Always and Forever (39 page)

The next morning I wake up early. I quickly shower and find
myself gazing at my reflection again. Maybe no one else will be able to notice
the change in me but I can certainly recognise a subtle change. It’s as though
I’ve taken my first step towards freedom, when I look forward I can see a future.
One that is bright and hopeful, one surrounded by Jake.

I make my way downstairs and overhear mum on talking the
phone. By the sound of her conversation she’s talking to the hospital and I
pray its not bad news.

“Is gran ok? She’s not any worse, is she?” I ask as soon as
mum hangs up.

“She’s fine, she’s feeling much better and we can go and
visit her later on today. She’s got a few bruises from the fall and they still
want to keep her in for a few more days to keep an eye on her.”

“Thank God she’s going to be ok. I’m really anxious to see
her.”

I’m quite impatient to make our way to the hospital as soon
as possible, especially since I didn’t get to see gran yesterday. I have this
awful image of her in my head and I’m desperate to see her with my own eyes, I
need to make sure she’s ok.

Mum and I spend the rest of the morning at home, watching
TV and relaxing. I can’t help but grin whenever I think of the six glorious
days ahead of me without my father. I’m going to make sure I’ll appreciate
every single moment.

We end up getting the bus to the hospital; mum wouldn’t
dare spend money on a taxi again now that it’s not an emergency. We’re halfway
through our journey when mum nudges me, trying to get my attention.

“Bethany, I asked you how your night with Amy went last
night.” Mum asks, catching me off guard.

“Oh, we had a good time. It’s nice being able to see her
again.” I lie.

I really hope she doesn’t start quizzing me right now.
We’re nearly at the hospital and we only have a few more minutes to spend on
the bus.

“I don’t really remember you being that close with her. I
know you were quite friendly with that boy named Callum, you met him at
college, didn’t you?”

I shift uncomfortably in my seat, not wanting to think
about Callum for a second. The guilt I feel about not contacting him is
excruciating, it tears me up inside to think about him waiting for my call. A
call I’ll never make.  

“Yeah, I guess you could say that.” I mumble quietly,
wanting to change the subject. I really hope Callum is ok and that he
understands why I’ve had to come to this decision. I hope he realises how
complicated a friendship with him would be right now and how strenuous that
would be on my newfound relationship with Jake.

“I remember you mentioning him a lot. It’s a shame you
don’t see him anymore.” She says, completely unaware of the damage she’s
inflicting by her words.

I turn away from her and continue to gaze out of the
window, willing myself to stop thinking about Callum and his phone number which
still resides in my bedroom drawer…

We soon arrive at the hospital and hastily make our way to
the ward where gran is staying. I’m the first one through the door in my
eagerness to see her. I spot her sitting up in bed with a great big smile on
her face and I hurry over towards her, needing to see for myself that she’s
really going to be alright.

“There’s my girl.” She whispers in my ear when I hug her.

 I can hardly believe how frail she looks. She’s a
pasty white and her eyes are missing her usual sparkle. For the first time in
my life I’m aware of how old she really is.  I suppose I’ve never really
wanted to admit the truth, to think of gran not being here is too painful, it’s
impossible to comprehend.

My eyes fill with unshed tears when I think about anything
happening to her. Every positive memory that I have includes her and she’s
sacrificed so much for my happiness. Now that it’s finally in reach she has to
be around to see it, she just has to.

“I’ve been so worried about you, Gran. Thank goodness
you’re alright. You are ok, aren’t you?” I ask, taking hold of her hand as I
pull up a seat by her bed.

“I’m absolutely fine. I can’t believe a tiny little fall
has caused such a fuss. The kitchen floor was actually quite comfortable; I
really should try it more often.” She chuckles, a playful smirk on her face.

“It’s not funny.” I scold her, wiping away a stray tear.

I can see through her charade. I know she’s putting on a
brave face, trying to reassure me that she’s fine when anyone can see she’s in
a lot of pain. I noticed her grimace when she laughed and I saw her clutching
her ribs when she thought I couldn’t see.

“Ellen, I’m sure the coffee isn’t up to much in here but
why don’t you go and get a cup for you and Bethany from the machine outside?”
Gran suggests, looking up at my mum who’s in the middle of pulling up a chair
beside my own.

“Oh, ok. Do you want one, Bethany?” Mum asks me, a hurt
expression on her face from being dismissed so soon.

“I’m ok, Mum.” I offer her a grateful smile, hoping she’s
not too hurt about gran’s comment.

I’d offer to go myself but I can sense gran wants to say
something to me in private.

“Gran, how are you really?” I ask, as soon as mum leaves
the room.

 “I feel rough, Bethany. I guess it’s just a wake up
call for me. I’m no longer as young as I used to be and I need to realise
that.”

“I don’t know what I’d do without you, Gran.” I take hold
of her hand and squeeze it tightly before remembering how frail she looked when
I first came in. I immediately release my firm grip, not wanting to hurt her.

“You know you’ll never be without me. You can’t get rid of
me that easily.” She smiles weakly, clasping the hand I just held her with.

 It’s good to know she still has some strength left in
her and that underneath her fragility she’s still the same person.

“That’s good to know.” I laugh softly.

“Now, I want to hear all about you and that young man of
yours. Last week he turned up at my house in such a state, he was so worried
about you, Bethany. He wanted me to tell him where you lived, he was so anxious
to see you. Of course I knew the trouble it would cause if he were to just turn
up at your house so I told him the address of the bookstore instead, hoping
he’d be able to catch you alone there. I felt so sorry for him. He was out of
his mind with worry and tormenting himself thinking something bad had happened
to you. What on earth happened? You were both so happy when you left my house
last Friday night.”

