A Mother's Shame (16 page)

‘Don’t be so silly, Kitty,’ Maria said more sharply than she had meant to.

Kitty’s face dropped a mile and, instantly contrite, Maria caught her hand. ‘Sorry,’ she apologised. ‘I think I’m more tired than I realised. But you mustn’t say things like that. Mr Joshua and I are poles apart. He would never look kindly on a servant, and if what you heard is correct he probably has a fiancée already.’

She was feeling utterly confused. Only the day before, she had been grieving for Lennie, and now here she was feeling drawn to Isabelle’s brother who was a gentleman. It was quite ridiculous.

Never one to bear a grudge, Kitty clambered up onto one of the beds and let out a sigh. ‘I reckon these are feather mattresses.’ But she had time to say no more, for at that moment there was a tap at the door and a maid appeared pushing a trolley.

‘Your breakfast, madams.’ She looked down her nose at their shabby apparel. ‘Do please ring if there is anything else you require,’ she said haughtily then she flounced from the room wondering what the world was coming to, to allow two such people to stay in a place like this. The Angel was one of the best establishments in the whole of Liverpool, so what the hell were those two common street girls, who probably congregated on the corners each evening, doing there? Sticking her nose in the air she hurried about her business.

Kitty meanwhile had hopped off the bed and lifted the lid of a silver salver to find a sturdy breakfast staring her in the face, and enough for at least four people into the bargain.

‘Cor, would yer just come an’ look at this,’ she gasped in awe as her mouth watered. It was a world away from the lumpy porridge she was used to back at the Hall. ‘There’s sausages, bacon, mushrooms, eggs, kidneys an’ all manner of treats here, Maria. I reckon I must have died an’ gone to heaven!’

Maria chuckled as she lifted a plate and began to help herself to some of the food. It certainly did look delicious and she was determined to do it justice. There was little left on the trolley by the time they had both finished, and with their bellies full and in a slightly happier frame of mind, they climbed onto their beds to take a short rest and within minutes were both fast asleep.

Just before one o’clock as arranged, Maria and Kitty made their way down to the foyer to meet Isabelle and Joshua. They had washed and tidied themselves as best they could but in their drab clothes they still stuck out like sore thumbs and attracted more than a few curious stares as they found some seats in a corner and tried to look inconspicuous. Thankfully Isabelle and Joshua joined them within minutes and Maria was amazed at the change in her mistress. Now that she was away from Hatter’s Hall she was all smiles, with no sign of the volatile young woman she had been forced to wait on.

‘Ah, here you both are.’ Her cheeks dimpled as she beamed at them. ‘Let’s go shopping then. There is not a minute to waste.’ Turning to her brother, she said, ‘Would you ask the page to whistle up a cab for us, Josh?’

‘Of course.’

In no time at all they were heading for the city centre and Maria was shocked at how big it was. There were surely more shops in one street here than there were in the whole of Nuneaton.

Once Joshua had paid the driver, he went off to smoke a cigar in a nearby establishment, and to read
The Times,
while his sister steered the two young women towards a large emporium.

Kitty stared disbelievingly at the beautiful gowns displayed in its window.

‘I think we shall see to you two first,’ Isabelle declared. ‘You will need some warm clothes for the journey, and of course a good thick cloak each. And also some lighter apparel for when we get there. Josh says Tasmania can get as hot as an oven in the summer. He still has the clothes he wore last time.’

Within an hour, both girls were the proud new owners of two good quality gowns and a warm cloak each.

Kitty was beside herself with excitement by then and could hardly wait to get back to the hotel to try them on. For her, Isabelle had selected two gowns in a pearl grey, that would suit the general maid of a lady. They may have been a similar colour to Maria’s uniform at Hatter’s Hall, but there the similarity ended. The cut and finish were far more luxurious. Her cloak was a darker grey with a hood and a fine wool lining, and Isabelle had also insisted that she should have some sensible lace-up boots, the first that Kitty had ever owned, as well as some warm undergarments and nightclothes. The items were all packed into enormous boxes, which Isabelle arranged to be delivered to the Angel Hotel later in the day. Maria’s gowns were slightly more elaborate as befitted a lady’s maid, in a pretty shade of blue with full skirts and tiny pearl buttons all up the front, and neat velvet collars. Her cloak was a richer shade of blue that enhanced the colour of her eyes, and like Kitty, Maria was delighted with the purchases. Neither of the girls had ever been in such a fine shop before and they followed their mistress about in a state of wonder.

