A Measure of Love (23 page)

“What did you crave?” he asked suddenly. Lexie blinked. “When you were pregnant, what food?”

“Skittles.” She chuckled. “The red ones especially.”

“I loves Skittles!” Noah exclaimed, lifting and dropping his feet onto the lounger in excitement. “But I’m not allowed sugars. Only when I’ve been good as a treats.”

Riley laughed into his beer. The little dude sounded like an old man sometimes. Lexie’s smile fell gradually as she observed Riley. She had yet to put her glasses back on and her blue eyes were careful.

“Ask me,” he encouraged.

“What was it like?” she asked before glancing back at Noah, who was busy playing with his fruit. “Inside.”

Surprised by the curve in conversation, Riley turned sideways on his lounger, placing his feet on the hot asphalt, his knees millimeters from Lexie’s, and sipped his beer. “Boring mostly. I served fourteen months of an eighteen-month sentence and that was enough for me. Never again.”

“Why did you do it? I mean, did you need money
that
badly?”

Riley shook his head. “No. The money was just an added bonus. I was helping a friend out. I stored the car parts in my shops for him, knowing they were hot. I’d done it time and time again without trouble, so I grew cocky and I got busted. End of. It was a stupid choice, but I made it, I owned it, and I served my time.”

The answer seemed to appease her enough. “I guess we’ve both made stupid choices along the way, huh?”

Riley exhaled. “I guess, yeah.” He swallowed hard when their gazes stayed connected, feeling her in places inside only she’d ever had the ability to touch. “I thought of you.” At his words, her top teeth trailed across her bottom lip.

“I thought of you, too,” she admitted.

Fuck, she was so damned gorgeous sitting there all wide-eyed and breathless that Riley wanted nothing more than to lean over and kiss her. He glanced at Noah, who was oblivious and still playing with his apple and Yoda, and reeled the feeling in quickly. It was too damned easy to lose his head around her.

Lexie’s mouth opened a little. “My feelings for you never changed, Riley,” she whispered. “But things are different now.”

Hearing her declare as much pumped Riley’s blood around his
body even faster, and he immediately began to disregard all of the concerns he’d voiced to Tate. Of course the feeling was mutual. Dammit, Riley had never wanted a woman more. She’d set a bar that was sky fucking high and no one would ever get close to it. “Maybe things being different is a good thing,” he hedged. “Maybe wanting things the way they were is where we went wrong so many times before.”

Looking contemplative, Lexie replied, “Maybe.”

“Maybe you and I can go out and talk about it sometime. Just us.”

Her gaze danced across his. “I’d like that.”

As it always did during the annual National Cherry Festival, E State Street looked like a cherry had vomited over everything. The place was teeming with people getting ready to watch the parade. The hot afternoon air was cooled by the gentle breeze off the bay and smelled of cherries, burgers, and hot dogs, while the fairground thumped in the distance. It had been too long since Riley had attended the festival and, standing amid the hubbub, dodging balloons and people of all ages and sizes, he realized he’d missed it.

He knew many of the locals hated the noise and the mess the festival traffic left and all that, but he’d always enjoyed it and, being there to meet Lexie and Noah made it all the more exhilarating. His mom was somewhere among the crowds with Aunt Carol, Maggie, and Rosie, but they were keeping themselves scarce, not wanting to confuse Noah too much—despite Joan almost foaming at the mouth in her excitement at getting to know her grandson better—or overwhelm Lexie, while his dad had decided to skip the parade, still not feeling ready to be on his feet for too long. He was more than happy, he said, to stay at home and read a book.

Riley looked down at his cell phone when it vibrated in his hand. It was a text from Lexie. His heart flip-flopped in his chest seeing her name on the screen, which was hysterical, really; it wasn’t as if they’d never texted before. It had just been a long damned time since they had.

Look up.

Doing as he was asked, he saw Lexie, Noah, Savannah, and Jaime, the girl from Lexie’s store, all waving huge cherry festival foam fingers in his direction from across the street. He waved back before jogging over to join them. Noah was wearing the obligatory Traverse City T-shirt, complete with cherry emblem, as well as modeling an awesome pair of bright red sunglasses that practically covered half of his small face.

Riley crouched down and held out his hand for Noah to slap, which he did without question; it was slowly becoming their thing, and Riley loved it. “Dude, can you even see through those things?”

“Yes,” Noah said, his lisp catching the
s.
“I can sees you fine.”

Riley ruffled the boy’s hair a little and stood back up, looking straight at Lexie. “Hey,” he said before smiling at Sav and Jaime. “So what’s the plan, guys?”

“Parade!” Noah yelled, jumping at Riley’s hip.

“Sounds good,” Riley replied, placing a hand on Noah’s shoulder. “You all eaten yet?”

“No, we’re starving,” Jaime commented as she pushed her shades into her hair. “I need to eat before I meet my friends and we start drinking.”