I know I owe gran an explanation but I don’t know if I can
face going into everything that happened that night. It all seems so long ago
and now that Jake and I have managed to sort things out it seems silly forcing
myself to remember what we were rowing about in the first place.

“It was just a misunderstanding. It was our first real
argument and it was awful at the time but we’re fine now, it’s been dealt with.
Jake came to see me at the bookstore and we talked. It actually brought us
closer together. I love him so much, Gran. He takes my breath away and I forget
everything when I’m around him. Everything in the world ceases to exist,
everything except him and how he makes me feel.”

I avert my gaze, not wanting her to notice my humiliation
when I remember what Jake and I did in her house last night.

“Sweetheart, I can see that. You’re glowing with happiness
and it’s so lovely for me to see. I’m happy for you both; you’re made for each
other.”

I glance behind me towards the door; making sure mum isn’t on
her way back in here yet. There’s no sign of her so I decide to ask the
question that’s being troubling me for a week now.

“Gran, what did you tell Jake about my father? He knows
something but he won’t tell me what you told him and I just can’t understand
why you would tell him anything about my father when you had only just met him
for the first time.”

“Bethany, I just want you to be safe. I felt like Jake
should know the severity of your father’s control over you and he’ll be much
more capable of protecting you if he knows the truth. I’m sorry if you feel
like I went behind your back, that wasn’t my intention. I just needed to know
that someone will be taking care of you.”

Her eyes glaze over, revealing her true emotions. She cares
so much about me, I can’t be angry with her for confiding in Jake.

“I can understand why you felt you had to speak to him but
it’s my personal business and I didn’t want him to know anything.” I argue.

I know she didn’t mean to interfere but Jake is already so
protective over me, it’s going to be difficult now to convince him that I’m
safe staying at home. Especially after he saw the bruises my father gave me
last night. Something my gran doesn’t even know about.

“I won’t do it again, Bethany. I promise you. I sometimes
forget that you’re a young woman now. Every instinct I have still urges me to
protect you.”

I lean forwards and kiss her on the cheek, loving her more
than anybody in the world right now.

“I wonder what’s happened to mum, she’s been gone ages.” I
wonder, turning around in my chair to see if there’s any sign of her.

I hope she’s not too upset, it must hurt her to know that
gran and I are so close. I don’t want her to feel like she’s always on the
outside.

“Oh, she’ll be a while yet. There’s no coffee machine on
this floor.”

“Gran, that’s cruel!” I scold her.

“I didn’t mean to be, I just wanted to talk with you alone
for a few minutes.”

“It’s still pretty mean.” I say, feeling guilty for my mum
having to search around the hospital for a cup of coffee that will probably
taste horrible.

 “Did you manage to see him yesterday?” Gran enquires
eagerly, an expectant grin on her face.

“Yeah, I saw him. We actually met up at your house, I hope
you don’t mind. I used your spare key, the one you kept for me all those years
ago.”

“Of course I don’t mind, I’ve always wanted you to think of
my house as
your home and whilst I’m in here I want you to treat it as
your own.” She assures me.

I’m so relieved gran doesn’t mind us meeting up at her
house. I still feel a little guilty about Jake and I having sex there
yesterday, it feels slightly immoral and… dirty. Even if was in my own bedroom
there.

I’m about to respond when mum
interrupts us, returning with the coffees. I stay pretty quiet throughout the
rest of our visit and allow mum and gran to catch up with one another. Gran is
thrilled when we tell her that my father has gone away for a week and I’m also
relieved she won’t be spending the rest of her time in hospital worrying about
me being with him.

After we leave the hospital, mum and I catch another bus to
take us home. The remainder of the afternoon is quiet. It’s so great having the
house to ourselves, I constantly remind myself to cherish and appreciate every
moment he’s gone. It really is a blessing to be without his constant oppression
and domineering presence.

I send a text to Jake letting him know that I plan on
meeting him at gran’s house again tonight. I meant it when I said I don’t plan
on wasting a single second of my freedom this week. I need to see as much of
Jake as possible.

I tell mum that I’m meeting up with Amy again tonight, I
don’t know whether she believes I’m telling her the truth or if she’s just
choosing to keep quiet. I long for the day when I won’t have to lie to her
anymore, although I don’t see that happening anytime soon.

 I spot Jake as soon as I round the final corner onto
gran’s road. I race over towards him, throwing my arms around his neck and
wrapping my legs around his waist. I’ve missed him so much and it’s only been
twenty four hours since the last time I saw him. He reciprocates my embrace,
circling his arms around my waist and pulling me even closer against him. He
buries his face in my neck and inhales deeply, delighting in my scent as much
as I do his.

“God, I’ve missed you.” He says huskily, trailing his lips
against my skin.

“I’ve missed you more.” I reply, tugging on his hair so
he’s forced to look at me.

“You wanna show me how badly you’ve missed me?” He teases
me, whispering into my ear.

He’s not yet put me down and we’re still outside in front
of gran’s house. The fact that we are out in the open hasn’t escaped my notice
and I wriggle my hips, trying to get Jake to put me down so we can go inside.
He refuses to relinquish his hold on me and tightens his arms around my middle.
His tongue leisurely glides across the skin on my neck, causing me to breathe
in sharply. I have to admit I’m shocked by how passionate things are between us
already, it’s as though we’ve been apart for weeks. Jake tangles his right hand
in my hair, firmly keeping me in place so I can’t move away from him.