All the Things I Didn't See (7 page)

“Well, we’ve got to get you sitting up first, see how you take that for a while, and we’ll go from there. The sooner you can get yourself mobile, the better off you’ll be. Just remember, the drugs we have you on are keeping the pain under control right now, but as they wear off, it will get worse. Any movement is going aggravate it and overexertion will likely make it unbearable.”

Sam was still scowling as Josh spoke up.
“When do you think he’ll be ready to go home?” The doctor looked at him, considering her words

carefully before speaking.

“Well, it will probably be at least a week. I want to make sure that there are absolutely no signs of infection. We also need to make sure he’s strong enough to walk on his own for short periods of time.”

Dr. Harris knew that Sam wasn’t going to like what she needed to say next, but she needed to be sure he understood what he needed to do to fully recover.

“You’re going to need some kind of home care for at least a few weeks, Sam, probably longer. You should have someone contact a nursing service soon and get that arranged. You shouldn’t be left alone, under any circumstances, do you understand? Or we won’t be able to release you.”

Sam gave a huff of annoyance, but Josh just gave his hand a tug until he looked at him.

“We’ll figure it out, Sam. I know you don’t want a nurse, but between your folks and me and… Evan, we’ll make sure you’re taken care of, okay?”

Josh saw the look in Sam’s eyes when he mentioned Evan, but he wasn’t sure exactly what it was about. He was about to ask when the doctor’s pager went off. They all looked at her as she checked it.

“The trauma center’s standing by to receive several victims from a tractor-trailer collision on the Brooklyn Bridge.” She sighed, closing her phone. “I have to get down there. Sam, so far I’m pleased with your progress, and I’ll be back later to check on you, all right?”

Sam smiled at her in thanks, and she patted his leg and then left the room.
Nicole had moved to follow Dr. Harris and the other nurse out when Josh stopped her with a hand on her arm.
“Got a minute?”
“Sure.”

Josh led her back to Sam.

“Sam, I want you to meet Nicole Samuels. She’s been taking care of us since you got here, and when this is all over, we are going to owe her a huge fruit basket, or a walkon appearance on the show, or our firstborn children.”

Nicole blushed and smacked Josh on the arm. “Cut it out, Josh. I’m just doing my job.” She looked at Sam and held her hand out to him. “It’s nice to finally meet you, Sam.”

Sam smiled at her shyly and shook her hand, looking between her and Josh with a wondering glance, which she caught but Josh apparently missed. She grinned at Sam before speaking again.

“Well, it’s just about my break time. I’m going to see if your parents are here yet, and then I have got to call home. My husband is trying to help my daughter with an English project today, and I have a feeling that it will not be going well.”

Josh stood up and gave her a one-armed hug, as Sam still hadn’t let go of his hand. Nicole caught the look of relief on Sam’s face at the mention of her family. It almost made her giggle.

“I’ll be back in a bit, but you know how to get ahold of me if you need me. I’m glad you’re awake, Sam.” She waved over her shoulder and left the room.

Josh watched her go and then turned back to Sam when he felt a gentle tug on their entwined hands. Sam pointed at the notebook, and Josh held it up for him to write on again. When Sam was finished, Josh read it and blushed.

“Sam, I….” He wasn’t sure what to say. “Evan’s not here. I kicked him out the first day, and he hasn’t been back.”

Sam just arched one eyebrow, obviously wanting Josh to go on.
Josh sighed, dropped the book on the bed, and rubbed his now free hand across his face. “Look, he was an ass to everyone, trying to boss everyone around… and then when he came in to see you, I caught him talking on the phone.”
The memory of that day was still very distressing, and Josh couldn’t help the way his hands shook.
Sam rubbed his thumb over the soft skin on the inside of his friend’s wrist, hoping to calm Josh a little.

“I know he’s your boyfriend, Sam, and I’m sorry if you’re pissed at me, but… we were waiting to see you in here… I mean, I was waiting to see you, and he was in here on the fucking phone, talking like you weren’t even here, and I just saw red!”

Josh started to get up, the urge to pace taking over, but Sam tugged him back down.

