Deep Surrendering: Episode Eight
Deep Surrenderings, Episode 8
Copyright
© 2014 Chelsea M. Cameron
www.chelseamcameron.com
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination or are use fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, business establishments or locales is entirely coincidental.
No part of this book may be reproduced, scanned or distributed in any printed or electronic form without permission. All rights reserved.
Cover
Copyright
© Chelsea M. Cameron
Edited by
GreatImaginations.com
Interior Design by
Novel Ninjutsu.com
W
hen my professor finally dismissed us, I was the first one out the door, and I headed for the stairs, nearly sprinting down to make sure Fin and Carl and the Town Car were waiting where they said they’d meet me.
And they were. I slowed down and tried to walk at a decorous pace, but I couldn’t hide my smile.
“I told you I wasn’t going anywhere,” he said, opening the door for me before Carl can get to it.
“And you kept your word.”
He nodded and I gave him a hug.
“I plan to always keep my word to you,” he said.
“Ditto.”
He gave me a kiss and then his mood shifted. Fin held my face in his hands and stared into my eyes.
“You know I have to go,” he said.
“I know.”
“I need to go and figure everything out, and then I’ll come back to you a better man. Not one that will deserve you, but one who will do his best to try and deserve you.” I didn’t argue with him on the “deserving” portion of his statement. I didn’t want to spend our last few minutes together bickering about who was more deserving of the other.
“How much time do you have?” I asked.
“Only a few minutes. I need to go right now. My flight is in less than an hour and I still have to go through security.” And get to the airport. He was cutting it close as it was.
“So, this is it for a while.” I gripped his arms, wishing that I could hold him here. But I couldn’t. He had to do this, and I had to let him.
“We didn’t do a dramatic goodbye last time, and I don’t want to do one now. So I’ll just say that I’m coming back to you and I’ll miss you when I’m gone, Mari Cherry,” he said, kissing me on both cheeks and then giving me a sweet one on my lips.
“Miss you more,” I said, holding on to him.
“Not possible.” His voice broke a little, and he held me so hard I couldn’t breathe. And then he let me go. Obviously, Carl couldn’t take Fin to the airport and drive me home, so Fin handed me some money for a cab and Carl waved one down for me.
“Just think of me when you’re with your boyfriend, Tom Hanks,” he said, grinning at me with that wicked smile I loved so much.
“I’ll try,” I said, and then the car pulled away. I waved and he waved back as the car was swallowed up in traffic.
I wasn’t going to fall into a pit of despair this time when Fin left. Because he would be back. I didn’t know how soon, but he was coming back. For good, and then we could finally be what we wanted to be. Together.
That didn’t stop the tears from trickling out of my eyes as I got in the cab and told the driver where to take me. But I brushed them away and tried to focus on how good this was—for him, for me.
No more uncertainty, no more secrets. Doing the right thing was rarely easy, but it would all be worth it in the end.
My apartment was cold and empty when I got there, even though the thermometer read nearly eighty degrees. My body ached, almost like before you get the flu. Maybe I was getting sick.
I didn’t want to be alone, but I didn’t want to go anywhere or talk to anyone. It was an inconvenient situation.
But then my phone vibrated with a text from Chloe demanding that she see me because she was having withdrawals and missed me.
If you want to come over, you can. Not feeling well.
That was true enough.
Every bit of energy I had evaporated from my limbs and I closed my eyes, just intending to shut the world out for a few moments, but then a loud pounding woke me.
I stumbled to my feet and went to unlock the door.
“Oh babe, you look awful,” Chloe said, taking in my appearance. I didn’t have to look in a mirror to know it wasn’t pretty.
“Thanks,” I said, and my voice was rough, like I was coming down with something.
“I brought soup and tacos and that organic green juice stuff that’s supposed to cure a gunshot wound with its nutritional properties,” she said, holding up a bag.
“Thanks,” I said, and went to sit back down on the couch.
“I haven’t heard from you in a few days, Mari. What’s going on?” She started unpacking the food and setting it out for me, but I wasn’t hungry.
“A lot.” That was the best answer I could give.
“Okay, why don’t you give me even less information than that?” She raised her eyebrows. She was right. If I could talk to anyone about this, it was my best friend. And I needed to talk to someone.
So I took a deep breath and started the story, telling her about how Fin and I had been keeping up our relationship longdistance. She knew some of the details but not all. And when I got to the part where he showed up at my doorstep, she gasped.
“Sorry, please continue,” she said.
And then came the part where Fin told me about what happened with Eduardo, but I didn’t tell Chloe that. I didn’t want to break Fin’s trust by sharing something so private. Instead I said that Fin told me something he’d been keeping inside for a long time.
“His father is so awful, Chlo. Like, he’s the devil. He’s been holding this secret over Fin’s head for most of his life, and he’s got Fin all twisted up and thinking that something that wasn’t his fault
is
. God, I get sick just thinking about it.” I shivered and Chloe pulled a blanket off the back of the couch and wrapped me in it.
I concluded my story with Fin’s exit.
“I know he’s going to do the right thing, but I just . . . I’m so afraid something is going to go wrong or he’s going to forget all the reasons he wants to leave the minute he gets within hearing distance of his father.” No doubt Mr. Herald would try and manipulate Fin to get him to stay under his power. Sick, sick man.
“I thought my parents were bad with the whole lesbian thing, but this guy sounds like a total winner,” Chloe said, grabbing a taco and biting into it. I grabbed the container of soup and stirred it around. I didn’t want to reject her food since it was so sweet she brought it over.
My phone buzzed, and my heart dropped as I read it.
On the plane. Will text when I get there. Missing you already.
No, I wasn’t going to lose it and break down. I had to put on my big girl panties and deal.
“Was that him?” Chloe asked as I sent him a reply.
Safe travels. Love you.
“Yeah.” I realized there was another part of the story I hadn’t told her. “I told him I loved him.”
Chloe gaped at me with her taco halfway to her mouth, as if she was frozen in shock.
“You said you loved him? And you were sober and everything?”
I glared at her.
“Well, that’s what Rory did. I thought maybe it was catching. Anyway, wow. How do you feel about that?” I could tell from her tone that she wasn’t one hundred percent cool with this new bit of information.
“I’d felt it for a while. I’m glad it’s out. Once I realized, I could barely hold it in. I don’t know how people do that unrequited love thing.” If you were in love, really in love with someone, how could you hold it in for months, or even years? How did it not claw you apart and destroy you?
Chloe studied her taco as if it contained the meaning of life.
“And did he say it back?” I had known she was going to ask that.
