Confessions of a Heartbreaker (28 page)

Chapter Twenty-Three

“Parker-”

My name falls softly from her lips.  Crap… why do I suddenly feel like this isn’t going to work out the way I was hoping it would?

“Wait!” I quickly interrupt.  Maybe it wasn’t enough.  Maybe serenading her in front of the entire school wasn’t enough to show her that I… that I…

Her brow quirks up as my words trail off.  And in true Jordan fashion, she’s got a total poker face going.  I have absolutely no idea how this is going to play out.

“You have to know how sorry I am.”  I gulp, suddenly feeling every bit of saliva in my mouth dry up.  “When I heard that you were moving, I thought…”  Christ, I feel like such a dumbass even saying the words because honestly, looking at her now- how could I have ever thought she was playing me?

Now both brows rise as she waits for me to finish my sentence.  “You thought…”

When I still say nothing, she quietly supplies the words for me.  “You thought I was jerking you around.”

I shake my head wanting to deny the words.  But I can’t.  “Yeah, I guess I did.”

The look on her face transforms into one of disappointment.  I’m really wishing I could kick my own ass at this point.  “But I was wrong.  I know that’s not something you would do.”  The realization slams into me so hard that it’s almost painful.  “Because that’s not the kind of person you are.”

Jordan has never been anything other than upfront with me.  She’s probably the most genuine person I know.  Did I immediately assume she was playing me because I felt that, deep down, I didn’t deserve her?  That maybe she was too good for someone like me?  For someone who has the reputation I do?

I don’t know… I just know that I got this all wrong.  I jumped to conclusions and messed everything up between us.

“No, it’s not.”

“I know.  All I can say is that I’m sorry.  I promised not to hurt you… and I did.”  Worse than that- I wasn’t there for her when she needed me.  I baled on her.  “Can you forgive me?  Can we give whatever this is between us one more shot?”

Holding each other’s eyes, my questions hang in the charged air between us before she finally says, "Parker, I-"

Her words trail off as the heavy wooden door swings open and VP Jennings pokes his head inside again.  He eyes the pair of us before saying, "Your parents are here, Mr. Montgomery, which means that Ms. Whitnall needs to return to class. You've had your promised two minutes."

Apparently our vice principal doesn't hear the telepathic thoughts I am, at this very moment, sending his way. Or he chooses to ignore them. Knowing Mr. Jennings, it's probably the latter.

"Make sure you get a pass from Mrs. Shepard on your way out, Ms. Whitnall."

Jordan nods her head even though her gaze is still locked on mine. I'm pretty sure my eyes are pleading with hers for an answer. I don't even care at this point if Jennings is watching our interplay. I just need to know that I haven't fucked everything up between us.

My eyes continue to cradle hers before sliding to my parents who have oh-so-recently burst onto the scene and are now standing rather impatiently just a few steps away from the office. "
Jordan
?" My eyes latch onto hers again.  I'm not sure if I say her name out loud or if I merely mouth it silently.

Abruptly she pulls her gaze away from mine before murmuring, "We'll talk later, Parker."

It's on the tip of my tongue to argue, but with Jennings and now my parents (who, by the way, do not look happy in the slightest) hovering nearby, I bite back the words before giving her a quick nod.

Crap.

That's the only thought running through my head right now.

Crap, crap, crap, crap.

I have the sinking feeling that her non-answer is actually my answer.

And there's not one damn thing I can do other than watch her walk out of Jennings office and probably out of my life for good. This was like my very own personal Hail Mary and it turned out to be an epic fail.

Huge.

Epic.

Fail.

Here's a question- can an epic fail by definition be anything other than huge?

Methinks not.

In fact, I bet if you look up the words-
epic fail
in the dictionary, you'll see a picture of me next to the definition.

Epic fail- A complete and total failure when success should have been reasonably easy to attain. Also known as pulling a Parker Montgomery (insert picture here).

Wordlessly I watch as Mrs. Shepard hands Jordan a yellow pass. For just a moment, she turns back towards me, her eyes hold mine one last time. Without realizing it, my breath catches at the back of my throat.
Please, say something... anything... give me a sign, any sign...

But she doesn't.

Not one damn word.

There's just… nothing.

With a pass in hand, she quickly drops her gaze before rushing out of the office. The door swings shut behind her with a finality that rings hollowly throughout my head and then she's gone. She's really gone. And I'm left to deal with Mr. Jennings... and my parents.

Did I say crap already?

Well, I'm going to say it again.

Crap, crap, crap, crap!

There's nothing more for me to do than fall onto one of the uncomfortable burgundy chairs situated in front of Jennings' neatly organized desk and wait for the flogging to begin because clearly that's next on today's agenda.

Parker Montgomery's To do list:

Make a total ass out of myself over a chick in front of the entire school- check (actually that one gets a double check, maybe even a triple check- the jury is still out). Let it be known that when I screw up, I do it big. This has been an excellent example of the whole- go big or go home mentality. There are no half measures where I'm concerned. When I fail, I fail big, baby.

Still manage to lose girl- check

Get chewed out by the VP and my parents- up next

Get detention/suspension/possible expulsion- You know it.

Yep, looks like we're right on track.

My parent's flank me as they take their seats. As Mr. Jennings closes the door to his office with a resounding thud, I slump down a little further and wait for the inevitable shit storm to begin.

Yeah, this isn't going to go well for me.

Like at all.

