A Mother's Shame (20 page)

The poop deck was used by the upper-class passengers and Maria had never been allowed up there, not that she wanted to. She was quite happy to exercise on the lower deck where the servants of the gentry were beginning to form friendships.

She would watch the sailor high up in the crow’s-nest whilst others swabbed the decks or scuttled about like ants securing sails and seeing to the smooth running of the ship. If she ever thought of home, she would try to push those thoughts to the back of her mind and look ahead, although as yet she had not dared to think what might happen when they arrived in Tasmania and her own child was born.

By now, the ship had slowed to such an extent that Maria sometimes wondered if it had stopped altogether.

‘They are having to go slowly because of icebergs,’ Joshua informed them one afternoon when he visited their cabin.

‘Icebergs!’
Isabelle was appalled. ‘But what if we should collide with one of them?’

Joshua patted her hand. ‘There is little chance of that,’ he reassured her. ‘They are keeping a close watch from the crow’s-nest and the ship has slowed so that it has time to steer away, should they spot one.’ Then glancing towards Maria, who had a book spread across her lap, he asked, ‘What are you reading?’

‘It’s
Scenes of Clerical Life,
by George Eliot,’ she answered.

‘And where did you learn to read?’

‘My father taught us all,’ she answered. ‘And I used to spend most of my spare time in the free reading rooms.’

‘Which other writers do you enjoy?’ Joshua enquired.

‘Well, I especially like the Brontë sisters.’

‘Ah, so does my mother. You have that in common.’

‘Oh, can’t you two talk about something more interesting than damn books?’ Isabelle complained, tired of the conversation.

‘But books aren’t boring,’ Maria objected. ‘In fact, until I embarked on this voyage I had never set foot outside my home town. Well, apart from to go to the Goose Fair in Coventry once with Mother and Father. And yet despite that, books have given me a good insight into what it is like in faraway lands.’

‘Huh!’ Isabelle frowned. ‘Well, give me a good shopping trip or a new gown in place of a book any day.’

Joshua and Maria exchanged an amused glance and in that instant their relationship changed subtly.

‘Look, why don’t you both come up to the salon?’ he suggested now. ‘I hear the band is going to play this afternoon and it may whittle away a little time for you.’

Maria bowed her head. ‘I couldn’t really,’ she said quickly. ‘Servants are not allowed on the upper deck.’

‘And who is to know you are a servant if you are with us?’ Joshua challenged her.

When Maria glanced down at her plain dress, he instantly understood. The dress was actually the finest that Maria had ever owned, but it still set her apart from the upper-class ladies in their fine crinolines.

In a rare good humour at the thought of a pleasant diversion, Isabelle clapped her hands together. ‘Why, you could borrow one of my dresses,’ she said excitedly. ‘It would be nice for me to dress you up for a change.’ She eyed Maria critically as if she was seeing her for the very first time. ‘We are about the same size and height. Now let’s see, which one would you like to wear?’

As Maria began to strongly object, Joshua made a hasty departure. He knew only too well what his sister was like when she got an idea into her head, and had no wish to be present whilst she titivated Maria up.

‘I’ll meet you both on the poop deck in half an hour,’ he informed them before rushing from the room, but Isabelle didn’t hear him; she was too busy rummaging through the trunks in search of something suitable for Maria to wear. Clothes began to fly in all directions as Maria continued to object, but eventually she drew out a pale green crinoline and held it up beneath Maria’s chin.

‘I think this colour would look wonderful on you,’ she declared, already undoing the row of buttons that ran all the way from the waist to the high neckline of Maria’s dress.

Deeply embarrassed, Maria stood still as Isabelle stripped the dress from her. ‘And of course you shall have to have some extra petticoats.’

Isabelle was enjoying herself now and Maria did not have the heart to stop her. Once she was dressed, Isabelle then took the pins from the neat bun at the back of Maria’s head and shook her hair loose before attacking it with a hairbrush.

‘Your hair is very thick,’ she complained as she tried to secure it in a more becoming style on the top of the young woman’s head. It seemed to take forever but at last she stood back and sighed with satisfaction.