Isabelle bought surprisingly little for herself, apart from a new bonnet that she declared she really could not resist. She already had trunks full of clothes back at the hotel, but Maria did whisper at one stage that it might be a good idea to buy a couple of gowns in a larger size? Isabelle’s eyes darkened momentarily, but then seeing the sense in what Maria said, she reluctantly obliged, hating the thought of how she might look by the time she was forced to wear them. They then shopped for some lengths of a lighter material which Maria informed her mistress she could make into dresses for herself and Kitty. Of course, by the time they reached Australia, she would be needing looser gowns herself.

When eventually they had all they needed they sent for Joshua, who settled the substantial bill. The afternoon was darkening and he suggested, ‘Perhaps we should go back to the hotel now and have a meal? Then we can all get a good night’s sleep before we board the ship tomorrow.’

Maria kept her head down and left Isabelle to answer. For some reason she felt tongue-tied in his presence and yet she found herself continually glancing towards him from the corner of her eye. He had shown such patience during the course of the afternoon that she was amazed. Not many men would have been as helpful and understanding as he had, and yet he had made no single word of complaint. He really did seem like a genuinely kind young man.

By the time they arrived back at the hotel their purchases had been delivered to their rooms, and Kitty wasted no time in getting into her new clothes, twirling in front of the cheval mirror and whooping with delight at the sight of herself.

‘Eeh, I feel like a toff!’ she chuckled.

Maria smiled indulgently. There was something very naïve and innocent about the girl that made her feel protective towards her.

‘And you look wonderful too,’ she assured Kitty. ‘But now you should get changed back into your old things again and keep those clean for tomorrow. Our meal is being brought to the room soon and you don’t want to spill anything down it.’

When Kitty’s eyes suddenly welled with tears, Maria was alarmed. ‘Whatever is the matter?’ she asked.

Kitty sniffed before replying, ‘It’s just everythin’, Maria. I mean, stayin’ in a place like this an’ all me new clothes . . . But most of all it’s you. Yer see, nobody’s ever been kind to me afore an’ it’s takin’ some gettin’ used to. I keep expectin’ Mrs Bradshaw to appear an’ whisk me off back to Hatter’s Hall again, or to wake up to find all this has been just a lovely dream.’

Maria hugged the girl compassionately. She had thought her own life had been hard, but compared to Kitty’s, it had been idyllic. At least she had had a mother who loved her. Kitty had never had anyone.

‘Everything is going to be just fine for you from now on,’ she said comfortingly. ‘Now come on, let’s get you changed before our dinner comes. I’m starving, aren’t you?’

Much later, as they lay in the comfortable featherbeds before drifting off to sleep, Maria heard Kitty sigh with contentment. The long train journey and the shopping trip had caught up with them now, but Maria lay awake long after Kitty’s gentle snores were echoing about the room. This would be her last night on English soil. This time tomorrow they would be aboard the ship, waiting for it to sail to foreign lands.

She thought of her family and a pang of loneliness, sharp as a knife, sliced through her. Then she thought of the child that was growing within her and tears pricked at her eyes. Suddenly she was able to see with crystal clarity what she had felt for Lennie for what it really was. A silly infatuation. To him she had been just another conquest, and much as it hurt to admit it, she knew now that he would never have come back for her. She had allowed herself to be seduced by his handsome face and his sweet-talking tongue, but the worst of it was she had no one to blame but herself. After all, she had encouraged his advances – before they had got out of hand, that was. And now she would be branded forever as a loose woman once the child was born, unless she went along with Miss Isabelle’s suggestion and told everyone that she was a young widow. Even then, if she were able to do it, she could lie to everyone else – but
she
would know the truth.

Berating herself for a fool, she finally fell asleep with tears on her cheeks and the image of Master Josh’s handsome face swimming behind her eyes.

