Confessions of a Heartbreaker (7 page)

Game on, Hartley. 
Game on.

Chapter Six

Yep, we kicked Mt. Clements butt's tonight. Just like I knew we would.  Ah, the sweet taste of victory... Actually, it tastes a lot like beer. And it feels just as good going down too. I glance around Carter Callaghan's party because it's freaking huge.

Epic proportions huge.

Even though my eyes keep skimming over laughing faces, I'm pretty sure I won't be finding Jordan's. From what I know about her, this isn't exactly her scene. Plus, she all but said she'd be hanging out at the library this weekend.  And yet, here I am, still hoping that she changed her mind.

When
exactly
did I become such a loser?

Was it around the time that I met her?  Yeah, that's pretty much what I was thinking too...

I'm just about to take another swig when I hear- "I saw you checking her out!
I saw you!
You're such a jerk!"

This is screeched in a pitch so sharp and high that it actually hurts my ears. A few dogs howl as if in response.

Great.

Just barely am I able to resist rolling my eyes.  Oh, what the hell- I just rolled them.

Looks like we're all going to be forced to endure yet another episode of
the Max and Emily Show
starring Max and his crazy girlfriend Emily. Let's see what's going to happen on this week's episode... My prediction is that it will involve Emily screaming at her boyfriend Max (again) before breaking up with him (again) and storming off (again). In fact, I'd lay odds on it. They usually don't deviate too much from the script.

It doesn't take long to find where the drama is set to unfold. You just have to follow the incessant screeching.  Already there's a semi-circle forming around the pair. Emily stands with a blue plastic cup tilting precariously in one hand while her other hand is perched on her cocked out hip. She looks belligerent and a little blurry eyed- which is never a good combination. For Max, anyway. For everyone one else, it'll end up being one of the highlights of the evening.

Yep, Mt. Emily looks just about ready to erupt. This isn't unusual behavior for our girl Emily. She literally rages at the drop of a hat.  I've been an unfortunate witness to this way too many times before and if I hadn't, I could actually find a few video clips on YouTube. Just search under
psychotic girlfriend goes ballistic on boyfriend
.

And there’s Max. He looks none too happy about the spectacle she's hell bent on causing.

"Babe, seriously, I wasn't looking at her."

Max mutters the words quietly probably hoping that he won't attract any more unwanted attention. But, like me, everyone knows that once things get heated between these two, you might as well grab some popcorn and pull up a lawn chair because the show is just about to start.

"I saw you!"

This is screamed rather shrilly as Emily's eyes go a little wild. It's probably only a matter of time before she hurtles that cup at him. It's also a well-known fact that Emily has a terrible pitching arm, which reminds me that I really shouldn't stand in the general vicinity of Max unless I'm looking to get soaked.

"And I heard you say something about her tits!"

Well that, unfortunately for Max, is true.

He
was
just talking about Katie Schmidt's tits. But come on, the girl is totally built.  It would be impossible
not
to discuss her boobs.  Hell, I've had several in depth conversations about them myself.  But that's Max. The guy doesn't have enough common sense to keep his opinions and comments to himself.  Especially around Emily.  Or Emily's friends. Yeah, it would probably be best to just not say anything at all.  He definitely needs to learn how to filter.

Here's my tip of the day- just because a thought pops into your head doesn't necessarily mean it should come out of your mouth.  Lesson learned the hard way...

And then it goes from bad to worse in less than a millisecond.

"Em, I don't discuss anyone's tits but yours. You know I love your tits. They're completely awesome."

Jeez.

Emily's eyes widen and her face turns a very unflattering shade of purple. The backup dancers behind her also show their shock and disapproval by gasping and shooting daggers at him from narrowed eyes.

Yeah, even I know you don't say something like that unless you're looking to get slapped or kneed in the balls. And since I’m fairly partial to my lower regions, I generally try to avoid that at all costs.

"We're through," she roars in what can only be described as a demonic voice. It wouldn't surprise me in the least if her head started spinning, she seriously looks
that
pissed.

"But-"

Max tries to get a word in but it's pretty much useless at this point.  He really should just stand there and shut up. Has he learned nothing at all throughout the years?  Apparently not.  I want to yell-
make like an armadillo and curl up
. But I don't because there's absolutely no way in hell I'm getting involved in this mess.

"No buts!  Everyone keeps telling me that I can do better than you and they are so totally right!"

Well, that statement is debatable.

Max has his flaws but so does Emily. I would say that at the end of the day, they pretty much cancel each other out.  They're both nuts.  Worse than that- they keep going back for more. Actually that's more like psychotic, if you ask me.  Crazy should never hook up with crazy.

"Katie can have you!"

This is where Katie Schmidt, in her rather amazing top that shows off her gravity defying breasts, steps forward to join the conversation. "Um, yeah... I don't really want him."

Max just looks at her and blinks. Apparently he's smartened up in the last two minutes because he doesn't say one damn word.

"Well, I don't want him either!  He's all yours from now on!"

Katie eyes Max for just a moment as if mentally reconfirming her decision before she passes on him for a final time.  "He's a total perv.  I don't want anything to do with him."

"Well," Emily sniffs, "apparently it's
your
 tits he's into." Then she turns to glare at Max who is silently watching the exchange regarding who
doesn't
want him. Honestly, I want to bust out laughing but I don't. Only Max would have girls fighting about who's going to get stuck with him.

Yep, totally freaking hilarious.

"I mean it this time, we're done!  Don't call or text me ever again because I am
so
over this."