‘Goodness me.’ She beamed with satisfaction. ‘I swear you look more of a lady than I do,’ she declared as she led Maria to a mirror. When Maria looked shyly into it she gasped in amazement and colour instantly flooded her cheeks.

The dress was cut low and Maria, who had always worn dresses that covered her from neck to ankle, felt almost indecent at the small cleavage that peeped back at her. Her hair was in much the same style as the one that Isabelle favoured, high on top with fair silky ringlets arranged around the crown of her head, tied up with a cluster of green silk ribbons that matched the colour of the dress.

‘Now, we must do something about your boots.’

Maria wriggled her toes in her soft leather boots, wondering what on earth was wrong with them but Isabelle was already rooting through the cabin trunks again.

‘Ah, here we are. I’m afraid I have no green ones, but these should do nicely.’ Waving a pair of satin silver shoes in the air she advanced on Maria who obligingly held her foot out. It was soon apparent that Isabelle’s feet were slightly larger than hers, but Isabelle insisted that the slippers were just perfect. ‘After all, no one is going to be staring at your feet with you looking like this, are they?’ she giggled.

But Maria was still apprehensive. ‘What if the Captain sees me?’ she fretted.

Isabelle waved her hand nonchalantly. ‘What if he does? He would never realise that you are my maid. And anyway, it is highly unlikely that he will be about at this time of the day. He will be too busy avoiding icebergs. Now come along or the band will have finished playing before we even get there.’

And so for the first time in her life, Maria followed Isabelle from the cabin feeling like a real lady.

The band consisted of a motley crew of people, mainly from the steerage section, playing popular airs on a variety of instruments ranging from flutes to violins. Even so, the sound they created was pleasing, and when Maria and Isabelle entered the salon their feet were tapping along to the music in no time at all. Joshua was clearly impressed with Maria’s appearance although he was too much of a gentleman to embarrass her by saying so. When she shrugged the heavy cloak that Isabelle had loaned her from her shoulders, Joshua was aware of more than a few admiring glances directed her way. Maria was a charming girl, and very good company, and he found himself looking forward to the short times they spent together.

Young men, glad of any diversion to interrupt the tedium of the voyage, began to step forward to ask the two young women to dance in the space that had been cleared in the middle of the room. Isabelle went willingly but Maria quietly refused each one, preferring to sit with Joshua. She felt more than a little out of place and was not keen to suddenly be the centre of attention although she found it was nice to be able to talk to Joshua.

‘I think you’ll like Uncle Freddie,’ he told her as they watched Isabelle whirl past in the arms of a young gentleman. ‘The countryside surrounding his ranch is quite beautiful and the sun always seems to be shining there.’

Maria listened, enthralled by the pictures he was conjuring up.

‘Uncle Freddie was always the rebel of the family,’ Joshua confided. ‘He hated working in the factories and mills back home, even though they would be partly his one day. He was always more of the outdoor type, if you know what I mean.’ He chuckled. ‘I can remember Grandfather being absolutely appalled when Uncle Freddie declared his intention of emigrating, but he won him round eventually and Grandfather even gave him part of his inheritance early to give him a start there. Between you and me, I think Grandfather expected him to fall flat on his face and be home in no time at all with his tail between his legs, but Uncle Freddie shocked him and made a go of it.’ He sighed before saying thoughtfully, ‘Life is a funny thing, isn’t it? I mean, there was Uncle Freddie with what most people would give their right arms for. He was brought up in the lap of luxury and didn’t even have to work if he didn’t wish to, but it wasn’t what he wanted.’

Maria found it incredible that anyone would want to leave that kind of existence behind, but then she supposed everyone wanted different things from life.

‘Were you close to your father?’ Josh asked then, seeing the sad expression on her face. ‘He’s a preacher, isn’t he?’

‘Yes, he is,’ Maria answered quietly. ‘And no, I have never had a close relationship with him. Perhaps it’s because I was a girl. Most men want their firstborn to be a son, don’t they? But I was very close to my mother.’ Her eyes welled with tears now as a wave of homesickness seized her. ‘To be honest I could never understand why she stayed with him,’ she surprised herself by saying. She had never admitted that to anyone before. ‘He is a very harsh man and treats her as little more than a skivvy.’ She was like a flower opening up in the sunshine as she spoke of her family and he found it hard to drag his eyes away from her face. She then went on to tell him of her relationship with Lennie.