First thing next morning, two small valises, which Joshua had thoughtfully provided, were delivered to their room. Kitty and Maria hastily packed them with their belongings. They were served with breakfast and then they waited in a fever of excitement and trepidation for the summons from their mistress.

When it came, Kitty left the room and swept down the stairs with her head held high for the first time in her young life. In her smart new gown and cloak, and her good quality buttoned boots, she felt equal to anyone – and Maria could not help but smile as she watched her. The night before, Kitty had had a proper bath, also for the first time in her life, and Maria had washed her hair for her and brushed it until it gleamed. Now she looked like a different person and was acting like one too.

Joshua was waiting for them in the foyer to inform them that Isabelle was already in a cab outside. Colour flamed into Maria’s cheeks at the sight of him and she wondered how she was going to bear almost four months aboard ship in such close proximity.

She followed him sedately out to the cab where Isabelle was already seated, her face decorated with a severe frown. Maria could sense that now that their departure was imminent, the young woman suddenly wasn’t so sure that she wanted to go. But then what other option was open to either of them? Surely anywhere was better than being confined in Hatter’s Hall for months to come. Isabelle had made no secret of the fact that she already hated her unborn child, and Maria was secretly relieved that it would be fostered out to someone who wanted it and would take good care of it.

Soon the cab was darting through the streets, weaving in and out of the traffic at an alarming rate. Every now and again, Maria closed her eyes and clung to the edge of her seat, certain that they were going to collide with something, but at last they reached the docks without incident.

Whilst Joshua got a burly seaman to unload their luggage, the three women stared about them: the whole place was a hive of activity. Ahead of them towered the
Northern Lights
and Maria gulped nervously. On the way Isabelle had told her that the ship would be carrying over four hundred people, and although it – no, one had to call a vessel
she
– although she was huge, the girl wondered how they would all fit onto her. A gangplank stretched from the ship down to the dock, and sailors ran up and down it, carrying a variety of things onto the deck. Piles of luggage were scattered everywhere as well as barrels and huge tubs that appeared to be full of salted meat. There was even livestock being led aboard. Matelots of all nationalities thronged about them – black men, Chinese men, Arabic men – and Kitty grasped Maria’s hand nervously. There were also women in low-cut tops with painted faces brazenly strolling amongst them, and deeply embarrassed, the girls averted their eyes.

‘We shall need to see the Medical Officer before we are allowed to board,’ Joshua told them as he guided them through the teeming crowds. Maria shuddered as she saw a rat that was easily as big as a cat scamper amongst the cabin trunks, but she wisely did not comment on it. Kitty was nervous enough as it was. They found the Medical Officer in what could only be described as a shed, and although he barely looked at Joshua and Isabelle, he poked and prodded Maria and Kitty and listened to their chests, causing them to flush with humiliation. Eventually he gave them permission to board, and as they struggled past the queue of passengers who were waiting to see him, Kitty said indignantly, ‘What were all that about?’ She was not used to being manhandled in that intimate way by a strange male.

‘They have to ensure that everyone travelling is reasonably healthy, otherwise a serious illness could be carried aboard, and in such confined spaces it would sweep through the ship like wildfire,’ Joshua explained patiently, overhearing her complaint.

At last they reached the end of the gangway, which was swarming with people going aboard now, and Kitty’s stomach churned as she caught her first ever glimpse of the sea. Black and stormy, it was slapping viciously against the side of the dock, and all manner of debris was floating on it. It was nothing at all like the serene blue waters and golden sandy beaches she had glimpsed in the books that some of the richer inmates at Hatter’s Hall occasionally left behind . . . but she had no time to ponder on it for Joshua was urging them upwards now, and Kitty clutched at the ropes at the sides of the gangplank for dear life.

After what seemed like an eternity they reached the deck and crossed to the rails to catch their breath. It looked a very long way down to the docks now and Kitty’s nervousness increased. Passengers standing by them were hanging over the rails shouting to people below who waved frantically back. Some of them were much more poorly dressed than they were and Kitty guessed that these must be the people who were going to Australia hoping to make their fortune. But the moment had passed for second thoughts. Joshua was keen to see everyone to their cabins and he hailed a steward.