A Mother's Shame (19 page)

‘No, I suppose not.’ Maria was stopped from saying any more when a shout went up.

‘Man overboard!’

Looking back, they saw the huddle of children they had just passed grouped at the rail crying pitifully. She raced back towards them and a little boy clutched at her hand as he sobbed, ‘Please, miss. It’s our Nellie. She fell through here!’

Hanging over the railings, she looked back at the churning sea just in time to see a small hand reaching above the waves.

A number of sailors had joined her now and pointing in the direction where she had just seen the child she told them, ‘Over there, look. Can you see her waving?’

One of the sailors kicked his boots off and scrambled up onto the railing preparing to dive in, but before he had the chance, one of his comrades caught the back of his trousers and hauled him back.

‘It’s no use, Jed,’ he told him sorrowfully in a thick Irish accent. ‘Look, the sea has swallowed the little lass up, so it has. There is nothin’ to be done, man!’

Maria looked back again but there was nothing to be seen but the churning of the waves in the ship’s wake. The little girl had disappeared.

‘You must stop the boat,’ she told them as the children huddled about her with terrified tears on their cheeks.

The sailor shook his head. ‘’T’would do no good, miss. By the time the ship stopped she could be miles back. We could never find her, God rest her soul.’

A number of people were racing towards them now and one, a woman with a shawl drawn tightly about her, grabbed hold of the little boy.

‘Billy, where’s our Nellie?’ she demanded. ‘I told yer yer must keep her safe.’

He pointed a trembling finger. ‘She tripped just here, Mam, an’ afore I could get to her she’d slipped through the railin’s an’ into the sea. But ’t’weren’t my fault, honest it weren’t.’

The woman’s hand flew to her mouth as the colour drained out of her face like water from a dam.

‘So what can we do?’ She was looking at the sailors now with desperation in her eyes but they each shook their head.

‘Sorry, missus, but she’s gone.’

The woman began to wail then, a terrible sound that echoed across the now silent deck, and taking Isabelle’s arm, Maria quickly led her away, badly shaken.

‘How terrible,’ Isabelle muttered. ‘It was as if the sea just sucked her under, wasn’t it?’ It was the first death they had witnessed since coming aboard. Little could they know that it was to be the first of many.

Later that day, there was a memorial service for the little girl. The decks were crowded as the solemn-faced Captain read from the Bible. He prided himself on running a tight ship, and although it was rare to make a crossing without at least one death, when it was that of a child it seemed to be so much worse.

Joshua joined Maria and Isabelle for the service, grieving at the tragic waste. ‘A little girl with her whole life before her,’ he sighed with feeling.

The two young women nodded in agreement as the crowd began to disperse. Back at the cabin, they found Kitty scrubbing the floor as if her life depended on it.

‘I shan’t be long,’ she told them cheerfully as she slopped yet more water onto the floor and attacked it with a scrubbing brush.

Isabelle tutted with annoyance; the first sign that the better moods were rapidly coming to an end. Taking her bonnet off, she flung it onto the bed and pouted as she raised her hand to her hair.

‘It’s as stiff as a board,’ she complained. ‘Why can’t they catch the rainwater for us to use for washing?’

‘Because every drop of fresh water is needed for drinking,’ Josh pointed out patiently. ‘They are already having to flavour the barrels of water they brought aboard with lime and we still have a way to go yet.’

‘Well, I’m not used to having to manage in such a fashion,’ Isabelle declared, as she stamped her pretty foot on the floor.

Seeing the beginnings of a tantrum, Maria caught Kitty’s eye. ‘I’m sure that is good enough for now,’ she told the girl with a kind smile. ‘Why don’t you take the washing I’ve put out ready for you up on deck and get it done whilst the weather is favourable? I heard the Captain say that he felt we were heading into bad weather.’

‘Yes’m.’ Kitty threw the brush back into the bucket and rose awkwardly, rubbing her wet hands down the front of her apron. Then, snatching up the bundle of laundry under one arm, she hefted the bucket, bobbed her knee and disappeared out into the corridor, which was beginning to smell quite badly now because of the water closets positioned there.

