Confessions of a Heartbreaker (17 page)

I ran away.

Like you wouldn't do the same thing...

I'm not even sure what it is about Jordan that makes me flip my lid. And I'm not just talking about the physical aspects either because obviously, yes, it's a well-known fact that she totally gets me
schwinging
. But it's way more than that. It really is. If it were strictly a physical thing, I think I could have moved on by now. Someone else (Naked Natalie or Marissa-the-Barnacle) could have alleviated my, umm,
issues
. But clearly my nether regions are fighting that tooth and nail...

Anyway, she's just so different from any other girl I've ever known. I don't know if I'll ever be able to get enough of her. Believe it or not, I just really like being with her. Even if we're doing nothing more than cooling our asses at the library. And she's smart as hell. Christ, who would have ever thought that would be such a turn on but it is. I seriously love that about her. I think I'd probably go off in an instant if she ever showed up in some sexy librarian glasses... Yeah, I've got to stop thinking about that right now...

Finally I turn my swing towards her as she does the same. Our eyes lock and hold. Even in the moonlight, those cat-like eyes of hers totally captivate me, drawing me in until I feel like I could drown within their murky depths. Yep, I'm in pretty deep and, at this point, I don't even want to be rescued.

Now, I've just got to convince her that I'm worth taking a chance on. Should be a piece of cake, right?

Yeah, I didn't think so either.

And I know that maybe what I'm about to say won't help my case but I've decided to go for honesty here.  "I can't promise that I won't hurt you-"

Something darkens in her eyes as she continues watching me silently. She's got a total poker face going on.  I have no idea what she's thinking. Which I'll admit is a little bit scary to a guy like me. I'm not into making a total ass out of myself. And certainly not over a female. Unfortunately that seems to be my MO with this girl.

"But I'll do everything I can not to. Just one chance, Jordan, that's all I need to prove to you that I'm worth taking a risk on."

Her eyes continue to hold mine as she asks, "Why? Why should I trust you? You don't exactly have a great track record. In fact, I would be hard pressed to find another guy who's more of a player than you, Parker. You've left a trail of broken hearts in your wake. I really don't want one of those heart's to be mine."

Make no mistake, when she's calling me out for being a player- it's no compliment. The last thing I want is for my past to ruin any chance I have with her in the future. This is the first time I'm wishing I'd been a little more discreet about all my hook ups. I just never imagined that I would be in a situation where it mattered. Where I'd actually be...
embarrassed
about what I'd done.

And so it's quietly that I admit, "You're right. I've screwed around with a lot of girls and I haven't always thought about their feelings when I was doing it.  But there's nothing I can do to change the past.  All I can tell you is that it's different with you."

"Why?  Why am I so different?"

Man, she is totally going to make me say it.  And you know what?  I'm going to freaking do it.  I'm actually going to say what I've never said to another chick before in my life.  "Because I like you," I have to gulp before forcing out the rest, "
a lot
."

Saying that out loud is surprisingly difficult.  There's something about Jordan that makes me feel- God this is going to make me sound like such a chick-
vulnerable
.
Jeez
, I can't believe I just thought that but it's true. She makes me feel naked. And not in a good, fun loving way either. If you can believe that being naked could ever be not fun- then, yeah... And I'm not going to lie- this pretty much sucks. But if it ends up going well for me tonight, then it'll be kind of awesome.

All I can do is sit there silently holding my breath, praying that the swing won't break at that very moment and drop me on my ass right in front of her. I've never made a declaration like that before. It's freaking scary, man. I almost wish I could rewind time and suck the words back into my mouth but a bigger part of me needs her to know that what I feel is real and I'm not going to screw this up by running scared like I did earlier tonight.

Well, I'm going to do my damnedest not to run scared again.

When she doesn't say anything, I add, "I want to give this a chance." I lean towards her. "I want you to give
me
a chance." Then I lean in a bit further. "Just one chance to show you that I can be the kind of guy you deserve to be with."

She strains towards me before whispering, "It would be so much easier if we could just be friends."

Her words have something painful squeezing my heart because maybe she's not going to give me a chance. Maybe I've already screwed this up by being, well...
me
. "Is that what you want? To just be friends?"

Maybe I need to let her go and just move on with my life. I really don't want to do that but if she doesn't want me, there's not a whole hell of a lot I can do about it.  I can't exactly continue stalking her the way I have been.

Yeah, I am so not proud of that.

Figures though. The one girl I want more than anything wants nothing to do with me.
Freaking irony
. Damn Ms. Fisk for bringing that concept into my life. Because now I can't seem to get rid of it. I keep finding myself in all these
ironic
situations. And it's getting old. Maybe even as old as Ms. Fisk.  I'm just saying.  Because that chick is really old...

Jordan's quiet for a long stretch of moments before her eyes skewer mine with their greenish gold intensity.  It feels as if she's searching them, trying to figure out if I'm actually being truthful with her. Or if I'm just trying to play her.

Finally she shakes her head. "No."

"No?"  Yep, I'm free falling into nose dive position and it's only a matter of time before I crash head first into the ground.  Which will probably end up being a hell of a lot less painful than sitting here and baring my soul to this girl who apparently is going to stomp all over it.

"No, you don't even want to be friends?" Jeez. This is even worse than I imagined. I'm not even friend-worthy at this point...

"No- I don't think I can be
just
friends
with you."

And I may not be free falling after all... My brows slide together as I say slowly, "Does that mean you want to be more than
just friends
?"

Finally she shakes her head as if to clear it before looking up at the stars twinkling above us in the dark night sky. "I'm not sure what you're doing to me, Parker, but I doubt it'll end well for either of us."