“I want cherries!” Noah added. “Can I, Mommy?”

Lexie smiled down at him. “Sure, let’s go. But make sure you’re holding someone’s hand all the time, okay? There’re too many people around, and I don’t want you to get lost.”

“I won’ts get lost,” he assured her innocently while wafting his foam finger. “Promise.”

“Good boy. Grab a hand.”

Riley couldn’t hold back the grin when the first hand Noah went for was his. He felt the small fingers wrap around his own and instinctively held on as tightly as he could. He knew nothing would or could break his hold on his son’s hand, understanding with a jolt just how protective he was of the little guy. How was it
possible to feel something so powerful so quickly? He had no idea, but he embraced it unequivocally.

The five of them wandered toward the cherry stalls, answering Noah’s quick-fire questions as they moved: What’s that? Why is it cherries and not bananas? Can we go to the fair? Can I get a balloon? Can I have a big burger? He was relentless, and apparently obsessed with food, but Riley found himself utterly captivated, trying to answer what he could without undermining Lexie’s rules. It was a tricky line to walk, but Lexie appeared open to Riley’s opinion, which eased a small knot of anxiety at the base of his neck.

Taking three baskets of cherries, they decided to make their way around the other stalls, investigating the handmade food and artifacts ranging from pots and glass to pictures and wine. Conversation between Lexie and Riley was light, but Riley couldn’t shake the feeling that she was being careful around her sister and friend and, honestly, he wasn’t sure how to take it. Their day at the pool had been so relaxed; they’d chatted and played with Noah, all but forgetting the tension between them. Now, however, the unease and apprehension was much heavier.

He was struck with the cold sensation of déjà vu. He should have seen it coming, he supposed. Lexie protected herself and her heart by pushing people away. She’d done it for years; it was why their relationship had been so devastatingly sporadic. Riley knew it stemmed from her losing her father so suddenly, but even after all these years, it still didn’t make her cautiousness any easier to take.

“Everything okay?” he asked as they sat on a wooden bench, while Jaime and Savannah waited in the face-painting line with Noah.

Lexie nodded, her focus shifting between her son and the cherries in her hand. She closed her eyes for a beat and sighed. “Actually no.”

Riley tried to keep a leash on his dread and pushed a cherry into his mouth. “Anything I can help with?”

“No,” she responded quickly. “It’s me. I—the truth is, I had a dream about you last night.”

Riley swallowed the cherry hard. “Oh.”

She looked at him. “It was about when you went to London.”

Riley’s chest gave a small squeeze of painful melancholy.

Lexie sat back. “I woke up this morning feeling . . .” She cupped a palm to her forehead. “Jesus, Riley, I was—I was a mess back then and I—”

“You were grieving, Lex. Depressed. You’d never given yourself a chance to let your feelings out, looking after your mom and Sav. It had to happen eventually.”

“I know,” she agreed quietly. “But I shouldn’t have pushed you away like I did.” She moved her glasses up her nose. “I thought I was doing the right thing.” She smiled sardonically. “I seem to do that a lot.” She pushed a hand through her hair. “I make bad decisions, obviously. I treated you so badly and there’s no excuse for that.”

Riley was momentarily speechless. They’d never really spoken about what had happened between them all those years ago. They’d screamed and shouted at each other about it on a few separate occasions, sure—his visit five years ago included—but never spoken like two sensible adults. Hearing her talk about it brought the memories back to Riley thick and fast.

He remembered coming back from London, begging her to reconsider, only to have her push him away even farther as she lost herself in a depression so thick he could barely see the girl he loved. He tried to get through to her for months, calling, texting, even writing her letters, but it was no use. It was like fighting against a tidal wave; the harder he fought, the stronger the dark current became, dragging her down with it.

After almost a year, exhausted and broken, Riley eventually gave up and threw himself headfirst into the social side of college, partying and fucking around in a desperate effort to cleanse himself
of the grief and misery that ravaged his twenty-year-old heart. It was about that time he first met Carter and Max.

“I’m so sorry,” Lexie whispered. “I’m sorry for so much. You didn’t deserve any of it.”

Riley’s throat was suddenly a little tight. He reached over and took her hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. “You weren’t you, Lex. It was . . . It’s done. We’re okay.”

Besides, it wasn’t as though he didn’t punish her for it enough back then. In his heartbroken state, he’d behaved appallingly, flaunting girls in front of her and saying some truly despicable things. It had hurt every time he’d seen her after that, and all he’d wanted was to make her hurt just as much by pretending she meant nothing. It was either that or drop to his knees at her feet and beg her to take him back. They’d both been young and had hurt each other deeply, despite his loving her with every fiber of his being.

“So listen,” Lexie added. “My mom is coming over later this evening. She wants to come to the festival tomorrow to see the second parade with Noah. She’s staying at my place and said she’d look after Noah if I wanted to go out.”