All the Things I Didn't See (11 page)

“And you think it’s a good idea?”

“I really do. Sam, we’ve both been suffering from nightmares, looking over our shoulders, jumping anytime someone comes in the room. I think therapy might be good for both of us.”

“Can we go together?”

 

Josh smiled. He had asked the same question when Nicole first approached him about counseling.

 

“For some of it, yes, but we’d probably have some individual sessions with the therapist as well.”

 

Sam nodded thoughtfully. “Have you picked someone?”

Josh shook his head. “No, I thought we’d do that together. But I have the names of therapists who specialize in post-traumatic stress, and Nicole has a friend who she thinks might be a good match for us.”

“You trust her a lot, don’t you?”

“Nicole? Absolutely! She’s been so good to me, and to you. I don’t think I could have made it through all this without her. She’s taken time away from her family to help us and she’s honest.”

Sam looked out over the lights of New York, and Josh knew him well enough to know that he was contemplating what he said. He gave Sam the time he needed to think.

“Okay. I’ll try it,” Sam said, breaking the silence. “If nothing else, I’ll find a way to deal with the nightmares.”
“Me too.” Josh’s voice was low and tight.
“You ready to tell me about them?”
Josh shook his head, turning to sit between Sam’s legs, his back against the chair. “No, not yet, but I will when I can.”
Sam played with the curls at the base of Josh’s neck. He smiled as Josh shivered.
“What about Stephanie?” They hadn’t talked about the breakup yet.

“We decided it was time to let it go.” Josh sighed. “It’s been coming for a while now.”

 

“You okay with it?”

Josh nodded. “She’s never going to be happy here. I have a feeling she’s going to head to LA. She’s destined for something different, I think.”

“I’m sorry,” Sam said, and he meant it. He didn’t like Stephanie much, but he hated anything that caused Josh pain.

“It wasn’t meant to be. I’m just glad we parted as friends.”
“Whoa…. You gonna get all deep and shit on me now, Kelly?” Sam pulled playfully on Josh’s hair, and it shot a feeling that wasn’t exactly pain up Josh’s spine.
“Nah. Just ready to move on, I guess.”
Sam smirked at that. “Well, aren’t we quite the pair?”
Josh snorted. “Of what?”
“Not sure yet, but I’ll let you know when I figure it out.”

Josh laughed, his head gently dropping to rest on Sam’s thigh.

“I can’t believe you’re getting sprung tomorrow. You sure you’re okay with going to Kismet with me? It’s not too late to find somewhere else if you want… or someone else to help you.”

“Stop it, Josh. There’s nowhere else I’d rather go and no one I’d rather be with. I trust you.” Josh could hear the sincerity in Sam’s voice, so he left it alone.

He felt Sam shifting restlessly behind him.

 

“I can’t wait to get the hell out of here. I fucking hate hospitals.”

Josh was surprised that Sam hadn’t really complained before now. “Yeah, I’m looking forward to sitting and relaxing somewhere that doesn’t have off-white walls and a million people hanging around.”

Sam hummed in agreement. “Yeah, I hate being constantly surrounded by people. I need my alone time.”

“I know.” Josh’s hand came up to pick at a loose thread on Sam’s robe. “I could take off for a while if you need me to, once we get to the house… as long as someone else is there.”

God. How fucking needy did that just sound?

“Oh for the love of…!” Sam grabbed a handful of Josh’s hair, turning his head so that he could see his friend’s face. “I don’t need you to leave, I need you to stay. If that ever changes I’ll let you know, I promise.”

Sam saw something… wanting… flicker in Josh’s eyes, but it was gone in an instant.
“You ready to head back in?”
“Can we stay a bit longer?”
Josh smiled. “Yeah, whatever you want.”

T
HE
next day the surgeon arrived bright and early to conduct a thorough checkup before announcing that Sam was well enough to leave.

“Go on, get the heck out of here,” Dr. Harris said, shaking hands with both men. “We need the bed for sick people.”

Josh had been too restless to sleep the night before. After Sam had taken his meds and slipped off to sleep, Josh packed everything, leaving out only those things that they would need to get ready. He believed in the power of positive thinking.

It took a while to get Sam dressed in soft, comfortable sweat pants, sneakers, and an old button-down shirt of Josh’s. They had tried one of Sam’s T-shirts, but it was still too painful for Sam to lift his arms.

