12 Good Reasons to Look Up Uranus (5 page)

Lucky pet:
Terrapin
Lucky fritter:
Pineapple

P
ISCES

A square Neptune this week will spell trouble for you on Tuesday when a busy-body points out that your new commercial venture in Conqueror-bond toilet tissue has one fatal
flaw. On Thursday a new acquaintance may be struck down in Broadstairs by a falling domestic appliance. This may be a blessing in disguise.

Lucky pastry:
Puff
Lucky condiment:
Mint sauce

A
RIES

A slow start to the week, but on Friday the Sun challenges your ruler leaving you with a profound uncertainty about the fashion-sense of the Deputy Prime Minister. Shouting
through his letterbox will not make him see sense either. On Thursday, Chiron transits your birthsign, which is just typical. Avoid collards.

Lucky marmalade:
Quince
Lucky unit of measurement:
A perch

T
AURUS

Even though you are well known as one who barely eats enough to keep body and soul together, Tuesday’s waning moon indicates a lunchtime mishap – you may well end
up with a toasted panini – particularly if you stand too close to the grill. On Thursday, you get a call from Kew Gardens to ask if they can name a new type of mildew after you.

Lucky stork:
Maribou
Lucky sunbeam:
Rapier

G
EMINI

Once again Mars in your birthsign may lead to an overwhelming urge to take up pigeon racing. Resist it. It can only mean heartache – just as it did the last three times.
A large man with a midlands accent, a packet of Fruit Polo, and a tartan shopping trolley may once again try to take advantage of your kindly nature on Wednesday lunchtime. This time obey your
instincts and have him neutered.

Lucky tempo:
Largo
Lucky pickle:
Lime

C
ANCER

As you know, you have Saturn trining Neptune in your natal chart this week. This indicates seriousness, sobriety and responsibility to obligations, and someone who is not
generally prone to having their hair dyed blue and faxing photocopies of their personal regions to prominent members of the European Parliament – so give it a miss this week. On Thursday you
may be melted-down for scrap.

Lucky pie:
Chicken & mushroom
Lucky glue:
Copydex

L
EO

This month continues well for you on almost every front. Romantically, it could hardly be better. Between now and Thursday, when Mercury goes direct, you will discover why
Dentists voluntarily wear ‘star-trek-style’ jackets that button down one side, and why there is always a red-rubber workman’s glove on every roundabout. Jupiter’s entry into
Virgo indicates Kedgeree by the weekend.

Lucky bat:
Pipistrelle
Lucky trousers:
Plus fours

V
IRGO

On Tuesday, Mars transiting your ruler, the Moon, indicates that your water on the knee will take a turn for the worse when the Doctor tells you that you’re three months
stagnant. Later in the week, Saturn enters your fifth house leading inevitably to another jellied-eel binge.

Lucky pancake:
Buckwheat
Lucky song:
Eskimo Nell

L
IBRA

An unusual square between Jupiter and Pluto means that on Wednesday, you will discover that your best trousers are haunted after they begin making a high-pitched whooping noise
whenever you meet someone with red hair. Your deltoids are likely to remain troublesome until Mars goes retrograde at the weekend.

Lucky manifestation:
Golden shower
Lucky draw:
Bolton Wanderers

S
CORPIO

Communication is difficult this week, as you spend Tuesday trapped in a lift with Boris Johnson. By chance, the arrival of Neptune in Leo will give you the uncanny ability to
follow his train of thought. Saturn has just entered your birthsign and has brought with it a deep concern about lawnmower maintenance that will give you restless nights until the middle of next
week.

Lucky lock:
Teddington
Lucky canal:
Grand Union

S
AGITTARIUS

Well, Mercury is retrograde this week, which means that poor weather will cause the cancellation of all performances at the Globe. You and several colleagues may be called upon
to act as a theatrical ‘pools panel’. Just put Romeo and Juliet down as a score draw, and Richard III as an away win for the Tudors. On Friday, a fried-egg sandwich proves troublesome
and may have unforeseen consequences later in the day.

Luck solvent:
Acetone
Lucky orchestra:
Royal Philharmonic

C
APRICORN

Mercury, planet of communication, is retrograde in Leo this week, which means that nagging doubts, self-recriminations, bitterness, and past embarrassments will give you
troubled nights until Thursday, when you are beaten up by Sir Clive Sinclair in the Co-Op after you inadvertently whisper to him ‘Together Vladimir, we shall dance until dawn’.

Lucky wine:
Watermelon
Lucky dumpling:
Parsley

A
QUARIUS

A hilarious incident in Luton with a flock of Canada geese and a tumble-dryer changes your fortunes on Wednesday. A retrograde Pluto means that Waterfowl will continue to play
a part in your life later in the week when your recipe for ‘duck mystique’ wins you the undying admiration of Delia Smith.

Lucky highlander:
Gordon
Lucky currency:
The Danish Pastry

P
ISCES

The Full Moon in your sign at the weekend promises that despite early predictions, your second publication,
Knife-fighting with Sister Wendy
will make the best-seller
lists next month. Mercury, planet of communications is trine with Mars on Wednesday, so throwing hedge-clippings out of your bathroom window has to stop.

