All the Things I Didn't See (6 page)

Chapter 6

T
IME
passed by in a blur. The doctors and nurses came and went, checking monitors, hanging fresh IV bags, and caring for the wound on Sam’s chest.

After the first day it was decided that Sam would be moved to a private room on the surgical ward. That way it would be okay for someone to stay with him at all times.

At a post-op conference between Josh, the Petersons, and the doctors, they discussed Sam’s fears of being alone and how there had been studies that indicated having loved ones around helped patients recover quicker. As long as he continued to improve and showed no signs of infection, they could stay.

Every time Josh asked how Sam was doing, he got the same answer. It was all about cautious optimism without letting him get his hopes up too high.

“He’s doing fine. His vitals are good and there is no fever, so that hopefully means no infection. He just needs time to heal, Josh.”

Nicole was the last one to answer him. She spent a lot of time in Sam’s room, having been assigned by the hospital to his care with the blessing of Josh and Sam’s family. She made sure they left the room on a regular basis so they could eat and take care of themselves.

A few days later, the doctor overseeing Sam’s case had agreed it was time to cut back on the dosage of some of the medications that were not only keeping Sam’s pain in check, but also keeping him unconscious. They were all anxious as the process of waking him up began.

It was an unspoken agreement that Sam was never left alone. Either his parents or Josh were with Sam at all times, with Nicole staying close for support.

The other nurses on the ward had taken a liking to the young man and his caregivers as they were never demanding and obviously devoted to their patient. The favor of the nurses brought them advantages such as comfortable chairs and access to the drink dispensers in the doctors’ lounge.

They all had their ways of keeping themselves occupied as they kept Sam company.
Mary read to Sam, having found
The Catcher in the Rye
among the books on the hospital’s library cart. He had always loved having his mother read to him, and it helped her to feel connected to him.
Kenneth would sit and listen to her, enjoying it as much as possible given the circumstances. He’d brought his iPod with him, and he’d listen to music with Sam, talking about his favorite pieces. He favored classical composers and hoped that Sam would like them, and if not? What better excuse for him to wake up than to tell his dad to turn that crap off?
As for Josh, he just talked. He talked about his childhood, sharing with Sam almost every deep, dark secret he’d ever had.
He talked about the show, and how their fans were horribly outraged that something like this had happened.
Josh’s fan mail had increased exponentially, but it was nothing compared to the avalanche of cards, letters, and gifts that were coming in for Sam at the studio. Additional staff had been added to the mail room to help go through it all.

Both actors’ Facebook pages, along with all the websites affiliated with the show, were constantly overwhelmed by good wishes and prayers for Sam’s speedy recovery.

Jared kept Josh updated with the happenings at the studio, and they checked in with each other often.

A few of their costars had been by to visit, but they hadn’t been allowed to see Sam. Josh had reluctantly left the room to go and speak to them in the lobby, but he didn’t seem to realize they were checking on him as much as they were Sam.

Josh was grateful when his friend Paul offered to run to his apartment and pick up some of the clothes and toiletries he needed. He sent a brief text to Stephanie, asking her to throw some stuff in a bag for him, and he was completely surprised when she agreed.

Josh showered in the small bathroom attached to Sam’s room and ate dinner in the cafeteria with Paul one night when Nicole had threatened to have him kicked out of the hospital if he continued starving himself.

Other than that, he hadn’t left. Josh kept his vigil, sitting beside Sam, holding his hand and talking to him quietly.

Josh had never been the chatty kind. He left that up to Sam, for the most part. But the silence was unbearable, and Josh clung to the hope that his friend would hear him and find a way out of the darkness and back to them.

Evan hadn’t tried to come back since Josh threw him out, and it both angered and relieved him. He was angry, because he knew that nothing would ever make him leave and Evan had just given up without trying.

He was relieved because it meant more uninterrupted time for him to spend with Sam.

 

When this was all over, Josh knew he was going to have to think about what all this meant.

He felt fierce and protective of Sam, and he wasn’t sure it was just about the shooting. But when he tried to think about it too much, it just ended up all tangled up in waiting for Sam to get better.

Mary and Kenneth seemed content to let Josh spend as much time with Sam as he wanted. He supposed that some people might find it odd, but it just felt right for all of them. Especially Josh.

B
EEP
, beep, beep….

 

What’s that sound? Someone’s phone? Evan’s? No, Evan slept in the spare room now.

