All the Things I Didn't See (13 page)

were so many calls he should be making, but right now he didn’t feel like talking to anyone.

Instead, he made his way to the kitchen to clean up, losing himself once again in the mundane tasks involved in doing everyday chores.

Once he was done, he made himself another coffee and walked back to the bedroom to check on Sam. He found him sleeping soundly, a peaceful smile on his face.

Josh slid silently down the bedroom wall, content to just sit and watch Sam sleep. It wasn’t the first time he’d done it, but it was the first time he felt like he had permission.

His eyes traced the classically handsome lines of Sam’s face before trailing down the rest of his body under the blanket. He’d always had such a strongly muscled chest, dusted with a sprinkling of baby-soft chest hair.

The first shirtless scene they did as Connor and Philip had them pressed together, and Josh had laughed his way through three takes at the ticklish feeling of the hair against his own smooth skin.

He tried not to dwell on the image of those muscles being ripped apart by a bullet and then sliced even further by the surgeons trying to repair the damage before being sewn tightly together. God, how his heart ached at all that Sam had suffered at the hands of a madman.

Right now Sam felt so weak, but Josh knew the truth. This only proved how strong he really was.
In a twisted reality that seemed to jump right out of the show they were on, a madman had come gunning for Sam, and he’d survived.
Josh remembered how he’d felt that day when they had filmed the scene where one of the show’s bad guys had shot Connor.
Watching Sam lie there so still on the ground had left Josh feeling slightly sick. He’d been glad when they had finished filming and Sam jumped up and started joking around with everyone.
He’d seemed to realize that Josh was a little distressed and had come over to give him a hug, teasing about what a sweet boyfriend Connor had to be so worried.
“Why are you sitting on the floor, staring at me?” Sam’s quiet voice broke his reverie.
Josh put down his now cold coffee and crawled across the floor to kneel beside the bed. He rested his head on the pillow beside Sam, smiling at him.
“Because I can. Did my staring wake you?” Josh reached out to run the pad of his finger over the features his eyes had traced earlier.

Sam smiled and shook his head. “No, but I like waking up and seeing you there.”
When Josh’s finger passed over his lips, Sam kissed it, liking how it made Josh’s blush deepen. “Remind me to have you do that crawling thing again when I can do something about it. That was hot.”
Josh gave a startled bark of laughter. Leave it to Sam.
“Do you feel like getting up? Maybe go out to the living room and watch a movie?”
Sam’s smile widened, lighting up his whole face. “That would be awesome. I wanna snuggle on the couch with you.”
Josh could see there was something else Sam wanted too.
“I don’t suppose we’ve got any ice cream in the freezer.” The hopeful note in Sam’s voice made Josh smile.

“I don’t know. Let’s get your lazy ass to the couch, and then I’ll check. You want your sweats back on?”
“Nah, if it’s okay with you, I’m good.”
“Yeah, ’cause watching you walk around in boxers and my shirt is going to be a hardship.”
Sam snorted. “Let’s not forget the socks. They totally complete the outfit.”
Josh got off the floor and set about getting Sam to his feet. “You look adorable.”

And… out came the Sam pissy face. “I’m not a girl, Josh!”
Josh laughed, taken back to the first hours in the hospital, when he wished he could hear Sam say those words to him. He wrapped his arms loosely around Sam and fondly kissed the top of his head.
“What’s so funny, Kelly?”
“Nothing, it’s just good to hear your voice. I missed it a lot.”
The tender look Sam gave him let Josh know he understood.
“The fans are right, Josh. You’re adorkable.”
“Takes one to know one.”
“What are you, five?”
They bantered back and forth all the way to the living room, where Sam settled on the couch, his back propped up at one end on a bunch of pillows. Then Josh headed to the kitchen to look for ice cream.
“Aha!” He was immensely pleased to find a carton of Ben & Jerry’s Cherry Garcia and one of the banana chocolate dairy-free ice creams Sam adored. Dishing up two bowls, he made his way back the living room.
“So, what are we watching? Something sappy? Something funny? What’s your poison?”
“I don’t care, you pick. I’m just happy to be watching TV from somewhere other than a hospital bed.”
Josh walked over and looked at a stack of DVDs he’d grabbed from the apartment when he packed. “I got
Ten Inch Hero
a couple weeks ago but haven’t had a chance to watch it. Jensen Ackles in a kilt should be good for a laugh.”
“Sounds good.” Sam watched as Josh moved around, putting the movie in, and if he stared at his ass a little longer than necessary… well… he was allowed now, right?
Once the movie was ready to go, Josh walked over and sat down on the floor in front of the couch and picked up his ice cream.
“You know, Josh, there’s actually room for both of us on the couch.”
Josh leaned back to look at Sam, his head coming to rest on the other man’s thigh. His blue eyes sparkled as he smiled at his friend.
“Think I’m good here for now.”
Sam smiled back and went back to his ice cream. They sat and watched, the movie making them laugh, and for a little while, it was good.
Sam knew that tomorrow, when the therapist got there, it was going to be hard. Sam knew that there was frustration and sadness and anger ahead for both of them. But right at this moment, with Josh’s head on his leg, and his fingers threading through Josh’s hair, Sam was happy, and he’d take it for now.