‘I too shall leave you two ladies to rest now,’ Joshua told them as he backed out of the cabin door. ‘Will you be dining in your room tonight or in the dining room?’

‘I haven’t decided yet.’ Isabelle tossed her head and, recognising the signs, Joshua made a hasty exit, feeling sorry for Maria.

As it turned out, hardly anyone ate dinner that evening, for as the afternoon lengthened they sailed into stormy waters just as the Captain had prophesied. The ship began to rock alarmingly, sending most folk scuttling away to lie in their bunks. Isabelle was terrified and lay wide-eyed clutching the sides of her bunk as the ship seemed to rise into the air then drop like a stone.

‘We’re all going to die,’ she groaned dramatically as Maria tried to comfort her.

‘No, we are not,’ she soothed although she too felt sick and ill. ‘Just try to sleep and hopefully by the time you wake we will be through the worst of it.’

‘How do you know that? You
simpleton!’
Isabelle shrieked, but for now Maria chose to ignore her.

The ship rode the storm until the early hours of the morning and many people began to feel as Isabelle did, sure that the vessel was going to break up and deposit them all into the churning sea as it creaked and groaned and rocked alarmingly. The seawater and strong winds whistled down the corridors, and everything in the cabins that wasn’t nailed down rolled about the floors, adding to the terror of the passengers. On deck they could hear the sailors shouting to each other as they tried to batten down the hatches and battle with the enormous sails. But thankfully, just as everyone was certain they were all doomed the waters became calmer and by morning the sea was like a millpond again.

Isabelle had fallen into an exhausted sleep by then and Maria shakily made her way to the deck to grab a breath of fresh air. The first person she saw was Joshua leaning against the rails. She quickly turned to slip away, but before she had a chance to do so he spotted her and called, ‘Come and stand over here for a while, Maria. You look a bit wobbly.’

‘I feel a bit wobbly,’ she said, joining him reluctantly. Some of the masts had been damaged during the storm, and she watched fascinated as the seamen clambered up and down them as sure-footed as monkeys as they tried to repair them.

‘It was a pretty bad ride back there for a while, wasn’t it? How is Isabelle bearing up?’

‘Oh, you know . . .’

He glanced at her. ‘That means she’s been a prize bitch all night, no doubt.’ He chuckled before confiding, ‘I’m afraid she has been rather spoiled.’

Maria shrugged. ‘We were both afraid,’ she said, not wishing to cause trouble.

‘Well, if she starts with one of her tantrums you just give as good as you get,’ Josh advised.

‘Don’t worry. I can handle Miss Isabelle,’ she replied calmly. ‘After all, that is what I am being paid for.’

Her comment made them suddenly aware of the differences between the two of them, and Maria moved away now, eager to escape. Sometimes when she was with Joshua she found herself talking to him on a level and that would never do. She must remember that she was merely a servant.

His expression darkened as he watched her carefully pick her way across the deck again. There was something about her that he found strangely intriguing and it was not just her striking good looks, although he was forced to admit to himself that he did find her attractive. It was the way she spoke; the way she held herself; the way she walked. Sometimes, if he had not known better he could have taken her for more of a lady than his sister, and she was sweeternatured too, although, he grinned ruefully, that did not take much doing. Isabelle could be a complete harridan when she chose to be. He returned his gaze to the ocean when Maria disappeared from sight, feeling slightly cheated, then gave himself a mental shake. He really must stop being so silly. It was probably being so far from home and having so little to do, but even so instead of the wide expanse of water it was her face that remained in front of his eyes.

It was then that he became aware of a noise coming from behind one of the life boats. As he looked towards it, he saw one of the women steerage passengers cavorting with a sailor. Her skirt was up around her waist and the sailor’s trousers were down around his ankles as he thrust into her. It wasn’t the first time that Joshua had witnessed a coupling between one of the women from below decks and a sailor, and he doubted it would be the last on such a long journey. It was a known fact that the sailors were usually desperate for a woman after a period at sea, and if the women were willing, as some of them were, for a share of the man’s rum or extra food, then the Captain tended to turn a blind eye. Joshua was keen to do the same, so ignoring the guttural sounds that were issuing from the couple as their lovemaking reached its climax, he lowered his head and hurried away, kicking aside a large rat as he went. The bad weather had disturbed them and brought them up on deck, and Joshua shuddered as his foot connected with the soft body. If the rumours were true, he could well find himself eating the very same creature before they reached Australia, should the salted meat run short; the thought of it turned his stomach.

