All the Things I Didn't See (5 page)

After that, he knew he’d have to look at his life and figure some things out.

His relationship with Stephanie had been going downhill for a while, but how had he missed how selfish she had become? He knew she had always been a little high maintenance, but then again, he was a little neurotic himself.

He sighed, scrubbing his hands over his face and through his hair. He needed to get back down there. They’d be heading to Sam’s room soon, and he needed to be there when Sam woke up.

His life was on hold until that happened.

Josh took one last look around at the glowing city and headed back to the door. He had himself back under control now, so his little breather had been worth it.

He hit the switch for the lights and opened the door. He hoped that maybe Nicole would let him show Sam this place when he was better.

Chapter 5
J
OSH
stepped into the stairwell and started down, deciding to forgo the elevator for the trip back to the waiting room.

As he approached the second floor and the door leading to the trauma center, he could hear a familiar voice float up from below.

Fuck! It was Evan, hiding in the stairwell and talking on the phone. He guessed he had to face him again sometime, but he didn’t have to like it.

He couldn’t hear much, just Evan’s voice at a low murmur, sounding irritated. Josh was pretty sure that was his normal attitude these days. He made sure to make noise so Evan would know he was coming.

“Shit, I’ve got to go. Someone’s coming. Call you soon as I can. Bye.”

He hung up just as Josh hit the bottom step and looked up, a vaguely guilty look crossing his face before the usual irritation set in.

“Jesus Christ, Kelly. Why are you always skulking around?”

“Sorry for interrupting you, Woods….” Yeah, okay, that was said with a bit of a sneer, but he figured he could be forgiven his lack of patience for once. “I wasn’t
skulking around
. I was just heading back to the waiting room.”

“Why? You’re not needed here. We can take care of Sam ourselves.”

Josh took a deep breath, trying to ignore the flash of insecurity the words brought to the surface. “That may be, but until I’m positive he’s gonna be okay, I’m not leaving. His parents are fine with it, and quite frankly… your opinion doesn’t mean shit to me.”

They stood there glaring at each other, neither one making a move to leave and the tension in the air becoming thicker with every breath.

Josh’s hands were clenched at his sides. He found himself furious at this man without quite knowing why. It was like an itch was just under his skin, needing to be scratched, but he wasn’t sure how to do it.

He started to make a move, maybe toward Evan, maybe the door, but at that moment the choice was taken away from him.

The door to the stairwell opened, and an orderly walked through. As the door was closing, Josh could see Nicole heading for the elevator, no doubt going up to look for him.

With one last derisive look at Sam’s boyfriend, he pushed through the door and caught up with her.
“Josh, there you are.” She smiled up at him. “Feeling better?”
The door he had just emerged from opened again, admitting Evan to the hallway. Josh started a little at the squeaking of the door before turning his attention back to the nurse.
“Yeah, a little.” Josh shoved his hands into his jean pockets to hide the way they were shaking.
“What’s up?” The voice came from behind him.
Nicole looked up at Evan as he approached them, and she seemed to decide to ignore him altogether. Looking at Josh, she spoke to him directly. “Sam’s all settled, and they’re ready to let in visitors.”
“Okay, so… where do we go?” Josh started walking quickly back to where Sam’s folks were waiting.
“Gather up your things and I’ll take you all up to the room.” She kept moving. “You’ll only be allowed in two at a time, so everyone will have to take turns for a while.”
Reaching the waiting room door, Josh, Nicole, and Evan were greeted by Mary and Kenneth, with Jared trailing behind. Mary approached them and took Josh’s hand. “He’s all settled in. Let’s go see him, shall we?”
Josh nodded and looked up as Jared spoke.
“I’m gonna take off, guys. I need to get home to May and the kids. The phone’s ringing off the hook, and I want to give her a hand.”
Jared walked over and pulled Josh into a hug. “If you need anything, call me, okay, kid?”
Josh leaned into the hug for a minute before straightening up and smiling at his friend. “Yeah, sounds like a good plan. I’ll keep you updated on everything, okay?”
“Good, I’m counting on that.” He shook his finger at his younger costar. “And when you see that errant TV son of mine, tell him to get better soon, or I’ll sic Jessy on him. She might only be his TV mom, but she is fierce!”
Josh grinned and nodded. “Will do. And thanks again for everything, Jared.”
The older man patted his shoulder and went over to hug Sam’s parents. As he walked out the door, he glared at Evan before muttering good-bye and leaving.
Josh was momentarily distracted by Jared’s treatment of Sam’s boyfriend. Everyone seemed to be less patient than normal with the man.