And with that, Emily stomps off with her posse in tow. Each girl glares at Max before following their esteemed leader someplace where they can all console Emily for the humiliation she's had to endure throughout the last seven months of this on-again, off-again, on-again, off-again relationship. Katie runs after Emily because apparently there's still more that needs to be hashed out between the two of them. And the majority of onlookers smartly follow the girls because at this point, anything can happen, which potentially means cat fight. And no one wants to miss that.

Max turns to look at me before shrugging his beefy shoulders and taking a huge gulp from his cup.  I'm not quite sure what to say about that either. My guess is that they'll be back together within a few days before one of them decides to pull the plug yet again by the following weekend.

Freaking exhausting, man.

That little demonstration is just one more example as to why I'm so adamant about avoiding relationships that last longer than a few hours spent groping around in the dark. Who needs all that crap? But here's the problem-
Jordan
.  I seriously can't stop thinking about her. I can't stop wondering what would have happened if Chris Hartley, AKA- the douche bag, hadn't shown up and ruined a perfectly good moment between us.

From all the intel I've been able to gather, Jordan and Chris have been seeing each other for about a month. So, it's nothing serious.  Which is good news for me and bad news for Hartley.

Well, well, well. Speak of the devil. It's Hartley.

I search the immediate vicinity looking for Jordan and just when I'm about to give up, I spot her blonde head moving through the thick jostling crowd of people. For just a moment I watch them together. Then I watch as Hartley puts his arm around her shoulder before pulling her body close to his. I pretty much want to smash the flimsy blue plastic cup in my hand.

If this is what jealousy feels like, then it pretty much sucks.

I'm still stewing when someone elbows me in the ribs drawing my attention away from the happy couple.

"Ow," I mutter. Irritated, I glance at the tool who just jabbed me.  I should have known- it's Max.  Within moments my eyes are sliding back to Jordan.  I don't bother asking why he just elbowed me because we do that kind of thing all the time to each other and it was pretty much my fault for being caught unaware.

Do you see what this girl is doing to me?

"Who're you staring at?"

I rip my eyes away before refocusing them on Max.
Crap
. Clearly I'm being too obvious. And that's bad because I never stand around mooning over some chick like a pathetic little puppy dog. I really need to pull my head out of my ass and get my shit together before this gets any more out of hand. This girl is really starting to mess with my head. Part of me wonders if banging her would help get her out of my system because this feeling of...
wanting
is just plain aggravating.  I've never experienced anything like it before.

"No one."  No one I'm going to tell him about anyway.

He smirks.
Double crap.
If Max catches one freaking whiff of this, he'll never let it go. The guy is like a dog with a bone when he locks onto something juicy.  And me falling for some chick is definitely juicy.

He scans the crowd as I take another drink from my cup. Thank God that almost half the school is jammed into this party or I'd actually be worried. Yep, this girl is definitely back to being my dirty little secret. And not because she's tutoring me either. She's turning out to be my kryptonite.

"Yeah, right."

Clearly I need to derail this conversation immediately. "So, where's Emily? You two lovebirds gonna patch things up tonight or what?"

He rolls his eyes before draining the rest of his cup. Yeah, if she were my girlfriend, I'd probably be a heavy drinker too.

"Nah. I'll call her in the morning. Straighten all this out."

I wish I were a better person but I'm not, because I can't resist asking, "So, how does it feel to have two girls fight about who gets stuck with you?"

He gives me a sour look which only makes me laugh harder. That was so freaking classic that it will live on for infamy and if it doesn't, I'll just have to keep bringing it up. "That girl is gonna drive me bat shit crazy."

"What do you mean-
gonna
?" No, seriously. He's certifiably insane for even considering giving her a call tomorrow. If it were me, I'd be celebrating that I'm finally free from her evil clutches. They both need to have their heads examined.

My eyes once again slide back to Jordan. You know what I like most about her? She's not crazy. Crazy chicks are the absolute worst and should be avoided at all costs. And Emily is as psycho as they come. It has to be tiring. I'm exhausted just watching from the sidelines. "Don't you get tired of all the drama?"

He shrugs. "Hell, yeah."

"Then why do you keep going back for more?" I'm genuinely interested in his answer... if it’s anything other than getting laid on a regular basis.

He shrugs again. "When it's good, it's really good."

"And how often is that?"  Because from what I've seen- that's not too often.  At least not often enough to put up with all that crap.

Max blows out a long slow breath before conceding. "Point taken."

But I can't resist adding, "Of course, this one is all on you, man. You should have known better than to stand around talking about some other girl's tits practically in front of her."  I slap him upside the head.  It's partial payback for elbowing me in the ribs and partly because he totally deserves it for being such a moron. "Seriously, what were you thinking?"

Max chuckles as he rubs his head.  “Yeah, I know.  But come on, did you
see
the top Katie was wearing?”

My lips slide upwards because of course I saw what she was wearing. Nothing escapes these eagle eyes.  Especially a great set of tits in a nice, tight fitting scrap of material that we're going to loosely refer to as a very low cut shirt. The girl definitely has it going on. And I know that from personal experience as well.

"Still, you're an idiot for saying it out loud."

"Yeah, it probably won't be worth all the groveling I'll have to do tomorrow."

I roll my eyes before unconsciously searching out Jordan again. But wait- she's no longer standing with Hartley. Scanning the area I see a petite blonde walking back towards the house. Quickly I clap Max on the shoulder. "Well, I'm sure you and Crazy will work it all out and live unhappily ever after. Listen, I've, ah," I glance down at the cup in my hands, "I'm going to get a refill. Be back in a few."