By the time they were done, Sam was exhausted. While he rested, Josh ran all their belongings to the car and returned to help Sam into the wheelchair for the ride down to the lobby.

Nicole walked with them. They stopped at the nurse’s station to say thank you and to sign a few autographs, watching the staff dig into the gigantic fruit basket that they had given Nicole in appreciation. She had decided to share with her coworkers.

While it appeared the press had started to lose interest in the story, Nicole wasn’t taking any chances. She took them to a side exit just in case, waiting with Sam while Josh brought the car around.

“So, Sam, did you think about what I said, about telling Josh?”
Sam nodded. “I will… but it’s just scary, you know?”
“I know. But I also think it’s worth the risk, don’t you?”
“He’s worth any risk.”
Sam had already proved that, Nicole thought, in the biggest way possible.
“Thanks, Nicole, so much, for taking care of us.” Sam looked up at the nurse. “Josh says you’ve given up so much of your personal time for us, and I really appreciate it.”
“Don’t worry about it, Sam. You guys have been worth every minute.” She looked up to see the car pulling up and Josh getting out. She pushed the chair through the sliding doors and waited for the taller man to reach them.
“Now, once you’re up to it, I expect you both to come over for dinner at my house. My daughter is dying to meet you both. I promise to not let her squeal too much while you’re there.”
After locking the wheelchair in place, Nicole watched as Josh helped Sam stand and walk the few steps to the passenger side of the car.
He was so careful, treating Sam as if he were made of glass. She wondered how long it would be before Sam’s temper got the best of him at the overprotective treatment. She smiled at the thought. Josh could handle it, she was sure.

Once Sam was settled in the car, they both looked up at her. Josh spoke first, walking over to pull her into a big hug. “Thank you so much for everything. We’ll look forward to dinner with you and your family.”

She crouched down to talk to Sam. “You okay there, cowboy?”
Sam nodded. “I’ll be fine,” he said, taking her hand. “Thanks again, Nicole. If there’s ever anything we can do for you, let us know.”
She looked like she was considering it for a second before saying slyly, “I want a picture of Paul… shirtless.”

“For your daughter?” Sam chuckled.
“Um, yeah, sure. For my daughter.”
“Nicole, I’m shocked!”
“Sam, I’m married, not dead. And that is one prime male

specimen.”

 

Sam pretended to pout. “And here I thought we were your favorites.”

 

“Oh, you are, trust me.” She leaned in to kiss his cheek and stood up. “Take care, guys.”

She walked back to the door of the hospital and watched as Josh got into the car.
“Bye!” Josh waved back over his shoulder and pulled away slowly.
Sending a silent prayer for them skyward, Nicole headed back into the trauma center.

T
HE
drive out to Kismet was quiet. Sam tended to doze in the car at the best of times, and he was still dealing with the trauma from the injury and all medications in his system. He was asleep ten minutes after they left the hospital.

It normally took about forty-five minutes to drive out from the city to Fire Island. But with the traffic and Josh’s reluctance to take any chances with Sam’s safety, it took an hour and a half.

Most people came to Fire Island by ferry, staying mainly dockside and on the public beaches, while residents and property owners—like Josh’s family—had special permits to drive along the island’s one access road.

When Josh pulled up to the weathered gray clapboard house with white shutters, he couldn’t help but smile. So many of his favorite childhood memories happened here in Kismet.

“Sam… we’re here.” He gently nudged Sam and watched as his eyes fluttered open. He was always so adorable when he was waking up. It made him look about five.

“Hmmm, already?” Sam sat up, wincing a little. He looked around, taking in the scenery. “Hey, you didn’t tell me it was right on the beach!” His eyes lit up like the Fourth of July.

“Yep. My folks bought this place when I was little. I loved spending summers here.”

“I can see why.” Sam opened the car door but waited for Josh to come around before trying to get out. He’d promised Josh before they left the hospital that he would let him help and he would
keep
that promise.

Josh helped him out of the car, and they slowly made their way to the front door. He leaned Sam against the door for a moment while he got the key from the hiding place under a large basket filled with kindling and opened the door.

The cleaning service his mother hired had been by the day before, dusting and vacuuming, along with filling the cupboards and fridge.

Josh bent down and helped Sam out of his shoes, then gently ushered him into the living room.