If it would shut up maybe he could go back to sleep. He was so fucking tired. But it went on and on.
Later it was a different sound pulling him toward wakefulness.
Someone was talking!
He could hear voices that seemed to be coming from far away. Someone was talking to him, but he was confused. Who was it? Oh… there was more than one.
He faded out again.
Mom? She’s upset! What’s going on? Dad? Is that you? Why can’t I move? Damn it!
Who else is there? God, everything hurts….
The next time awareness started to come back, it was stronger.
That voice.
Josh, is that you?
He needed to see Josh! There was something wrong….
God, he was so scared!
A gun! Someone had a gun. He was gonna hurt Josh! No! Gotta stop him! He can’t! Josh!

J
OSH
had been sitting beside Sam’s bed, telling him about the time his sister had decided he was going to play dress up with her, when Sam’s heart monitor suddenly sped up.

After the slow, steady rhythm he had been used to, the change was jolting. He was just reaching for the call button when the hand under his moved and gripped his so tight he thought his fingers were going to break.

A low, broken moan drew Josh’s gaze to Sam’s face to witness those dark eyes opening and searching the room dazedly before finding Josh’s watery blue ones.

They were still, looking at each other for a second, and Josh could see the moment the panic set in.

He gripped Sam’s hand tightly with one hand and used the other to card through Sam’s hair as he sought to reassure him.

“Sam, it’s okay. I know you’re scared but you’re gonna be fine.” He reached for the call button again, pushing it this time.

“Can I help you?” The tinny voice on the intercom startled Sam.

 

Josh smiled at him before answering. “We need some help in here. Sam’s awake.”

There was a tiny shake of Sam’s head, and Josh knew Sam wasn’t worried about himself. He grinned at his friend, reassuring him.

“I’m fine, I promise. Not a scratch on me. I promise.”

He could see Sam trying to smile around the ventilator, and it was everything he could do to keep the smile on his face.

Josh heard footsteps and looked up to find Nicole coming into the room looking worried, then smiling when she saw Sam looking at her.

“Well, look who’s awake! It’s about time, Mr. Peterson. You’ve been causing quite a stir around here.”

Sam started to panic again, fighting against the ventilator. Josh put a calming hand on his shoulder and spoke to Nicole.

“What’s going on? Why is it bothering him so much?” Nicole pulled out her cell phone and quickly dialed for help. When it was answered, she started to speak.

“Could you please inform Dr. Harris that Mr. Peterson is awake?” She paused to listen before responding. “Thank you.” She hung up the phone and made her way back to the two men.

“Mr. Peterson, I know this must be very frightening.” She touched his hand to make sure she had his attention. “The doctor will be here to remove the ventilator shortly, but for now it’s really important that you don’t fight it. Do you understand me?”

A small nod, and then Sam’s eyes were back on Josh.

“I’ll let your parents know that you’re awake.” Sam’s eyes snapped back to Nicole as she spoke, gratitude shining from his eyes.

“Thanks, Nicole.” Josh smiled at her, his hands never leaving Sam.
“No problem, Josh.” She went to the door, turning for a second. “I’ll be back in a minute.”
Josh turned back to Sam after she left. The hand on Sam’s shoulder went back to his hair, carding through it, scratching at Sam’s scalp, smiling at the look of bliss on his friend’s face.
“Sam, I….” Those beautiful hazel eyes were looking at him.
Josh jolted inwardly
. Wait, beautiful?

At that moment, Dr. Harris entered the room, followed by Nicole and another nurse.

The doctor looked at Sam as she spoke. “Mr. Peterson, I’m Dr. Harris. I’m the surgeon who operated on you a few days ago. Let’s see how you’re doing, shall we?”

She took her stethoscope from around her neck before looking up.

 

“Josh, could you step out for a second so we can examine Mr. Peterson?”

He stood to go, but the hand he was holding suddenly held his in a death grip. The monitors started beeping as Sam’s heart sped up, and when Josh looked at his friend, there was pure panic in his eyes.

They looked at each other for a second, a whole silent conversation happening in that moment, and Josh looked back at the doctor.

“Um, he really wants me to stay.”

 

The doctor looked first at Josh, then Sam before breaking into a broad smile.

“I’ve heard that you’re quite used to getting your own way, Mr. Peterson. I’d hate to ruin that reputation now. Just let Josh move when I need him to, all right?”

Sam nodded and Josh just waited.

“Mr. Peterson, I’m going to remove this from the machine first, all right?” She waited for a nod and disconnected the tube from the machine. She adjusted the bed so that Sam was lying at an angle while the nurse gently removed the tape attached to the mouthpiece.

