Confessions of a Heartbreaker (18 page)

Max narrows his eyes before taking a rather impressive gulp of beer. "I think something's up. You've had that shit eating grin plastered across your face all night long. And I'm going to be totally honest with you- It's a little maniacal. I think you're scaring the chicks away." Taking a moment, he glances around Will Henderson's raging house party.  "Because the female population is a little scarce around here."

Yep and that just so happens to be part of my grand master plan.

Trust me, I'd much rather have this out in the open because the girls have been swarming around me all evening and I've been doing my damnedest to make sure there's absolutely no physical contact what so ever. Which you'd think would be easy, but it's not. A lot of these chicks like to get all touchy feely by stroking their hands across my arms or chest when they're conversing. A few of them have even tried sifting their fingers through my hair. I guess I never paid much attention to it before. Probably because I was enjoying it way too much to care.  And the reason for that is because I actually like having more than just my ego stroked...

So trying to bob and weave out of their evil clutches has become something of a challenge (even for me). It also goes against every natural instinct I have as a guy. Which is exactly why I've buried myself in the back corner of the living room with Max. I'm not giving Jordan any excuse to rethink her decision to go out with me. Thank God Marissa Sandberg has been inconspicuously absent tonight. That girl would dry hump me in front of this entire party if I let her.

But you know what? I am
so
not interested in anyone else but Jordan.  Like I said before- that girl has changed me. And I'm actually cool with it. That's how much I like her. I'm not even freaking out right now thinking about how much I like her either. 

Not even a little bit.

Nope, still not freaking out...

I know... totally impressive.

Parker 2.0 has just been unveiled and the new version is incredibly awesome. I think everyone should upgrade to one.

From here on out, I'm Parker Montgomery the Boy Scout. No... seriously. Because most of the Boy Scouts I know are total dorks who couldn't get laid to save their lives. But they sure know how to make a fire from flint (Insert chuckle here). So, yeah, from now on, I'm one of those guys.  Minus the dork status. Because come on, we all know there's no way in hell I could ever pull that off...

Jordan's here too but we're trying to keep our distance from one another. Although I can't stop searching for her little blond head in the sea of bodies jam packed into the first floor of Will's house. Every few minutes I find myself craning my neck, making eye contact, smiling my goofy (maniacal?) smile at her.  I can't seem to help myself.

Max opens his mouth and is just about to say something when the words literally die on his lips. He looks like he's having a serious brain fart except for the way his brows have slid together and his eyes have narrowed to slits. So I start looking around trying to figure out just what's captured his attention. That's when my eyes slam into Cuckoo-for-Coco-Puffs... and you won't believe this but she's making out with some other dude right in front of our faces. I'm not even kidding right now. Well this is certainly an interesting turn of events. And not a totally unexpected one either because her and Max have been going strong for at least eight solid days now. So it was only inevitable that a break up would be looming somewhere on the horizon.

From the looks of it- this one is going to be pretty major. Great. Here we go again. That guy can be such a stupid peckerhead sometimes. More like he's always thinking with his pecker.  And from what I've learned, that damn pecker of his can't be trusted to make a solid decision at all.

Unfortunately Max looks ready to blow his freaking top. But what do you expect from someone who's probably legitimately insane-in-the-membrane? And I just so happen to be talking about Emily, not Max. Although sometimes I seriously question his sanity as well.  I'll be completely honest with you, I totally hold Max responsible for his stupidity when it comes to her because every single time this happens, he ends up running back for more. It's like he just can't get enough of her crazy ass BS. So, yeah, maybe it's possible that he has his own set of mental health issues as well.

At this point, anything's possible.

"I take it that you and Em are on the outs again, huh?" I'm trying very hard not to roll my eyes but it's almost impossible.

Max groans before rolling his own eyes. And if he gets to roll his eyes about this, well then, so do I.

Massive eye roll right there.

"Yeah, she broke up with me in a text about two hours ago." He shrugs his beefy shoulders. "I thought she was just having another menstrual moment and it would blow over." Still watching them, Max chugs the beer he's holding. His fist is pretty much strangling the brown glass bottle he's holding.  "Guess I was wrong."