He was drawn out of his musing by a touch on his arm.

“Come on, Josh, time to go.” Mary’s voice was soft and scared, so he filed his wondering away and took her arm, ready to go and finally see Sam.

The four of them followed Nicole to the elevators, and the silence was overwhelming as they headed for the eighth floor. Josh was relieved when the nurse started to speak.

“Now, I’m sure you all know this, but there’s going to be a lot going on in Sam’s room.” She looked at each of them in turn. “I already told you that he’s hooked up to a ventilator, but there will be other equipment as well.”

The elevator arrived and they all got on. Nicole pushed the button for the eighth floor before continuing. “There are monitors tracking his vitals and three different IVs attached to him. Those contain fluids to keep him hydrated, antibiotics to help prevent infections, and pain meds and sedatives. At the moment, he’s still receiving some blood as well to help replenish what he lost.”

Kenneth spoke up, not able to contain himself. “So… you’re ‘topping him up’, so to speak.”

Josh looked up at him in surprise, chuckling a little. Comparing a not-very-car-friendly Sam to a vehicle was kind of ironic, and he knew it would have made his friend smile to hear it.

Nicole nodded, smiling at the humor they were able to find in their grief. It was good for them. “Yes, something like that.”

The elevator stopped, and they followed her off and down a long hallway.

“I just want you to be prepared,” she said. “It’s going to be kind of scary-looking, and I don’t want you panicking when you see him.”

They arrived at a secure door, and Nicole slid her ID badge through the card reader to gain entrance. Another hallway later, she stopped in front of a closed door.

“Mr. and Mrs. Peterson? You’ll go in first. Then Josh and Evan can go in together.”

Evan, who had been surprisingly quiet on the way up, snorted in disbelief.
“What if I want some time alone with
my
boyfriend?”
“Then Josh can go in first and you can go in last.” Kenneth’s voice was quiet but determined. Something was definitely going on.
“No, it’s okay. Evan can go first. It’s his right.” Josh didn’t want to argue with anyone. He just wanted to see Sam.
Evan looked smug at Josh’s concession and turned around to walk across the hall, ignoring them all.
Nicole glared at Evan before opening the door and ushering Sam’s parents through.
Josh just stood there, knowing that Sam was on the other side of the door, and it took everything he had not to just sneak in after them.
Nicole came out after a few minutes and stood with him. “When you go in, Josh, talk to him. Most experts agree that people who are unconscious can hear it when they are spoken to. Hearing the voices of the people he cares about will bring him comfort, so it’s important, okay?”
Josh nodded, pacing a little. Nicole watched him with worried eyes, knowing there was nothing she could do to comfort him until he got in to see Sam.

S
HE
watched this handsome young man, whom she watched on her television on a regular basis. It seemed like she’d known him forever, and it was hard to remind herself that she had just met him today.

He seemed to be a lot like the character he played on the show. Quiet. Intense. Protective of the people he loved.

She wondered how far that character bleed went. She had paid attention to his behavior today, and she was almost positive he wasn’t even aware of his true feelings for Sam. They certainly ran deeper than just plain friendship, that was for sure.

Nicole knew what the fans thought about these boys. The show’s fandom was devoted, and she dabbled in it from time to time. She wrote stories about the characters and talked to some friends about it on Facebook.

She knew that many people were convinced the chemistry they shared on screen was too real to be pretend. She had always dismissed the possibility. It was none of her business, anyway, and she didn’t really like gossip.