****

Hauling my backpack up onto my shoulder, I huff out a tired breath as I leave the school behind. At this time of the day, my truck is the only one left in the student parking lot.

Why you ask?

Well, because I just so happened to have served a ninety minute detention today. As apparently I will be doing for the next two months. Mr. Bennington, the teacher in charge of detention, and I are apparently going to get to know one another on a deep and personal level.  I shouldn’t bitch, it could have been worse. Much worse. I could have been suspended or even expelled. And trust me, Mr. Jennings stressed that over and over again to my parents. Which only exacerbated things. For me that is. In all honesty, I think Jennings was delighted to secure my word that the senior prank would be a no-go this year.

God help me it actually goes off.

You want to talk about asses in a sling? Yeah, me neither. We'll worry about that later.

Opening the backdoor on the driver's side, I chuck my bag into the truck before climbing into the front seat. At this point, I just want to go home and crawl into my bed. If I'm lucky, my mom will have made one of my favorites for dinner. Probably a long shot after the whole meeting from hell that went down earlier today but a guy can hope, right? Man, I could really use some double chocolate chip cookies. Maybe even a hug. Yeah, it was that freaking bad.

A sudden noise draws my attention to the passenger seat right next to me. And it takes everything within me to muffle the girlish scream that almost leaves my lips.  "Jordan, you scared the shit out of me!"

My eyes fasten onto hers. I want nothing more than to reach out and pull her into my arms but I don't... can't, because in all honestly, I'm not sure what's going on between us. Hell, I'm not even sure if there is an
us
at this point.

If I had a Magic Eight Ball right now, it would probably say something like-
outlook not so good.

Her lips curve ever so slightly. "Your truck wasn't locked, so I thought I'd wait for you." She pauses before dropping the dreaded bomb. "We need to talk."

Hmmm, is it ever a good sign when a girl says that we need to- quote unquote-
talk
?

I didn't really think so either.

Before she can say anything else, the words tumble abruptly out of my mouth. "Look, Jordan, I'm sorry.”  I shake my head sadly because in all honestly, I don’t know what else to say.  “More sorry than you’ll ever know.  It literally kills me that I ruined everything between us."  Then I whisper quietly, “That I ruined what we could have had together.”

Sucking in a breath, I wait...

I wait for her to twist the dagger I’ve already plunged into my own beating heart by agreeing that I’ve ruined everything between us with my stupidity.

Instead she takes a deep breath before slowly blowing it out. She looks down at her hands which are knotted in her lap as if she's nervous or maybe anxious.

My gut twists just like the hands in her lap. Dread continues to bloom and grow within me until I feel as if I might actually choke on it.

"Parker, what you did today..." her words trail off. When she finally drags her eyes from her fingers to meet my gaze, I see the shimmer of tears within them. "No one has ever done anything like that for me before.  It was really, really amazing- thank you. I'm just sorry that you're in so much trouble because of it."

I search her eyes hoping to see
something
... some kind of sign that this is all going to work out in the end. But I... I'm not sure. I'm really not sure that it will. "It was worth it. No matter what the punishment, it would have been worth it."

She starts to shake her head. "No-"

Not waiting to hear the words I'm so sure are going to fall from her lips, I grab hold of her hands. For just a minute I stare at them in my much larger ones.  Her hands are so tiny and delicate looking.  Jordan, with her petite stature, looks so completely fragile.  But looks can be deceiving because she's probably the strongest chick I know. And I can't help but already feel the loss of her from my life. And that's totally on me. I have no one else to blame but myself for this. "Look, it was totally worth it. I wanted you to know how sorry I was. I’m sorry that I hurt you and I’m sorry that I wasn't there when you needed me."

Out of everything, that's probably what kills me the most. Because I know she wouldn't have gotten nearly the amount of shit she did had I stood by her side. Maybe she really does deserve someone better than me.

"I accept your apology."  Saying the words softly, she stares out the large windshield in front of us.

There's a
but
coming. I can feel it. I can all but hear it lingering in the air between us.

"
But
there's no point in starting something between us because I'm leaving. Sooner than I'd anticipated."

My heart stutters at her words.

"Stay," I whisper, "You can move in with your aunt until graduation. That was the plan before, wasn't it?" Yeah, I never thought the day would come when I had to beg a girl to be with me. But you know what? I would get down on my freaking hands and knees if I thought it would turn the tide of this conversation.

But it won't.

I can see it in her eyes.

I've lost her.

Her blond hair spills over her shoulders as she shakes her head. "I can't. I can't stay here anymore. I'm leaving at the end of the week." Finally she drags her eyes back up to mine. "I haven't told anyone yet. Not even Lindsey or Annabelle."

Feeling deflated, I stare blindly out the windshield.

She's leaving. She's really leaving me.

"Is there anything I can do to change your mind?" I say the words knowing deep down there's nothing that will change her mind. That's the thing about Jordan. She knows what she wants. She knows what's best for her. And she does it. Even when it's difficult. I respect that about her.

Tangled up in all my regrets, I feel her fingers slide slowly across my cheek before she turns my face towards hers. When our eyes finally meet, she's only inches away. I stare into her greenish-gold eyes remembering the first time I saw them. Yeah, I think I was pretty much a goner at that point.

"I can't stay here, Parker, I'm sorry. Not after Chris... After everything that's happened..."

Tears swim in her eyes making them appear shiny in the falling sunlight. This isn't the way I want to remember her. I don't want to think about her with tears shimmering in her eyes but I know I'll never forget this moment.