Josh started playing with Sam’s fingers, unable to look him in the eye.
“He hasn’t been back since. I think your parents might have been sending him updates or something.” He forced himself to look up into Sam’s face. “Sam, what did he do?” At Sam’s questioning, look he hurried to explain. “Your mom… she said that he did something, and your dad said it was up to you to tell me.” Josh’s face showed the hurt that he couldn’t help but feel.
It was Sam’s turn to sigh, and it turned into a cough, and it fucking hurt!
“Sam… shit!” Josh jumped up, being careful not to jar Sam further. “I should get the doctor!”
Sam shook his head, gesturing to the water glass on the table beside the bed.
“Oh God, I forgot. I’m so sorry, Sam. Um, you’re going to have to let go for a second.” Josh pulled gently on their joined hands, and Sam reluctantly let go.
Josh filled the glass from the pitcher and tried to decide the easiest way for Sam to drink it.
“Do you want to sit up a little?” The idea made Josh nervous, but it would be the best way.
Sam nodded, and Josh looked down at the controls for the bed. He pushed the button to raise the head of the bed, watching Sam’s face for when it was enough.
“Okay, drink slowly.” The glass had a straw in it, so Josh held it for him. Sam had a few sips, coughing again and wincing at the pain in his chest, and drank a little more.
Sam finally pushed the glass away, and Josh put it back on the table. He sat back on the chair beside the bed, his hand finding its way back to Sam’s. He didn’t care if Sam teased him about it later. He just needed the physical contact a little longer.
Sam sat back, eyes closed, waiting for the pain to lessen. He was getting so tired, but he wanted to be awake when his parents got there. He felt Josh’s hand tighten around his, and he smiled.
Josh wasn’t who he thought would be holding his hand when he woke up. To be honest, he didn’t think it would be Evan, either. It made him wonder if Evan knew about the medical power of attorney. He didn’t suppose it came as too much of a shock. Things hadn’t been right with them for a long time.
Sam knew he had to answer Josh’s question eventually. But how do you tell your best friend that your boyfriend cheated on you, repeatedly, and you were still with him? Because it was easier to hide behind Evan than tell your straight-as-an-arrow costar that you’re madly in love with him!
He opened his eyes, catching Josh’s small smile as he played with Sam’s hand.
Sam had never met anyone like Josh. He was kindhearted and smarter than anyone so handsome had a right to be. He was open and confident but had an insecure streak where his talent was concerned.
He seemed to understand Sam better than anyone ever had, including his parents, and he accepted all the things about Sam that made everyone else crazy.
He was perfect. And he broke Sam’s heart on a regular basis without ever knowing or meaning to. With every thoughtless touch, with every hug, with the quiet understanding he showed every time Sam lost his temper, or got scared. Josh was ripping his heart to shreds, and Sam couldn’t even hate him for it because he was the best friend Sam ever had.
The irony wasn’t lost on Sam.

He pulled on Josh’s hand, getting his attention and pointing to the notebook. Josh held it for him, and he got ready to write a full confession, only to be saved at the last moment by the timely arrival of his parents.

Mary’s tears and Kenneth’s quiet joy were enough of a distraction that Josh seemed to let it go for a while. But when their eyes met again, Sam knew that Josh hadn’t forgotten and that the final destruction of his heart had only been postponed. He thanked God for small favors.

Chapter 7

J
OSH
leaned wearily against the doorframe as Sam and his parents had some quiet time together. It was the first time Sam had willingly let go of Josh’s hand since he woke up, and it saddened Josh a little.

He stood up straight, clearing his throat.

“I’m going to go down to the lounge and get some of that motor oil the nurses swear is coffee. Can I bring anyone else one?”

Mary looked up at him, her face seeming to have lost ten years since Sam woke up.
“I think we’re fine, Josh. Thanks, though.”
Josh looked at Sam and started to laugh. His friend was nodding as furiously as he could without causing himself pain.

“I don’t think so, Peterson. Drink your water.” Sam huffed and glared at him, but Josh knew his heart wasn’t in it.

 

“I’ll be back soon.”

