All the Things I Didn't See (8 page)

He was crying again, and he was so sick of it. He’d cried more in the past week than he had in his whole life. Suddenly, he felt more than one set of comforting hands on his back.

“Josh… honey, I’m so sorry you had to see that. I should have warned you. There are several different versions out there, all over the television and the Internet.”

Josh looked up at Mary. “Are you kidding me? What was wrong with those people? Why didn’t they try to help?”

Sam just kept looking at Josh. He hated seeing that kind of pain on Josh’s handsome face. He knew that Josh would gladly step in to help a stranger and often did. It was one of the things he loved about him.

“They were scared, Josh. That man had a gun, and it was obvious to everyone around him that he was disturbed.” She continued stroking his back, trying to comfort him. “Not everyone is as brave as you, Josh.”

Josh shook his head. “I’m not brave, Mary.” He looked down at Sam’s hand in his.

Sam couldn’t stand the pain and anguish in Josh’s face. He looked up at his parents, pleading with his eyes for them to understand. His mother apparently got the message. She smiled at him and then turned to his father.

“Come on, husband of mine. You owe me dinner someplace with a bit more atmosphere than Chez Cafeteria.”

Kenneth nodded at her and leaned over to kiss his son on the forehead before doing the same to Josh. Mary followed suit, and they turned to leave.

“We’ll be back in a couple of hours, sweetheart,” Mary called back over her shoulder.

 

Sam shook his head and pointed at the notebook. Josh held it for him as he jotted down a few sentences and waited for Josh to read it.

“He says to go back to your hotel and get a good night’s sleep.” Josh looked at Sam wearily, and they had another one of their silent conversations.

“He’s right, you know. You both need some sleep. I’ll stay tonight while you guys get caught up on some Zs.”
Kenneth started to argue. “Josh, you’re as tired as we are. You need to get some sleep too.”
Sam snapped his fingers to get his father’s attention. Grinning wickedly, he patted the bed beside him.

“Oh, I see. Josh’s gonna sleep with you, is he?”

Josh could hear the amusement in Mary’s tone, but right now? Crawling in beside Sam sounded like an awesome idea.

“You guys go, I’ll be fine. They brought in a sleeping chair for me, and it’s surprisingly comfortable.”
Sam frowned over at the chair pushed into the corner across the room. It was too far away.
“Sam, are you sure, honey?”
Sam looked at Josh, felt the tight hold he had on Sam’s hand, and nodded at his mother.
“All right, we’ll see you in the morning.” She knew when it was useless to argue with her son, even when he couldn’t talk. She leaned in and kissed them. “Love you both.”

“M’
NOT
sleeping with you.”

Sam ran his fingers through Josh’s hair, smiling at the noise that was almost a purr coming from Josh’s throat. “Why not?” Sam’s voice wasn’t much more than a squeak. “Too good for me, bitch?” The fondness in his voice belied his words.

“No.” Josh sounded like a four-year-old who’d been teased too long. “Just not safe. Might hurt you.”
It wasn’t like they’d never curled up together to sleep. Neither of them seemed to have much sense of personal space around the other.
Josh’s head was back on Sam’s hip, sleepy eyes all adorable as he looked at Sam.
“Can’t hurt me. Promise.”
At least not physically.
“Still, gonna sleep in the chair… in a while. Comfy here for now.”
Sam kept running his fingers through Josh’s hair, taking as much comfort as he was giving.
He sighed, which turned out to be a bad idea because it caused him to start coughing again, and that shit still hurt!
Josh’s head popped up instantly.
“You okay?” The worry in his voice pulled at Sam’s heart.
“Thirsty,” he managed to croak out.
Josh reached over and grabbed the water glass, letting him drink a little.
When Sam was finished, he looked up at Josh. “Move chair closer,” Sam pleaded softly. “So we can touch, please?”
Josh looked at him questioningly. “You scared, Sam? Reynolds is dead! You’re safe here.”
Sam shook his head. “Bad dreams. You shot. Need to feel you… touch you.” He looked away, embarrassed at being so needy.
Josh just stood up and kissed him on the temple before moving the chair close enough to the bed that Sam could just reach out and touch him. If someone had a problem with it, too bad.
“Thanks.” Sam’s voice was quiet, but Josh could hear the gratitude in it.
“Anything else you need? Do you… do you want me to call Evan?”
Sam just shook his head again. “No, tired. Sleep.”
Josh smiled at him and ran his hand through Sam’s hair before settling into the chair. He reached up and took Sam’s hand again.
“Good idea… ’cause, man? I’m fucking exhausted.” Josh chuckled. “Let’s both get some sleep before someone comes in to check on you.”
He burrowed under the blanket, getting comfortable before speaking again.
“You know there’s a reason people make jokes about being woken up in hospitals, Sam.” He let the quiet rumble of Josh’s voice lull him.
“Could be worse.”
Josh pondered that for a second, knowing just how much worse it could have been.
“I know… and Sam?” Josh’s voice was fading by the second.
“Yeah?” Sam couldn’t help the sleepy slur.

