Always and Forever (34 page)

Tonight was supposed to be special. I was feeling so
optimistic on my way over here. I really wanted to enjoy this time with Jake
and now everything’s ruined. I remember how he kissed me when I first showed
him my bedroom, as though he couldn’t live without me and needed me to breathe.
The feeling was entirely mutual but as soon as he saw my bruises his need for
me disappeared.  

“Bethany, please look at me.”

I’m jerked out of my contemplation by the sight of Jake
kneeling before me. The truth is I’m afraid to look at him; I don’t want to see
pity in his eyes. Not when I saw so much hunger in them before my revelation.

“I can’t.” I murmur, avoiding his stare.

“Look at me.”

“I don’t need your pity, Jake. I don’t want you to feel
sorry for me.” I say firmly.

“Bethany, I know I’ve made a mess of this. I just can’t
bear the thought of anyone hurting you. It kills me to know that you’ve been
going through this alone and I had no idea. How could you not tell me he was
hurting you?”

“I should have told you but I was scared. I knew how you
would react and I just wanted our time together to be pleasant and carefree. I
don’t want to waste time arguing and fighting about him. I wanted tonight to be
perfect; my intention was to forget all of the bad stuff.”

I lower my eyes to the floor, wondering how we can salvage
anything from tonight.

“Tell me what you want, baby. What can I do? I’ll do
anything to make this better for you.”

“I want you to want me like you did a few minutes ago.” I
confess, wiping away a stray tear. God, I hate how pathetic this makes me.

 Jake leans closer, pressing his mouth against mine.
He’s still kneeling before me at the side of the bed and catches a couple of my
errant tears with his tongue as they fall down my cheeks. It’s oddly erotic and
I find myself kissing him back with just as much fervour as before.

“Of course I still want you, sweetheart. I’ve wanted you
from the first time I saw you but you’re so fragile right now, I should be
taking care of you not trying to…”

“Sleep with me?” I answer for him.

“I didn’t mean it like that. I just don’t want to take
advantage of you right now, you’re vulnerable and I don’t want you to regret
anything that happens tonight.”

“The only thing I’ll regret is not being with you. No one
has ever made me feel as safe as you do. I want more than sex with you; I want
you to make love to me. Help me to forget, Jake. Please?”

“But I don’t want to hurt you.” He whispers softly.

“A girl’s first time always hurts, doesn’t it?” I ask, feel
foolish. Once again my lack of experience rears its ugly head.

“Yeah, I think so but I don’t just mean that.” He twirls a
piece of my hair between his fingers before tucking it back behind my ear.

“You mean my bruises? They look a lot worse than they
really are. I promise you.”

“Bethany, the fact that you trust me with something as
important as this… I guess it scares me a little. I don’t want to mess this up;
you’re far too special for me to mess this up.”

“I guess I never even thought about this being a big deal
for you.” I say.

“It is a big deal, baby. This means everything to me, your
first time might be painful and the marks on your arms look so tender, are you
sure you still want to do this?”

I sigh impatiently, standing up and making my way over to
the window. I’m only there a few seconds before I sense Jake standing behind
me. He places his hands on my hips, dragging me backwards until our bodies make
contact. His front is pressed against my back, making it easy for his lips to
caress the responsive skin between my neck and my collarbone. It’s so hard to
act disinterested when he’s touching me like this. He knows exactly how to make
my body react to him, even if my mind is willing it not to.

“Don’t tease me, if you don’t plan on taking this further
then you should stop now.”

“I just want this to be special. You’re going to remember
your first time for the rest of your life.”

 He rests his chin on my shoulder, circling his arms
around me.

“You know how incredible you look with your shirt off,
right?” I tease him, remembering that delicious image of Jake half naked.

“You can take another look if you want.” He responds
playfully, turning me around in his arms to face him.

“I think I should.”

“Go ahead.” He takes a step back, a mischievous grin
plastered on his face.

It’s a challenge. He’s testing me. Providing me with the
opportunity to undress him is his way of testing my confidence. He doesn’t
think I’ll go through with it, he thinks I’ll back away and refuse to
participate in his little game.

Well, I’m not about to let his cocky self-assurance
undermine me. Let’s see what he says when I prove him wrong.

My hands are shaking as I reach out and trace the bottom of
his T-shirt with my fingers. I look up at him for his approval and he nods his
head, encouraging me to keep on going. Hesitantly, I start to lift up his shirt
until he has to intervene by helping me tug it over his head. My eyes wander
over his shoulders, his chest, his arms and his stomach. His abs are toned and
firm, making it really difficult for me to not gape at him in awe and
admiration.

“Like I said, you look incredible with your shirt on.”

“So do you.” He whispers, smirking flirtatiously.

I’m suddenly really, really nervous. This is actually going
to happen; we’re going to do this. His fingers start to undo the buttons on my
blouse for the second time tonight and I notice his hands are so steady. He
touches me with so much certainty; he doesn’t doubt himself or his abilities to
make me feel good. I can only hope to be the owner of so much confidence and ease
one day.

Jake chooses to ignore my bruising as he slides my blouse
off my shoulders.

“I love this.” He says huskily, trailing his fingertips
along the lace of my bra.

 I’m so please he likes it; I wore it especially for
tonight. It’s the only attractive piece of lingerie I own and to know that Jake
likes it makes me glow with pride.

“Thank you.” I smile weakly, fiddling with a strand of my
hair in embarrassment.

“Can I?” He asks, wanting my verbal permission to remove
it.