I'm not going to lie- I'm a little concerned that Max is going to go ape-shit all over Justin Wellington who currently has his tongue rammed down Psycho's throat. Squinting, I tilt my head to the side. Hmm, maybe it's the other way around. I can't exactly tell from this angle... Those two are sucking so much face over there that it's actually hard to see. All I know is that I need to get Max out of here, pronto, before he pile drives right into that guy.

"When are you seriously going to be done with this crap? Christ, all this back and forth is freaking exhausting, man. Aren't you tired of it? Knocking boots with her can't be that good. Certainly not good enough to put up with her constant drama."

He doesn't take his eyes off Emily and Justin as he says, "It's pretty damn good, dude. She likes to get freaky."

Well, I can't exactly say I'm surprised by that revelation. Disgusted- yes. Surprised- no.

"Listen, there are a ton of other chicks out there who like to get their freak on. And here's an added bonus to consider- you probably wouldn't have to worry about being stabbed in the hand with a fork."

Yeah, she actually did that last year.  Okay, so maybe it was more like a plastic spork that she used... but still. Can anyone say r
estraining order
? I know I can. I bet you can too. Unfortunately, I think that whole episode actually got Max all hot and bothered. As far as I'm concerned, they're both sick and twisted. Which is exactly why they shouldn't be allowed within a hundred foot radius of one another.

He grumbles some kind of response before completely draining his bottle. "I need another."

Yeah, that's probably not a good idea right now. Most of the time, Max is a laidback dude who's pretty chill but all that can change in the blink of an eye when he knocks back a couple of cold ones and he's on the outs with Crazy Pants. Then it's just a recipe for disaster. Especially when she's making out with some other clown right in front of him.  Jeez, it's like that chick is looking to get someone killed tonight.

"Let's go out for some air." I shove my shoulder into him to get his attention because he's just glaring away at Emily who is, at this very moment, putting on a pretty good show. Steam is literally pouring out of Max's ears. "Come on, Max. Move your dumb ass!"

I'm just getting Max to slowly shuffle his way towards the backdoor when I see Emily look over at us. Her glittering gaze arrows straight to Max as Justin kisses his way down the side of her face.
Aww man... you crazy, psychotic chick, don't you dare do it... don't you-

Crap!
Of course she does it.

She just went and smiled... before blowing him a kiss.

Can you seriously believe that shit?

Max turns, lunging towards them but luckily, I'm quicker on my feet than he is. Unluckily, Max outweighs me by a good fifty pounds and he's used to tackling huge dudes to the ground. So he pretty much plows his way right through me. I grab his upper body all the while trying to wrestle him towards the backdoor. And yeah, people are starting to turn and stare.

But there's no way in hell I'm going to let them air another episode of the
Max and Emily Show starring Max and his crazy ass girlfriend Emily...

I throw a dirty look at Emily because I have no idea what the hell she's trying to prove by pissing Max off. Like I said before- that chick is nothing but trouble. I wouldn't put it past her to try starting some sort of brawl between Justin and Max. I think she'd enjoy having them fight over her.

I have three words for you- total psycho chick.

Need I say more?

Nope, I really don't think so.

"Let's go, Max! She's not worth getting into a fight over! Let her do what she wants!" The guy is like the Incredible Hulk (and right now- Hulk mad!) but he seems to be listening because he allows me to drag him through the door even though he's still fighting me. Just as I'm maneuvering him outside, I see Jordan in the kitchen with her two girlfriends. Our eyes catch just as I slam the door shut behind me.

Once outside I finally let go of Max. He's huffing and puffing, clearly pissed off.  Which, I don't blame him for. That skank was totally trying to start shit between him and Justin- you could see it in her diabolical eyes. And maybe I sound a little harsh right now but this isn't the first time she's pulled this crap.

"You seriously need to drop that bad habit on its ass before it kills you. All she does is mess with your head."

Blowing out a long breath, Max plows his fingers through his hair before staring up at the stars dotting the clear night sky. "Yeah, I know you're right but it's hard. We've been doing this for so long that it just feels normal, you know?"

That has to be the most pathetic thing I've ever heard in my life. "There are other girls out there. Get one who doesn't need to be institutionalized. Better yet, let me pick one for you."

He actually snorts at that. "So, what? You just gonna to slide all your left overs my way from now on?"