“I’m glad you’re back.”

 

“Me too, Josh.”

W
HEN
Nicole came in to check on Sam twenty minutes later, she found both men sound asleep, hands locked together, faces turned toward each other with gentle smiles on their faces.

She did a quick check on Sam’s vitals and left the room, closing the door behind her.

As she turned to go back to the nurse’s station, she glanced down the corridor and saw trouble heading her way. Grabbing her phone out of her pocket, she texted Security, asking for help in the surgical ward before stepping up to confront one very determined Evan Woods.

“Can I ask where you think you’re going, Mr. Woods?” she asked, stepping into his path. She might have been small, but she’d grown up with four brothers, and she knew how to handle herself.

“I’m going to see my boyfriend, if you must know!” Nicole offered Evan the same sort of smile she used on her eight-year-old when he was being difficult.

 

“I doubt that very much, Mr. Woods.”

 

“You think you’re gonna stop me?” He drew himself up to his full height, but she wasn’t intimidated.

“Yes, I am.” She looked over his shoulder and spotted Frank, the security guard, getting off the elevator. “And that gentleman there,” she said as she pointed at Frank, “is going to help me, if necessary.”

Evan was furious. How dare they? “He’s my boyfriend and he needs me!”
Nicole’s smile was fading fast.
“Mr. Woods, if he wanted to see you, he would have

called.” She glared up at him. “Right now he’s asleep, and you are not waking him up.”

 

“You have no right!” His voice was getting louder, and

Nicole was starting to get mad.
“Please lower your voice, sir. Mr. Peterson is my patient,
and my only concern is what’s best for him. Can you say the
same?”
He had the good grace to look abashed by her blunt
honesty. “I just need to talk to him.”
Nicole almost felt sorry for Evan. He was obviously
aware he was fighting a losing battle on so many fronts
where Sam was concerned. “When he wakes up, I’ll tell him
you were here. After that, it’s up to him if he wants to see
you. Understand?”
All the air seemed to deflate out of Evan as he realized
he wasn’t going to get his way.
“Fucking Kelly is holding him hostage.” Even as he said
it, she could tell that he didn’t believe it.
“Mr. Woods, I know you’re upset. However, we both
know that no one is holding Sam hostage. We’re all just
trying to provide him with the best care possible.” “God, it was never supposed to be this way.” He had
tears in his eyes, which Nicole suspected were more about
self-pity than regret.
“I’m asking you to leave now, Mr. Woods. I promise to
tell Mr. Peterson that you were here. I’m sure you will be
hearing from him soon.
Evan shook his head. “No, no I won’t. Now that everyone
knows, he’ll be done with me.”
Evan turned and walked down the hall toward the
elevator, the burly security guard following close behind.
When Evan reached the metal doors, he pushed the button. The doors opened, and head hanging, Evan stepped on,
followed by Frank. Nicole breathed a sigh of relief. For the life of her, she couldn’t figure out why Sam and
Josh wanted to be on a soap. Their real lives had enough
drama.

Chapter 8
S
AM
woke in the dim light of the hospital room to the sound of Josh thrashing around in the sleeper chair beside him.

“Nooo… don’t!” Josh sounded terrified. “Sam! Stop, please… I can’t….”
Sam squeezed his hand. “Josh, wake up….” His throat was still too sore for his voice to be heard. He didn’t know what to do.
Josh was still writhing and moaning, and Sam could hear the absolute desperation in his voice.
“Sam… fuck….”