Lucky inflatable:
Peter Mandelsson
Lucky flatfish:
Dover sole

A
RIES

Mercury comes in many guises, but rarely in the form of the silver robots from the Smash commercials, so you can put that one down to the after-effects of the homemade parsnip
wine on Sunday. The ongoing creative quintile between Uranus and Pluto indicates that your chequered past actually turns out to be a rather fashionable Burberry. A huge man from Hammerfest may
approach you with an unusual suggestion on Thursday. Do nothing that involves the word ‘dunnage’ if you know what’s good for you.

Lucky Fife:
Robertson
Lucky harness:
Martingale

T
AURUS

Your ruler, Venus, is now travelling hand in hand with Pluto, which means another late-night confrontation in your back garden with the camouflage section of the band of the
Coldstream Guards. The traps didn’t work last time, and they won’t this time either. On a brighter note, the trade-deficit falls.

Lucky lectures:
Reith
Lucky owl:
Tawny

G
EMINI

If you are considering moving to a larger house, the Sun forming a trine to Saturn on Monday will lead to a disagreement about whether or not you should take carpet tiles with
you when you move. Mars rising on Friday means you will rediscover the delight you once took in Cream of Tartar.

Lucky game:
Ptarmigan
Lucky hedge:
Privet

C
ANCER

Mars is square your ruler the Moon so this week may get just a little too hot for comfort, particularly for anyone working with the media, or just those with a dark secret
involving wallpaper paste. On Tuesday, you will have a chance encounter with someone who has ‘an unusual way’ with courgettes that will both surprise, and delight you.

Lucky element:
Bismuth
Lucky mast:
Mizzen

L
EO

Life has been unexpectedly quiet of late, but all that is about to change on Wednesday when a square Saturn leads you to discover a new culinary delight at a favourite
lunchtime haunt. Your elation is likely to be short lived, as fickle Pluto indicates that what you read as ‘Corned Bee’ may well be a printing error.

Lucky livestock:
The Alpaca
Lucky Motion:
Andrew

V
IRGO

Venus, the planet of love, moves into your own sign on Tuesday, however, the path of true love seldom runs smooth, and in your case, can have unpredictable twists and turns
– even before you mention articulated shoe-trees and creosote. On Friday you will be mistaken for Stewart Granger at the fish counter in Sainsbury’s and forced to autograph a series of
tartan shopping trollies.

Lucky utensil:
The spatula
Lucky costume:
Doublet and hose

L
IBRA

A difficult week that starts badly, then really goes downhill from there. Pluto’s malign influence is particularly felt on Wednesday in the staff canteen when a
gooseberry surprise is particularly potent and makes you spill oxtail soup in your handbag. You will be followed home by a relentless Schnauzer.

Lucky blemish:
Hives
Lucky shears:
Crimping

S
CORPIO

Mysterious Neptune is rising in your fourth house on Wednesday, so when an attractive lady with an Eastern European accent and a bag of lemon bon-bons approaches you in
Waitrose with the words ‘While your shoes are stretching, I will dance the Polka with you’, give her a tin of black shoe-polish, she will know what to do. On Friday you will be sprayed
with perfume in a random attack by a gang of Yardleys.

Lucky bag:
Gladstone
Lucky sword:
Epee

S
AGITTARIUS

Uranus dominates the early part of the week, and things are still unsettled for you at the weekend when foreign travel is indicated by the passage of Mercury planet of
communication through your birthsign. On Thursday lunchtime you will meet a man who will teach you how to say ‘it’s coming out like oxtail soup’ in seven languages. This could
prove more useful than you might imagine.

Lucky tie:
Newcastle and Everton
Lucky Ball:
Zoe

C
APRICORN

Your ruler, the Sun, is now in Sagittarius. It’s much more comfortable here than it was in Scorpio, so don’t take any more if its old nonsense. Some startling new
information about the lifecycle of Wombats could come to you this week but you won’t recognise it for what it is so an opportunity will be missed. Still... Never mind eh?

Lucky ironing board:
Minkey Starlite
Lucky lemur:
Ringtailed

A
QUARIUS

Somewhere in your circle of friends and family is someone with whom you’ve fallen out. This might be a longstanding coolness, or a just a misunderstanding about the
incident with the Verger, a chocolate digestive, and the Durham Light Infantry. On Tuesday, you will be attacked in the tabloids over your extreme views on the piano-accordion.

Lucky ballroom:
Hammersmith Palais
Lucky duck:
Muscovy

P
ISCES

You’re no stranger to hard work. You are used to making plans and keeping doggedly on with them in circumstances that would make weaker spirits quail. Pluto rising
indicates that this has at last been recognised and your name has been put forward for a big job in Rome that involves public speaking, tarmac, and tucking in your shirt with a wooden spoon.

Lucky dog:
Borzoi
Lucky lake:
Veronica