Now she thought maybe the other fans were right. Ironically, at least one of the two young men hadn’t figured it out yet.

Josh kept pacing, occasionally throwing dark looks at the other man in the hall.
There was another conundrum.
From all accounts, Sam Peterson was an amazing person. He was kind, considerate, and always ready to help out any charity and participate in fan events. So what was he doing with a douchebag like Evan Woods?
She knew she shouldn’t judge, but the man had been pretty much insufferable since he walked in the door. She knew he must be worried, but it still didn’t excuse his behavior.
Lost in thought, she was startled when the door opened and Sam’s parents came out.
Josh went to them immediately. Nicole knew he was cataloguing Mary’s red-rimmed, puffy eyes and the stoic expression on his father’s face.
Mary took both of Josh’s hands in hers and smiled at him.
“He looks terrible, and he’s going to be really upset about the scar he’s going to have. But I think he’s going to be okay.”
Josh’s breath caught in his throat as he tried to smile. “I think you’re probably right.”
There was a huff behind them, and Nicole looked up to see Evan heading for the door. She met him there and ushered him in, giving him the same speech about talking to Sam, and left him to visit.
She walked back out, trying not to listen in on the conversation Josh and Sam’s parents were having. Josh’s eyes kept darting between Sam’s folks and the door, waiting for Evan to finish with the last bit of patience he had.

After about twenty minutes, Nicole had had just about enough. She walked over and took Josh by the arm, leading him to the door.

“No, Nicole, it’s okay. Evan’s not done yet.”

 

Mary spoke up. “No, she’s right, Josh. It’s your turn. Go on in. I think it’ll do Sam good to hear your voice.”

Josh let himself be persuaded because he just really wanted to get in there. Nicole opened the door and pushed him in ahead of her.

Josh’s eyes went to the bed in front of him.

Sam was lying so still, it was unnerving. Sam was never still. He had this energy about him that seemed to make him bounce constantly. There was an absolute wrongness about the lack of movement.

Josh was approaching the side of the bed when a voice caught his attention.

 

Evan.

 

The other man was walking around on the other side of the room, talking on the phone.

“Jesus, I don’t know how long I’m gonna have to be here. What part of fucking unconscious don’t you get?” Evan hadn’t noticed them yet and kept on talking. “No, I don’t know what I’m supposed to be doing. He’s lying there like a fucking vegetable. That snotty nurse said to talk to him. What the hell am I supposed to say?”

That remark was met by a growl that left Josh’s throat, completely out of his control. He felt Nicole’s hand come up and grab his arm, trying to stop him from advancing on Evan, but he just kept going.

“You’re in here on the fucking phone? I’m waiting to see him. His fucking
parents
are waiting to come back in here and spend more time with their son, and you’re talking about him like he isn’t even here? What the fuck is wrong with you?”