Sam did the only thing he could. He yanked on Josh’s hand hard, and the strain on the stitches in his chest caused it to hurt like a son of a bitch. “Christ!”

At that sound, Josh shot upright in the chair. “Sam? What’s going on?” He looked at his friend, taking in the pale, clammy skin and harsh breathing. “What the fuck, Sam?”
“You. Bad dream….” Sam hissed the words out through clenched teeth.
“Huh? Oh shit! I’m sorry.” Josh tried to pull back, but once again Sam held his hand in a vise grip.
“S’okay, stay.” Sam was having a hard time trying to breathe through the pain. “Josh? Hurts.”
Josh was on his feet in an instant, reaching for the call button. Once again a tinny voice echoed from the speaker.
“How can I help you?”
“Beth? I think Sam needs something.” His voice was shaky with sleep and concern. “He’s in a lot of pain.”
“Be right there, Josh.”
Josh rubbed his free hand up and down Sam’s arm.
“You’re gonna be okay, Sam. The nurse is coming to help you.” Josh hated feeling so helpless, and it seemed to be where he was stuck right now. He so badly wanted to help and there was nothing he could do.
All Sam could do was nod a little and try to breathe as he looked at Josh’s face, seeing all the emotions in play there.
The man had absolutely no idea that everything he felt was right there for Sam to see. Everyone could see it if they looked, but most people just saw the handsome face and totally missed everything else.
Those expressive eyes held Sam hostage on a regular basis, and he was powerless to say no to his friend. The funniest part of the whole thing was that he was sure the only person who didn’t realize it was Josh. Because, of course, Josh didn’t think he was anything special.
Sam lay there, drinking in Josh’s soothing touches. He knew that sooner or later he was going to have to give this all up and let Josh go back to his life.
But right now he figured he’d earned the right to be a little selfish and enjoy being the center of Josh’s attention, if only for a little while.
Josh looked up at the sound of footsteps nearing the door. The look of relief on his face was almost funny to Sam. His boy was such a worrier.
His boy.
Sam wasn’t sure when he’d started to think of Josh like that, but once he started, it was impossible to stop. It made him want to tell Evan to go away and never come back.
Oh, and while you’re at it? Take that Stephanie bitch with you.
God, he was so screwed, but he couldn’t find it in himself to care.
“Sam? Sam?” Josh gently shook him out of his reverie. “This is Beth.” He nodded to a small redheaded woman approaching with a syringe. “She’s got something that will help ease the pain.”
A small smile was about all Sam could manage.
“I understand you’re not feeling very well, Sam. Dr. Harris okayed this earlier in case you needed it.” She injected the morphine into his IV and checked his monitors before wishing them a quiet good night and leaving, closing the door.
Josh’s fingers found Sam’s hair again. It was one of those things that Josh had been doing a lot lately, even before the shooting. He loved how it always seemed to relax the other man, no matter what seemed to be bothering him.
Josh could swear sometimes that Sam was more like his cats than a person.
“Is it kicking in?” Josh could feel Sam relaxing under his hands.
“Hmm, yeah. Sleepy now.” He angled his head a little to rest it against Josh’s hand. “Bad dream?”
“Yeah. Sorry I woke you.” He knew he should try to go back to sleep, but he wanted to make sure Sam was out first.
“Tell me?” Sam’s voice was barely more than a whisper.
“Later. I promise. Just go to sleep.”
Sam nodded against Josh’s hand, his eyes already closed. “M’kay.”
Josh could feel an uncomfortable tightness in his own chest as he gazed down at his friend. Sam looked so innocent and vulnerable lying there, and Josh just wanted to gather him up in his arms and keep him safe from everything.
But that wasn’t Josh’s right. He had to face facts. He knew that sooner or later he was going to have to let Sam go back to Evan. And he was going to have to deal with ending things with Stephanie.
There went any chance of more sleep tonight for Josh.
He wasn’t looking forward to what was coming. Ending a relationship was never easy for him, and he supposed that was why he had stayed with Stephanie for way too long.
When they had first started dating, he had thought she was so sweet and loving… and she was… for a while.
But once they had moved in together, things seemed to change. She had always been a little possessive, but it quickly progressed to the point where if he wanted to do something, she always had plans for them.