“Now, just relax. I’m going to slowly pull this out of your throat. The more relaxed you are, the easier it will be.”
Sam’s fingers tightened around Josh’s, but he lay perfectly still, letting the doctor work.
He gagged as the end of the tube slithered from his throat, and then it was done. Of course, the first thing he did was try to talk, but all that came out was a raspy moan.
“I think some cool water would be in order, and then you might have an easier time of it.” She reached over, patting his forearm. “You’ll be hoarse and have a sore throat for a while. Let your body rest, Mr. Peterson. It’s been through a lot.”
She turned to the computer monitor and printed off some information, looking it over thoroughly before addressing Sam again.

“Do you know why you’re here, Mr. Peterson?” Sam nodded, an annoyed look on his face. He looked at Josh, gesturing weakly for a pen and paper.

Josh looked around and spotted the notebook that Sam’s father had been writing music in. He grabbed it, flipped to a fresh page, and picked up the pen and handed it to Sam. Josh held the book up close so Sam could reach it without moving too much.

Sam smiled at him and started writing. He was sweating from the effort by the time he was done, and when Josh lifted the book up, he saw the letters were crude and almost unreadable.

Josh read what Sam had written, and he gave a surprised huff of laughter before looking at the doctor.

“He says ‘nut job with a gun came after me. Josh was stubborn and almost got his ass shot, but I got in the way as usual. And my name is Sam!’” He grinned down at his friend, then back at the doctor. “If he could speak, he’d say ‘Mr. Peterson just sounds obnoxious, but don’t tell my dad!’”

The doctor looked at Sam, who smiled and nodded, and she chuckled.
“All right, then,
Sam
, just a few more questions. Can you move your toes for me?” She lifted the blanket off his feet as he started to wiggle them. “Good.”
She pulled a device from her pocket and peered into Sam’s eyes. She then pulled another instrument out to look in his ears.
“Is everything normal with your sight? Your hearing?”
Sam stopped and thought about it for a second before nodding.
“I’d ask you if you feel dizzy or disoriented, but after what you’ve been through, I’d be surprised if you didn’t.” She made a few entries into the computer and then wrote some things on the clipboard she pulled off the foot of Sam’s bed.

“Now, as I understand it, your parents should be here in a few minutes. They were out running a few errands, according to Nicole, here, and they’ve been notified that you’re awake. Do you want me to wait for them before we finish up?” The doctor looked at Sam expectantly.

Sam looked up at Josh, raising one eyebrow. Josh just shrugged. “It’s up to you, Sam.”

Sam looked thoughtful for a second before slowly shaking his head. He pointed at Josh with his free hand, and the doctor nodded her understanding.

“Okay, we’ll let Josh fill them in.” She moved up beside the bed before continuing.

 

“I’m going to check the surgical site.” She looked up at Josh. “Can you deal with that?”

Josh looked at Sam, saw the pleading in his eyes, and nodded shakily at the doctor. “Yeah, I’m fine.”
After donning a pair of latex gloves, Dr. Harris folded back the covers to Sam’s waist. His hospital-issued gown opened in the front, offering easy access to the chest wound. The surgeon peeled back the heavy gauze bandage and gently pressed around the neat rows of stitches.
Seeing the black, blue, and red healing wound covering a quarter of Sam’s chest brought tears to Josh’s eyes. It wasn’t really all that horrible to look at as much as it was a clear reminder of how close he had come to losing his best friend.
Sam looked up when he felt Josh’s grip tighten on his hand to see his friend hunched over, elbows on his knees and tears running silently down his face. He lifted their clasped hands and gently stroked his thumb across Josh’s cheek, causing him to look up.
When their eyes met, Josh tried to smile, but it came out as more of a pained grimace. Sam pulled their hands to his cheek and leaned into them, the only version of a hug he could manage in his position.
Josh gave a watery chuckle and wiped his eyes with the back of his free hand. “Thanks.”
Dr. Harris and Nicole observed the interaction between the two men. Both women marveled at the way Josh and Sam seemed to instinctually understand each other.
Nicole, who’d been quiet since she came in the room, also noted that Sam didn’t seem the least bit interested in where his boyfriend was.
Not that she could blame him. Between Evan and Josh? There really wasn’t any contest in her mind as to who should be holding Sam’s hand.
The doctor finished examining the wound and replaced the bandage with a fresh one. After a few more notes, she looked back at Sam.
“So, at the moment, you have a catheter in.”
It was almost comical to watch Sam’s eyes widen in shock at the words before he scowled at her.
“I’m betting that you want that gone, right?”
Sam nodded a little more vigorously.