Sam offered him a tired smile before Josh forced himself out of the room and down the corridor.
When he reached the family lounge, it was thankfully empty. He went in, poured himself a big coffee, and fell into a boneless heap on the couch. He noticed the TV was tuned to CNN.
Holy shit, Sam was awake! He almost couldn’t believe it. He grabbed his cell phone and sent off a text to Jared and then one to Paul.
He’s awake! Docs encouraged. More later!
He was too exhausted for more conversation and figured they could spread the news.
However, he did make one call… to his mom.
His parents had heard the news after all while on their cruise, and she had called. She told him that they would get a flight back to New York from the next port of call.
It had taken everything he had to convince his parents to finish the cruise. They’d only agreed after Josh promised to call them with any news.
The phone was picked up after only a couple of rings.
“Hey, Mom.”
“Hello… Josh? What’s going on? Is it Sam?” Ellen Kelly sounded groggy. He looked at his watch. She’d probably been sleeping.
“Sorry to wake you, Mom. But I promised to call if there was any change.” Josh rubbed his hand over his eyes. “Sam’s awake. He finally woke up!”
“Oh, baby, I’m so glad. Is he okay?”
Josh smiled at the endearment. “Yeah, everything seems good so far.”
“What about you, sweetheart? You okay?”
“I’m fine….” He trailed off. He couldn’t out and out lie to his mother, but she caught him anyhow.
“Joshua Lawrence Kelly, don’t you pull that ‘fine’ garbage with me.”
His breath caught in his throat as he sighed. “I’m as okay as I’m going to get for now. I’ll be better when Sam is.”
He could almost see his mother smile over the phone.
“Of course you will, baby.”
He looked up as something flashed across the screen, and when he focused, he almost dropped his phone. On the screen were his and Sam’s official
AS
headshots with the teaser “Up next: Soap Star Shooting! Exclusive Video!”
“Mom? I’m real tired. I’m gonna get back to Sam and hopefully get some sleep, okay? Love you!”
“You sure you’re okay, Josh?”
Josh’s eyes never left the screen as a shaky video started to play.
“Yeah, I’m good. Bye, Mom.”

He hung up without listening to her good-byes.

Whoever had shot the video had obviously been walking down the street and just happened upon the worst day of Josh’s life.

He found himself reaching for the remote and turning up the sound.

“The crazed gunman confronted Peterson and Kelly Monday afternoon outside The Bookmark, a trendy neighborhood bookstore on Avenue L. Peterson, who plays Connor Kane on the soap
After Sunset
, was the troubled young man’s apparent target.”

The announcer kept talking as the amateur video zoomed in on Josh and Sam talking with Mathew, who could be seen becoming increasingly agitated.

“Witnesses told police that Kelly and Peterson tried to calm the man, seen here waving around a gun. You can see a policeman enter the screen on the right with his gun drawn, ordering the man, who has been identified as Mathew Reynolds, 23, of Bridgeport, Connecticut, to drop his weapon. At that moment, Peterson steps in front of Kelly, shielding him. The gunman fired, hitting the young star in the chest. Reynolds was shot dead by the officer.”

Josh watched the gruesome video play on until all he could see was Sam falling into his arms. He saw himself talking to Sam and saw Sam lifting his hand to Josh’s face.

All at once he was furious at the person who had this. This was personal. It was like the person had filmed Josh as he lost a piece of his soul.

He could hear the announcer droning on and on about their characters’ history on the show, the controversy of Connor and Philip having the first gay sex scene on daytime television, but he couldn’t have cared less.

Rising onto shaking legs, he walked out the door and down the hall to Sam’s room. He needed to see him right now.

When he reached the door of Sam’s room, Josh was breathless. He looked in, saw him lying there, holding his mother’s hand, apparently asleep.

But Josh must have made some kind of desperate noise, because Sam’s eyes opened and his gaze shot straight to Josh. The anguish was plain to see in Josh’s eyes, and Sam just reached his hand out to Josh.

He was barely aware of Mary moving out of the way as he crossed the room and grabbed Sam’s hand, collapsing onto the chair she had just vacated.

Josh dropped his forehead onto Sam’s hip, still gripping one hand, as great, sobbing breaths ripped through his body. He felt Sam’s other hand come up to run through his hair, returning the same comfort Josh had offered earlier.

“I’m so sorry, S… S… Sam.” He could hardly speak, he was shaking so hard.

 

Sam’s fingers tightened in his hair, trying to pull him up, but Josh couldn’t look at him yet.

“Josh? What’s the matter, son?” Kenneth’s quiet voice behind him broke the silence. “What happened?”
Josh took a deep breath, trying to calm himself enough to speak.
Sam’s father was patient, and after a few minutes, Josh found his voice.

“There was a video just now… on CNN. Some sick fuck recorded the whole fucking thing, and sold it to the media.” Sam made a hoarse sound that finally had Josh looking up to meet his eyes.

“They didn’t try to help, they just fucking watched. And I got to see it happen all over again. Saw you squeeze in front of me, saw him shoot. Saw his blood all over the fucking place when the cop shot him.” Josh’s voice broke. “And I got to see you fall again. And I saw myself catch you, but it was too late. There was so much blood.”