He felt like he hadn’t seen his friends in ages. Then one day he realized he had been avoiding going to see his family because Stephanie didn’t really get along with them.
But he had been reluctant to end the relationship… until now. Sam almost getting killed had made him realize he had been using Stephanie as a buffer between him and the beautiful person now lying in a hospital bed.
This thing—whatever it was between them—had started when they first met, growing steadier and stronger every day. It scared him.
He’d never been really attracted to men before, although he’d always appreciated the beauty of a human body in any form.
So this wasn’t just a “guy” thing, he was sure of that. It was more of just a “Sam” thing. He was attracted to Sam. But he wasn’t available. He had a boyfriend that he loved, and Josh was using his girlfriend to keep himself from doing something to screw that up.
It had to stop. It wasn’t fair to Stephanie, and Josh had never been the type to hide from his problems. So, as soon as Sam’s parents got there in the morning, he was going to his apartment to talk to his soon-to-be-ex-girlfriend.
His only concern for the foreseeable future was going to be Sam and his recovery. Stephanie deserved to know that.
Josh looked down at his sleeping friend. “Going to take care of things, Sam.” He smiled. “If… you’ll just let go of my hand.”
He sat back down in the sleeper chair and tried to get comfortable. He glanced at his watch. It was 4:00 a.m. He might as well relax for a bit until Mary and Kenneth got there.
He didn’t realize he had drifted off again until the nurse came in three hours later to empty Sam’s catheter bag and check his IVs.
He opened his eyes to see bright hazel ones looking back at him.
“Hi.” Sam’s voice was still rough, but it was starting to sound more like him.
“Hey. Shouldn’t you still be sleeping?” He was amused to see that they were still holding hands.
“Don’t know.” He shrugged.
Josh gently untangled his hand from Sam’s, smiling at the small pout that formed on those plush lips.
“Only one of us has a catheter.” He watched Sam’s facial expression go from slightly embarrassed to unhappy at the reminder.
Josh patted him on the arm. “I’m gonna grab a shower while I’m at it, okay?”
Sam nodded. “Good idea… kinda smell.” He struggled to keep a straight face but lost the fight.
“Up yours, Peterson.” Josh walked around, gathering his shaving kit and bag and disappearing into the bathroom.
Sam watched the door close and sighed. “I wish….”
He gingerly reached for the remote that was attached to the bed and turned the television on. He was skipping around trying to find the Discovery Channel when he heard the shower start.
The thought of Josh mere feet away—naked and wet, soap sliding down that godlike body—was making Sam’s heart speed up. And while he was sure under normal circumstances his dick would be taking great interest in the proceedings, the catheter and the meds made sure it was behaving.
That was probably a good thing. A raging hard-on would have been hard to hide when Josh got out of the shower.
Closing his eyes, Sam was just beginning to drift when he heard the door leading to the corridor open. He looked over and saw Evan standing in the doorway and sighed.
Sam had hoped to break things off with Evan when Josh wasn’t anywhere around.
“Hello, Evan.” Sam’s throat was uncomfortably dry.
“Hello, Sam. Good to see you awake.”
Sam nodded.
“Sorry I haven’t been here.” He looked genuinely contrite for all of about a second. “That asshole of a costar of yours wouldn’t let me in.”
Sam just looked at him, trying to see the person he once loved so much but finding no trace of him.
“Why, Sam? Why was he the one making all those decisions? I mean, I know you’re mad at me, but I love you!”
Sam couldn’t help but snort and shake his head. “If you did, you never would have cheated.”
“But, baby, it was an accident. I was drunk and the girl took advantage of me.” Evan put on his best “I’m sorry” face.
“She didn’t ‘accidentally’ fall onto your dick, Evan.” His throat was getting really sore now. He shouldn’t have been talking so much.
Evan was starting to get pissed. He thought they had gotten over the cheating thing months ago. He looked up, startled, as he finally registered the noises coming from the bathroom.
“He’s here… still? Doesn’t he ever fucking go home?” Evan was pacing the room, flinging his arms around. “This is all Josh’s fault. He plays around with you, fucking with your mind. You think he really wants you?”