I nod my head, wondering how amazing it will feel to
finally feel Jakes hands on me.

“Mmhmm.” I murmur, incapable of saying anything remotely
coherent.

He unhooks my bra with one hand, causing me to hold my
breath as I feel the clasp release behind me. This is the first time anyone
has ever seen me this exposed before and if I’m being completely
honest, I’m terrified I won’t measure up to Jake’s expectations.

I release a breath as the straps of my bra are delicately
withdrawn from my shoulders and slid off my arms. I close my eyes, trying to
regain some control over my uneven breathing. I can feel his eyes burning right
into me and I fight the powerful urge to cover myself from his intense gaze. He
inhales sharply, a sound which forces me to open my eyes.

“Bethany, you are so beautiful.” He speaks with so much
reverence and devotion, something which instantly puts me at ease. “You’re
still ok?” He asks me, seeking eye contact to make sure I’m really alright.

“I’m fine.” I lie.

My heart’s beating so hard it feels like it might leap out
of my chest at any second. Why did I think I was ready for this?

“You’re sure? We can stop at any point.” He assures me.

I finally start to relax when his hands move to my arms and
his fingers start to trace patterns up and down them. His touch reignites
something inside of me, followed by an aching desire for him to explore every
part of me.

“I don’t want to stop.” I assure him.

Taking hold of my hand, he leads me over towards the bed
and sits down. He stares up at me and I’m once again reassured that Jake will
only take this as far as I’m willing to go. He won’t pressure me into anything
and I can say no at any point.

His eyes eventually travel down my body, landing on my
breasts. I recognise the familiar desire in his eyes and to know that its there
because of me is a huge turn on. I want to feel powerful, I want to surprise
him and show that I can be just as fearless as he is. Moving my hands to the
front of my jeans, I slowly start to unfasten them. His eyes immediately drop
down to watch what I’m doing as I slide them over my hips. I step out of them
and take off my socks in the process. My only piece of clothing that’s left is
my panties. I’ve never felt more vulnerable, I’ve never felt more
alive
.

“You. Are. Perfect.” He’s staring at me like I’m the most
incredible creature he’s ever seen.

I decide to be bold and rest my hands upon his large
shoulders; I position my legs on either side of his so that I’m straddling him.
He still has his jeans on but I can feel how hard he is for me, how he’s
straining against the material of his trousers to be inside of me. I start to
move back and forth against him, enjoying the sensation his arousal stimulates.
He feels incredible and I continue to move my hips against him, quickening my
pace and delighting in the friction his hardness is causing between us. I can
feel the pleasure increasing between my legs so I close my eyes and lose myself
to the incredible sensation. Jake groans violently, grabbing hold of my hips
and encouraging me to grind myself against his erection. I moan loudly,
increasing the speed of my movements.

I’m seconds away from my climax when he stills my gyrating
body by placing his hands on my waist. Before I can yell at him for stopping,
he effortlessly picks me up switches out positions. Now I’m the one who’s
beneath him, gazing up at his magnificently masculine body. He supports his
weight by resting his hands on either side of my shoulders, piercing me with
the intensity of his smouldering eyes.

 “Jake.” I’m breathless and light-headed, unable to
comprehend or analyse the whirlwind of emotions that’s spiralling through me.

“God, you are astonishingly sexy. I love to hear the sound
of my name on your lips.”

“Jake, I want you so badly.” I tremble, wanting him to hear
his name once more.

 I watch as his eyes travel down my body, absorbing
every single inch of me. His focus lingers on my breasts, burning with
undeniable passion for me.

“You have no idea, do you? You have no idea how
breathtaking you are.” His voice is smooth and reassuring, instantly silencing
any qualms I had about losing my virginity tonight.

 He starts to unfasten his jeans, tugging them down
over his thighs. They resemble the rest of his athletic body and are strong and
firm. His boxers are plain black but I notice the infamous Calvin Klein logo on
them and I wonder if he’s also wearing the CK aftershave. Whatever it is, he
smells delicious. My eyes travel back up towards his face and I realise he’s
been watching my intense observation of him the whole time. However, my
scrutiny doesn’t seem to faze him and I find myself being envious of Jake’s
self-assurance. I long for the certainty he has found in himself.

“Jake, please.” I beg him; desperately seeking the
exquisite sensations I had a few moments ago when I was rubbing myself against
him.

“It’s ok; we’ve got plenty of time. I don’t want us to rush
this; we’re going to take this nice and slow.”

The caress of Jake’s fingers tracing the outline of my
underwear is enough to elicit another pleasurable moan from me, I’ve never been
touched so intimately before and it’s beyond anything I ever allowed myself to
imagine.

“You’re really mine?” He marvels, a look of awe and
wonderment on his face.

“Uh-huh” I stutter.

“Is that a yes?” He chuckles, grinning at me playfully.

“I’m yours.” I confirm, smiling up at him.

Jake’s hand settles on my right hip and I inhale sharply
when he opens my legs, settling his body in-between them. He groans loudly as
he presses his lower body against mine and I’m thrilled to know he’s just as
turned on as he was before. The evidence of his arousal gives me a huge surge
of confidence, especially when it comes to my own abilities. It makes me feel
powerful and sexy, things I’ve never felt before. I’m no longer embarrassed
about the sexual sounds escaping from my lips. His own sensuous mouth starts to
explore my neck, travelling down until he reaches the top of my breasts and I
arch my back, hoping to encourage him. I squirm when the tip of his tongue
flickers against my nipple. The sensation is so incredible, it’s as though I’m
incapable of remaining still.