Counseling Through Your Bible Handbook (11 page)

“There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to death”

(P
ROVERBS
14:12).

“The issue in life is not my size, but to see myself through God’s eyes. The Lord loves me just as I am. Instead of being consumed by control, I’m choosing to release control of my life and trust the Lord Jesus with every part of my heart.”

“Trust in the L
ORD
with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight”

(P
ROVERBS
3:5-6).

As a struggler, you must begin by admitting that there is a problem. To non-strugglers, this may seem a simple step…however, specialists agree this can be the most difficult one of the entire recovery process.

Follow these eight signs on your path to recovery, all leading to the road to inner freedom and fulfillment.

Agree
to get a thorough medical checkup. This condition is life threatening!

“The prudent see danger and take refuge, but the simple keep going and suffer for it”

(P
ROVERBS
27:12).

Attend
weekly (or regular) sessions with a knowledgeable, professional counselor.

“Apply your heart to instruction and your ears to words of knowledge”

(P
ROVERBS
23:12).

Acquire
as much knowledge about eating disorders as possible—for yourself and for those close to you.

“Know also that wisdom is sweet to your soul; if you find it, there is a future hope for you, and your hope will not be cut off”

(P
ROVERBS
24:14).

Admit
your inability to control the eating pattern.

“Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective”

(J
AMES
5:16).

Abandon
the idea that you just need more willpower. This is not a diet problem.

“The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds…take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ”

(2 C
ORINTHIANS
10:4-5;
ALSO READ
2 C
ORINTHIANS
12:9-10).

Allow
yourself to forgive those who have hurt you, and even to forgive yourself.

“Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another
.
Forgive as the Lord forgave you”

(C
OLOSSIANS
3:13).

Act
in total faith on God’s power to rescue you.

“In you, O L
ORD
, I have taken refuge; let me never be put to shame. Rescue me and deliver me in your righteousness; turn your ear to me and save me. Be my rock of refuge, to which I can always go; give the command to save me, for you are my rock and my fortress”

(P
SALM
71:1-3).

Accept
your true worth.

“If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!”

(2 C
ORINTHIANS
5:17).

When the sufferer relapses and seeks refuge in the ditch, provide a strong, steady hand that doesn’t let go.

Learn
everything you can.

Knowledge is your friend; ignorance is your enemy (see Proverbs 19:20).

Confront
in a loving way.

Confrontation is not easy, but doing nothing is the opposite of love (see Proverbs 12:18).

Encourage
seeking professional help.

A mark of wisdom is acknowledging a need for help (Proverbs 15:22).

Talk
about emotions to reach deeper levels of communication.

As part of your dialogue, ask, “Why do you feel that way?” Seek to uncover the underlying causes behind this crisis (Proverbs 20:5).

Listen
, listen, listen with your heart.

People love to hear their words repeated: “So what you are saying is ______.” Listening and repeating helps build trust and opens up communication, which, in turn, can lead to healing (Ecclesiastes 3:7).

Verbalize
genuine, heartfelt love.

Terms that convey compassion and concern, such as
precious
or
dear
, often help someone feel nurtured (Proverbs 25:11).

Express
love with appropriate physical affection.

Look into the person’s eyes, touching the hand or shoulders. In relationships with parents, siblings, and spouses, hugging, holding, or kissing can be especially meaningful.

“A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity”

(P
ROVERBS
17:17).

Be honest
about the dangers.

The debilitating effects of eating disorders wreak havoc on the body. Help an anorexic or bulimic learn to think long term, not short term, about the very real dangers (1 Thessalonians 5:14).

Don’t
be forceful or controlling.

This will not work. Try distracting the person from negative thoughts by giving constant praise and unconditional love (Proverbs 12:18).

Don’t
be unrealistic about your expectations for change.

It has taken the person nearly a lifetime of negative thinking to reach this point. It will take many months or longer for healing to take place (Proverbs 19:11).

Don’t
assume that all doctors who treat anorexics and bulimics are equally capable.

Find a competent, compassionate specialist who ministers to the inner needs and can develop a bond of trust. If necessary, seek a second or third opinion (Proverbs 15:22).

Don’t
let anorexics see their weight when being weighed.

Whatever the number, their negative thinking tells them it’s too high. If they don’t have a number to fight, that’s one less negative they have to contend with (Proverbs 16:21).

Don’t
fail to request help from a former anorexic.

Former anorexics know all the tricks, such as poisoning their food, exercising under the sheets, and slipping food up their sleeves to discard it later. Nothing is more reassuring to someone with an eating disorder than a helping hand from someone who’s been there—someone now living in victory (Proverbs 27:17).

Don’t
assume you are helpless if anorexics won’t eat. Offer to hand-feed.

Because anorexics possess a negative mind-set that tells them not to eat, hand-feeding can relieve their self-imposed pressure of guilt and fear of overeating (Galatians 6:2).

Don’t
give up.

Patience, persistence, and perseverance are essential to helping restore wholeness (1 Corinthians 13:4,7-8).

People with eating disorders are love-starved. Express your love by keeping eye contact and spending time with them—much time. They spell love T-I-M-E. They also don’t feel valuable, and when you tangibly reach out and touch them, you demonstrate they
do
have value. Even if they don’t seem to respond, they desperately seek your acceptance. They desperately long for unconditional love, the Lord’s love, your love.

Those who struggle with eating disorders feel they have no control—so their focus of control is on food. But their true need is not gaining control, but giving control to Christ.

—JH

Hebrews 4:13

Proverbs 15:32

Proverbs 18:15

Proverbs 16:20

Colossians 3:9-10

Romans 6:6

1 Corinthians 6:19

1 Corinthians 10:31

1 Corinthians 10:13

Galatians 2:20

For additional guidance on this topic, see also
Alcohol and Drug Abuse, Codependency, Crisis Intervention, Critical Spirit, Depression, Fear, Habits, Hope, Identity, Illness, Manipulation, Overeating, Rejection, Self-worth, Worry
and other related topics.

N
othing penetrates the core of a child’s inner being like sexual abuse. Its long tentacles reach deep within the child, wrapping around the young heart, choking and killing innocence and trust. This violation leaves its victims in a dark, dirty ditch…a place no child should have to experience.

Just to clarify its broad reach, childhood sexual abuse is any physical, visual, or verbal interaction with a minor by an older child or adult whose purpose is sexual stimulation or sexual satisfaction. A victim of such abuse is any boy or girl under the age of 18 who has suffered one or many experiences of sexual abuse. Such abuse results in emotional, mental, spiritual, or physical harm.

Sexual abuse of a child is almost always committed by someone the child knows or with whom the child has frequent contact. Such familiarity sets the stage for a child to be all the more vulnerable to victimizers.

The Bible is not silent about the deceitful schemes of victimizers:

“He lies in wait like a lion in cover; he lies in wait to catch the helpless; he catches the helpless and drags them off in his net”

(P
SALM
10:9).