Chapter 12

S
AM
woke the next morning to blue eyes staring at him again.
“You keep doing that.” Sam’s voice was sleep-rough.
Josh shrugged. “I can’t help it.” He reached up to brush the hair out of Sam’s eyes. “I like looking at you.”
Sam blushed. God, the things this man could do to him with just a word or two.
They lay there for a few more minutes, quiet and comfortable. Sam thought that he could wake up like this for the rest of his life.
“We gotta get up, Sam. The therapist is going to be here in an hour or so.”
Sam sighed. He wasn’t really looking forward to today, even though he knew it was necessary. He really hoped the guy wasn’t an ass.

He held on to Josh’s hand. “You slept better last night.” Josh smiled at him. “I got a few things off my chest yesterday. Seemed to help.”

“Good, I’m glad.” He lifted Josh’s hand and kissed the palm, smiling at how it made Josh’s eyes shine with wonder and love.

“Well, come on, sweetheart, I got things to do today. As much as I’d like to, I can’t laze around in bed with you all morning.” Sam got a wicked glint in his eye. “But just you wait. One morning, sometime soon, that’s gonna change.”

Now it was Josh’s turn to blush. He hadn’t really thought a lot about the sexual side of a relationship with Sam yet. He’d been too worried about getting him healthy again. But the way he was getting half-hard from just a couple of sentences made him think about all the things he had to look forward to.

“All right, let’s get this done. You wanna get dressed or just leave it and wait until after your shower?”

“You know what? I think I’ll wait. It’ll feel so good to be clean and put on clean clothes.”
They got Sam up and out to the kitchen, and since neither were big breakfast eaters, they made do with coffee and toast and some of the leftover fruit from the night before.

Once they were done, Josh settled Sam on the couch and headed off for a quick shower.
They were sitting on the couch, Sam watching the morning news and Josh answering some e-mails, when they heard the ferry horn blare, letting them know that it was docking.
Sam looked at him with worried eyes, and Josh leaned in to kiss him gently. “It’ll be okay.”
Sam nodded, and Josh got up and slipped on his shoes. He’d told the therapist he’d meet him at the dock and show him how to get to the house. It was only a five-minute walk, so he was okay with leaving Sam there.
The guy waiting for him at the landing was kind of a shock. He was taller than Josh by a couple of inches, and he was well built. Josh wasn’t sure what he’d been expecting, but this wasn’t it.
When the man looked at him, he was greeted by the kindest eyes he had ever seen.
“Josh?”
Josh nodded and extended his hand. “Yeah, that’s me. Chris, right?”
“Chris Collins. It’s nice to meet you.” They shook hands before Chris reached down to pick up a large bag that sat on the dock beside him.
“Well, the house is this way. Sam’s on the couch waiting and probably freaking out by now, so we should get back.”
Chris laughed. “That’s pretty normal. He’s probably wondering how this is going to go.”
“Well, at the moment, he really wants a shower. After that, I have a feeling that you’re gonna have to be ready to not take any Peterson crap. He can be pretty stubborn when he wants to.”
“Don’t worry, I’m used to dealing with stubborn patients. And, really, it’s not a bad trait to have when you’re trying to recover from something like this. It helps make the recovery faster.”
Josh chuckled. “Then Sam’s should be the fastest recovery you’ve ever seen.”
A few minutes later they arrived back at the house, and Josh showed Chris in. “Hey, Sam, we’re back!”

Chris put his bag down and followed Josh into the living room. Sam looked up at him suspiciously and then looked at Josh.