"Nah, I'll reel them in and hand them straight over. Sort of like catch and release, except I'll be releasing them to you. You'll have more chicks than you know what to do with. You can play the field for a while- get that whack job out of your system for good. We'll find you a nice twelve step program where they can finally deprogram you."

His brow slides up. "Oh? What's with the generous offer? You suddenly have a case of limp dick-itis?"

I give him a tight smile. I guess I could let the cat out of the bag about Jordan and me, but I'm not going to. Not yet anyway. I agreed to keep this relationship hush-hush for a few days and I'm not going to break my word within twenty-four hours of us getting together.

I'm telling you- Parker 2.0. It's the new me.

For the next twenty minutes we stand around outside BS-ing until Max's eyes clear and he's pretty much back to his normal mild mannered self. Just as we're heading back inside to join the party, I see Jordan's friends making their way towards us.

"Parker, is Jordan with you?"

The brown haired girl with the deep blue eyes looks past me and Max as if expecting Jordan to magically materialize out of thin air behind us. But that isn't going to happen because I haven't seen her since I forced Max outside.

"No, last time I saw her, she was with you." Now my brows are sliding together. And even though Jordan can totally take care of herself (yeah, you know she can), something tightens in the pit of my gut.

Lindsey.
The blue eyed girl's name is
Lindsey.

Lindsey's eyes slide towards her cohort and I can tell that they're sharing some sort of private communication. Under normal circumstances I would let this conversation unfold naturally but for some strange reason, they're getting on my nerves because now I'm wondering where the hell Jordan is. And just how they got separated from her in the first place. Because in my extensive experience, girls usually travel in packs.  Especially at parties.  It's never good when one gets culled from the herd.

So it's a little impatiently that I ask, "What happened to Jordan? Why isn't she with you?"

The brunette hedges. "Well, Chris wanted to talk with her-"

Wait just a minute-
"Hartley's here?"
Great.
I would have never taken my eyes off her had I known that.

"Um, yeah, he showed up after you went outside. And he was still really upset about their break up. I guess he just wanted to talk."

This doesn't sound good. Not one damn bit. "So, Jordan's with Hartley right now?"

The one who did a fairly convincing impression of a comatose patient the first time I met her bites down on her lower lip before adding, "Yeah, she said she'd be back in a few minutes but we haven't seen her since."

Now I just want to find her because I don't want her with Hartley.  Especially if he's stewing about being dumped. "Do you know where they went?"

Lindsey glances towards the staircase leading to the second floor.  "Up there. He said he wanted to talk in private."

Without another word, I take off towards the stairs.  Half way up I realize that Max is right on my heels.

"You're with that chick, aren't you?" Clearly Max has forgotten all about Crazy sucking some other dude's face right in front of him because he sounds way too gleeful.

"Not now, Max," I mutter as I take two steps at a time.

"I knew it!"

Yep, totally freaking gleeful, damn him...

"I said- not right now!"

As we reach the second floor I see that all four bedroom doors are closed. But it's pretty obvious they're being occupied because I hear people laughing and talking. Among other things...

I'll admit that there's a teeny tiny part of me that's worried I'm going to crash into one of these rooms and find Jordan and Hartley getting it on... because I think I'd totally lose my shit if that happened. Maybe it's a good thing Max is here with me after all- he can return the favor and hold me back if I find out I've been screwed over.

"I knew you two were together!" Already I can tell that he won't be letting this go anytime soon.  Max can do a pretty damn convincing impression of a dog with a bone when he wants to. "How long's this been going on for?  And why didn't you tell me?"

I roll my eyes as we come to the first door. "It hasn't been going on for as long as you think, okay? We're keeping everything on the down low because she just called it quits with Hartley this morning."

He chuckles knowingly. "Oh, I get it- a shoulder to cry on is a dick to ride on."

All I can do is glare. But you know what? In the past- yeah, maybe that would've been true. But not with Jordan. "It isn't like that."

He just raises one brow before continuing, "So she just broke up with Hartley and yet she's up here in a bedroom with him right now?  Sounds suspect, dude."

Yeah, I don't like how it sounds either which is exactly why I hold my breath as I push open the first bedroom door before taking a peek inside. Not one to be left out, Max is right there behind me, pushing and shoving his way in so that he can get an eyeful if we just so happen to find someone in a compromising position. Namely, horizontal with their clothing shed. That's always good for a mental snapshot.  Especially when jacking off.