Evan’s eyes grew wider as Josh got closer. He was beginning to realize he might have made a big mistake.
Josh wasn’t a big guy, just long and lean, but in his fury he looked huge and intimidating.
“Josh, I…,” Evan stuttered, not knowing what to say. He knew that in Josh’s eyes there was no excuse for his behavior, and deep down inside he knew Josh was right.
“How do you think you’d feel, Evan, lying there scared and helpless while the person who is supposed to love you most is on the phone? And what is he doing? He’s bitching about having to be there, talking like you don’t even matter!”
Josh’s chest was heaving, almost breathless in his rage. He grabbed Evan by the arm and started pulling him toward the door.
“Get out! You don’t deserve to be here!” He marched Evan by a wide-eyed Nicole and shoved him out the door and past a shocked Mary and Kenneth.
They had heard the yelling and were on their way in to see what was going on.
Evan finally got his bearings, and he started to get pissed.
“Who the hell do you think you are, Kelly? He’s
my
fucking boyfriend! What right do you have to kick me out?”
Evan was working his way up to furious when his legs were kicked out from under him by the quiet words spoken by Sam’s mother.
“He’s the person that Sam chose to make those kinds of decisions, Evan.”
“What? Why?” He sounded like a petulant five-year-old.
Mary looked at him calmly. “You know why, Evan… and so do I.”
The color completely drained from Evan’s face. “He told you?”
“Of course he told me, Evan. He had to talk to someone. And he’s my baby.”
Evan sighed heavily. “I guess that explains a few things.”
“What’s going on? What don’t I know?” Josh’s voice had quieted, but the rage was still simmering just below the surface.
Kenneth spoke up from behind him. “That’s up to Sam to tell you, Josh.” He put a hand on Josh’s shoulder. “Right now my boy is waiting for you to visit him. That’s more important, isn’t it?”
Josh looked around at all of them, trying to decide if he should argue, when the beeping of the monitors in Sam’s room broke through, and his head whipped around to look. He sighed and nodded, looked around once more, glared at Evan, and then headed back into the room.
As he approached the bed, the sounds reached him first. The soft rhythmic beeping of the heart monitor, the metallic hiss of the ventilator—there was nothing natural or comforting about either sound.
His eyes focused, finding Sam’s face, and his breath caught in his throat.
Sam was so pale, with none of the sun-kissed glow Josh was used to seeing on his skin. The breathing tube looked obscene against his lips, and another wave of despair almost brought Josh to his knees.
“Sam.”
He didn’t recognize the wrecked sound of his own voice. He struggled to breathe and thought that maybe he was about to have the first panic attack of his life.
But there was a warm hand on his shoulder and a kind voice in his ear. “Remember, Josh, we talked about this.” Nicole was there, helping him through once again. “All these things are helping him to heal, and it’s not going to be forever.”
Josh turned his head to look at her. He saw the look she was giving him and nodded. Taking a deep breath, he turned back to Sam.
“I know. He’s gonna be fine, aren’t you, Sam?” He reached down and took his friend’s hand. “Sorry about the commotion, dude. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. He’s an asshole, and you deserve better.”
Josh blushed and ran his fingers over Sam’s hand.
“Hope you’re not too pissed at me when you wake up, for kicking him out and all. I wish you’d open your eyes and tell me what the hell is going on. Your folks are really pissed at Evan, and I sure want to know why.”
Josh could feel the tears pressing at the back of his eyes, but he pushed them back. This wasn’t the time to cry.
“But most of all, Sam? I wish you’d wake up and buy me a fucking cup of coffee like you promised, ’cause nobody in this place will give me one. They seem to think I don’t need it. Guess they don’t know me like you do.”
He knew his laugh was bordering on hysterical, but it was the best he could do.
He felt Nicole pull up a chair behind him, and he sat gratefully. He’d never been so tired in his life. He never let go of Sam’s hand, needing to feel the life-affirming warmth.
“You’ve got to wake up soon, Sam. It’s too freaking quiet without you chattering all over the place. I mean I know I razz you about it all the time, but God, I never knew how much I could miss it.”
He laid his head down on Sam’s hand. He just needed to rest for a few minutes.
“Yeah, I know, you can tease me about it till the end of time. I, Josh Kelly, do solemnly swear that I miss the sound of Sam Peterson and his babbling conversation.”
Josh’s eyelids were growing heavier with every passing second.
“Seriously, though, you aren’t allowed to ever scare me like this again, okay? Don’t think my heart could take it.”
Josh knew he was falling asleep. He knew he shouldn’t, but he couldn’t help it. He was so tired. And Sam would forgive him. Josh knew he would.
“Just gonna rest a bit, Sam.” On impulse, he brushed his lips across Sam’s knuckles. “Feel free to wake me up anytime and give me shit for that.”
Josh could just hear him. “
I’m not a fucking girl, Josh.
” The thought made him smile.
The last thing he thought as he drifted off was that he would know when Sam woke up, because he wasn’t letting go of his hand until he did.
Nicole and Sam’s parents watched from the doorway as Josh drifted off, head pillowed on Sam’s hand.
By silent agreement, they left the two men alone. They both needed this, and they had a couple of hours before Sam had to be checked on. The door closed behind them, and they stood guard outside, protecting Sam and Josh from the world as best they could.