‘I suppose the attraction was that he was so different to my father,’ she confessed. ‘But looking back now I realise what a fool I was.’ Her hand unconsciously stroked the small mound of her stomach and she sighed. ‘He used me – and even then I was prepared to forgive him. But now our child will be born out of wedlock and it’s all my fault.’

Josh chewed on his lips for a time as he sought for words to comfort her. ‘I’m sure you will find a solution to your problems in Tasmania,’ he said. ‘But should you not wish to stay, Mama will be more than happy to pay your fare back home once Isabelle’s child is born.’

Her face softened and she smiled, but she had no chance to respond, for just then Isabelle flitted back to the table looking like the cat that had got the cream. She was used to being admired and today’s little diversion had gone a long way towards restoring her confidence.

‘Oh goodness, I swear I am quite exhausted,’ she giggled, fanning her face with her hand for all the world as if she were at some grand ball.

‘Perhaps you should rest for a while. You do have to think of the child,’ Josh suggested tactfully.

Isabelle’s expression darkened. ‘Oh yes, always the child!’ she hissed. ‘But what about
me?
It is all its fault that I am here in the first place! I wish I could just get rid of the horrid thing!’

Josh stared at her coldly, his expression as cutting as the wind that was hammering at the salon doors.

‘Perhaps you should have thought of that, dear sister, before you began your little liaison with Pierre. And perhaps you should also consider yourself fortunate that Mama has seen fit to offer you a way out of your dilemma, against Father’s wishes. Many parents would have disowned you and thrown you out on the streets for dishonouring the family name. Furthermore, Maria here is in exactly the same position as you, and I don’t see
her
feeling sorry for herself. All her concerns are for her unborn child.’

‘Huh! But she is merely a servant,’ Isabelle spat unkindly. ‘And everyone knows that her sort breed like rabbits.’

Maria was deeply hurt, but seeing that this was fast developing into a row, she said hastily, ‘Why don’t you sit down, miss? I could fetch you a drink.’

‘I don’t
want
a drink!’ The young woman’s dainty hands clenched into fists as colour rose in her cheeks.

‘How dare you be so rude,’ Josh said roundly. ‘We are all entitled to respect, no matter where we come from. And may I add that from what I have seen, Maria here is more of a lady, miss, than you will ever be! At this precise moment in time I am ashamed to call you my sister and sorry that I ever agreed to accompany you on this journey in the first place.’

‘Oh yes,
you
defend her.’ Isabelle was unused to being spoken to in this way by her brother and was bubbling with rage. ‘And of course it is obvious why! Don’t think I haven’t seen the way you look at her.’

‘Enough!’
Josh roared as he leaped to his feet, causing people to turn and stare at them. ‘You are making a spectacle of yourself, madam. Now kindly get your cape and I will accompany you back to your cabin.’

‘I don’t want to go back to the cabin,’ Isabelle said like a petulant child. ‘I want to stay here and enjoy myself – not be locked away like some boring old spinster.’

‘Then stay.’ He turned then and offering his arm to Maria, who was cringing with embarrassment, he told her, ‘Come along.’

She picked up her cloak without argument and with her head bent, quickly followed him out onto the deck where the bitter wind snatched at their clothes and took their breath away.

‘I wish to apologise for my sister’s atrocious behaviour,’ Joshua told her as he took her elbow and steered her towards the cabin quarters.

‘I’m sure she was just distraught.’ Maria excused Isabelle although her words had made her smart with shame and humiliation. Suddenly she was wishing with all her heart that she had never agreed to embark on this voyage. But there was no going back now and she knew that she would just have to make the best of it.

They were halfway across the deck when Maria became aware of someone watching them – but when she glanced around whoever it was hastily stepped back into the shadows. She supposed it was just some sailor who had enjoyed more than his fair share of rum and she pushed it from her mind.

They made the rest of the short journey in silence, and at the door to their cabin, Josh bowed before taking his leave with a grim expression on his face. It would be a long time before he could forgive his sister for the despicable outburst he had just been forced to witness.