Evan was getting louder, more aggressive, and Sam was getting worried. He knew Evan wouldn’t hurt him physically, but his behavior was bringing back some unpleasant memories.
“Once he’s done getting over his goddamned guilt trip, he’ll be back with his girlfriend, living his straight-boy life and leaving you all alone. Is that what you want? Because that’s what’s going to happen!”
Approaching Sam’s bed, Evan thought if he could just get Sam to understand, it would all be okay. After all, Josh was never going to give everything up for Sam.
Sam couldn’t speak, his throat was so dry. He wanted to defend Josh and tell Evan to get the fuck out, but he couldn’t. He kept looking at the water glass, but he couldn’t reach it.
“Answer me, Sam! Is that what you really want? You want to give up everything we had for something that will never be? All over a one-night fuck that meant absolutely nothing?”
He reached over and grabbed Sam by the arms, as if to shake some sense into him. That was his final mistake.
Freshly showered, Josh had been getting ready to shave when he heard Evan yelling at Sam.
Dressed in only a towel, he came barreling out of the bathroom just in time to hear Evan’s unwitting confession and to see him grab Sam. Josh lost all control.
He stalked toward Evan, an almost feral look on his face. Terrified, Evan let go of Sam and started clumsily backing away, hands up in surrender, but Josh didn’t care.
Sam could only watch from the bed as Josh advanced on Evan, and it scared him. He knew that Josh was skating on the edge from exhaustion and worry, and he looked like he was about to kill Evan. Sam tried to speak, but it was useless so he settled for grabbing the call button and pressing it again and again.
Josh grabbed Evan by the front of his shirt and pressed him against the wall. Sam wondered what it said about him that he found Josh’s protective violence so hot.
“You don’t fucking touch him like that! Ever!” Josh’s voice was quiet, sounded controlled. But Sam knew better. It was way scarier than yelling would have been.
“I wouldn’t…,” Evan stammered, not sure what to say to get himself out of this situation.
Josh pulled Evan away from the wall a little only to slam him back against it. “You did! He’s lying there with a bullet wound in his chest that almost killed him, and you were yelling at him and you fucking
grabbed him
?”
Josh’s face was mottled with rage, his chest heaving, and Evan knew he was in serious trouble. “Please, Josh….”
“You cheated on him and”—he began to shake Evan— “you’re pissed that he’s upset?” Josh was shaking him harder now, and the other man’s hands came up to grab Josh’s wrists, trying to get him to let go.
But even when he dug his fingernails into Josh’s skin, the enraged man held on. Sam could only watch in horror as blood started to trickle down Josh’s arms.
Where was the fucking nurse? He looked around for something to distract Josh away from Evan before someone got seriously hurt.
Spying an empty metal bedpan on the bedside table, he reached for it, ignoring the pain the stretching was causing. He managed to hook a finger on it and push it to the floor.
Clang!
The effect was instantaneous. Josh’s head snapped around to see Sam’s face, pale and sweaty with exertion. He dropped Evan and was by the bed in two steps.
He stood there, head bowed in shame, with his whole body shaking with emotion. “I’m sorry. I’ll just go….” He turned to leave, but Sam caught his hand and shook his head.
Sam gestured to the water jug with his free hand. Josh quickly filled a glass and held it up so Sam could drink.
“What in the hell is going on in here?” demanded Beth, walking in and turning to glare at Evan, who was barely staying on his feet, leaning against the wall. “What are you doing here, Mr. Woods?”
Evan looked over at the other two men. They hadn’t even looked up as the nurse came in. Josh was too busy fussing over Sam, making sure he was okay, and Sam was too busy making sure that Josh stayed away from Evan.
He had no place here anymore. “I was just leaving.” He straightened up and smoothed out his hair and shirt and headed for the door.
He looked back over at Josh and Sam, both of whom now turned to look at him. “I’m glad you’re going to be all right, Sam. I really am. I don’t think I told you that, and it should have been the first thing I said.” He looked at Josh. “You’re right. I was wrong… on all counts. It’s a good thing he has you.”
Both men nodded, and Evan took what was left of his dignity and left.