She has to be joking right now. All she's done is turn my perfectly ordered world of random hookups and mindless sexual encounters upside down and inside out. Do you know how much easier everything is when
feelings
aren't involved?

"Oh, it's not me, sweetheart, this is all on you." Then I say a bit more quietly because she has to know that no other girl has ever messed with my head like this before. I guess she should take that as a compliment because it's certainly another first for me. "You're the one who's done this to me." I search her eyes for just a moment before adding quietly, "Can't you see how crazy I am about you?"

Looking back at me, her lips finally tilt upwards. They're so damn close that all I'd have to do is lean in just a bit further and I could kiss her. But I won't. God, I want to!  But I won't.  I've already put myself out there enough tonight. The next move is hers to make.  My heart is jackhammering in my chest because I want her so badly.  I want to pull her into my lap and kiss the hell right out of her.  I've actually never wanted anything more.  One taste of her lips.  I think I could die a happy man if I just had one damn taste.

Her eyes suddenly drop to my mouth and I can't help the soft groan that escapes. She clears her throat before asking, "So what do we do now?"

"Well, the first thing
you're
going to do is tell Hartley to take a flying fu-"

"I get the picture," she cuts me off quickly.

Maneuvering my phone out of my pocket, I hand it to her. "Here- you can text him right now."

Holding my thin cell phone in her hand, she looks down at it silently before asking, "So, just how many girls are you going to have to break up with if we actually do this?"

Hmmm, that question sounds suspiciously like this whole thing just might go my way. But I'm not going to get overly excited just yet. After all, I don't want to totally blow my wad too early. There'll be plenty of time for that later.  Hopefully...  Maybe...  Possibly...  If there's a God in heaven... Because I've got some major blue balls going on here.

Major.

I shake my head. "None.  I don't do girlfriends."

"Okay, let’s put this another way- how many hookup situations are you going to have to break off?"

I roll my eyes. "None. There has seriously been no one since you."  Yep, I'm laying it all out there right now.  But I'm still not telling her about the Naked Natalie situation.  That's done with.  Over.  Natalie and Marissa and all the other girls (Katie, Lindsey, Abby, Cameron- yeah, I'm not going to mentally run down that long list) are in the past.

Jordan is my future.

She raises a brow before saying quite seriously, "If you cheat on me- we're done. There are no second chances."

Tentatively I pull her slender fingers into my hand. "There's no other girl I want. Just you." I pull her swing closer until her face is inches from mine. "You're not going to regret this decision." And then I pull her even closer until my lips are able to just barely brush over hers.  I can see the surprise in her eyes when I pull back.  "And I'm not going to do anything more than that until you kick Hartley's ass to the curb."  I give her a big smile.  "Because after that, I'm going to kiss the freaking hell out of you- so be ready for it."

Shaking her head, a little bubble of laughter escapes from her lips. "I think we might be seriously crazy, Parker Montgomery, to even attempt this."

Okay, I go in for one more tiny kiss. It's really nothing more than a peck. But damn, her lips taste so sweet.  And they're so damn kissable.  Just like I knew they would be.

I'm eyeing her mouth as if it's my salvation. Which it just might be.  "Just text him. Break it off right now."

She actually laughs before shaking her head. "No, I'll talk to him tomorrow. I can't break up with someone in a text.  That's just rude."

I grumble a bit all the while continuing to stare at her incredibly kissable lips.

She presses them together before whispering, "Please stop looking at me like that."  And that's when I notice that her hands are trembling ever so slightly.

Hmmm, maybe this girl isn't nearly as indifferent as she'd like me to believe. That only has me grinning more.

Tomorrow definitely can't come fast enough...

Chapter Fifteen

True to her word, Jordan dropped the relationship bomb on Hartley. Yep, she gave him the old heave ho. Kicked his ass to the curb. Downsized their relationship. Ditched him. Called it quits. Told him to take a hike...  I'm sure you get where I'm going with this but honestly, I just love coming up with all these metaphors for Jordan dumping Hartley.  I only wish I could have been there to see it myself.

Anyway, I have to give the girl credit because I would have just texted him the bad news and been done with it but Jordan insisted on meeting up with him this morning for coffee.

Holy uncomfortableness, Batman...

Apparently Hartley didn't take the news all that well. Which, to be honest, if Jordan were breaking up with me, I wouldn't either. But she's not breaking up with me.  This is the part where you insert my evil laughter.  Because I am
so
laughing right now.

Evilly, of course.

And yeah, there's a ridiculously stupid smile plastered across my face. It probably makes me look like I should be wearing a helmet and riding the short bus but I don't give a crap.

"What's up with the goofy grin, dude? You look seriously mentally retarded right now."

See? Told you. But I still don't care because that girl is finally mine.

I shrug my shoulders like there's absolutely nothing up. "Not sure what you're talking about."

Okay, so I haven't exactly told Max about this new development between Jordan and myself. Now, before you go getting your panties in a twist thinking that I'm keeping my relationship status under wraps because I'm still looking to hook up on the side- I'd say-
ha, you couldn't be more wrong!
Come on, do you seriously think I would do that?

Don't answer that...

FYI- it was actually Jordan's idea to keep this on the down low for a few days until the dust settles with Hartley. She didn't want him feeling like she dumped his ass to go out with someone else. Isn't my girl considerate? But the fact of the matter is- she did.  I'm giving her a couple days at the most... and then I'm broadcasting this news to the world.  And I'm going to do that by a whole hell of a lot of PDA. Oh, you know I am.