Always and Forever (37 page)

 “Yes! Oh, Jake, yes!” I scream shamelessly, thrashing
my head from side to side on the pillow beneath me.

I’m experiencing an unbelievable, inexpressible, rapturous
moment. I no longer feel in control of myself or my body’s stimulation. Jake
now consumes me, mind body and soul. Being so closely connected to him and
sharing myself so intimately somehow transports me to a place I’ve never
ventured before. I feel wild, reckless and unimaginably free.

“I want you to come for me when I tell you to, can you do
that for me, baby?”

“Just keep talking.” I urge him, wanting his words to
incite my release.

“Just think of me being so deep inside of you right now.
You’re wrapped so tightly around me, Bethany. I’m all the way inside you and I
can feel how badly your sweet little pussy wants me. I want you to squeeze me,
baby. Squeeze me so tight.”

An explosion goes off in my head, forcing me to do as he
asks; I clinch my muscles around Jake, wanting to hold onto him for dear life,
wanting to force a euphoric, eruptive response from him.

The only thing is… I want more. The burning, uncomfortable
sensation still exists and the only thing strong enough to override the
insurmountable pain is my arousal.

“Jake, I need more, please.” I beg him, no longer ashamed
by the sexual demands I’m making.

Jake stills on top of me, firmly taking hold of my chin to
make sure I’m looking directly at him.

“You want it harder? Then look at me and say those words to
me.”

I smile up at him, a sexual confrontational look on my
face.

“Fuck. Me. Harder.” I beg, daring him to give me what I
want.

Playtime between us is over, after weeks of tension,
longing and temptation; we both need that final release. I’ve been craving him
for so long, I want everything. I want to take everything he has to give.

I’m taken by surprise when Jake pulls the hair at the nape
of my neck, forcing my neck back and making my body arch. He drives into me
full force and his own groans of pleasure mingle with my own as our bodies
thrust against one another, desperately seeking what the other can provide. My
legs circle his waist, pulling him even deeper. I no longer feel like the naive
young girl who brought Jake up here. I’m impassioned, exhilarated and jubilant
in my ability to evoke this much passion and desire from him.

“Come for me, Bethany. I need to feel your pussy tighten around
me.”

Hearing the intensity and desperation in his voice, I let
go. I surrender myself to him in a way I never thought to be possible as my
body writhes and twists beneath him.

“Jake, yes, oh, yes!” I yell, aroused by the sound of my
own voice.

“Fuck, I can feel your beautiful pussy squeezing me. You’re
so tight, baby. You feel amazing. Do you still want me to come inside you?” He
asks, framing my face with his hands so our eyes are locked together.

“Yes.” I mutter quietly, nodding my head in case he didn’t
hear me. I’m only just coming down from the tremendous, mind-blowing orgasm he
just gave me and once again am feeling dizzy and light-headed.

“Say it.” He demands, glaring at me with his smouldering,
suggestive eyes.

I’m still lost; I’m still in that post-coital, celestial,
blissful state. If you had just visited paradise would you ever want to leave?

“Come inside me, Jake. I need to feel you.” 

His expression darkens and the flames dancing behind his
gaze ignites. I wet my lower lip with my tongue, causing his eyes to fall to my
mouth. His thrusts become more frantic, impassioned and fervent. He continues
to take me with so much force and desperation.

 “Look at me.”

The intensity in his voice is insistent and feral; he wants
to watch me as he takes complete ownership over my body. I raise my eye,
staring up at his extremely beautiful face; I’m taken aback by the overwhelming
happiness and joy that consumes me when I look at him. Jake is the missing part
of me, the part that was always lost; he’s the one I’ve been searching for, the
one I never thought I’d find. I’m not only sharing my body with him, I’m
sharing my soul.

“I love you, Jake.
I need this and I want to feel
you. Make me yours.”

My words are his undoing. He grabs hold of my face,
crushing his lips against mine. His tongue plunges into my mouth, mirroring the
action of our love making. I cling to him, rejoicing in this moment and the
knowledge that Jake and I have now shared something that can never be erased or
replaced.

His amorous, vigorous movements gradually slow down until
he eventually stills on top of me. His breathing is laboured and I can feel his
heart pounding against my chest. He places a considerate, delicate kiss on my
forehead and I take a quick glance down at his naked body on top of mine
noticing that his skin is such a dark contrast to my own. His body is solid,
powerful and strong, making my own appear even more fragile and soft. Jake is
the embodiment of perfection and now that we’re no longer in the midst of our
passion I begin to reacquaint myself with my familiar insecurities.

“You really have no flaws, do you?” I joke, only half
playful.

 He smiles at me, running his thumb over my bottom
lip. I open my mouth and take in the tip, sucking on it and gently nibbling.

“Maybe I should hold up a mirror for you to look into, let
you see the true definition of perfection.”

He’s still breathless, his chest rising and falling against
my naked breasts. I love the feel of his skin against my own; it manages to
distract me against the excruciating pain between my legs. Now that the raw
passion between us has subsided, I’m consumed by the awareness of how sore I
am. I wince when Jake shifts his position; he’s still inside of me but
continues to support his weight so that he won’t crush me. He notices my
grimace and apologises, kissing my cheek before he gently pulls out of me and
I’m left with an intense burning sensation in his place. I recognise the huge
transition my body has just been through and I can hardly believe that I’m no
longer a virgin. The knowledge of this is exciting; it’s invigorating and
wonderful but I’m also worried that other people will be able to tell. What if
I look different? What if my mum looks at me and instinctively knows?