Chris walked over and extended his hand for the second time that day. “Hi, I’m Chris. Chris Collins. And you’re the infamous Sam, I take it?”

“Um, yeah, I guess.” Sam looked a little uncomfortable. “Do you watch the show?”

Chris laughed. “Nah, I don’t have time for TV. Between shifts at Kings County and these PT appointments, I barely have time to buy my girl dinner and keep her from being pissed at me.” The honesty in his voice made Sam feel better. “I just meant that your friend here had a lot to say about you on the walk over.”

Sam looked at Josh and scowled before speaking. “Whatever he told you, it’s all lies, every single thing.” Josh moved to sit beside Sam, hand sliding into Sam’s without thought, and it made Sam beam.

Chris took it all in and smiled. Good to know that Sam had the support he needed.
“So… Sam… I hear you’re anxious to have a shower. Should we start there or do you want to do your PT first?” He could see the apprehension in Sam’s eyes. “I should warn you. You’re gonna get sweaty doing the exercises.”

Sam looked down at the robe he had put on over his boxers and Josh’s shirt. “Do I need to put more clothes on?” Chris smiled down at him. “Nope. You’re gonna be on your ass the whole time anyhow.”

 

“Well, let’s get to it. Where do we need to be?”

Chris looked around. There was a couch and a dining set with hard chairs, and that was about all he needed. “Here’s good.”

He hesitated. This was always the tricky part. “Josh, I’m going to ask that you leave us alone now. You don’t have to leave the house, but I need you to leave the room and stay out unless you’re called for.”

“What? Why?” Josh was hurt and confused. He looked at Sam, who didn’t seem to mind his being asked to leave. “Don’t you want me to stay?”

Chris cut in before Sam could answer. “Because in my experience, the people who love you want to protect you, even from me.”

“Oh.” Josh still wasn’t happy, but he understood.

“This is going to hurt, I won’t lie to you. But it’s the only way I can help Sam.” He reached down and patted Josh’s shoulder. “Don’t worry. It’ll only be about thirty minutes today. I’m mostly going to be evaluating his range of motion and deciding when to start his actual physical therapy. And then you can come and learn how to help Sam shower!”

He winked at them, and they both blushed.

Josh leaned in and kissed Sam on the cheek before standing up. “I think I’ll go out to the kitchen and see what I can come up with for supper. Paul’s coming on the afternoon ferry, and you know how he can eat!”

Sam nodded after him and watched as Josh left the room. It was going to be a long thirty minutes.

H
AVING
to wait in the kitchen just about killed Josh. Every groan, every yelp of pain he heard had him wanting to jump up and rush back to the living room and beg Chris to stop.

But it was for Sam’s own good, and Josh knew it.

Josh got up, made a fresh pot of coffee, and rifled through the freezer, looking for something for dinner.
After deciding on grilled chicken and vegetables, he sent off a message confirming the arrival time of the ferry with Paul and one to his mom, thanking her for making sure the house was ready for them.
That all took ten minutes.
He could have turned on the music and drowned out the sounds Sam was making, but it almost seemed like cheating. If Sam had to suffer through it, so did Josh.
Finally, after Josh almost wore a hole in the tile floor with his pacing, Chris came through the kitchen door.
“He’s done for now. He says he’d like a pain pill, please. And I want him to drink some water before we take him for the shower.”
Josh took a deep breath. He grabbed the pills from the counter and shook one from the bottle. Grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge, he squared his shoulders and followed Chris back into the living room.
Sam was seated on one of the dining room chairs looking pale, shaky, and sweating like crazy. Josh strode over and passed him the pill, then the water to wash it down with.
“You okay?” Josh was worried, but Chris didn’t seem to be.
“No. I feel so fucking weak, and it’s starting to piss me off.”
Josh crouched down in front of him and steadied himself with his hands on Sam’s thighs.
“You’re only weak physically at this point, and that
will
change, quicker than you realize. Otherwise, you’re the strongest person I know.” Josh slid a little closer, kissing him gently before pulling back. “It’ll get better. I promise.”

Chris looked down at Josh in approval. That was what Sam needed, not being treated like a baby, like some would do. He needed to be told what he could do, not what he couldn’t.

Josh reached up to run his hands down Sam’s sides, calming him with his touch, as had become their habit these days.

Sam took a few more sips of water, closing his eyes and letting himself relax for a few minutes, long enough for the ache in his chest to die down a little.