Maria arrived back in the cabin to find Isabelle in a towering rage.

‘Where the hell have you been?’ she demanded the second Maria stepped through the door. ‘I wish to go out on deck and you were not here to help me get dressed. That is what my mother is paying you for, in case you had forgotten.’

Here we go again, Maria thought as she began to lay out Isabelle’s clothes on the narrow bed. She then poured water into the china bowl and discreetly turned her back whilst Isabelle flung her nightgown off and began to wash.

‘I’m sick of having to wash in cold water,’ she griped pettishly. ‘And not particularly clean water at that.’

It was then that a tap sounded on the door and seconds later Kitty appeared, her cheeks rosy and her eyes bright.

‘I’ve come to start the cleanin’, miss,’ she said cheerfully, but when Isabelle rounded on her furiously with a towel pressed over her breasts, the girl shrank back against the door.

‘How
dare
you come in here before you are invited?’ Isabelle bellowed. ‘Can’t you see that I am not even halfdressed yet, you dimwit!’

With a muffled sob, Kitty fumbled with the door handle then almost fell back out into the corridor in her haste to escape.

‘Was there really any need for that?’ Maria asked levelly. She was fully aware of her position, and Kitty’s too if it came to that, but even so she could see no excuse for speaking to the girl in such a manner.

‘You just hold your tongue,’ Isabelle warned as she turned so that Maria could help her into her undergarments.

Maria bit her lip as she began to lace her mistress into her stays. She had learned back in Hatter’s Hall that it was no use trying to reason with Isabelle whilst she was in this mood.

‘Pull them
tighter,’
Isabelle insisted as she stared into the only mirror that the small cabin possessed. She was increasingly concerned with the way her figure was thickening by the day and painfully aware that there was not a thing she could do about it. Damn and blast the bastard that was growing inside her! And blast Pierre too for getting her into this mess in the first place. Never for a second did she allow herself to accept that she was partly responsible for the condition she found herself in, nor admit that she had pursued him just as shamelessly as he had her.

Once the corset was adjusted to her liking, which Maria considered was far too tight, she then helped her into the many layers of petticoats.

‘I shall wear the blue crinoline today,’ Isabelle informed her, waving her hand towards it. Once again, Maria obediently fetched it although she thought the gown was far too elaborate for day wear. Better to just do as she was told, she decided, and let Isabelle go and walk her temper off on deck.

Finally she dressed the young woman’s hair as best she could, piling it onto the top of her head and teasing it into ringlets.

Isabelle slid her feet into pretty satin shoes and then examined herself critically in the mirror before saying ungratefully, ‘I dare say that will have to do. Fetch me my parasol.’

Maria knew that the parasol would probably blow inside out within minutes but she dutifully did as she was told, bringing a warm cape too and reminding her, ‘You’ll need this, miss. If you find it too cold out on deck you could perhaps go to the salon. I believe they have a fiddler playing there to entertain the children.’

Sitting in a room full of screaming brats was not her idea of entertainment and Isabelle was about to make some scathing response but then, obviously thinking better of it, she draped the cape about her shoulders. When she finally sailed out of the cabin, Maria breathed a sigh of relief and set about tidying the clothes that the girl had flung all over the place. That was another crisis averted, for now at least.

For the rest of that month, things went from bad to worse as Isabelle’s moods deteriorated even further, but Maria held her tongue and went about her duties uncomplainingly. There was little else she could do. By then she was spending half of the days sitting in the cabin letting out the seams on Isabelle’s gowns and her own whilst Isabelle took advantage of whatever entertainment was available in the salon. She had finally decided that even that was preferable to being cooped up below deck. Thankfully Maria was a very reasonable seamstress now, which was just as well for Isabelle refused to so much as pick up a needle any more. All she seemed to do – when the weather was warm enough, that was – was parade about the poop deck like a caged animal.