“Shit, are you really sore?” Jake asks, obviously noticing
the pain on my face now that he’s left my body.

“Yes.” I answer truthfully.

“I’m so sorry, baby. It will get easier, I promise.” He
strokes the side of my face, leaning in to kiss me.

“I’ll be ok. It was worth it.” I say bashfully.

“
You
were worth it, Bethany. You were incredible;
I’ve never experienced anything like that before in my life. You do believe me,
don’t you?” He asks, imploring me to believe him.

“Of course I believe you, Jake.” I smile up at him,
grateful that he feels the same as I do. What just happened between us was life
changing. It’s something I will never forget and I just know that every
glorious moment we shared together will be ingrained in my heart forever.

Its when we’re both in the middle of putting our clothes
back on that I start to worry about Jake and whether he’ll be comfortable with
letting me return home. I can’t see him being ok with me living under the same
roof as my father now that he knows about the bruises on my arms, even if he is
away for the next week.

“What are you thinking about?”

I’m startled when Jake’s arms circle around my waist and he
rests his chin on my shoulder. His lips graze my skin and I tremble, delighting
in his gentle caress.

“Nothing, it doesn’t matter” I reply, shaking my head.

“You don’t regret what just happened?” He asks, turning me
around to face him with a concerned, anxious look on his face.

“I don’t regret anything, I promise you.” I assure him.

“Are you sure? You looked like you were deep in thought
about something.”

 I can see how doubtful and unsure he is, I don’t want
Jake to think that I’m upset about what just happened and so I blurt out the
one thing I can think of that would explain my contemplation.

“I was just wondering if you’ve ever taken someone’s
virginity before.”

His face drains of colour and he frowns, turning his back
on me as he continues getting dressed. I freeze as my heart starts to beat
wildly inside my chest. I only asked that question to evade Jake’s concern but
now he’s acting as though he has something to hide.

“No, I haven’t.” He replies sharply.

“Can look at me and say that?”  I challenge him.

He turns around with a dark, sombre expression on his face.

“I told you that no one has ever been important to me
before. I’ve never been someone’s first because I know how special that is and
I’ve never cared about somebody enough to take their virginity. Not until you.”

I observe him closely, watching for any signs of hesitancy or
unease. I notice his fists are clenched by his sides, making him seem agitated
and cross. I can’t help but wonder why he would be angry right now. Deciding to
ignore my doubt, I nod my head and choose to accept his explanation.

“I’m sorry, Jake. I couldn’t help but wonder.” I mumble
faintly, feeling guilty for questioning him like this.

“You don’t need to wonder, Bethany. You’re the only one.”

He’s still surly and solemn as he continues to get dressed
in silence.

“Do you have to put this on?” I ask flirtatiously, pulling
his T-shirt from his hands.

“Nope, I can leave it off but only if you remove this.” He
grins, toying with the buttons on my blouse and taking a step closer towards
me.

I’m so relieved to see him being playful, I actually
consider letting him undress me again. His fingers persist in their explanation
of my buttons and it’s only when I actually feel him start to undo them that I
force myself to pull away.

“Jake, we can’t. I have to get going. Mum will be really
worried about me; I’ve already been gone ages.”

He groans, making a woeful puppy dog expression but
thankfully acquiesces and allows me to finish getting ready. I’m about to walk
out of the bedroom and into the hallway when he grabs me by the waist, spinning
me around to face him. He’s as white as a sheet; I’ve never seen him so
terrified.

“Bethany, we didn’t use anything.” He whispers, as though
he’s scared to vocalise what he’s just realised.

I gape up at him in horror. He’s right, we didn’t use any
protection. How could we have been so reckless?!

“Oh, God.” I mumble, cradling my face in my hands.

“And I came inside you. Fuck! How could I have been so
stupid?” He yells, tugging his fingers through his hair.

“Jake, you’re not the only one to blame. It’s as much my
responsibility as it is yours. I didn’t even think about it.”

I start biting my nails, willing the tears in my eyes not
to fall. I can’t believe one moment of thoughtlessness can result in such
naivety in two people.

 “Shh, don’t cry. Everything will be alright, I
promise you.” He closes the gap between us, pulling me towards him.

 “I can’t we just did that.” I sob, clinging to him
with all my might.

“Blame me. It’s my fault and I should have made sure we
used something. Bethany, look at me. This is not you’re fault and I don’t want
you to be scared, I promise you you’re not at risk. I’m clean; I got a check up
just a few weeks ago.”

“You did?” I ask, at once feeling better.

“Yeah, I wanted to make sure I was ok before we…”

“But you’ve never had sex without a condom before, right?”
I ask, hating the fact that I have to ask this question and despising the idea
of Jake being so intimate with another person.

 “I’ve always used something and I’d never do anything
that would harm you or put you at risk.” He soothes me, stroking my hair and
rocking me back and forth.

“Thank God.” I mumble, chuckling to myself as I ease myself
out of his hold.

“So you’re on the pill?” Jake asks.

There’s so much hope and optimist on his face, I can barely
bring myself to tell him the truth.