is curlier too.
God, he’s so fucking adorable and he’s actually happy. I was expecting him to look empty and sad or something. He just looks like a normal kid. “Thanks for showing me this, Jace,” I murmur, handing it back to him.

“Piper almost spotted this when she helped me unpack the first day I met you
guys,” he says, hiding the photo again.

“That would have been awkward.”

“I know.” He texts someone on his phone. “All clear.”

“Let’s go back.”

“I’ll go first. But, uh, Maya… AJ is limping.”

“What?”

“I think he threw her, she sort of flew out of your room.”

“Holy shit!” I run out of his apartment, unwilling to waste any more time asking him why he
didn’t tell me immediately. Huffing, he follows behind me as I fly down the stairs and into my apartment. Sure enough, Junior is hiding under the couch and yowls when I gently pull her out. She can’t put any weight on her back leg. “I need to take her to the emergency vet.”

“
Yeah…”

“Watch her for a second please,” I tell him, pleasantly surprised when he actually pets her on the head and she doesn’t hiss at him for a change. I keep Isaac’s cash in a canister on top of the cabinets. Hopefully $500 will do, it should at least cover a deposit.

“So what’s the story here?” Jace asks, nervously glancing at the time as I load her into her carrier.

“
I’ll just tell her that I came home and she was limping. No one was here. Do not mention this to Isaac.”

“
Right. See you later.”

We both make it out of the apartment before Piper gets home. Junior
’s leg isn’t broken or dislocated, but it looks like she might have torn a tendon. I’ve never felt guiltier in my entire life. I can’t believe Luke did that. Why didn’t I just lock the stupid door?