It was bright and cheerful, and Sam loved it immediately.
“Josh, this is awesome.”
His friend nodded. “I know. When we came here when I was a kid, it was the best time of the whole year.”
Josh settled Sam on the couch before getting the rest of their stuff from the car. Paul would be coming out the next day with more clothes and toiletries for them, but for now they were set.
Once Josh had brought in the bags, it was time to get Sam settled in his parents’ room, chosen because it had one of those adjustable beds that let you raise and lower the head and foot. It would be more comfortable for Sam than lying flat.
“Dude, this is weird. I can’t sleep in your parents’ bed.”
Josh laughed out loud. “Suck it up, Princess. It was either this”—he pointed to the bed—“or having a hospital bed moved in here.”
“Fine, but there better be new sheets on it.” Sam gingerly sat on the bed. He looked around the room and smiled when he saw a set of French doors on one wall that led out to what seemed to be a covered porch.
“Hey, Josh, could you open the doors? I think I’m just gonna lie here and relax for a bit.”
Josh walked over and opened one of the doors, sliding the hidden screen across the opening.
Returning to Sam, he helped him slip off his socks and carefully lie down on the bed. Josh raised the head of the bed to take the strain off Sam’s chest. He grabbed a navy throw from the back of a nearby chair and covered his friend with it before sitting down on the edge of the bed.
“You need anything? Maybe something to drink or a pain pill?”
Sam smiled shyly. “No, I’m good.”
Josh snorted. “Not what I heard.”

“Jerk.” Sam’s hand made its way to Josh’s leg. “I hate being so tired all the time.”

 

Josh’s hand was back in Sam’s hair. “I know, but it’s not forever. You’re too stubborn to be down for long.”

“Hmm, that’s true.” Sam was almost asleep again. “Thanks, Josh.”
“You’re welcome.” The words were whispered as Sam slipped off to dreamland.
O
NCE
Sam was asleep, Josh left the room and walked into his old bedroom. It was funny how much it hadn’t changed over the years.
Posters of The Beatles, Dave Matthews, Aerosmith, and the New York Knicks lined the walls, and there were a couple of trophies left from high school on a shelf over the bed.
Faded drama club playbills and some pictures of old friends were pinned to the corkboard over the dresser.
Once he was all unpacked and everything was put away, Josh went to the kitchen and made himself a sandwich. As he ate, he found all the ingredients for chicken noodle soup in the fridge and he set about filling a pot. After all the hospital food, Sam needed something healthy and tasty.
Josh turned the radio on, keeping it low, and set to work. The tasks were simple—chop, boil, simmer. Nothing too hard to do, and it was easy to let his mind drift.
It wasn’t until he heard Sam’s soft call from the bedroom that he looked up and saw how much time had passed. Giving the soup one last stir, he made his way down to the bedroom.

Sam was lying there, facing the window. It struck Josh how much he’d come to rely on Sam being in his life. It made him grateful once again that he hadn’t lost him.

“Hey.”

Sam turned his head to face Josh, smiling lazily. “Hey yourself. What smells so good?”
“Chicken soup.”
“I love your chicken soup!”
“I know you do. I figured you could use something that had a flavor to it.”
“Honestly? That would be awesome!” Sam tried to sit up, hissing in pain. “Fuck!”
Josh was beside him in a second. “Hey, now, cut that out. If you hurt yourself while you’re staying with me, your mom will have my head.”
He helped Sam into a sitting position and then off the bed. Sam slowly made his way to the en suite bathroom.
Josh struggled to not rush to help him. He knew that too much babying would just piss Sam off. Besides, the doctor had been insistent about Sam doing things for himself… within reason.
When he came out, they made their way down the hall.
“Kitchen or couch?”

Sam considered it for a moment. “Kitchen. Eating soup on a couch is usually a recipe for disaster.”

Josh nodded and led the way. The kitchen was tidy, even after Josh cooked, and there was a back door that led to a deck that faced the water.

“Actually… can we eat on the deck?”
“Sure, whatever you want.”
“I’ll remember that for when I’m better.”
Josh looked at him. Was Sam actually flirting with him

for real this time?

They made their way out to the deck. Once Sam was settled, Josh nipped back inside to put two bowls of soup along with bread and butter on a tray. There was a container of fruit salad in the fridge and a bottle of iced tea, so he grabbed both of those and some glasses. He took the soup out first, then made another trip for the rest of the meal.